What's Your Proudest Fart Conceal?

[FAPTurbo]

i was walking downtown and then i detected seismic activity in brown town. i was with people and if i didn't evacuate the farticles in time, the bullet train express to Brownsville Station would arrive too early. 

in a moment of sheer genius, i quickly ran to a busker playing good king wenceslas on tuba, threw a dollar and stood next to him, quietly joining in a duet that was nearly pitch perfect because I do lots of squats. 

when did you conceal farts like a pro?

Edited December 17, 2018 by FAPTurbo

[daves87rs]

Can’t beat a pro here...

I find it best when walking up or down the stairs....

[Intrepidation]

Was working on a PC when the air raid siren felt the need to run, so I dropped the side panel, timing the horn blare just as the steel panel reverberated off of concrete floor.

[G. David Felt]

I find it best to just let it out when walking to work, I pass by the Amtrak train station every morning and night, just tunes in with the horns of the train!  

[Blake Noble]

if you find that you must flatulate in a used bookstore, and luck should also have it you’re strolling through the horror section, think quick and grab the nearest copy of stephen king’s “the stand.” (if it’s the “complete and uncut” edition, even better. you’ll get why soon.) making sure to act innocently as possible, proceed to drop mr. king’s magnum opus on the floor in time as you break wind. the noise of the 1,153 page novel hitting the floor should be loud enough to disguise the noise of even your worst boomer.

as a bonus, if your flatulence should be the result of a bountiful meal of cheap Chinese buffet food or some over cooked loaded curly fries from Arby’s, the accompanying after-smell should teach your fellow shoppers/readers the true meaning of horror.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Blake Noble

[A Horse With No Name]

8 hours ago, dfelt said:

I find it best to just let it out when walking to work, I pass by the Amtrak train station every morning and night, just tunes in with the horns of the train!  

I find the smell of diesel covers the smell also...I do the same with the Norfolk Southern tracks here in Columbus.

And I am into import performance....the Fart can is a feature not a fault.

6 hours ago, Blake Noble said:

if you find that you must flatulate in a used bookstore, and luck should also have it you’re strolling through the horror section, think quick and grab the nearest copy of stephen king’s “the stand.” (if it’s the “complete and uncut” edition, even better. you’ll get why soon.) making sure to act innocently as possible, proceed to drop mr. king’s magnum opus on the floor in time as you break wind. the noise of the 1,153 page novel hitting the floor should be loud enough to disguise the noise of even your worst boomer.

as a bonus, if your flatulence should be the result of a bountiful meal of cheap Chinese buffet food or some over cooked loaded curly fries from Arby’s, the accompanying after-smell should teach your fellow shoppers/readers the true meaning of horror.

I love really spicy food that makes you feel like you are going to melt the porcelain of the toilet when you finally do manage to (rather rapidly!) find a bathroom.  I think I could have you seriously beat here with this.

[balthazar]

[Suaviloquent]

I never conceal, I own up and say that I produce natural gas because there’s constant chemical reactions occurring that result in gaseous products and the ability to perform work. 

Bad smells means the worst of it is exiting and not being retained internally. Good. 

Mans good fart smells means good gut bacteria and vitality. Also good.

 

I’ve never had a bad fart ever.

[Robert Hall]

A good concealment for me recently occurred.  In the front row at the symphony last Saturday night,  trapped gas was released during the standing ovation at the end of the performance.  

Like Mr AHWNN, I enjoy partaking in spicy food, especially Asian curries.  I have to temper my enjoyment of such food with the real possibity of violent magma flows from my rear end—the heat of a 1000 suns burning my sphincter and delicate tissues, sometimes accompanied by violent nausea.   Copious use of Imodium and Pepto Bismol helps prevent such toxic eruptions.  

Perhaps the most powerful emission I had was once whilst walking in London, standing at a viewpoint overlooking the river, hours and hours of trapped flatulence (after the 10 1/2 hr flight from Phoenix, train trip into the city, etc.).  There were a couple of people standing a foot or so behind me before, after I turned and they had moved probably 12-15 feet behind me.  I didn’t intentionally cut loose then, but it happened. 

Edited December 20, 2018 by Robert Hall