Side work

[76ChevyTrucker]

All right, I don't think I've mentioned this, but I'm trying my best to put me degree as an English major to good use by writing a military fiction novel. Think Dale Brown or (god forbid) Tom Clancy. If y'all wouldn't mind I'm going to post a little excerpt on here for your reading pleasure. I've really love some feedback.

From the first chapter:

“Twenty minutes to target, we’re still clean, terrain coming up in ten miles, we’ll need to climb up to four thousand to remain clear of it,” Williams announced to everyone.

The MiG-27 that had been in the area was now behind the aircraft when it suddenly turned into a bat-wing symbol.

“That -27 is looking in our direction,” Campbell warned as soon as she saw the change in symbols.

“Roger that, Renegades, join up with your bombers, stay low, and try to blend in with them as best you can,” Gladwell announced and slowly dropped back to meet with Blake’s lead B-1C. The other fighters quickly dropped back into position on the bombers, flying along each side and slightly behind the large bombers, trying to blend in with the slightly larger radar signature that the Lancers offered.

“Wolf one-one is turning to target, we’ll see you guys on the ground,” Connors called out and gently banked his MV-22 Osprey out of the long formation of planes.

The MiG was still looking at the planes as the Osprey turned when suddenly it flashed yellow.

“Wolf one-one, you’re being painted, repeat that MiG’s got a lock on you!” quickly warned Lieutenant Heather Atkins from the second bomber.

A steady deedle deedle deedle rang from the threat receiver in the Osprey as they continued their turn.

“Renegade three-one and three-two, turn and engage before that MiG announces our position and the target gets covered up,” Gladwell ordered, also preparing to turn and attack if Campbell and Robinson missed.

Captain Aquan Robinson answered with two fast clicks on his microphone and yanked the control stick back on his F/A-35. Lieutenant Bobby Campbell followed only moments later in his F/A-18E and silently locked onto the MiG. The computer acquisition system instantly recommended that the AIM-120C be used in the medium range attack.

“Renegade three-one, Fox Three,” Robinson announced and punched a single Scorpion missile out of the belly weapons bay. The Scorpion took only a moment to sample the air, check its own flight control systems and then rocketed off towards the MiG-27.

The North Korean fighter pilot instantly saw the missile launch as his own threat receivers blared to life, announcing the incoming missile. The pilot was young and his reactions were fast, he slung the thirty year old MiG into a tight left turn and called his ground control center, asking for instructions. However, his actions came too late as the AIM-120 plowed into the MiG-27, shearing the right wing off at the wing sweep glove, sending the fighter flaming to its death.

“Splash one Flogger,” Robinson announced as the North Korean fighter plowed into the countryside.

“Roger that three-one, good kill, now join up with your bomber again and get ready for things to hit the fan,” Gladwell warned them all.

From the third chapter:

Cappadona’s Special Forces troopers continued to jog towards the perimeter of Pyongyang International Airport, which also housed a number of military aircraft, namely the possible North Korean MiG-29 fighters that attacked the Kitty Hawk battle group. As the men neared the runway fence, they heard a sound approach from the left.

“Inbound vehicle, cover, cover,” Cappadona said, flipping the safety off his carbine and quickly screwing the silencer in place on the weapon, the other members of the team also attached sound suppressors to their rifles and readied for contact with the enemy.

A North Korean truck rolled up near the men and sputtered to a stop, the engine apparently giving up on its job. Five North Korean army troops angrily climbed out of the truck and lifted the hood, trying to inspect why the truck, which looked Korean War vintage, had finally given up the ghost. The Special Forces troopers were hidden in a small brush outcropping near the roadside, able to watch the movement of the North Korean troops as they angrily cursed the truck. One of the men lit a cigarette and quietly smoked it, not aware that the red cherry at the end highlighted him perfectly.

“I’ve got targets in sight, definite lock onto one of them,” Technical Sergeant Newton whispered, keeping an eye on the men through his now silenced PSG-1 sniper rifle.

“Copy, I’ve got two in sight,” Lieutenant Graber said quietly to the other men as he looked through the night vision scope on his M4A3 carbine.

Cappadona and McGhee also had the North Korean soldiers in sight and ready to fire. Without speaking four shots were coughed out of the rifles. The North Korean soldier with the lit cigarette met the worse fate; the round from Newton’s rifle went through the man’s left eye and exploded out the back, raining pieces of skull and brain against the door of the truck. The remaining North Korean soldier dove for cover just as a second round from Major Cappadona’s M4 coughed down the barrel and embedded itself in the poor man’s neck. The last sound the four Special Forces troopers heard was the gurgled last breath coming from now dead North Korean behind them.

So ya'll read and give me some likes or dislikes.....if you want more pm me with an email address and I'll send whole chapters.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

I really can't think of another response other than the paper-thin "It seems pretty good." So I'll say just that. It seems pretty good.

But, c'mon. You can't post this and not try to give us a hint at the bigger picture here. What's this novel about exactly?

And, okay, I'll come right out and say it: I really don't read many millitary novels. But this seems as good as the stuff I've read from other fiction genres and writers.

I guess I too would like to announce I'm trying to write something of my own. I've written ten or so short stories (I even think one could even qualify as a novella; it's somewhere over 35,000 words) just messing around with Microsoft Works. I'm thinking of going full-scale with a novel.

Edited June 29, 2006 by YellowJacket894

[76ChevyTrucker]

All right. Basic storyline: E-3C Sentry (AWACS) aircraft is on patrol in the Sea of Japan, minding its own business watching air traffic in the area and helping Japanese air traffic controllers with their duties. North Korean fighter-interceptor closes within missile firing range of the Sentry, launches two missiles. Missiles are nuclear-tipped. No provocation (other than the fact that the North Koreans don't like the US, at all). US President formulates plan to use military assets to strike ALL North Korean NBC weapons structure using long-range bombers, Special Forces operatives and fighter aircraft...

[Flybrian]

I can tell this is totally ficition because the V-22 is operational!

Interesting. As a true fan of this genre, I'm liking what I'm reading so far and I do look forward to more. I especially appreciate the accuracy so far without getting too caught up in the jargon. I've read too many novels that made me feel like a total genius (B-52 Flying Fortress?) and or a total idiot (the oscilliscope does what?!).

[76ChevyTrucker]

Thanks fly, and I know that the V-22 is an operational aircraft, actually in military format is the CV-22, so I chose a Special Operations capable variant, the MV-22 with a Hughes 20-mm chain gun under the nose and AGM-114 Hellfire missile racks on the stub wings.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

Sounds like it could make for a decent book.

I hope you don't mind me pointing out something that sticks out in my mind. (I hated it when the few people who've managed to actually read something I've written would start to compare it to another writer's works. I guess if they were trying to sound positive, I always recieved the message as negative. Because of such, I'll try my best to make this sound more like some random statement.)

Morgan Robinson wrote a book in the early 1900s dubbed "Beyond the Spectrum". In that book, Robinson wrote of a major war between the U.S. and Japan after an attack on San Francisco. In the early 1900s, a war with Japan was something of a "popular" topic in the United States, just as a war with North Korea is today.

Edited June 29, 2006 by YellowJacket894

[Flybrian]

I can only hope that the real V-22 will perform as well as yours does. The Air Force all but cancelled their once-large order and it seems to becoming more and more of a Marine Corps pet project.

Back in the winter of '00, our MCJROTC battalion took a trip to MCAS Cherry Point and New River. We walked through one of the Ospreys that later crashed and also the crew, who died with it. Sad, especially because the '46 and '53 crews love their old choppers and, though they didn't say so (obviously), they seemed to wish for more upgrades than the V-22.

[76ChevyTrucker]

The -53 is an awesome helo, without a doubt, I can't think of a better helicopter in the military's inventory with such a storied past and in my opinion, a bright future. And to what you said YJ, I haven't heard of that book, but I will definitely look at it and read it. By the way, this idea i started kicking around in 9th grade (roughly '96-97) its just taken this long and about 6 MAJOR revisions to get it the way it is now, as realistic and as simple as possible.

[DetroitNut90]

Nice story so far...infinitely better than the crap I had shoved down my throat this year in english. I could actually understand what was going on in this, very much unlike Lord of the Flies.

Intriguing storyline, too.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

This idea is close to ten years old? Well, it's aged well to say the least.

But all good things take time. (I would add "I suppose" to that, but there's no guesswork to it.)

Everything I've written for $h!s and giggles so far took about two or three weeks. And they're not even near polished or probably even decent, you could guess.

I think any writer could admire Walter Gibson's (writer of "The Shadow" series of the '30s and '40s written under the Maxwell Grant psuedonym) output. He managed to write one of his books per month to satisfy demand.

[76ChevyTrucker]

Yeah, it intially started out with about 45 characters, all of different nationalities and everything like that and I decided that was too broad. Then I revised it and cut down to just two countries contributing characters, and found it still too big, and here it is now about six revisions later with a good character mix and much more realistic.

[76ChevyTrucker]

And now no one will post here.....man seems like it was acutally going to be more than a page long set of posts and thread here....and it just dies....

[Guest YellowJacket894]

Yeah, it intially started out with about 45 characters, all of different nationalities and everything like that and I decided that was too broad.  Then I revised it and cut down to just two countries contributing characters, and found it still too big, and here it is now about six revisions later with a good character mix and much more realistic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Forty-five main characters? The most I've tried to work with so far is six or seven.

Just out of pure curiosity here, how many chapters do you have total so far?

[76ChevyTrucker]

right now I'm revising the 4th chapter, I'd written about six at the time when I decided to make it a little more gritty and realistic, so i'm taking the basic same chapters and adding a little more realism and grit to them. I'm shooting for about 10-14 chapters max for this one. Then I may start on the second (the books are going to be more or less part of a series) then I'll hopefully be able to get in touch with a publisher.

[aaaantoine]

The MiG-27 that had been in the area was now behind the aircraft when it suddenly turned into a bat-wing symbol.

Hm... Maybe it's because I'm not familiar with this genre, but could you elaborate?

A half-dozen years ago I started writing a sci-fi novel. The story was that of mankind, four centuries from now, finally becoming balanced enough to be accepted into the galactic equivalent of the United Nations. Up until this point, man had never made it past Pluto, and one of the quirks of being accepted into the union was the sharing of advanced space propulsion schematics. One of the species in the union, however, had previously monitored the humans, and felt that their past should not have allowed them to become members. The whole thing escalates into a galaxy-wide war with the union splitting into two set groups: those who welcomed the humans, and those who felt they should be destroyed.

I had finished the first chapter and began the second, but my style of proofreading hindered my writing later on, as I would continue to re-read FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK each time I sat down to work on it.

Edited June 30, 2006 by aaaantoine

[Camino LS6]

Great pacing, judging from the excerpts.

I'd read more.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

right now I'm revising the 4th chapter, I'd written about six at the time when I decided to make it a little more gritty and realistic, so i'm taking the basic same chapters and adding a little more realism and grit to them.  I'm shooting for about 10-14 chapters max for this one.  Then I may start on the second (the books are going to be more or less part of a series) then I'll hopefully be able to get in touch with a publisher.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A serial novel. Nice idea.

[Sixty8panther]

Cool, I like the excerpt.

It's very important to KNOW your terminoligy & subject when

writing something this deep. Seems like you've got a good

handle on things. Some of the dialogue is a bit over my head

but that's probably a good thing in that it doesn't talk down to

the audience.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

Some of the dialogue is a bit over my head but that's probably a good thing in that it doesn't talk down to the audience.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why, for some reason, does that statement make me think of "The Da Vinci Code?" Come to think of it, it also brings to mind another novel of Dan Brown's I've read titled "Digital Fortress."

Dan Brown's an okay writer, but his books really seem to lack in certain aspects.

[Mr.Krinkle]

nice, definately digging it. the only thing id suggest is to not use the "commas"

so liberally. thats something i always take issue with when it comes up. there several lines where i thought you didnt necessarily need them.

other than that, i thought it was fairly solid. i even got lost for a moment or two in there. very nice.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

nice, definately digging it.  the only thing id suggest is to not use the "commas" so liberally.  thats something i always take issue with when it comes up.  there  several lines where i thought you didnt necessarily need them. 

other than that, i thought it was fairly solid.  i even got lost for a moment or two in there.  very nice.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He didn't use that many commas. You act like every sentence was nothing but "He, looked, up, at, the, night, sky, smoking, his, cigarette, and, wondering, if, it, was, worth, it, all." And, plus, he's the man who majored in English here.

[Mr.Krinkle]

He didn't use that many commas. You act like every sentence was nothing but "He, looked, up, at, the, night, sky, smoking, his, cigarette, and, wondering, if, it, was, worth, it, all." And, plus, he's the man who majored in English here.

ok, i understand what youre saying, and i appreciate it but i didnt "make it sound like" anything but what i said

it was merely a friendly comment. i liked the writing and the choice of words. i found it to have a nice rythm and flow.

i just happen to think most people use way too many commas. yes they are necessary, but i noticed a few sentences that did not need to have them. i admit i only took a few English classes and its not my area of expertise. i do however have some experience in proof reading and "test" reading. a buddy of mine is a writer and an English major. im pretty well read, and i defiantely do like what ive read so far.

believe me when i say you need to have a thick skin when you are in a business or profession that is constantly critiqued. and just in general for that matter.

76- keep it up. id like to see more, preferably an opening too if that wasnt it. if it was, more power to you.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

ok, i understand what youre saying, and i appreciate it but i didnt "make it sound like" anything but what i said

it was merely a friendly comment.  i liked the writing and the choice of words.  i found it to have a nice rythm and flow.

i just happen to think most people use way too many commas.  yes they are necessary, but i noticed a few sentences that did not need to have them.  i admit i only took a few English classes and its not my area of expertise.  i do however have some experience in proof reading and "test" reading.  a  buddy of mine is a writer and an English major.  im pretty well read, and i defiantely do like what ive read so far. 

believe me when i say you need to have a thick skin when you are in a business or profession that is constantly critiqued.  and just in general for that matter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know. Just pokin' some fun -- or my idea of it, anyway. That's all.

[zhawk]

Great except, you've definately got talent.

I will repeat the surprise someone had, 45 MAIN characters????

How did you keep them straight? I written stories and I try to keep it to around 4-5 main characters, any more and I get confused and the characters start to seem wooden.

I do tend to write mostly fiction/fantasy and poetry to pick up my mood when depressed (it usually works well) but I read most every genre and you've got a good chance of having a book that would wind up in a lot of people's libraries, including mine.

[76ChevyTrucker]

Easy, I had a sheet that had every character's name, country of origin, rank, and aircraft flown, and I'd slowly work my way through them all until everyone had said a piece here and there...basically I relegated some of them to supporting roles and took away their names so instead of naming every member of a ground crew, I just refer to them by rank.

aaaaantione, to answer your question. All of the US aircraft were flying in a tight formation with one another, with the MV-22B Osprey in the lead, the three B-1C Lancer bombers a close second and the fighters grouped with each bomber. There was a North Korean MiG-27 (Russian built, circa 1973-ish, fighter-bomber) patrolling in the area. In most military aircraft, especially combat-coded aircraft (fighters, bombers, tankers, etc) they have what's called a Radar Warning Reciever, or RWR when a threat is detected on that reciever it shows up as a little depiction, like a fighter shows up as a bat-wing symbol with a number in it, such as a MiG-27 would show up on a RWR as a bat-wing with a "27" in it....I hope that helps

[76ChevyTrucker]

And for those of you whom would like to see the initial action that started the whole novel, here it is.

May 2007

Sea of Japan

"Attention inbound bogey, bearing zero-two-zero, one hundred eight miles and closing, forty thousand," reported one of the controllers aboard the E-3C Sentry AWACs aircraft over the Sea of Japan.

"Contact the bogey on GUARD and get his intentions and give him a turn to vector into Japanese airspace," the senior controller on the plane instructed calmly. This mission was like any other, a standard orbit over the Sea of Japan to monitor all the air traffic in the area. The strange contact raised the hairs on the senior controller’s neck. It had been a few years since any country had been bold enough to fly her aircraft near anything with the US military's herald on it.

"Attention, unidentified aircraft bearing zero-two-zero, request you turn to heading zero-five-three and await instructions and vectors into Japanese airspace. I repeat turn to heading zero-five-three and await vectors. State your intentions," the controller said rapidly. The aircraft's symbology on the radar screen then changed from a simple blip to a bat-wing shape with a 27 in the center. "IFF idents bogey as a Su-27 Flanker."

The Flanker continued to close with the Sentry and now the senior controller broadcasted the same statement, "Su-27 bearing zero-two-zero, state your intentions. All right, crew, he's a bandit; get me some fighter coverage here now. Pilot, get us out of here! We have a single hostile aircraft inbound."

"Radar offline, rotodome secure, power coming up to full, turning zero-niner-zero," the copilot said in rapid-fire succession. She reacted quickly by pushing the throttles to their stops while the pilot slowly wheeled the lumbering aircraft over into a hard but steady left turn. With the radar now deactivated, only the passive Radar Warning Receiver (RWR) tracked the Flanker's progress towards the E-3.

"Dumping, all crews secure your stations," the senior controller warned the entire crew and sent all the radar, sensor, and flight information out over a secret satellite data link.

"Flanker still closing, range now seventy-five miles," the controller reported. "Holy &#036;h&#33;, we're being painted! I repeat we are now being targeted by the inbound fighter."

"Mayday, mayday, this is White Star one-four, we are engaged defensive with a single Su-27, request immediate fighter support," the pilot radioed over the GUARD frequency.

"One-four, we copy. Bull Rider two flight of four, ETA one-one minutes," the lead pilot in the nearest fighter patrol called as he pulled his F-22 Raptor towards the distressed AWACs.

The mayday call was the last any heard from the E-3 crew. Seconds after the Sentry announced its status the Su-27 launched two missiles at the huge radar plane. In response, the pilots tried to break away from the missiles but it was in vain. Moments later, the area the E-3 occupied was enveloped in twin twenty-kiloton nuclear blasts.

[76ChevyTrucker]

well ladies and gents, I guess since I've gotten good review so far, I'll post more on here to continue to whet people's appetites.

From the second chapter:

“Coastal search radars are up, no positive lock-on yet, but I suspect they’ll see us any minute now,” Barnes warned the moment she saw the long-range radars pop up on her screen.

“We’ll be feet dry in ten minutes,” Gladwell announced, watching the coast of North Korea quickly approach his fighter.

“Contact, bogey, eleven o’clock low, range eighty miles, heading away from us,” Captain Howard stated.

“IFF is negative, he’s a bandit,” Johnson announced.

“Continue closing, feet dry in two minutes,” Gladwell called out, keeping perfect track of the distance from the coast.

The radios remained quiet until the aircraft came in over the coast and Gladwell called that the group was feet-dry. Then again, the chatter picked up as the North Korean air defenses started to sweep the aircraft.

“North Korean air defense network is coming online, we’re being tracked by two radars, and that airborne contact has turned back towards us,” Captain Robinson reported in, watching his radar screen.

“Roger that, climb to high altitude and start jamming the ground threats, we don’t need missiles and triple-A coming up from those sites,” Gladwell ordered and activated the jamming and countermeasures system aboard his aircraft. The aircraft all pitched up hard and started to climb to thirty-six thousand feet.

“That got their attention, missile launch!” Barnes announced as the first Sa-10 lifted off eighteen miles away. The automatic systems on Barnes’ aircraft kicked online, setting up a jamming package to shut down the guidance radar for the missile. At the same time, the system launched two decoy rockets, both emitting a radar signature equivalent to a large aircraft along with a very inviting heat signature for the missile to track. The Sa-10 continued heading towards Barnes’ F/A-22 Raptor instead of the two decoys, again the system activated and launched two more decoy rockets away from the aircraft. This time the rockets proved too inviting a target and the missile swung away from the Raptor and exploded behind it. Damn, that was too close, Barnes thought as she continued to watch the scene fold out ahead of her bird.

The jamming systems on the fighters worked and kept all but a few of the guns and missiles from firing at them, meanwhile Gladwell kept his eye on the primary threat, the large number of North Korean fighters that were beginning to bear down on his fighters.

“More fighters inbound from the North,” Johnson reported as he turned to evade another burst of triple-A. “I counted four.”

“Roger that Renegade One-two let them come. Renegades, inbound fighters from all sides, lets do our jobs!” Gladwell stated and changed frequencies for a moment, “US Navy fighters, this is Renegade lead, we have fighters inbound at this time, estimated number is now twelve, repeat one-two bandits inbound. We’ll lure as many as we can to you.”

“Roger that Renegade lead, we’ll be waiting,” answered the commander of the F-14 squadron. His group of eight Super Tomcats was patrolling up and down the North Korean coast with the help of two E-2C Hawkeye airborne radar aircraft. He watched as the North Korean fighters closed quickly with Gladwell’s birds and they engaged in fierce dogfights.

“Watch out Renegade Two-one, you’ve picked one up on your tail!” Johnson warned as he saw a MiG-27 wheel in onto Lieutenant Barnes’ tail.

“My tail is clear, go help out Reaper,” Gladwell said, using his wingman’s personal call sign, instead of the group’s collective call sign.

Johnson immediately threw his fighter into a hard right turn and swept in behind the MiG-27 as it lined up for an infrared missile shot. “Two-one, he’s lining up a heater shot, I’m closing into gun range.”

“Roger that, don’t take too long,” Barnes responded and continued evasive action, breaking hard to the left, trying to mask her exhaust trail from the infrared seeker in the nose of the Flogger on her tail.

Johnson instinctively tightened down on the trigger in his fighter and felt the M61A3 20-mm cannon in the nose of his F/A-22 come to life and spit a deadly twenty rounds out at the MiG-27 just as it started to turn back towards Barnes’ fighter. The ammunition arced out towards the Flogger and stitched a deadly pattern of tracers and explosive rounds along the left wingtip of the North Korean fighter. The MiG pilot jinked hard right to avoid the gunfire, only to sustain minor damage. “Damn, that fighter is still there Two-one, I only winged him.”

“Fox two,” Captain Robinson, Renegade Three-two, announced and sent one AIM-9X Sidewinder missile heading towards an incoming flight of three Su-27 Flankers. The two accompanying fighters dumped flare salvos and broke hard away from the inbound missile. The lead fighter continued in towards Robinson’s bird, well aware of the inbound missile and fired its own heat-seeking missile before breaking away, but by then the Sidewinder had locked on and turned to follow the Flanker. The missile plowed hard into the left exhaust of the interceptor and broke the left rear quarter of the Flanker away from the rest of the airframe, sending large flaming chunks spinning down into the North Korean coast.

“Renegades, looks like we’re out numbered, head outbound, lets let the Navy take care of some of the fighters and interceptors,” Gladwell announced and turned his F-15 back towards the Sea of Japan. “Navy intercept, we’re outbound, get ready to pounce them.”

[76ChevyTrucker]

*patiently nudges thread back to the forefront of things for more reviews and likes/dislikes*

[capriceman]

It sounds somewhat realistic. Keep up the good work

But if you ever get it published you might have to make some calls to Military public relations to see if you can get it edited by them or you might get a lawsuit on your hand if you say something to revealing in your story.

[76ChevyTrucker]

I know, I've already thought about it and had some current military guys read it, they've not said anything, but I also know that if they're working on anything like what I've got in the book then well, they ain't talkin'