VERY intresting day....

[deftonesfan867]

Wow, where to begin. First off an old friend from HS stopped by today and gave me some shocking (though not that shocking) news. He's BI and had always wanted to be with me. I informed him that I don't do guys and he then tried to kiss me on the lips. I pushed him back and informed him again that I don't do guys. Well he started crying and telling me he loves me, I felt bad becuase I don't like seeing my friend cry, but I was all like, man don't feel bad it's just the way things are. He told me to f@#k off and then sped off in his Silverado.

[Bimmer325]

He's mad at you for being straight?

[sciguy_0504]

Come on...give the guy what he wants and try something other than vanilla for once. LOL.

Are you flattered or disgusted?

[NOS2006]

Come on...give the guy what he wants and try something other than vanilla for once.  LOL.

Condom flavor? Ew.

That's just weird. I really wouldn't know what to say. When was the last time you talked to him before this?

[deftonesfan867]

Bimmer: For some odd reason most gay/bi guys seem to think im that way. So I guess that's what made him mad. He didn't think I was gonna say no.

SciGuy: I'm just never been into that and no this isn't the first time i've been hit on by a gay/bi male, so it's not disgusting.

NOS: Couple months ago.

I'm just glad that he isn't the kind of person that inflicts pain upon himself.

[Cory Wolfe]

Oh... sorry to hear about that. I've felt like doing that to a few guys... Um... I think for me, the thing that would help me the most is to just give him some attention and try to be caring. Let him know how you feel and again, let him understand that you are straight. I mean... give him some room, but try not to let this ruin anything. You have a connection with each other that can be saved, you know... Neither of you guys want to break off the friendship.

Alright... I'm not a speciallist, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

[deftonesfan867]

I've tried calling him, but I get no answer. Called his house and his dad answered and said that he came in crying and then took back off before he could ask him what's wrong. I didn't tell his dad anything becuase I figured that's for him to do. I really hope he's OK.

[Chris_Doane]

Hah I dont know that its correct to say he's mad at you for being straight. I would think he's just upset/sad that his feelings wont be returned. Broken hearts are never fun.

I had a similar situation my freshman year of college, though I didn't quite throw myself on him. It's also worth mentioning I remained friends with the guy, but it was obviously a little awkward for a few months. Let it cool off for a few days, then try to talk to him.

Edited June 28, 2006 by CD/BP

[ocnblu]

I think Viper and Chris just gave you some very good advice, but it seems that was your plan anyway. Good luck with everything, def.

I have wanted to tell a few straight (apparently) guy friends how I really feel, but always chickened out. I think I did tell one, and we grew apart after that, which was painful for a while. Guys like me who can't be picked out too easily have it hard sometimes, because it's so easy to become friends with straight guys. I mean, I don't fall in love with every straight friend, that would be a problem, but, ya know? Sometimes it happens. You guys have heard me blathering about "my" guy at the job I just left. I miss him.

Edited June 28, 2006 by ocnblu

[Cory Wolfe]

Yeah... and me and Ryan... who, btw, I am starting to wonder about. IDK...

[ocnblu]

Why, does he pop his collar?

[NOS2006]

Lowblow.

[deftonesfan867]

Well i've known him for 11 years and I don't wanna lose a friend. Good ones are hard to find. And yes, broken hearts aren't any fun.

[ocnblu]

Help him find a nice guy in some subtle way.

[Cory Wolfe]

Is he cute?

[deftonesfan867]

Is he cute?

I...don't.....know. Dude's around my age anyway.

[ocnblu]

Oh stop it, def. A secure straight guy can say if his friend is cute. :AH-HA_wink:

[deftonesfan867]

Oh stop it, def.  A secure straight guy can say if his friend is cute. :AH-HA_wink:

Just meant it as he isnt the kind I would date if I were gay.

[Cory Wolfe]

Heh... well, got any pics of him?

[deftonesfan867]

Heh... well, got any pics of him?

I'm not much of a pic taker, so no. Sorry.

[ocnblu]

def... wanted to let you know it took guts for posting this thread. Thanks for being an ally, like so many of our straight buds here at C&G.

[NOS2006]

def... wanted to let you know it took guts for posting this thread.  Thanks for being an ally, like so many of our straight buds here at C&G.

I'm not an ally. I just like to say, "you guys are gay," and get away with it.

[deftonesfan867]

Hey, it's like this. I dont care if people hate me or not, well those that dont matter, and sometimes it's good to get stuff out. I know theres a couple of times i've been melodramatic on here, but I consider yall my online family, so of course im going let this stuff out.

[ocnblu]

I can tell by your above post you're still freaked out by this. Things will settle down. Your friend will be ok. Hopefully, not too far in the future, you'll both laugh about this episode over a beer.

[deftonesfan867]

I can tell by your above post you're still freaked out by this.  Things will settle down.  Your friend will be ok.  Hopefully, not too far in the future, you'll both laugh about this episode over a beer.

Just w/ being dumped Friday and then this today on top of some other RL issues, kinda in a wtf is going on mood. I'm not mad at him, just worried.

[ocnblu]

Nos, hullo? I said "straight" buds. :AH-HA_wink:

[usonia]

OY! This thread caused me a few painful flashbacks.

The one thing that I think most straight people take for granted and aren't quite able to understand what it's like for young gay people to deal with, is the whole social-interaction-dating thing. This is an area of social development a lot of us gay guys (me included) miss out on when we're growing up that continues to affect us into adulthood.

I never dated in high school and I was so freaked out at the idea that someone might discover my 'secret' that I even kept my friends at a distance. Now, as an adult, even though I'm out and I don't care who knows, my social skills pretty much suck and I have a terrible time talking to people I don't know. Just thinking back to those highschool and early college years, makes me ill.

[the_yellow_dart]

def: If he likes you that much, you mean a lot to him. Obviously you're not going to be WITH him... but you need to be there for him.

[Chris_Doane]

OY!  This thread caused me a few painful flashbacks. 

The one thing that I think most straight people take for granted and aren't quite able to understand what it's like for young gay people to deal with, is the whole social-interaction-dating thing.  This is an area of social development a lot of us gay guys (me included) miss out on when we're growing up that continues to affect us into adulthood. 

I never dated in high school and I was so freaked out at the idea that someone might discover my 'secret' that I even kept my friends at a distance.  Now, as an adult, even though I'm out and I don't care who knows, my social skills pretty much suck and I have a terrible time talking to people I don't know.  Just thinking back to those highschool and early college years, makes me ill.

Quoted for emphasis.

Edited June 28, 2006 by CD/BP

[Cory Wolfe]

Yeah...

[deftonesfan867]

Well now i've made more people sad....

[the_yellow_dart]

Not me...

I like giving people advice. Maybe I should be a psychologist.

[usonia]

Well now i've made more people sad....

No, please don't think that. I'm actually glad you started the topic. Like I said, I don't think most people realize what it's like for some of us growing up and it gave me an opening to shed a little light. I didn't make my post looking for sympathy. It's not like I'm the only one who went through this. Pretty much all of my friends, have a similar story. I do hope it's better for the younger gay people than when I was in high school, but I have my doubts. As for me, I try to get past it, but it's tough.

[deftonesfan867]

Well then im glad that this allowed some folks to shed some light on stuff relating to this. BTW I got ahold of him tonight and tommorow im going over to his house to talk to him about it.

[ocnblu]

Well, I'm sure he appreciated you "getting ahold" of him. Let us know how it goes down then.

[deftonesfan867]

I.....*sighs*....I can say three things about this morning and him....

Bed

Poem to me about me

Empty bottle of pills..................RIP Jamie

[sciguy_0504]

I have wanted to tell a few straight (apparently) guy friends how I really feel, but always chickened out.  I think I did tell one, and we grew apart after that, which was painful for a while.  Guys like me who can't be picked out too easily have it hard sometimes, because it's so easy to become friends with straight guys.  I mean, I don't fall in love with every straight friend, that would be a problem, but, ya know?  Sometimes it happens.

So true.

I don't have the balls to do what this guy did to Deftonesfan but I would like to let them know, just to get it off my chest. Then again, a) I like my life and b) I like the friendship aspect.

[VenSeattle]

Empty bottle of pills..................RIP Jamie

I'm at a loss for words at the moment. I do want to pay my respects... but just... wow.

What the hell? Def, are you okay?

[deftonesfan867]

I....it's been a very hard last few days.....and it doesn't help that his family blames me.....if I had my car still, i'd just take a drive to the country and sit on the hood of my car......probably crying...

[Chris_Doane]

Like Ven Im sort of at a loss...

[sciguy_0504]

I.....*sighs*....I can say three things about this morning and him....

Bed

Poem to me about me

Empty bottle of pills..................RIP Jamie

You're kidding.

I feel really bad. I'm sorry about the whole situation, Def.

This may seem inappropriate, and I apologize beforehand, but I try to lighten the mood when it gets heavy. What does "bed" mean?

[deftonesfan867]

He oded on pills......and took an eternal nap on his bed.

[sciguy_0504]

He oded on pills......and took an eternal nap on his bed.

Oh.

My attempt was futile. Again, sorry.

[Chris_Doane]

While I am kind of at a loss for words, one thing does come to mind.

Please *don't, don't, don't* blame yourself for this.

(Honestly, Sci... )

Edited June 29, 2006 by CD/BP

[Flybrian]

Seriously, Def, the chatroom is open for this if you want to use it.

We're here for you in whatever way we can be.

[VenSeattle]

While I am kind of at a loss for words, one thing does come to mind.

Please *don't, don't, don't* blame yourself for this.

VERY TRUE! Great point!

[deftonesfan867]

I don't need to Chris.....his family already does.....

[Chris_Doane]

I don't need to Chris.....his family already does.....

I guess I dont understand his parents view? What is it? What did they expect or hope for?

Edited June 28, 2006 by CD/BP

[ocnblu]

Def... man, I am so sorry for your loss and the circumstances surrounding it. This is in no way, shape or form your fault. How the family can blame you I cannot fathom right now. Please feel free to talk more about when you can, if you want to.

[76ChevyTrucker]

Def, sorry to hear about what happened, I know i'm kinda late coming in on this one, but I really do feel for you on this one. Keep your head up and eventually the family will stop blaming you, it'll take time, and it'll take them not being stubborn and all of ya'll sitting down and talking out, but things will get better.