Sleepers, accurately described

[Drew Dowdell]

Pick a sleeper, describe it in an accurate but funny way. Only rule:  Must be a true sleeper, so all sports cars and pony cars are out.

1. 1987 Buick Regal T-Type.... for when Nana is late for bingo but has 355 lb-ft of torque under her right orthopedic shoe.

 

[FAPTurbo]

1996 Caprice LT1: I want to look like my parole officer. 

[balthazar]

"LeSleeper"

quarter mile : 9.8 secs @ 133 MPH.

 

[Robert Hall]

In a similar vein to that Buick, there was a subtly modified dark red '78 Impala coupe for sale last year, someone had put a 425hp 383 in it...loved the look, blackwall tires w/ steelies and dog dish hubcaps.   Found a listing for it.

http://topclassiccarsforsale.com/chevrolet/103473-coolest-sleeper-on-the-road-zz3-383425-hp-v8-built-th350-410-custom-duals.html

Edited August 25, 2017 by Cubical-aka-Moltar

[oldshurst442]

Sleepers.

Are not uncommon anymore. Take any early 1990s tuner car that any nerdy car kid with a lap top could plug it into his VW Golf or Honda Civic and  voila...parameters changed and instant sleeper...

Without the Fast and the Furious flamboyance of car graphics, insane paint jobs and even crazier rear spoilers...most of the late 1980s to todays hot version econoboxes are all sleepers...especially if one has taken the time to chip and tune...

From the factory

One could easily dismiss both cars, in their respective time frames, just as very economical base rides, but both are beasts in the go fast car world.

Their base trimmed versions

PS: I dont know about the VW Golf R, but I do know about the Honda B Series motor with VTEC...it was a highly tune-able engine that made Civics and Integras even more sleepers than their factory Type R cousins.

Then there is the original Taurus SHO and the last gen SHO.

While car crazy folk are still very populous, it seems the Average Joe of today is more clueless about cars then ever before so....even a "M" badged BMW or a legit AMG badged Mercedes sedan is a sleeper car in 2017.  Or even a Chevy SS when there are no rear spoilers or body kits to alert the Average Joe of something special as opposed to a Lumina Z34 of yore...

I doubt a clueless Average Joe would be able to tell a Hellcat from a Pentastar powered Dodge as today's mainstream fast cars do away with boyracer styling...minus the odd 2017 Civic Type R  and Juke Nismo.

The 3 B-Body cars...and Im using the Buick video as proof....they may look like sleepers, but they probably dont sound like they are sleepers... maybe the Caprice LT-1 is subdued enough to be a sleeper...but I doubt the Impala coupe is silent and the Buick...well we hear its fury when it ran its 9.85 secs @ 133 MPH and 11.89 @ 113.5 MPH runs...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 26, 2017 by oldshurst442

[oldshurst442]

What Im saying is that today, visually, the only clues we got is a tiny badge, tiny letter or two or tiny mascot as in Hellcat. Wide tires and/or very purposeful go fast tires or bad ass exhaust pipes and their location...(that Impala Coupe kinda tips me off)

Or this one

 

But know one could be sure...all that could just be fake...as in ricer....

But we can use our ears...if it sounds badass and nasty, it probably is. 

And it dont have to be a V8...that turbo spooling with the blowing off sound should tip anybody off...

 

And I would just like to stress that with law enforcement so strict on speeders since the muscle car era along the fact that by the late 1960s muscle cars themselves were the ORIGINAL flamboyant Fast and the Furious ricers, sleepers got to be the way to go with many, but there are always tell tale signs...its just that today's clueless Average Joe, the signs could bite him in the ass, he still wont know...and today, these people are abundant  more than ever.

[balthazar]

I'm sure when the modded / ECM'd / mufflered Golf driver stands on it, it doesn't sound like a stock base car either.

IMO, a true sleeper is not a car everyone basically knows about the performance variant, esp when that variant is hardly visually changed up over the base car (GTI).  IMO, a sleeper is a car you'd never expect to be fast/quick cause it absolutely doesn't look it, there never was a performance variant and it's basically never modded.

[Robert Hall]

In a similar vein to the Buick T-Type, the Mustang LX 5.0 in the 80s-90s was a sleeper...without the GT trim, it looked like a base 4 cyl if you didn't notice the tiny 5.0 badges and dual exhausts.  Most of them got heavily modified and lost any 'sleeper' status they had as new, though. 

 

[oldshurst442]

8 hours ago, balthazar said:

I'm sure when the modded / ECM'd / mufflered Golf driver stands on it, it doesn't sound like a stock base car either.

I agree...like I said...there will always be tell-tale signs if you know where to look. Which leads us to your other part of your post

8 hours ago, balthazar said:

IMO, a true sleeper is not a car everyone basically knows about the performance variant, esp when that variant is hardly visually changed up over the base car (GTI).  IMO, a sleeper is a car you'd never expect to be fast/quick cause it absolutely doesn't look it, there never was a performance variant and it's basically never modded.

 

1 hour ago, Cubical-aka-Moltar said:

In a similar vein to the Buick T-Type, the Mustang LX 5.0 in the 80s-90s was a sleeper...without the GT trim, it looked like a base 4 cyl if you didn't notice the tiny 5.0 badges and dual exhausts.  Most of them got heavily modified and lost any 'sleeper' status they had as new, though. 

 

I will ALWAYS discount any RWD American car especially one with a V8 as a sleeper as the muscle car/hot rod mentality to hop up those cars is hard to pass up on...

Even a late 1970s-1990s BOF B-Body from any GM brand or fullsized FoMoCo car.

 

The next two cars below

 

Along with GM and MOPAR and Ford crate motors...LS SWAPS etc... paved the way for these so-called sleepers below...which I dont think are sleepers...

That Caprice...has a huge exhaust pipe...either factory LT1 from a police pack Caprice or LS swap...but probably a V8 under the hood that means business regardless and that exhaust pipe reveals the situation at hand.

When the owner starts up his car...if it rumbles...it probably means its a legit muscle car...

 

 

So yeah...I agree with your sentiment down below

8 hours ago, balthazar said:

IMO, a true sleeper is not a car everyone basically knows about the performance variant, esp when that variant is hardly visually changed up over the base car (GTI).  IMO, a sleeper is a car you'd never expect to be fast/quick cause it absolutely doesn't look it, there never was a performance variant and it's basically never modded.

 

Edited August 26, 2017 by oldshurst442

[balthazar]

How's this for a sleeper?

Has a 400 HP small block in it.

Edited August 26, 2017 by balthazar

[Robert Hall]

One sleeper idea I've thought would be fun to build would be an '80s or '90s Town Car w/ the padded top, wire wheels and whitewalls..go full grandpa in the appearance but with a healthy 5.0 or 4.6 under the hood...a 'Hot Rod Lincoln'..

[ehaase]

3 hours ago, Cubical-aka-Moltar said:

One sleeper idea I've thought would be fun to build would be an '80s or '90s Town Car w/ the padded top, wire wheels and whitewalls..go full grandpa in the appearance but with a healthy 5.0 or 4.6 under the hood...a 'Hot Rod Lincoln'..

Or a 1980 to 1991 Cadillac Deville, Fleetwood, or Brougham ( or even the 1980 to 1984 Oldsmobile 98 or Buick Electra) and put a 6.2L V8 in it. 

[Drew Dowdell]

Guys, I was more looking for factory sleepers, and jokes to go with.

[oldshurst442]

1 hour ago, Drew Dowdell said:

Guys, I was more looking for factory sleepers, and jokes to go with.

Sorry Drew. That would be my fault. I was the one that sucked the fun out of your intentions.

Ill take this stick

(hey...I am Canadian!) outta my ass and just let you folk have fun!!!

I will join you guys when my ass starts feelin' better. Im usually not that uptight...(and no...no hidden messages in this...even if Im Greek....ha ha ha...

The fun starts NOW!!!

 

[frogger]

How about the 2004 Subaru Forester XT, 14 second flat quarter mile from factory, gearing that made it a champ 0-50 mph. The sleeper of the Northeast lesbian crowd.

 

 

Prices are "as tested"							
Vehicle	FORESTER XT			Vehicle	Jaguar S Type R		
Price	$25,520 			Price	$63,120 		
HP/Torque	210 / 235			HP/Torque	390 / 399		
	0-30	1.3			0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	2.6			0-40	2.9	-0.3
	0-50	3.6			0-50	4	-0.4
Vehicle	Chevrolet Corvette 50th Anniversary			Vehicle	Ford Mustand Cobra (Supercharged)		
Price	$48,936 			Price	$34,750 		
HP/Torque	350 / 375			HP/Torque	390 / 390		
	0-30	2	-0.7		0-30	2.1	-0.8
	0-40	2.8	-0.2		0-40	2.8	-0.2
	0-50	3.7	-0.1		0-50	3.6	Even
Vehicle	Porsche Cayenne TURBO			Vehicle	Acura TL Type S		
Price	$94,980 			Price	$35,195 		
HP/Torque	450 / 457			HP/Torque	270 / 238		
	0-30	1.7	-0.4		0-30	2.2	-0.9
	0-40	2.8	-0.2		0-40	3.3	-0.7
	0-50	3.8	-0.2		0-50	4.4	-0.8
Vehicle	Nissan 350Z (TRACK VERSION) 			Vehicle	Mercedes Benz E55 AMG (Supercharged)		
Price	$34,619 	     (highest performance pkg.)		Price	$76,000 		
HP/Torque	287 / 274			HP/Torque	469 / 516		
	0-30	2	-0.7		0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	3.1	-0.5		0-40	2.4	0.2
	0-50	4.1	-0.5		0-50	3.2	0.4
Vehicle	Audi S8			Vehicle	Chevrolet Corvette ZO6 (highest performance pkg.)		
Price	$80,588 			Price	$52,000 		
HP/Torque	360 / 317			HP/Torque	405 / 390		
	0-30	2.1	-0.8		0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	3.1	-0.5		0-40	2.5	0.1
	0-50	4.5	-0.9		0-50	3.5	0.1
Vehicle	Audi RS6			Vehicle	Cadillac SRX V8		
Price	$83,350 			Price	$48,520 		
HP/Torque	450 / 415			HP/Torque	320 / 315		
	0-30	1.4	-0.1		0-30	3.4	-2.1
	0-40	2.2	0.4		0-40	3.5	-0.9
	0-50	3.2	0.4		0-50	4.9	-1.3
Vehicle	Ferrari ENZO			Vehicle	Cadillac CTS-V (has ZO6 LS6 V-8)		
Price	$659,430 			Price	$51,195 		
HP/Torque	650 / 485			HP/Torque	400 / 395		
	0-30	1.5	-0.2		0-30	2	-0.7
	0-40	2	0.6		0-40	2.9	-0.3
	0-50	2.7	0.9		0-50	4	-0.4
Vehicle	Maybach 57			Vehicle	Ferrari Challenge Stradale		
Price	$311,700 			Price	$193,324 		
HP/Torque	543 / 664			HP/Torque	425 / 274		
	0-30	1.7	-0.4		0-30	1.6	-0.3
	0-40	2.5	0.1		0-40	2.2	0.4
	0-50	3.6	Even		0-50	3.4	0.2
Vehicle	Subaru WRX			Vehicle	Lamborghini Gallardo		
Price	$24,520 			Price	$177,200 		
HP/Torque	227 / 217			HP/Torque	493 / 376		
	0-30	2	-0.7		0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	3.1	-0.5		0-40	2.5	0.1
	0-50	4.4	-0.8		0-50	3.3	0.3
Vehicle	Dodge Neon SRT-4						
Price	$21,000 						
HP/Torque	215 / 245						
	0-30	2.3	-1				
	0-40	3.4	-0.8				
	0-50	4.5	-0.9		

[lengnert]

The E36 M3 for when you can't afford that, but you DO know how to use your turn signals!

The 1999 Ford Contour SVO
 

Edited August 28, 2017 by lengnert
Picture didn't show up

[A Horse With No Name]

2 minutes ago, lengnert said:

The E36 M3 for when you can't afford that, but you DO know how to use your turn signals!

The 1999 Ford Contour SVO

The Contour SVO was a sublimely good car.

On 8/27/2017 at 6:39 AM, frogger said:

How about the 2004 Subaru Forester XT, 14 second flat quarter mile from factory, gearing that made it a champ 0-50 mph. The sleeper of the Northeast lesbian crowd.

 

 

Prices are "as tested"							
Vehicle	FORESTER XT			Vehicle	Jaguar S Type R		
Price	$25,520 			Price	$63,120 		
HP/Torque	210 / 235			HP/Torque	390 / 399		
	0-30	1.3			0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	2.6			0-40	2.9	-0.3
	0-50	3.6			0-50	4	-0.4
Vehicle	Chevrolet Corvette 50th Anniversary			Vehicle	Ford Mustand Cobra (Supercharged)		
Price	$48,936 			Price	$34,750 		
HP/Torque	350 / 375			HP/Torque	390 / 390		
	0-30	2	-0.7		0-30	2.1	-0.8
	0-40	2.8	-0.2		0-40	2.8	-0.2
	0-50	3.7	-0.1		0-50	3.6	Even
Vehicle	Porsche Cayenne TURBO			Vehicle	Acura TL Type S		
Price	$94,980 			Price	$35,195 		
HP/Torque	450 / 457			HP/Torque	270 / 238		
	0-30	1.7	-0.4		0-30	2.2	-0.9
	0-40	2.8	-0.2		0-40	3.3	-0.7
	0-50	3.8	-0.2		0-50	4.4	-0.8
Vehicle	Nissan 350Z (TRACK VERSION) 			Vehicle	Mercedes Benz E55 AMG (Supercharged)		
Price	$34,619 	     (highest performance pkg.)		Price	$76,000 		
HP/Torque	287 / 274			HP/Torque	469 / 516		
	0-30	2	-0.7		0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	3.1	-0.5		0-40	2.4	0.2
	0-50	4.1	-0.5		0-50	3.2	0.4
Vehicle	Audi S8			Vehicle	Chevrolet Corvette ZO6 (highest performance pkg.)		
Price	$80,588 			Price	$52,000 		
HP/Torque	360 / 317			HP/Torque	405 / 390		
	0-30	2.1	-0.8		0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	3.1	-0.5		0-40	2.5	0.1
	0-50	4.5	-0.9		0-50	3.5	0.1
Vehicle	Audi RS6			Vehicle	Cadillac SRX V8		
Price	$83,350 			Price	$48,520 		
HP/Torque	450 / 415			HP/Torque	320 / 315		
	0-30	1.4	-0.1		0-30	3.4	-2.1
	0-40	2.2	0.4		0-40	3.5	-0.9
	0-50	3.2	0.4		0-50	4.9	-1.3
Vehicle	Ferrari ENZO			Vehicle	Cadillac CTS-V (has ZO6 LS6 V-8)		
Price	$659,430 			Price	$51,195 		
HP/Torque	650 / 485			HP/Torque	400 / 395		
	0-30	1.5	-0.2		0-30	2	-0.7
	0-40	2	0.6		0-40	2.9	-0.3
	0-50	2.7	0.9		0-50	4	-0.4
Vehicle	Maybach 57			Vehicle	Ferrari Challenge Stradale		
Price	$311,700 			Price	$193,324 		
HP/Torque	543 / 664			HP/Torque	425 / 274		
	0-30	1.7	-0.4		0-30	1.6	-0.3
	0-40	2.5	0.1		0-40	2.2	0.4
	0-50	3.6	Even		0-50	3.4	0.2
Vehicle	Subaru WRX			Vehicle	Lamborghini Gallardo		
Price	$24,520 			Price	$177,200 		
HP/Torque	227 / 217			HP/Torque	493 / 376		
	0-30	2	-0.7		0-30	1.8	-0.5
	0-40	3.1	-0.5		0-40	2.5	0.1
	0-50	4.4	-0.8		0-50	3.3	0.3
Vehicle	Dodge Neon SRT-4						
Price	$21,000 						
HP/Torque	215 / 245						
	0-30	2.3	-1				
	0-40	3.4	-0.8				
	0-50	4.5	-0.9		

My daughter loves this vehicle, and yes, she prefers other young women.

[lengnert]

4 minutes ago, A Horse With No Name said:

The Contour SVO was a sublimely good car.

I thought so....  I did buy a '99 Mystique in '01 and had that for a few years.  I am of pretty generous proportions and still found it comfortable and a fairly competent handling car in less than SVO guise.

Edited August 28, 2017 by lengnert

[Drew Dowdell]

5 hours ago, lengnert said:

The E36 M3 for when you can't afford that, but you DO know how to use your turn signals!

The 1999 Ford Contour SVO
 

I really wanted one of these when they came out. 

[ccap41]

I don't have anything funny off the top of my head but a pair of good sleepers that comes to mind are the Trailblazer SS or the Mercury Marauder. 

Marauder: When Granny needs to grocery shop yesterday. 

SS: First quick SUV...I think..and this isn't funny but it's the end of a Monday, it's all I've got..

[A Horse With No Name]

21 hours ago, lengnert said:

I thought so....  I did buy a '99 Mystique in '01 and had that for a few years.  I am of pretty generous proportions and still found it comfortable and a fairly competent handling car in less than SVO guise.

You won't hear this from the non Ford loving side of me...but...Ford has built some damned fine bread and butter cars through the years.  In one sense I see this as a spiritual successor to the Falcons of the 60's, which were also excellent vehicles of their era.

16 hours ago, Drew Dowdell said:

I really wanted one of these when they came out. 

That car just has the look!

[lengnert]

On 8/28/2017 at 4:44 PM, ccap41 said:

I don't have anything funny off the top of my head but a pair of good sleepers that comes to mind are the Trailblazer SS or the Mercury Marauder. 

Marauder: When Granny needs to grocery shop yesterday. 

SS: First quick SUV...I think..and this isn't funny but it's the end of a Monday, it's all I've got..

Well, I thought it was funny!   

[ccap41]

15 hours ago, lengnert said:

Well, I thought it was funny!   

Haha I'm glad it worked then! 

How about the choices..? Sleepers? 

[lengnert]

9 hours ago, ccap41 said:

Haha I'm glad it worked then! 

How about the choices..? Sleepers? 

No doubt on both!
 

Both the last Marauder and the Caprice bodied Impala SS are spot on "Q-Ship" sleepers!

I remember the Blazer SS slightly.... but I have no doubt it could boogie down the road!!!

[oldshurst442]

I remember this thread. I flubbed it back then as I was tooo nerdy about the whole thing. 

Ill fix it. 

Chevrolet Bolt  

149 kW of pure electric electricity and 360 Nm of pure neutral neutron torques.  

 

So a millennial could use the Bolt's navi system to get to the nearest Starbucks because regardless if that millennial  drives by Starbucks EVERYDAY, he is more into shytty electronic gadgets than he is with sleepers anyway...

 

[balthazar]

A sleeper has to be significantly quicker than the eye or 90% of bystanders assume it is.
Like this crap-box : 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by balthazar

[ocnblu]

Now that's a sleeper.  Previous post was just... sleepy.

[balthazar]

Well, I think most folk know BE’s are generally quick, and I doubt the Bolt pictured is any quicker than any other Bolt... so that wouldn’t be a sleeper at all IMO.

[surreal1272]

Some old Volvo wagons had that sleeper status for sure. The last really good one though was the ‘97 850 R. 
 

[oldshurst442]

LOL

THAT was NOT the point of this thread.

I nerded it up back then, and you guys are nerding it up now.

 

What we SHOULD have done, then and now, is just sit back, relax and ENJOY the jokes...

 

 

 

[Robert Hall]

This is a neat sleeper..'96 Caprice 9C1 w/ supercharger.

https://www.guyswithrides.com/2020/02/14/1995-chevrolet-caprice-9c1/

Though I'd rather see one about 10 years older, prefer the box to the bubble.  Like this one in Hot Rod Magazine:

https://www.hotrod.com/articles/hot-rod-drag-weeks-geriatric-cruiser-sleeper-84-caprice/

 

Or one of these w/ the modern 6.2 LT4 supercharged V8,  8 spd auto, suspension and brake upgrades, etc...or an NA LS3 GM Performance crate engine would be quite adequate also.

Edited February 22, 2021 by Robert Hall