To the gay men of C&G...

[Paolino]

I've got 1 gay friend. Who here sees a problem with this?

I'm running into problems... to those who have gay friends--is it always about "being gay" or is it just about things that happen in a friendship?

I've noticed that I'm the gay guy. Girls want to hang out with me because I will compliment their hair, hold their packages, talk to them aboug guys, give them a good laugh. They also want to go to gay bars to have fun. I'm starting to almost feel like a freaking novelty item.

I have one gay friend--and I've only know him for like a year... and that's because we began as dating. He's the first gay guy I've managed to meet nearby that acts like a human being--that being gay isn't the first thing on his mind.. it just happens to affect his choices in sexual partners.

[DetroitNut90]

Sadly, I have no gay friends...

I feel that having a gay friend would be any different than my straight friends; in fact, I think a gay friend would be more normal than the nutjobs I hang around with.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

Sadly, I have no gay friends...

I feel that having a gay friend would be any different than my straight friends; in fact, I think a gay friend would be more normal than the nutjobs I hang around with.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[VenSeattle]

A few Options:

-Join a Gay Bowling League or some other sport (they aren't one big orgy like you'd expect)

-If you can sing, join a local Gay Men Chorus

-Volunteer at one of the Community GLBT centers

-Go ahead and volunteer early to assist with next year's Gay Pride events

They're just some healthy alternatives for making friends if you're not into the club/bar scene.

[Dsuupr]

I wouldn't say 1/2, but more than 1. You can't help but have gay friends in the NW as those that "come out" in other states, move here to be "accepted".

[VenSeattle]

I wouldn't say 1/2, but more than 1.  You can't help but have gay friends in the NW as those that "come out" in other states, move here to be "accepted".

Very true...

[Paolino]

A few Options:

-Join a Gay Bowling League or some other sport (they aren't one big orgy like you'd expect)

-If you can sing, join a local Gay Men Chorus

-Volunteer at one of the Community GLBT centers

-Go ahead and volunteer early to assist with next year's Gay Pride events

They're just some healthy alternatives for making friends if you're not into the club/bar scene.

Yeah, John ended up joining a gay bowling league that surprisingly bowls in the town I live in. I've been thinking about volunteering for next year's gay pride events, but then again, I hate the whole parade thing. I can't tell you how disgusted I was with the pride parade in Manhattan I went to a few years ago. So distasteful some of the things.

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll figure it out.

[ocnblu]

I'd love to have more gay friends, but I don't care for flamers or sissies, so ya gotta be "regular". Does that sound discriminatory? Ugh, I think it does. But I'm sticking with it.

[usonia]

There's one straight guy I used to work with and we've maintained contact since we both left the company. We still get together every now and then for dinner or a beer. He knows all about me an he's cool with it. It's a non-issue between us, which I like.

I have one straight female friend, which is kind of odd because most women make me crazy. Beyond that, all of my other friends are gay. I have a pretty small social circle. I just don't 'click' with that many people to the point where I want to spend time with them socially.

[Paolino]

I'd love to have more gay friends, but I don't care for flamers or sissies, so ya gotta be "regular".  Does that sound discriminatory?  Ugh, I think it does.  But I'm sticking with it.

I'm the same way--it sounds horrible, doesn't it? Then again, I've just never had anything really in common with any flamboyant man I've ever met.

[usonia]

I don't think it's discriminatory at all. It's another one of those things that we really don't control. I know multiple flamboyant people and I certainly don't dislike them just because of that. But, it is a character trait that kind of irritates me so the chances are that I'm not inclined to become close friends with them. I don't feel guilty about that at all.

[daves87rs]

Though not gay myself, I do have a few gay friends...a few quiet, a few fun and outgoing....

I so have to agree with Ocn on the sissies and flamers part...

[daves87rs]

I don't think it's discriminatory at all.  It's another one of those things that we really don't control.  I know multiple flamboyant people and I certainly don't dislike them just because of that.  But, it is a character trait that kind of irritates me so the chances are that I'm not inclined to become close friends with them.  I don't feel guilty about that at all.

That, and it tends to freak out other people...

[sciguy_0504]

I'd love to have more gay friends, but I don't care for flamers or sissies, so ya gotta be "regular". Does that sound discriminatory? Ugh, I think it does. But I'm sticking with it.

I'm the same way--it sounds horrible, doesn't it? Then again, I've just never had anything really in common with any flamboyant man I've ever met.

I thought I was one of the few people who hold that opinion. The whole "acting like the other gender" thing irritates me and the irritation goes both ways. Very uncomfortable.

Since I do not have any flamboyant friends, I have no clue who is gay or straight. But then again, most humans are bisexual to some extent, IMO.

[The O.C.]

Yeah, John ended up joining a gay bowling league that surprisingly bowls in the town I live in.  I've been thinking about volunteering for next year's gay pride events, but then again, I hate the whole parade thing.  I can't tell you how disgusted I was with the pride parade in Manhattan I went to a few years ago.  So distasteful some of the things.

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Yeah I'm like you. I voted "50/50" but in reality I have more straight friends than I do gay friends.

It's tough to meet specific gay people as friends, or even to date, when you don't live in a "gay ghetto" for example. Perhaps if I lived off Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood, for example, it would be alot different for me. But, I don't....I live in Republican, straight-oriented Orange County (although it IS surprisingly gay-friendly and non-homophobic.)

My suggestion would be to volunteer at the local (Long Island?) GLBT center. That way, you can get involved with gay people and the gay community without having to necessarily be part of the "parade scene" as you put it. You can actually do some good.....help kids that are "coming out" and other stuff....but volunteering....as well as meet a new group of people.

That's what I did when I first moved to the Bay Area. I was just coming out myself and didn't know where to go to meet people, etc. I joined the GLBT center in Walnut Creek in the East Bay. It was a great way to kick-start my "gay" friendships.

[The O.C.]

Though not gay myself, I do have a few gay friends...a few quiet, a few fun and outgoing....

I so have to agree with Ocn on the sissies and flamers part...

I honestly and seriously think the flamers out there are like maybe 5% of the gay population.

The other 95% you don't really notice.....cause....they are mostly straight-acting. Even if they are not TOTALLY straight-acting, they at least aren't total flamers.

I don't like the extreme sissies either <cough, cough, Richard Simmons>

[tmp]

I live close to West Hollywood and had a couple of friends drag me out to the Abbey (ane of the more inclusive bars in WeHo, not just 20 year old white guys with 3% bodyfat) and I could not wait to leave. I don't really drink anymore, and the music was too loud to hear my friends talk. There were also a large contigent of rather flamboyant young people who were screeching with laughter at every turn. I'm very happy for them that they were having a good time, but I wanted to get the hell out of there. The next time they want to meet for a drink, I think I'll suggest a restaurant. I'm ceding the bar scene to the kids.

[Guest Josh]

I have two openly gay friends and 1 bi friend.

[NDL]

I currently haven't any gay friends, unless I include my Brother, who I look at not only as my Brother, but as a friend too...

Sad thing is that I once had a close friendship with someone who was gay, my friend Daryll, although I didn't know of his orientation, until after we parted ways (I lost contact after he moved). Kinda feel bad about that, because we were close, and I'd bet that he would've felt more at ease, had he not hid his orientation.

One last thought: At the risk of type-casting gay people, many of the gay people I have come across are detail oriented, neat, and clean - which is cool, because I am that way too.

[Paolino]

So, this brings up another question:

Am I going to be happy having primarily straight friends?

Here's the thing... in the past 3-4 years, 95% of my straight friends have gotten married and had children. Hell, one of them just had their second child two weeks ago.

Now, gatherings are all about the kids. I have to put this child down. I have to feed this child. Paying attention to this child. What did this child do. Gatherings end very early and are few and far between.

I understand it's just the way things happen--this is natural. However, sometimes I feel like I've lost my group of friends. Granted, some handle it better than others--I have a couple of friends who really let me interact with their child almost like I'm a parent... I get to put her to sleep, read to her, give her baths, etc. In that respect it makes me feel more involved. As for the others, well, one made me a godfather, but I really don't get to interact with her as much as I'd like. I can play with her, but that's about it. I never try to offer advice or interfere with any decisions, as that's up to the parents.

So, that being said, am I going to be more alone and bored if all of my friends just have these families, and I'm, well, the "gay" guy?

Granted... I'm sure things would change once I find a partner, but God only knows when that's going to happen since I seem to be an jerk magnet to the abundant gay schmuck population on Long Island.

[Igor2]

Paolino .. first, props for just asking things like this on a board... I can tell you there are plenty boards out there that would burst into huge christian witch burning backlash, with the mods and adminds standing by doing nothing - I know I have been there.

Second, on your original question - I am a lucky one - going to a liberal arts college - and one of the extremely liberal - most of my firieds are queer men and women, or at least very upenly fine with it ... I have to say I really have only 1 or 2 good friends who simply do not talk about it ...

And about your second question - you might be fine and happy with just the straight social circle, but I would not close off the source of at least acquaintances through the channels mentioned abpove - bowling, choir, etc.... These people might also be a nice touch of "different" when the family get-togethers get tired ... and finally.. not hanging out with any queer folk.. how will you find a partner? - probably not among the married guy (although you never know ) - it is just healthy to have differen social groups, and hanging out with people unburdened by the boring duties of paenthood is usually quite fun and refreshing.

I hope I make sense and helped.

Igor

Edited July 2, 2006 by Igor2

[CARBIZ]

My friends are all gay. I am out at work, but frankly these guys (even the married ones) are girl crazy all the time. It is kinda gross seeing a 55 year old guy carry on like he is 25 - hitting on girls half his age and thinking he is cool. As is typical of the stereotypical straight male, all they talk about are sports and girls. Hell, my manager actually got into a bar brawl a month ago over making an anti-French remark during a hockey game. How is that for stereotyping! He's in his late 40's, for Gawd's sake! At the Detroit Auto Show last year I just had to leave them behind: all they were doing was gawking at all the models handing out flyers. They didn't give &#036;h&#33; about the cars. I ditched them.

I came out in the late '70s and at that time is was harder to get straight people to accept you, let alone understand. As my straight friends got married they all morphed into these Stepford families: robots that existed only to care for their kids. Their own personal interests and needs simply vanished.

I guess that can be one of the downsides of being gay: the Peter Pan syndrome. For kids now, they can hang out with their gay or straight friends in either the gay or straight clubs. I read an article recently that talked about the dying club scene in Toronto and they mentioned that the "twinks" can go to the larger, glitzier straight clubs and are accepted. I guess it is only the old warhorses like me that don't want to have to guess if a guy who is talking to me is gay or just making conversation.

I haven't had any female friends in decades. It was too much trouble. They would want to be more than just friends and it was too complicated.

[NDL]

Paolino .. first, props for just asking things like this on a board... I can tell you there are plenty boards out there that would burst into huge christian witch burning backlash, with the mods and adminds standing by doing nothing - I know I have been there.

That's kind of interesting, as I am a devout fundamentalist Christian, yet, as someone who recognizes his own imperfections, I am not given to dispensing a 'witch burning backlash' - nor are any my fellow Christian posters here.

Interesting indeed, as consideration and tolerance, in this case, seems to selective.

Paolino: While I understand your feelings about family and children, this I have to ask you: Would your feelings be any different, if you were a straight male?

Here's why I ask the question: Because while you see many of your friends married off, I see many of my straight male friends, who also seek to have families of their own, but they don't, as they haven't found the right partner's to start family(s) with.

Therefore, I think it's important to make the distinction, between wanting a family of your own, versus wanting a family and being gay.

Because while being gay determines the logistics about how you might conceive a child, being gay doesn't directly determine your ability in having a family, etc. For this reason, I would separate your sexual orientation, with the fact that you haven't your own children and family.

Also, I’d bet if you took a poll, at least half of the people polled, would explain that their life as adults isn’t the life that they envisioned themselves having, when they were younger. You never know what tomorrow brings, and you can have hope in that .

[tmp]

Interesting indeed, as consideration and tolerance, in this case, seems to selective.

Do you feel that it's selective here? I have found that this group bends over backwards (if you'll pardon the expression) to be open to everyone. I for one as a gay man found your post to be completely reasonable, and I would hate to feel that you are feeling excluded.

Paolo, there's nothing wrong with being open to your friends having families. One of my oldest friends years ago named me as godfather of her child. While I take the responsibility seriously, I joke with kiddo that she'd better hope that her parents last until she's 18: 'cause while I am cool as GayBestFriend to Mum, I'm more like Mommie Dearest in reality.

I guess my point is never discount a possibility. Your godchild could set you up. Her parents could. I could. Stranger things have happened.

[Croc]

Haha no wire hangers!!

[Satty]

Can I be C&G's token hetero?

[VenSeattle]

Can I be C&G's token hetero?

No... we're changing your screen name from "Satty" to "Daddy"

Pick one: 'Daddy Bear' or 'Leather Daddy' (A missing 5% to include onto O.C.'s list)

[NDL]

Do you feel that it's selective here?  I have found that this group bends over backwards (if you'll pardon the expression) to be open to everyone.  I for one as a gay man found your post to be completely reasonable, and I would hate to feel that you are feeling excluded.

Tmp, I appreciate tremendously, the fact that you went out of your way to address this issue. In short, (because I don't want to derail Paolino's thought-provoking thread), I agree with you one-thousand-fold: I love this forum, and I love this forum because of the diverse topics and ideas that have come up on this forum; the posters who respectfully debate, and as a result, I have come away a much richer person, as I see things through the eyes of my fellow posters who come from different backgrounds, religions, orientations, etc.

I appreciate the fact that Igor2 opened his post, by encouraging Paolino for his discussion on matters that some consider taboo. Yet in encouraging Paolino, he named an entire religious group (Christians); thereby tarring each and every member of said religious group (RE: “huge christian witch burning backlash), while, through his aforementioned writing (when encouraging Paolino), promoted a mind-set that is purported to champion consideration for all ideas. Yet, under the banner of ‘tolerance’ and ‘open-mindedness,’ come the mockery of those who simply disagree. For that reason, I can’t help but see the intellectual inconsistency and dishonesty of said mind-set.

Why did I address the above issue? For one reason, and one reason only: There are a lot of hurting people in the world, and, at the risk of sounding corny, it’s important that everyone know that God loves each and every person; gay or not; atheist or not.

I am a Christian; a Christian who reads his Bible on an almost-daily, if-not-daily, basis. And, as a member of my church’s ministry, I attend church several times per week. I am as Christian as they come; yet I take people on a ‘person-by-person’ basis. My close circle of friends include(d) a person who’s gay, and one of my closest friends is an atheist.

That doesn’t mean that God agree’s with all we do (this includes myself, and even the most ‘religious’ people around), but His love for us is unconditional. In a hurting world, it’s important that people know this. (Sorry Paolino, for momentarily taking your thread off course.)

[intrigued]

as a straigt person who is a very devout catholic for the most part, I have no problem with people being gay and I count one gay person, My immediate supervisor asa very good friend. Thats why wwhile im still a registered republican I have changed my myspace and facebook stuff to political views as libertarian, since I most deffinetly am fiscal conservative and while my personal social views trend twards the right I feel I have no right to impress these beliefs on people or judge them by this. I judge people by how they treat me, and our common intrests, not on their beliefs or lifestyle.

[Igor2]

NDL,

I did not mean to stereotype, or draw some lines on this forum. What I was describing was the type of hate posts I received on Gay theme topics on other Forums (BlueOvalforums, FocusFanatics (although 3rd try went well), and Mazda3forums). Those hate posts fell into the "christian witch burning" category, but I did not want to imply that all Christians would react that way, just that I would not have had the courage to start another gay themed topic on an open Forum, because I would have been affraid of such reaction.

I apologize for that sentence, I should have made my thoughts clearer. Feel free to PM me if you ant to discuss this further.

Igor

[NDL]

Feel free to PM me if you ant to discuss this further.

No reason to discuss it further Igor, nor is there a reason to apologize . I now understand the sentiment behind your statement and, had I been on the boards/threads that you mentioned, I'm sure that I would've stood right along side with you, in rebuking any self-righteous poster who sought to condemn others.

Of course I hold a Biblical worldview towards issues like Marriage and Family, but I am also taught to talk to people in love; not in condemnation (Ephesians 4:15).

I hope that I am not crossing the line, and again, the last thing I’d want to do is derail Paolino’s thread, but for any interested, here’s an excellent resource:

http://calvarychapel.com/?show=Resources.Ebooks.harvest

Finally, at the risk of sounding corny, once again, this thread is a strong reminder about why our Forum is the best around !

[Cory Wolfe]

Sadly... none... *sigh*

[ocnblu]

Really? OK then.

[Flybrian]

The bad news is, all of you are going to hell.

The good news is, it'll be tastefully decorated.

Just kidding.

[Croc]

The bad news is, all of you are going to hell.

The good news is, it'll be tastefully decorated.

Just kidding. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[VenSeattle]

The bad news is, all of you are going to hell.

The good news is, it'll be tastefully decorated.

Just kidding. 

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[Paolino]

Paolino:  While I understand your feelings about family and children, this I have to ask you:  Would your feelings be any different, if you were a straight male?

Here's why I ask the question:  Because while you see many of your friends married off, I see many of my straight male friends, who also seek to have families of their own, but they don't, as they haven't found the right partner's to start family(s) with.

Therefore, I think it's important to make the distinction, between wanting a family of your own, versus wanting a family and being gay.

Because while being gay determines the logistics about how you might conceive a child, being gay doesn't directly determine your ability in having a family, etc.  For this reason, I would separate your sexual orientation, with the fact that you haven't your own children and family.

I'm a little bummed about being at this point in my life and not having a partner and a family. I mean, yes, the family part can wait, but I'd like a partner. Not that my parents will ever tolerate him... at least I'd have company on holidays.

Paolo, there's nothing wrong with being open to your friends having families.  One of my oldest friends years ago named me as godfather of her child.  While I take the responsibility seriously, I joke with kiddo that she'd better hope that her parents last until she's 18: 'cause while I am cool as GayBestFriend to Mum, I'm more like Mommie Dearest in reality.

The cool thing is, I get to spoil my goddaughter and there's little the parents can do -- I keep it all in relative check though. But the gay side of me is odd in this respect... I HATE shopping for clothes... but I LOVE shopping for clothes for my goddaughter. Maybe because she's a little baby still--maybe when she gets older it won't be as fun. Oh, and I love getting her toys!

The bad news is, all of you are going to hell.

The good news is, it'll be tastefully decorated.

Just kidding. 

Uffa... John #3 said that to me--he's highly religious and spiritual. I asked him, "John, do you think we're going to hell?" He said, "Honestly, no, but think about it... if gay people went to hell, it'd simply be FABulous!" Kinda sounds funny coming from him--a guy built like a tank, deepest voice I've ever heard in a guy, could pass for superman, but loves cock. LOL

I don't think I'm going to hell--I find it extremely hard to believe that God, who created me like this, would punish me for making me gay. Nor do I feel someone like myself, who has tried to be the best person he can be, helping people out all the time, would be punished.

Back to having my own family... during the last week of school, a math teacher came up to me... she's in her 50's. I forgot how it came up--I believe I was talking about my goddaughter and saying how she's now a big sister (at 16 months old!), and she looked at me and said, "You better have children. You have to be a father. If you don't, I'll f@#king kill you. A child deserves you as a father."

I wonder if I'd be a good dad? I kinda wish I could be a dad around the same time as all my friends have children--so mine had some "family" to get together with as well. Oh well... lots to think about.

[Cory Wolfe]

Fly is funny.

[Sixty8panther]

I'd love to have more gay friends, but I don't care for flamers or sissies, so ya gotta be "regular".  Does that sound discriminatory?  Ugh, I think it does.  But I'm sticking with it.

I've heard from a few gay friends that some gay men despise

the flamers &/or over-the-top gay men that are portrayed in

the media and are in the spotlight on every college campus.

My only thing is don't get in my face. It's a free country, do

whatever you like and if you consider me a true friend then

you can confide in my about your relationship or what not,

even though my advice may not mean much since I've got a

hard enough time keeping my relationships out of the

doghouse and I'm straight.

Then again Brokeback Mountain confused me, was that a

realistic portrayal of 1960s gay men? Just asking, since I don't

consider Hollywood to be a portrayal of reality in most cases.

Anyway the whole ssssuper-lissssp and constant kiss-n-tell that

I heard all day every day in college was kind of annoying. If I

had walked around campus screaming about how much pu$$y I

had munched, how many t1tt!es I had grabbed the night before

& extreme P.D.A. I would be considered a male chauvinist pig.

Edited July 4, 2006 by Sixty8panther

[Paolino]

Then again Brokeback Mountain confused me, was that a

realistic portrayal of 1960s gay men? Just asking, since I don't

consider Hollywood to be a portrayal of reality in most cases.

I dunno, that was way before I was born. However, I related to Ennis' anger, humiliation, rage, frustration, etc., that he was feeling when his wife addressed his homosexuality during Thanksgiving dinner. I mean, granted he didn't handle it right, I understood his feelings.

[ocnblu]

The chilling flashback to when Ennis was a boy, with his father taking him and his brother out to that remote ditch to show him the body of the murdered gay rancher neighbor... I think that was supposed to lay the foundation for why Ennis was so closed off from himself. His father was possibly a gay basher, a murderer, any young boy at that age might have lifelong emotional trauma at seeing that, enough to forge his whole emotional life. I mean, you're born gay, but events might dictate how you are able to deal with it.

Parents might have a sixth sense about this as well, and may try to show their gay child how they feel about the whole thing without ever addressing the issue as it relates to the child directly.

Psychology fascinates me, sorry guys.

Edited July 4, 2006 by ocnblu

[Turbojett]

I'm not gay myself either, but I have:

-a female cousin that is bisexual, female preference (but still has a huge crush on Johnny Depp)

-an aunt who is a lesbian

-two friends that are lesbians, however they don't get along, nor do either of them get along with my straight female friends

-two co-workers that are gay men--both "married" (That's what they call it, quotes and all)

[usonia]

"Then again Brokeback Mountain confused me, was that a

realistic portrayal of 1960s gay men?"

The author of Brokeback Mountain said the story is about rural homophobia, so I think the most you can say is that the movie is a very realistic portrayal of two men caught up in that situation. Then or now, the gay community like the straight community is way too diverse to make too many generalizations.

I guess I'm lucky in that I've never felt the urge or whatever it is that makes people want children since I'll never have any. I'm also very lucky having the gay friends I do. I can't imagine what it would be like to only have straight friends. I would feel so isolated. There are times where I would like to have a partner, but I also know that there are certain aspects of my personality that would make that difficult. That bothers me at times, but it is what it is.

[CARBIZ]

Paolino, don't be so sure your family won't learn to accept you for who you are. My parents found out I was gay when I was 15 - 1976. My father, who made Archie Bunker look like a liberal, was pretty freaked. I was living with him at the time. He made lots of threats (like throwing me out when I turned 16), but truthfully, he was all bluster and no action. My mother thought she could turn me. Her main contention was that at 15 I had no idea who or what I was. Although I absolutely knew I was gay, my arguments were weak and lame.

There was no immediate resolution. I tried living with my mother for about 18 months, but when she discovered a girl I had been dating was actually bisexual and had gay friends, she freaked and grounded me. Like, I was 17 and my curfew was 9:00 and she would phone where I said I was going, or show up at the library to make sure I was there. I couldn't live like that, so as soon as my grade 11 exams were done, I found a job and an apartment and moved to Toronto.

I never looked back. My mother came around when I had been living with my first boyfriend for a year. She met him, realized he wasn't a child molester (he was 19 - I was into older men then!) As she later said to me: she knew absolutely nothing about homosexuality, except the dirty stories. She educated herself. It was the late '70s and there wasn't much info out there.

She became very supportive. When my first boyfriend and I broke up (after 5 years) she tried to play marriage counselor. That was funny! She really became attached to Bob.

My father was another story. My mother expressed suspicions about his sexuality. He took it worse. He always made fag jokes, but then he was an alcoholic anyway. Ironically, when he took his own life in 1985, he was just starting to come around. He had become civil with my second boyfriend, Paul.

The real challenge about homosexuality is that it makes people confront their own sexual feelings and frustrations. As my mother put it, most of her peers can't handle their own sexuality, let alone mine. Sex has been such a dirty secret in North America. It gets to the core of people's neuroses and hang ups. Very few people can just engage in a sex act without getting into feelings of guilt, remorse or shame.

We have to fight the 2,000 years of propoganda that sex can only happen within the sanctions of a God witnessed marriage between two people in love of the opposite sex. Until Society gets beyond that, we have our work cut out for us.

[Paolino]

Hey, think my mom owes me since she grounded me when I was 16 for finding Playboys in my bedroom? I mean, it's not like I didn't try to be straight! God, I tried all the way up until I was 19, until driving home from work I realized I was really in love with John #1 and there was just no way to avoid it.

[tmp]

The bad news is, all of you are going to hell.

The good news is, it'll be tastefully decorated.

Good news: You're going to Heaven

Bad news: White is over

Edited July 4, 2006 by tmp

[trinacriabob]

Uffa... John #3 said that to me--he's highly religious and spiritual.  I asked him, "John, do you think we're going to hell?"  He said, "Honestly, no, but think about it... if gay people went to hell, it'd simply be FABulous!"  Kinda sounds funny coming from him--a guy built like a tank, deepest voice I've ever heard in a guy, could pass for superman, but loves cock. LOL

One fine day, I go onto the MSN search engine and type in "2005 Buick LaCrosse", desperately craving information on the Buick Regal replacement. Then, I find "The Lounge..." hey, there's intelligent life here.

And, looky here, posts like the one above are the order of the day ...Paolino's emotionally charged posts about his foibles delivered with the inimitable NY Italian/Jewish vibe that sitcoms are made of and more stories of our little Ocnblu scampering off to the Maryland shore and "the" campground to drop his shorts. Love you guys...one of a kind. When Paulie or Ocn do a thread on anything remotely connected with sexuality, they are among the best attended so now there's enough critical mass to add my :twocents:

People should pick friends based on what they add to your life. Ideally, one would not have to even address this in terms of percentages or categorization. I have 3 requirements for my friends:

1. Intelligent

2. Fun or funny

3. Put up with my irreverence, sarcasm and caustic sense of humor.

I have friends ALL over the checkerboard. Most noticeable is how many FOREIGN friends I have. I'm "the welcome wagon," I'm told. I have had 1.5 friends that were gay. Past tense. No longer friends but NOT because of their sexuality.

Friend 1:

I grew up with him and his siblings. They were Italian and had kids the same ages as our family's kids. Went to the same grade in Catholic school in LA and were in the Boy Scouts together. He was hysterically funny...we toilet papered a lot of houses together. When he went off to community college, he became really flamboyant and started hanging out in West Hollywood. I went to a 4-year college and got real serious about my studies. We lost touch. As I moved away from So Cal, I actually wanted to reconnect will all of my friends to feel connected to my place of birth. So, I reconnected with this one friend as well. I found him irritating and the drugs and depression had put his life in the toilet. I will confess that, at a certain point, I was using him for lodging. He had moved to Long Beach in the middle of "the ghetto" which makes for a quick jaunt to either LA or OC. I figured "buy him some ham and eggs at the Park Pantry in the morning and crash on his couch for a couple of nights" ...and I could save some money! To show you how "off" he was, I was instructed to close the lid on the toilet seat so his cats couldn't drink. Oh brother. I forgot to do this. He went off like a deranged individual and was fuming as I left for the airport. Haven't looked him up since. But this has also happened with other friends in SoCal....male/female, straight/gay, married/single, white/other...having grown up together in SoCal was no longer a valid reason to remain friends. This has been sad for me.

Friend .5 (half a friend):

I am living in suburban Seattle at the time and my phone rings. One of my grad school friends (nice guy and funny too, he was in quite a few of my classes) is on the line: "Hey, guess what Bob, I just accepted a position with a Seattle firm." So, he's now living in the Pacific Northwest. He would call and we would periodically go for coffee or something to eat. He took up residence in Seattle proper, found his circle of gay friends and I never heard from him again. I bought a townhome, as did he. I remember "You have to come see the place I bought" and ditto on my end. To this day, I've never seen his place and when I go through Seattle, I don't even bother to look him up.

Comments on some above observations and remarks:

-a couple of you (Paolo and tmp) talk about your female friends. Are the straight people you hang out with mostly women? If so, drop their asses and thin those ranks. I'm sorry, but how can being friends primarily with women reinforce your masculinity? A few is ok, if you are going to school or work with them. I think I would find it offensive if some chick were to use me as a sounding board for her guy problems or baby problems. That's a form of "castration" and you don't need it.

- oh yeah, one more thing. TJ from Costa Mesa said he worked with a couple of co-workers who said they were "married" -- in quotes. The one I find a head scratcher is "dating." How do two masculine, self-sufficient guys theoretically "date" each other? Does the one receiving the invitation "bat" his eyelashes and coyly say "Gee, I don't know...oh...well, ok." This I don't get. How do 2 "predatory" animals (males) or 2 "nesting" animals (females) "date" ? Pardon my narrowmindedness on this one.

Edited July 7, 2006 by trinacriabob

[Cory Wolfe]

Why did I address the above issue?  For one reason, and one reason only:  There are a lot of hurting people in the world, and, at the risk of sounding corny, it’s important that everyone know that God loves each and every person; gay or not; atheist or not.

Missed this the first time I read though it... Anywho... yeah... Corny. Not to turn this into anything religious, but I can't be loved by an imaginary figure. Yeah, I said it.

Anywho... I need gay friends, and not just ones from C&G and XY.

[ocnblu]

Why do I even buy the Sunday paper? Again this week, no bare male bubble butts! I guess it's time for another "letter to the editor".

[The O.C.]

No... we're changing your screen name from "Satty" to "Daddy"

Pick one: 'Daddy Bear' or 'Leather Daddy' (A missing 5% to include onto O.C.'s list) 

I like that.....Daddy Satty.....!