Ocn... ditched!

[ocnblu]

Every Friday, a group of us at work head out for lunch at a nearby steakhouse. Recently, a new Chili's has opened near our work, and we had talked about trying it.

Last Friday, as we walked out to the parking lot to head out ("my" guy Ryan and another friend), we discussed where we would go. The other friend and I wanted to go to Chili's, Ryan didn't want to, but he reluctantly agreed we would meet at Chili's, along with two other coworkers. I told Ryan I had to go to the bank, but would meet them at Chili's and I took off in my truck while they waited for the other 2 guys.

I got to Chili's and waited a couple short minutes before getting a table. The server put 4 more menus on the table and I ordered my iced tea while I waited for the crew. To no avail. I finally ordered my lunch.

I ended up eating my lunch with 4 menus. I got back to work before them, and when Ryan walked in, he said "where did you go? Chili's?"

I said "where the fu*k do you think I went? I had lunch with 4 menus."

He said "I tried to call you here at work but you had already left! 'They' didn't want to go to Chili's."

That was a lie. It was Ryan who didn't want to go to Chili's before agreeing to go there.

I didn't talk to him any more on Friday afternoon, and not until almost noon yesterday. I asked him what he thought he was doing when he took the guys to the other place. He apologized.

Since then, I've barely said two words to him. I am still pissed and ready to tell him to fu*k off, that I am permanently out of the lunch group, that he can go fly a goddamned kite for all I care, but I haven't, I've just been silent. He looks at me with puppydog eyes and then looks at the floor when I walk by his work area in the shop. He has tried to talk a few times, but I've been keeping it as short as possible until I walk away.

It's not the lunch venue I am pissed about... it's the ditching I cannot get over.

How would you guys feel if this happened to you? Should I chuck 3 years of friendship, or am I overreacting?

[trinacriabob]

I don't know. My situation with a lunch group is different. There are 4 of us that go out and this Italian/pizza/Greek joint is specifically for us to get real crass, complain about work and be politically incorrect (one of the lunch bunch is a girl and she just laughs hysterically...chicks who let guys be guys without castrating you are the way it should be).

At any rate, when one bails, they do it AHEAD of time. Sometimes it's at the last minute, "Hey, I'm gonna run some errands" but you know. A few times the whole event has fallen apart, but at least you knew.

That was kind of uncool. I assume you are street smart enough by now that you can decipher whether the apology is sincere and whether it will happen again. Well, was it SINCERE or is it a MIND F*C*?

What you should do is let the other lunch people set up the logistics and you ride along with them. That's safer than getting into that kind of B.S.

Edited June 7, 2006 by trinacriabob

[Flybrian]

Just...don't end up throwing socket sets and tie rods at each other.

Seriously, maybe its just me, but I don't see the big deal of it all. Chili's sucks anyway.

[capriceman]

If somthing like that happens its more of a joke where i work. its all about how you pay them back. I would say overreaction but dont say sorry or anything. just one day screw him over.

The only thing someone did to me that i nearly killed him for was that i have a chuck in a lathe and this retard thought it would be funny to turn it on (since it was a special metal the lathe was set for 2500 rpm thats pretty fast considering average speed is about 1100 rpm) the chuck swung around flew into my gut and my hand got cut by the piece that i was going to be working on. i fell on the ground for about 2 minutes it hurt that bad. i was sent home early and he was sent home for a week with out pay. they day he came back he made some remark and i had him pinned against a wall. about to beat the living $h! out of him. i was pulled off of him by the few that actucally didnt want me to beat his ass. i eventually let it go after a week. but i deflated his cars tires. changed all his spark plug wires around. drained his raditor. and some other stuff. I didnt do this all in one day either.

if you have a raised ceiling that you can set some stuff on a rafter. if so, take a pop bottle cutt it in half fill it with some nasty oils or comet and sludge. tie some paper towel around the bottom section that is filled with the crap. and set the cup type thing at the top of the rafter. and drape the paper towel down. some will pull the paper towel and the crap will fall all over the guy. its the most damn funny thing i have ever done to some one.

But of course your mad. just plan out some pay back and let it blow over.

[Flybrian]

you two being so Curt with each other.

No, Ocn's name is Bill and the other guy is Ryan. Are you paying any attention?

[VenSeattle]

Don't toss three years away over this. Yes, what he did was disrespectful... but he was paying for his own lunch and he didn't want to go there.

I'd recommend to get your "Chili's fix" earlier in the week and not suggest it to the "lunch group" again. If Ryan is a good guy, he'll eventually suggest it to the group on his own. If he doesn't, you'll still get to go to Chilli's anyways while keeping a friend.

[Croc]

He said he didn't wanna go at first...yea it was a lil rude...but c'mon if he were the only one not wanting to go the other guys wouldn't have gone with him. He said he tried to call you...why it didn't ring on your cell or whatever I don't know, but seriously? You're throwing a hissy fit over it. Lighten up...it isn't a big deal at all.

ETA: I'd really knock off the snippiness bit...my friends and I are pretty laid back, to the point that friendships aren't really ended by our transgressions, but by us noticing someone completely overreacting and being unreasonable about some real or perceived slight. You say he's looking at you like he's sorry...so forgive him already. Holding a grudge and being snippy makes you seem petty about it.

Though I gotta ask...where were cell phones in all this? If people don't show up or whatever I'm on it in 2 seconds.

Edited June 7, 2006 by Croc

[FAPTurbo]

No, I am still stoned off my ass on pain killers from getting my wisdom teeth surgically removed from my head, but we will talk about your problems latter. Malibu malibu malibu . . .

and the pancakes taste better with baby oil.

[z28luvr01]

My experience has been that going to lunch with a group of coworkers is usually more trouble than it's worth. Nobody can ever agree on a restaurant, nobody wants to drive there, and nobody knows how to get there. 9/10 times I eat by myself (usually after a 0.5-0.75 hour bike ride) with a lunch that consists of some fruit (usually raisins) and some water from the cooler.

I don't know if this helps, but I always live by the rule "It's not where you are, it's who you're with". If you really enjoy spending time with these people, don't let the setting play more of a part than it should. I don't think it's right that you had to eat lunch with the menus, but it could very well be a misunderstanding or a miscommunication. If he makes a habit of it, then I'd consider ditching him, but I think this one should get a free pass.

[Sixty8panther]

Wow... depending on the exact situation I might forgive & forget quickly

IF the apology was sincere, to pretty much cutting the person out of my

life completely. I think the answer you're looking for lies somewhere

between those two extremes. Sorry to hear that though, I hate

awkward social situations like that. You say table for 4 and eat by alone.

[Cremazie]

Kiss and make up, its rare! he knows he screwed up, I doubt it will happen again. I say give him another chance.

[Chris_Doane]

Hmm...methinks you are overeacting in grand fashion. To quote many a gay man....

"draaaaaaaaaama!!"

[DetroitNut90]

Akward social situations suck, I know, but losing a friend sucks even worse. I'd say call it water under the bridge and go about your business as usual.

[capriceman]

Chili's probably thinks he had OCD or somthing.

[Croc]

Hmm...methinks you are overeacting in grand fashion. To quote many a gay man....

"draaaaaaaaaama!!"

[regfootball]

this sort of thing happened recently at my work. Some dude was leaving for Iraq so a small group set up a going to lunch at Chipotle. There are like 4 Chipotles in different directions, but equidistant from work. I was asked, but didn't go...not because I didn't want to send the guy off, but because I knew it would be a clusterfuq. Soon, I hear its like 12 people. One of the three guys or whatever who was in on the original plan asked me if i was going and I said, "no, honestly I don't want to sit in a crappy loud dive like Chipotle where the illegals behind the counter don't understand me and have to deal with the mess of 12 people or whatever and I am really craving Chinese buffet today anyways...or Godfather's pizza buffet...." He said, ok...then like 5 minutes later he comes over and says 'the f-ckers asked me if I wanted to go with and I'M THE ONE WHO SET THIS UP!!!" to top it off, they had changed which SH-1-TPOTLE they were going to. HE got the shaft!

Needless to say, we had a great lunch, the 2 of us, ripping coworkers and enjoying the ease of it all.

My last job, I would lunch with coworkers a lot. Mostly the women I would get to be friends with in the office. Women are just simply more interesting at conversation. Where I am at now though, there are so many women and they are so clicky with each other they all pretty much go out as women only and the other guys are 'lunch pail' guys. 'Family guys' who always bring their own lunch, and do dull stuff like play cards and do crossword puzzles. They're great coworkers, but not the most outgoing bunch.

So nowadays I surf C&G a lot over lunch!

Edited June 7, 2006 by regfootball

[Enzora]

How angry are you towards the other guys who also ditched you? The answer to that should help determine whether or not this is an overreaction.

[trinacriabob]

ripping coworkers and enjoying the ease of it all.

We are very good at this and usually done in good sport! Great stuff, isn't it?

[Cadavillac]

You're not overreacting. Just keep a level head and don't do the lunch thing anymore. I used to do group lunches at my last job, but figured out later that I enjoyed dining alone (or spending my lunch time doing something other than eating) was a lot more fun.

Matt

[ocnblu]

I should have made it clearer in my original post... I don't have a cell phone. He had no choice but to call the shop.

Enzora, I am not mad at the rest of the group, just Ryan. He's the one I've posted about a few times. Yeah, that guy. So that colors my reaction.

The only thing I can do is forgive and move on. It's hurting me to hold a grudge. The fact is, he asks me every week if I'm going along. I love the guy. Seriously.

[regfootball]

We are very good at this and usually done in good sport!  Great stuff, isn't it?

yeah, I love em all, but hey its RIP NATION USA! We all get ripped as much as we rip others ourselves.

[sciguy_0504]

I am going to take the term "puppy dog eyes" and say his eyes are brown. If so, you have to forgive.

I used to be into blue eyes but brown eyes...damn. They are for keeps.

Anywho, you may have overreacted a little bit but you were/are right to be mad. You should find out whether he told the other guys in the group that you "agreed" to change restaurants and that's why they went with him. If he did, that's an even bigger problem.

[Croc]

It's hurting me to hold a grudge.

Then why do it?

Oh, and get a cell phone. It isn't 1990 anymore. Since you didn't have a cell phone and he did try to call the shop, then there's no real reason to be mad. He tried to inform you of the change in plans but couldn't.

[Flybrian]

It isn't 1990 anymore.

So, that's why I can't find 21 Jump Street on TV anymore...

[Satty]

So, that's why I can't find 21 Jump Street on TV anymore...

Dude, its on channel 73 at 8 eastern.

[ocnblu]

Croc, hon, I don't give a damn what year it is, I don't want a cell phone. But yes, he did try to reach me.

We talked today. We're getting back on track. His twill work pants had a 3 inch square hole/flap ripped out of them just below his left butt cheek. He had his red boxers on today. Just in case you guys were wondering.

[z28luvr01]

You're not a "briefs" man? Ocn, I'm shocked at you.

Sounds like you're getting past this, good for you. RE: the cell phone thing, if cost is your hang-up, get one of those pay-as-you-go deals. If you don't use it a lot, they can end up costing as little as $10/month.

[trinacriabob]

We talked today.  We're getting back on track.  His twill work pants had a 3 inch square hole/flap ripped out of them just below his left butt cheek.  He had his red boxers on today.  Just in case you guys were wondering.

Wow. Let's face the music on another score...a detail you left out. What if you're oblivious/indifferent to the age difference yet he is cognizant of it and views you as a friend? How will you process that?

You never provided an answer as to HOW (communication style) this person speaks to you in general as well as after this event.

C'mon, PB, we need "real McCoy" info...not selectively dispensed info...if you want our insights.

Edited June 8, 2006 by trinacriabob

[Croc]

Croc, hon, I don't give a damn what year it is, I don't want a cell phone.  But yes, he did try to reach me.

W-O-W...so when you decide you're tired of being single you're gonna have to chill out a bit cuz if that's all it takes to go from zero to flip out what's gonna happen when you and whomever actually have a real problem?

[regfootball]

Dude, its on channel 73 at 8 eastern.

is that right before or after Bob Saget and those cute little girls on that fun show that always turns out ok in the end?

Edited June 8, 2006 by regfootball

[regfootball]

You're not a "briefs" man? Ocn, I'm shocked at you.

Sounds like you're getting past this, good for you. RE: the cell phone thing, if cost is your hang-up, get one of those pay-as-you-go deals. If you don't use it a lot, they can end up costing as little as $10/month.

cell phone = need.

yeah, even I gave up the briefs a few years ago. Tired of the constriction and moisture. Less itching now too. LOVE letting the boys run free.......

Edited June 8, 2006 by regfootball

[regfootball]

hey croc

[regfootball]

i just noticed

[regfootball]

i'm a little

[regfootball]

behind you in posts......

[regfootball]

but

[regfootball]

I think

[regfootball]

I can catch

[regfootball]

UP TO YOU!!!

(no longer hi-jacking ocn's thread)

Edited June 8, 2006 by regfootball

[trinacriabob]

W-O-W...so when you decide you're tired of being single you're gonna have to chill out a bit cuz if that's all it takes to go from zero to flip out what's gonna happen when you and whomever actually have a real problem?

Good point. I'd say PB is a little hypersensitive on this one because he doesn't know if he has it "in the bag," so he beats himself up thinking about it.

PB, you do need to chill on this one.

[ocnblu]

Well, the episode is over as far as I'm concerned, but here are some facts to try to further clarify why I "flipped out" :

We agreed to meet at a certain place for lunch.

He saw me head toward my truck after I told him and the other friend I'd meet them there after I went to the bank.

He knows I have no cell.

He was driving the other guys.

In conclusion, my reaction was tainted by my personal feelings for him, but, you don't change plans after the fact when you know there's no way to reach the person who's been separated from the group. That's not cool. That was my main malfunction, and I think I was at least partially justified in showing I was feeling put out by it.

Back in the day, we used to do lunch every workday (3 or 4 of us), but work realities changed that so we now only do it on Fridays, so it's kind of a big thing (for him too, because he makes a point to ask me every week what we're doing).

[tmp]

IMHO, if you are telling someone that you are meeting them for lunch place at place A at time A, you show up at that time or place. It's called lunch hour: I wouldn't take that from friends, much less co-workers. Life's too short to put up with that crap.

[trinacriabob]

Geez, have you folks noticed how when Ocn starts a thread on his personal conundrums, everyone is on it like flies on $h!?

PB, they broke the mold with you!

[sciguy_0504]

HUN. I love it. Ocn, you have some pretty light "flip outs."

I may be behind on this whole story or may not have caught the clues but are you and this guy just friends or maybe/possibly/want to be something more? I forget if you are single or not.

[ocnblu]

I was in bad shape this evening thinking about him.