Blake Noble

+1 Want me to bring you some Turtle Wax or NuFinish? Your pick.

I know what forces are at work here ...

Worst Car Showcase Presents: The Cadillac Cimarron Cadillac, since the dawn of its inception until the late 1970s, branded itself as the “Standard of the World.” Everyone who was anyone the world over aspired to own one; owning a Cadillac was a cornerstone of the American dream; lusting over those characteristic sharp lines was just as natural as lusting over a centerfold model in Playboy. Cadillac cars were at the top of the automotive food chain with their vast, vault-like interiors and massive, powerful engines and no other luxury car could ever come close. However, after OPEC formed and the 1970s gas crunch marched its way upon America’s shores, Cadillac’s image slowly began to tarnish. Compared with the luxury makes from Germany, Cadillac offered too many cars that had too much flash and that burned through too much gas. Cadillac’s first attempt at a smaller model, the Seville, was successful, but it still was a dinosaur of a car. Then Mercedes-Benz shook the whole game up with the predecessor to today’s C-Class in 1982, the venerable W201, better known as the 190. Cadillac scrambled to create a competitor using what they could to create a premium small car and decided on GM’s J-Body platform, better known as the Chevrolet Cavalier. In a nutshell, the Cimarron (and the other J-Bodies, for that matter) would soon be recognized as the supreme epitome of automotive rebadging, a figurehead that would eventually highlight everything that was wrong with GM in the 1980s by the end of that decade. You see, in the late 1970s and early 1980s, GM figured that it could develop more cars at cheaper costs if they just applied brand-specific front and rear-ends, suspension tuning, and maybe an interior for one or two of the cars being developed if there was a small bit of money left over. In reality, the cars wound up having more differentiation under their cloned exteriors, where it didn’t seem to much matter to most consumers, and GM still spent almost the exact same amount of money in R&D costs. I’m curious to know what GM executives were smoking and shooting up during that period of time. So, in order to make the standard, junky, dreary, crude and rude Cavalier adhere to the “Standard of the World” standard, Cadillac threw on a mildly different grille with the Cadillac script tucked shamefully away in one corner, draped different kinds of cloth on the seat frames and door panels, developed a shock absorber system that would make an attempt to prevent the thrashy, buzzy four-cylinder engine from waltzing around the engine bay like Michael J. Fox, and threw out an “Astroroof” option to buyers not available on the Cavalier … or the Pontiac J2000 … or the Buick Skyhawk … or the Oldsmobile Firenza … or the Opel Ascona … or the Vauxhall – well, you get the idea. Cadillac also made power windows, locks, air conditioning, and power steering standard. Thus, since the Cimarron came with features that were honestly unremarkable as standard equipment back then as they are now, Cadillac felt the upward push in base price was justified; the Cimarron carried a burdening base price of $12,181 back in 1982 (somewhere in the ballpark of $30 grand in today’s dollars), double that of any other J-Body. Curiously, there wasn’t any sort of upgraded engine in mind for Cadillac’s “Cadvalier” at launch: the Cimarron still used the standard Cavalier’s anemic, horrible 88-horsepower four-cylinder engine – which was Cadillac’s first since 1914 – and its clunky, unintuitive four-speed manual transmission – which was another first of sorts for Cadillac since it hadn’t made a manual transmission available on any of their cars since 1953. And, for an extra bit of dough, you could have sprung for an optional three-speed automatic, a tried and true slushbox that made an already horrible car a painfully slow nightmare to drive. Performance figures, such as not-to-sixty times, will go on unmentioned here, but let’s just say the foot-powered Flintstone-mobile could absolutely slaughter you in a drag race down the quarter mile. And Cadillac knew what a massive, steaming pile the Cimarron was, and blatantly disowned the car during the first two years of its life like the proverbial red-headed step-child it was. Early examples of this crap-mobile were branded as the “Cimarron by Cadillac,” and dealers were told not acknowledge the car as a Cadillac and tell customers that it was not, of course, a Cadillac, as if that was fooling anyone. Traditional Cadillac buyers didn’t accept the car with warm, loving arms, either: only 25,968 examples were sold its first year. That’s a far cry from the 75,000 examples Cadillac was so terribly confident they could sell when these little monstrosities first hit the dealer‘s pavement. Sitting back and reflecting on things, it’s actually quite remarkable when you realize that the folks at GM kept this thing in production all the way up until the 1988 model year, as the car seemed to be initially doomed as the Titanic on its maiden voyage upon its debut. Caddy did make something of an effort to make the Cimarron a little more than the other J-Body clones, but it just wasn’t enough: a 2.8 liter V6 engine finally became an option in 1985 (but then again, it was an option on all of the other J-Body cars as well) and then became standard in 1987, just one year prior to its demise. As for addressing the “me-too!” appearance, Cadillac would eventually give the Cimarron an upgraded grille and aerodynamic headlamps, a poor excuse of a fix. In the end, the 1980s were not a good time for Cadillac. The folly of both the Cimarron and the V8-6-4 engine almost drove the prestigious brand to bankruptcy and forced consumers to write the Cadillac name off of their shopping lists. According to popular automotive culture, current Cadillac product director John Howell has a photo on his wall with a caption that sums everything up best: “Lest we forget.”

I called the guy with the SVX (there wasn't a price on the for sale sign, just a number) and he said he wanted $4,500 for it, but wasn't set on a price just yet. I'll check back with him Monday for you to see if he's made up his mind.

is they ok?

in spirit. I would execute it a little differently, but the 1977 - 1981 Trans Am was the Trans Am that defined the whole franchise, for better or for worse, and a new car should draw from those historic Firebirds. Seeing specific era-inspired front and rear clips chopped onto images of the F5 Camaro bores me right into a f@#king coma. (When dreaming ...)

I believe my eyes are melting.

Thanks, knightfan. Brief update: I called the dealership today as opposed to driving there to save gas, and I talked to the salesman who first showed me the car. He told me that as soon as the first-gear synchro was fixed, he would give me a call ASAP. He seems pretty serious about trading straight-up, so all I have to do is wait for a phone call. As for the '69 Camaro, it wasn't for sale.

ENTJ Extraverted Intuitive Thinking Judging Strength of the preferences % 56 75 12 78 I'm not at all surprised.

Yeah, the guy didn't even make an offer. It's going this weekend, one way or another. And the powers that be threw a big wrench in the machine today; I found a 1969 Camaro on the way home in great condition. Like the 1998 Camaro I want, it has a downside: it's powered by an inline-six. I'm going to get a price on the '69 tomorrow and make a decision Friday afternoon.

I don't find working the clutch annoying, I find it arousing.

Translation: get me the price, YJ.

You just reminded me BV, there's a Subaru SVX for sale about two miles away from me. Want me to grab a price?

Yep, that's gonna buff right out.

In this thread: it has to buff right out.

Tip: for even better winter traction and overall control, add a manual transmission to your rear-wheel drive car. I wonder how many Americans have just laid a Babe Ruth in their BVDs at the thought of driving a rear-wheel drive car with a stick in the snow? What a bunch of butt-pillagers.

$h!: GM's full of it.

I'm not going to mention anything about the cat to the dealership. If they spot something, I'll explain it. What they can't see from a "sitting pretty" view, they'll just have to find out later on their own. However, I did get a phone call tonight. Someone had seen my Craigslist posting and wants to look at the truck tomorrow afternoon. All bets are on that I'm going to walk away disappointed because the guy pitched me a low-ball offer and I'll again be stuck with my truck.

So Friday I'm going to try to negotiate with a dealer in LaFollette, Tennessee on a 1998 Camaro V6 5-speed with a little over 176,000 miles. The dealer hasn't set an asking price yet as they haven't completely "prepped it for the lot yet" (it needs a brake booster installed and first-gear tightened up). Thus far, all of my research from the KBB website shows that there is about a two-hundred dollar or so average between their car and my truck with my truck actually being the more expensive vehicle. If anyone has any negotiation tips for me so that I will not come out of this deal losing anything, I'd really appreciate it. The Sonoma has got to go ASAP. All of the little things just keep breaking on it. It's overall tolerable mechanically, but driving down the Interstate today, the driver's side mirror just broke off for no reason and without provocation. And that's just for this month. All throughout January and February, the truck's check engine light would come on, flashing, and I just couldn't manage to gain any speed whatsoever. (It hasn't done it in about two weeks, though.) I've cleared the code for the check engine light several times now; it usually stays on because I had to remove the catalytic converter last year.

Why keep on hoping, pleading, and praying when our words only fall on deaf ears? Now I can understand atheism just a little bit better.

Nice choice, 68.

Alive and kicking? Yeah, sure. I believe it, uh-huh. I'm not going to even bother suggesting what cars Pontiac should carry it in the future; it won't matter. All we're going to get is a slew of Chevrolets wearing Porky Pig masks.

Don't worry gentlemen. The nurse will be here soon to give you your sponge baths, change your Depends, and spoon feed you your green beans and red Jell-o.

The Sonoma is a five-speed.

The Cadillac badge would add a few thousand dollars difference, reg. You know that.