Somebody tell me how...

[the_yellow_dart]

The girl I'm dating is a software consultant like me. She's just started a new placement, and is very nervous about it, wanting to be sharp for work each day. I've gotten her to come to my place for dinner during the week, and to go out for dinner a couple of times. I asked her to go to a karaoke place tonight - and I know she likes these places, she's told me this, so that's not the issue. I can't seem to convince her to go anywhere. I'm not sure if you can really built a relationship if you can only see the person on the weekend.

Is there anything I can do? Suggestions for better things to do that will have her home early?

Am I being paranoid and should just let it go slowly?

Ahh... I don't know what to think.

[deftonesfan867]

Take your time dude, if you really dig her and gain her trust, then she'll eventually come around.

[NOS2006]

Being paranoid can be good. I always overthink things.. then the one time I tried not to overthink a girl, it stabbed me in the ass back.

Ask her why, that's all. Don't be intruding about it.. just ask why.

[the_yellow_dart]

I have asked her why. She says because she is just starting this placement. I just don't understand how you can be SO dedicated to your job that you can't go out for a couple hours at night. I'm not even asking her to drink...

[ocnblu]

Some people generally don't want to go out during the week. This is something you two can ease into. Does she allow you to visit her at her place during the week? Just for maybe an hour or so?

[Flybrian]

[reg]

DUDE IS SHE HOT?? BANG IT! BANG IT GOOD!

[/reg]

[the_yellow_dart]

She lives with two other girls right now, and she seems really nervous about us being around them. I've had her over here a couple times, but I still haven't been to her place. I don't really want to invite myself over there the first time... so I was hoping she would ask, eventually.

[ocnblu]

I don't want to stir something up here, but this is not a racial thing, is it?

[the_yellow_dart]

I'm not going to get offended blu.

She was raised in China... so she is probably more hardworking and innocent than most people here.

[ocnblu]

Are her roomies Chinese? Is she somehow afraid of what her friends and family will think of her dating a Caucasian? Not prying, just trying to help.

[the_yellow_dart]

Her previous boyfriend was also white.

She went to high school in South Africa, so I don't think racism against me will be an issue. Race may be an issue in different ways, i.e. the way she was raised may make her hard to date...

[the_yellow_dart]

...can I lure you into the chat ocn?

(without nudity?)

[ocnblu]

CHAT, BITCHES! :AH-HA_wink:

[Shantanu]

Take a hint buddy: she's not interested.

[trinacriabob]

A lot of high achieving girls are that way. Gotta study to keep my GPA up, gotta study for the bar exam, gotta get a good night's sleep for my high paying job (after law school), etc.

If this occurs SEVEN days a week, I'd say you have a problem. If it doesn't and she seems more flexible, you can make a go of it. If she is not that assimilated (not that American/Canadian) this is probably more pronounced. If I remember my academic experiences, the foreign-born and raised Asian students are super dedicated and methodical as to how they approached the academic process, often "closing down" the library at midnight. Impressive.

Hey, not to sidetrack, how about some nice Italian or Greek girls? The few times that I've been to your Greektown and they have that outside seating, I saw a lot of pretty Mediterranean looking girls.

[the_yellow_dart]

It doesn't occur 7 days a week. We arranged to go to Montreal later in July on the weekend.

As far as race goes, I have no problem one way or the other. It's a matter of finding a girl I'm interested in who thinks of me as more than a friend. It's been years since I've found it.

[trinacriabob]

As far as race goes, I have no problem one way or the other. It's a matter of finding a girl I'm interested in who thinks of me as more than a friend. It's been years since I've found it.

Cool. Here's me who hasn't been on a date in ages talking, like what do I know. Certain ethnic groups have different "styles" and that could be cultural. If you travel around Europe, you know how that changes, so I do pay attention to that sort of thing. Like a friend said, crossing from Germany into Scandinavia was like "turning off the volume switch."

The last girl I dated was 100% Greek. The temperment and personal style is something I understand. I can say NOTHING bad about her except that it wasn't meant to be because 1) she wanted children (I don't), and 2) given her high educational attainment, I wondered if there would be any "who would wear the pants" struggles and that was disconcerting. I didn't want to find out later than sooner.

You are right. It's great to have someone you are attracted to that reciprocates more than on a merely platonic level. And if she has consented to go to YUL (love those airport codes), and actually goes, then stick with the plan. Gawd, I love Montreal....one of the bitchenest cities in the world and I hope you can catch the Jazz Festival.

[the_yellow_dart]

Thanks man.

I think this site is good for the self esteem.

[regfootball]

[reg]

DUDE IS SHE HOT?? BANG IT! BANG IT GOOD!

[/reg]

'you're so funny, chandler, you're so FUNNY, chandler, you're SO FUNNY'

Edited June 28, 2006 by regfootball

[NOS2006]

Thanks man.

I think this site is good for the self esteem.

Verb Cheers and Gears: It's what you do.

Cheers and Gears: My Anti-Drug

[regfootball]

to expand on what another may have hinted at, if she seems like a bit of a dud right now......i don't see it improving. however, it doesn't hurt to try to keep working on her. It just could be she considers her life fun as it is, and obvisouly she's not outgoing. over time it will become clear to you if she is just shy now, or if she really over time will be a long term non-butterfly.