Farts

[Intrepidation]

Since there's a lotta guys on this forum, and since it's not a particularly vulgar subject (so it has a better chance of not getting locked)...what's your take on farts? Do you love them or do you hate them? What's the best kind of fart? What's the worst kind of fart? Any fart stories you'd like to share? Enjoy!

[NOS2006]

I'm not all about them.

[04monteintimidator]

it depends on the situation... if im hangin out with some guys... farts can be hilarious... if im with a girl... i do NOT want to fart...

best kind... if yur with guys its gotta be a long loud one... you can get a round of appluase... maybe a standing ovation lol if yur with a girl you want a short quiet one... unnoticable

worst kind... the shart... in any situation you just dont want that to happen ever

no stories... sorry haha tho im sure some people will have interesting ones

[Intrepidation]

Lol that shart is indeed evil.

I've taught my girlfriend to enjoy farts..lt took over a year to do

Farts with guys are always funny, I know someone who can make a "laughing fart" It sounds liek either a laugh or a machine gun going off!

[Guest Josh]

Dutch Oven.

[Intrepidation]

Dutch Oven.

haha

[capriceman]

I hate the ones that reak.

but when you sit on your couch and launch one its the best feeling.

Sharting is the best tho when you fell a little wet tingle in your pants.

In public i cant let em go tho. Only by myself or if there is a person to blame in the area.

also SBD are cool to when you blame other people for them.

[Robert Hall]

I try and avoid public farting as it's uncooth and unprofessional...but, sometimes you can't avoid one...

I once let loose with an explosively loud one after holding it when I thought I was alone on a dock, but there were two tourists directly behind me...they went back about 20 feet in a few seconds..

Underwater farts in the pool or tub are fun..

I've been plagued by sharts at innoportune times..I let some in an elevator once, and while riding a gondola, while driving in cold weather w/ the seat heater on (melty poo)..

unfortunately, sharts can be a prelude to something much, much worse---firehose diarreha... when you really, really hope those car seats are Scotchgarded..

Edited April 25, 2006 by moltar

[Intrepidation]

SSometimes when you fart on a metal chair it "pings" whereas onj leather it amplifies the sounds and gives it a bit of a crackle. On fabric surfaces it muffles teh sound and obsorbs it, but locks the smell in for hours Have you ever headshot someone with a fart? Or point-blank? Or a combo? haha

[capriceman]

I once let loose once with an explosively loud one after holding it when I thought I was alone on a dock, but there were two tourists directly behind me...they went back about 20 feet in a few seconds..

:rotflmao: I just fell out of my chair

[capriceman]

SSometimes when you fart on a metal chair it "pings" whereas onj leather it amplifies the sounds and gives it a bit of a crackle. On fabric surfaces it muffles teh sound and obsorbs it, but locks the smell in for hours Have you ever headshot someone with a fart? Or point-blank? Or a combo? haha

yeah my car is victim to the lock in smell. as noted by freinds the "$h! obsorbing seats".

Hey Bob what are you doing up on the lot this weekend

I dont know maybe tear that one tree down

(Lound grugle farting noise) Or you could tear that.

Jim aww thats nasty. (but no smell)

(3 1/2 hours later once at destination)

OMFG dude that reaked. I think it rotted while it was traped.

Later that day go to store Buy 5 bottles of Frebreeze. soak seat. make mental note never sit in passenger rear seat ever again.

It had to be teh worst god aful smell ever in my life.

[Intrepidation]

I try and avoid public farting as it's uncooth and unprofessional...but, sometimes you can't avoid one...

I once let loose with an explosively loud one after holding it when I thought I was alone on a dock, but there were two tourists directly behind me...they went back about 20 feet in a few seconds..

Underwater farts in the pool or tub are fun..

I've been plagued by sharts at innoportune times..I let some in an elevator once, and while riding a gondola, while driving in cold weather w/ the seat heater on (melty poo)..

unfortunately, sharts can be a prelude to something much, much worse---firehose diarreha... when you really, really hope those car seats are Scotchgarded..

omg funny! :rotflmao:

Have you noticed that even underwater farts can smell?

[Intrepidation]

big glossary lol

[Intrepidation]

Hic-Hachoo-Fart is evil. I've sneezed and farted at the same time, and the force of the fart sometimes hurts my ass >.<

[capriceman]

TMI??

worst is the flu when you have the &#036;h&#33;s and you have to puke? whats your choice either puke in toliet &#036;h&#33; on floor, or &#036;h&#33; in toilet puke on floor.

I wash the shower door tho when its covered in luke warm crap.

[regfootball]

spend about 3-4 hours in the tweed office chair on C/G after eating a good bit of egg salad sandwiches and peas with a root beer or two or something nasty like that and then try to be able to stay in the room.

or a nice waffle breakfast with lots of OJ and maple syrup, then chase it with a moosed coffee and see if you survive those 'sweet bloomers' all day.

worst fart experience. my friend had a new chevy corsica fleet car and i met him to check it out. he had his new dog with, sitting in the back. The dog was a BIG dog. the dog had just eaten, some really bad leftovers. it was a good 85+ degrees / humid out. we were driving in the car and the dog started to light it up. my buddy thought he would make the most of the situation and turned off the air and make sure all the windows were closed. then, HE TURNED UP THE HEAT to maximum.

the dog just kept lighting it up. my buddy locked the window switch. i almost hurled....honestly.

Edited April 25, 2006 by regfootball

[regfootball]

anyone ever trap their significant other's head under the blankie and let er rip?

Edited April 25, 2006 by regfootball

[regfootball]

GRAPE NUTS cereal.....if that won't win you the BEST FARTS AWARD then i don't know what will.

chow down about 3 bowls of that before bed then chase it in the morning with some maple brown sugar oatmeal and about 3 glasses of lukewarm milk and tell me if you like it!

Edited April 25, 2006 by regfootball

[Robert Hall]

TMI??

worst is the flu when you have the &#036;h&#33;s and you have to puke? whats your choice either puke in toliet &#036;h&#33; on floor, or &#036;h&#33; in toilet puke on floor.

I wash the shower door tho when its covered in luke warm crap.

Been there, done that... the 'double ended firehose'---nausea + diarreha...happened to me once, couldn't make it to the toilet or sink, went all over the bathroom wall and a magazine rack..quite the mess to clean up..

[Robert Hall]

For the record, I produced both the echo fart (in a mausoleum, no less), a few teflon farts (on an airplane), and a mild shart this past weekend.

[C.H.U.D.]

HAHAHA this is my thread!!!

I get people with my stinky farts all the time.

One time I was waiting in line to ride the "Superman: Ride of Steel" at Six Flags Darien Lake, and had really bad gas that day. I was dropping bombs left and right, and since I worked all night before going that morning, I was giddy all day, so the mere reactions on people's faces had me laughing my ass off. Not to mention the comments. "That's just wrong, man. That's just wrong!", is the most memorable.

[Intrepidation]

Last night I had so much gas, I actually made my girlfriend say "Damn!" with one of them. Then she felt sad cuz min were so much bigger than hers

[z28luvr01]

clicky

[Black and Blue Landscaper]

farting is &#036;h&#33;ting with out the mess

[Cory Wolfe]

Sorry... I hate farts. Whether they're mine or especially someone else's. I don't find them funny... Ugh...

[Intrepidation]

Sorry... I hate farts. Whether they're mine or especially someone else's. I don't find them funny... Ugh...

That's too bad. You should embrace one of God's greatest gifts "(to quote a comedian whose name I forgot)

[91z4me]

TMI??

worst is the flu when you have the &#036;h&#33;s and you have to puke? whats your choice either puke in toliet &#036;h&#33; on floor, or &#036;h&#33; in toilet puke on floor.

I wash the shower door tho when its covered in luke warm crap.

And now the Greatest story ever told!!!

http://www.shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm

If you can read this without laughing, then you are not human.

[Intrepidation]

And now the Greatest story ever told!!!

http://www.shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm

If you can read this without laughing, then you are not human.

oh...

my...

GAWD...

That has got to be the funniest/sickest thing I hae ever read! I can't stop laughing!!!! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[04monteintimidator]

hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha holy crap that steakhouse story... oh my god... the most horrific an hilarious isaster ever to ensue in a restroom of a restaurant... no question... you cant do worse than that... i am amazed

[capriceman]

OMFG That made my week even tho my week was bad due to the death of a Teen.

[Charger4U]

if they stink, and i ahve to smeell them..then no.

I also hate them when theyre coming from the autistic kids in one of my class who sits theyre and laughs with himself.

oh and farts on leather are the best....

overall farts are ok until the dog does it or i do it and my sister starts a bitchin.

[Intrepidation]

if they stink, and i ahve to smeell them..then no.

I also hate them when theyre coming from the autistic kids in one of my class who sits theyre and laughs with himself.

oh and farts on leather are the best....

overall farts are ok until the dog does it or i do it and my sister starts a bitchin.

[trinacriabob]

I went on a CATHOLIC ( ) retreat with my college (for a class) up in Santa Barbara. We could opt to go to this retreat and write a 2 page paper on how we had grown spiritually as a result of it for 20% of our grade. (We wrote the paper before we ever left for the retreat)! The weather was gorgeous and those of us in the same dorm had swim trunks on.

We asked if it was possible to light farts. I put my legs up and turned someone's lighter on. Then I let one rip. Good God! It shot a flame about 4 feet out. It was almost scary but so funny. I laughed so hard for about 30 minutes that I was in tears! I DON'T recommend trying as the flame coming back at you might not be good.

****

Also, there was a neigborhood in the metro area where I grew up called Wilmington. They had refineries there since it was close to the Port of Los Angeles at San Pedro. Sometimes, it stunk. Thus, if among some friends we passed a particularly sulphurous fart, we called it a "Wilmington Special."

[Intrepidation]

I went on a CATHOLIC ( ) retreat with my college (for a class) up in Santa Barbara.  We could opt to go to this retreat and write a 2 page paper on how we had grown spiritually as a result of it for 20% of our grade.  (We wrote the paper before we ever left for the retreat)!  The weather was gorgeous and those of us in the same dorm had swim trunks on. 

We asked if it was possible to light farts.  I put my legs up and turned someone's lighter on.  Then I let one rip.  Good God!  It shot a flame about 4 feet out.  It was almost scary but so funny.  I laughed so hard for about 30 minutes that I was in tears!  I DON'T recommend trying as the flame coming back at you might not be good.

****

Also, there was a neigborhood in the metro area where I grew up called Wilmington.  They had refineries there since it was close to the Port of Los Angeles at San Pedro.  Sometimes, it stunk.  Thus, if among some friends we passed a particularly sulphurous fart, we called it a "Wilmington Special."

Yeah...if that flame got too close your friends would be yelling "Fire i your asshole!" "Wilmington SPecial" sounds like it'd be a pretty narsty fart

[sciguy_0504]

Yet another C&G first.

Chinese dumplings set me off. The first time I ate them I was at it for two days and they reeked, too. I usually don't fart in front of anyone but my close family (parents, sister). If I am out in public I'll wait until no one is around (inside) or just do it (outside). Holding them in sucks because they just keep coming until you let them go.

Sharting is the best tho when you fell a little wet tingle in your pants.

Best sentence in the thread, hands down.

Edit: Now that I have read the second page...I was on vacation in Baltimore when I was young and I must have gotten food poisoning because I had the "double ended firehose" problem in the middle of the night. I'd finish, clean up and go back to bed only to have it happen again and again. Worst part, I have never told this story to anyone, I ran out of underwear and had to wear a pair of my mom's. Thank God it was the last night we were there.

Edited April 25, 2006 by sciguy_0504

[Intrepidation]

The same friend of mine who can make his ass laugh, well he has anther talent too. When in the backseat of teh car, and he farts, you can feel the vibrations trvael through the floor and up the seat you happen to be in. We joke around with him that heshould take a career as a subwoofer.

[trinacriabob]

Have you ever let out a nasty fart in an elevator when you are the only one in there ... and then exit the cab only to have others get on?

That's great stuff, right?

[AM6_Cutlass]

Nothing quite like the feeling of letting out a good fart. It's just too bad not everybody can appreciate them.

[NOS2006]

worst is the flu when you have the &#036;h&#33;s and you have to puke? whats your choice either puke in toliet &#036;h&#33; on floor, or &#036;h&#33; in toilet puke on floor.

haha This is how I lost my first (real) job... :rotflmao:

[mrmonte]

Let me give you guys a little hint from a master farter (great to annoy your wife/girlfriend) , sleep on your stomach you will start letting them go like a machine gun! Feed the dog some thing to get him going too and you will have the whole bed to yourself !

Edited April 26, 2006 by mrmonte

[Buickfosure]

The best place is at the Detroit International Auto Show eat some crazy food then go there its hilarious people are soo close and you rip one and people back off plus its always good to sit in a Ford let one go and get out watching the face of the next guy that sits in it...

[NOS2006]

The best place is at the Detroit International Auto Show eat some crazy food then go there its hilarious people are soo close and you rip one and people back off plus its always good to sit in a Ford let one go and get out watching the face of the next guy that sits in it...

Well, I hope to never go on the same day as you lol

[capriceman]

o man..... lmao

[Intrepidation]

The best place is at the Detroit International Auto Show eat some crazy food then go there its hilarious people are soo close and you rip one and people back off plus its always good to sit in a Ford let one go and get out watching the face of the next guy that sits in it...

So next time there is a large group of people blocking a display you can clear some space out by farting.

I believe that's called "Crowd Control"

[wpbharriet]

I hate farts. Especially when wpbharry does it during intercourse, Gross. His smell like month old sperm.

[capriceman]

TMI

This reminds me about the other day when i ate white castle. You did not want to be behind me.

[Intrepidation]

TMI

This reminds me about the other day when i ate white castle. You did not want to be behind me.

white castle burgers are one of the few things that make me sick. seriously, it was like food poisoning.

[ocnblu]

I think they really stink, that's what I think.

[capriceman]

something that goes in solid and comes out pure liquid is not healthy. If you dont get the symptoms of food poisining after eating white castle you have problems.