dating & racism

[loki]

i think this should be easy to answer, and not controversial, but maybe i'll be surprised.

if you only want to end up with someone of your own "race" --being marriage or the closest thing to it. is that racism? one could date outside of their "race" but not look for it to last, or want it to.

i can share my own view after some answers.

[regfootball]

not in any way shape or form should your own personal mating preference be considered racism.

[GMTruckGuy74]

I have nothing against white woman (my own race), but I have a preference for Hispanic/Spanish women (my wife is of Puerto Rican/Ecuadorian mix). I don't think it's racist to date/marry someone of your own race nor to date/marry outside of your own race. Preferences are preferences! Someome that does not accept your choices and makes comments against said choices can be deemed as being "racist".

[Blake Noble]

I fail to see the relevance in this question, or rather, I fail to see how this question relates or should relate to a modern society.

It isn't my place to share with, to be vocal to, or to impose on others who I think they should or should not fall in love with. No one has that right, or even that privilege, and to assume that you do proves your immaturity and ignorance. The best policy is blissful apathy. Again, I fail to see the relevance or the substance behind this question.

I don't mean to come across as vitriolic toward your post loki, I'm just sharing my personal view on what I feel should no longer be a social issue in our society, or any other society. Apply this view as you see fit.

Edited January 17, 2013 by black-knight

[FAPTurbo]

I don't think 'race' is the correct term; it's probably 'culture' that is likely the better term in this case.

People typically marry the same culture because they will share some values and norms that make it easier to co-habitate and deal with each other's families/in-laws. Different cultures have attitudes towards child-rearing, male/female power structures, sex and relations. Marriage is already a tough go and the prospect of potential cultural clashes is something that has caused people I know to not take the plunge just yet.

I know this from personal experience too (albeit at a far more casual level), where I've dated Asian girls and while their families are nice, there's sometimes a language barrier and a degree of 'curiousity' that can be perceived as slightly prejudicial.

Also, I was with one girl whose family was Jewish. She was white like me and of the same 'race,' I suppose. But her family preferred she date Jewish guys. So again, I think it's more culture than race.

[the_yellow_dart]

Race and culture are absolutely two separate things as FAP has said, and people may have dating preferences in both, either or neither of those categories.

For example, racially I am only really attracted to white and east asian girls. There are exceptions, but that's the general rule. Culturally, however, I am more open than most people. I dating a fairly fresh off the boat Chinese girl once and had no problems with it.

[G. David Felt]

I agree with FapTurbo and Yellow Dart. Race and Cultural is two separate things but also tend to go hand in hand. My own experience being that I went to college in Japan, married a lovely woman from Korea and my parents wanted me to marry a white girl from America. My parents have since come to respect and love my wife and two kids in their own narrow minded way.

Sadly, it seems that those with less education and less experience to the world be it work related or travel related seem to have a harder time accepting color and cultural change. It will always be those of us that can accept differences that will push the envelope of what is acceptable in local society. This is true even for fresh off the boat people as they will tend to want to cling to what they understand from the old country.

[frogger]

It is one of the actions of a racist person, but it's not enough to identify someone as racist.

I'm married to a Korean woman, and I'm sure her parents would have preferred she married a Korean doctor, but they're happy because she's happy.

Growing up, being of mixed backgrounds myself, I encountered a lot of parents who were uncomfortable with their daughters dating someone who had an asian background. Twenty+ years later I'm sure much of that sentiment is still around despite the more diverse population (immigrants being just as prone if not more). I know many who do it for cultural/religion reasons too (Jewish, Hindu, Muslim etc), but they have lots of friends outside of their religion.

[Drew Dowdell]

I think many people being called racist are just expressing their cultural preferences in dating in a very racially bigoted way..... they disqualify a race based on the perceived culture in that race. Anyone can find attractive and beautiful people of any race.

[Camino LS6]

Love knows no bounds.

Isn't that the simple truth of it?

[G. David Felt]

Love knows no bounds.

Isn't that the simple truth of it?

Very true as this German Loves Asian woman and am happily married to Korean. Course pissed off the grand parents when I learned Japanese over our heritage tongue of German.

[NeonLX]

Yeah, myself, I prefer to stay within the human race.

[A Horse With No Name]

Good frined of mine who is Asian faced pressure to marry an Asian girl from his parents...they said asian girls look younger longer. His sister married a white guy without getting any flack...

Marry whoever you want to....white, black,.whatever.

I am married to a fiar skinned woman, but like GMCTG I prefer women of Hispanic or perhaps Asian descent....

If somethin g happened to my wife, I might well choose to stay single....does that make me racist because I might not want to date a woman of any race?

[G. David Felt]

Good frined of mine who is Asian faced pressure to marry an Asian girl from his parents...they said asian girls look younger longer. His sister married a white guy without getting any flack...

Marry whoever you want to....white, black,.whatever.

I am married to a fiar skinned woman, but like GMCTG I prefer women of Hispanic or perhaps Asian descent....

If somethin g happened to my wife, I might well choose to stay single....does that make me racist because I might not want to date a woman of any race?

Nope that makes ya a Player in the Human Race! My love of asian woman is one reason I went to college in Japan where I could travel the asian rim cheaply and enjoy the field of flowers!

If anything happens to my wife, I will probably stay single and enjoy the company of others.

Course lately I have become very smitten with Bollywood actresses. There are some lovely ladies with amazing curves!

[Robert Hall]

Also, I was with one girl whose family was Jewish. She was white like me and of the same 'race,' I suppose. But her family preferred she date Jewish guys. So again, I think it's more culture than race.

Been there, done that...here parents didn't like her dating non-Jews, even a well-educated chunky bald WASA...

[G. David Felt]

Also, I was with one girl whose family was Jewish. She was white like me and of the same 'race,' I suppose. But her family preferred she date Jewish guys. So again, I think it's more culture than race.

Been there, done that...here parents didn't like her dating non-Jews, even a well-educated chunky bald WASA...

And they say they are not racist, yet when a section of the population tell their kids to only date and marry within their own race and then they say America is racist, we end up with reverse racism.

My latest pet peeve with this is the black community. I believe if you were born and raised here, your Heritage is African American, but you are a black American. No different in regards to my own kid who's heritage is Korean but they were born here so they are Asian American.

End result would be if we could just dump the Political Correctness and not bother with skin color.

[Delta Force79]

I come from an Italian family, both sides of my family are Italian, and I was raised in a family that only married other Italians for the most part. Most of my father's side of family only came to this country in the 60's and as a result, myself along with my cousins were the first generation born in America. My cousins have all gone on to marry Italians or a mix of Italian and Irish in one case. I however have never dated an Italian woman, and actually my last girlfriend was Iranian and was adopted and raised in a Jewish family. There was always a sense of I was letting my family down by not being with an Italian girl, and I think it stems from the fact that until they came to America, everyone married fellow Italians because they all came from Italy. I personally find myself attracted to all races and cultures, I have no set in stone preference. If the person is beautiful to me, I'm willing to at least get to know them to see where it goes. With that being said, if I were to marry someone who wasn't white, I would probably get some flack from my family, at least the older members of it.

[loki]

DFelt, hit a nail in this argument. "End result would be if we could just dump the Political Correctness and not bother with skin color."

the last girl i dated is black. we're still friends, told me. ...you know i'm not racist, BUT i've always pictured myself with a black man.

freedom of association that will never be called racism (out loud), but if you go by PC language, totally is.

[balthazar]

I would say in order to answer the OP's question, you'd have to clearly define the term 'racism'.

The culture/race thing is a great point. Still, there are a myriad of reasons behind what makes up an individual's preferences. It is certainly possible to just not be attracted to a particular group, yet bear or feel toward them no ill will or disparagement. Can any one individual love any another individual? Or course it is absolutely happens, but it just doesn't happen unilaterally, with everyone. When it doesn't, that does NOT automatically mean it's 'racism' (or any other -ism).

BTW- I don't believe it 'moves things forward' when labels are created that foster a degree of segregation. Race needs to become a non-issue, but various groups seem determined to never allow that (money usually being the catalyst there).

[regfootball]

Love knows no bounds.

Isn't that the simple truth of it?

in theory yes, in practice not as often as it sounds cheery.

people like the comfort food aspect of dating someone of your same race, culture, value set, aestethic group.......

to be honest, if i were ever single again, even if i found somebody interesting outside my own 'race'.....even if she seemed awesome on the surface, if her family and culture were something that was outside my preference or comfort zone I would probably move on.

[regfootball]

If somethin g happened to my wife, I might well choose to stay single....does that make me racist because I might not want to date a woman of any race?

yeah, that too. why not just stay single and play the field if that is the case.

re: Asian women, yes they do tend to stay younger looking longer in many cases. I think it is because they don't all cake on ridiculous amounts of makeup like the white women.....so many of who after 25 years of tanning and war paint (makeup) and probably face jobs etc....they all look like wrinkled up cats.

that's not even close to attractive. hence, full circle, a nice pleasant, pretty, and beautiful fair skinned woman for me.

[Camino LS6]

Love knows no bounds.

Isn't that the simple truth of it?

in theory yes, in practice not as often as it sounds cheery.

people like the comfort food aspect of dating someone of your same race, culture, value set, aestethic group.......

to be honest, if i were ever single again, even if i found somebody interesting outside my own 'race'.....even if she seemed awesome on the surface, if her family and culture were something that was outside my preference or comfort zone I would probably move on.

That really wasn't the point, Reg.

None of us can help who we love, so there is no point in making an issue of anyone's choice. If you are attracted to someone, that's just how it is.

[Drew Dowdell]

it's just as bad, if not worse, in the gay realm. guys aren't particularly shy about listing their racism directly in their profiles. it also seems less about culture and more about skin tone ideals. the number of dating profiles that simply say "No (ethnicity)" continuously shocks me.

[Camino LS6]

Is that really racism, or just a shallow nature?

[Z-06]

I hate people of all races, including my own. Does that make me a racist? Or to be more politically correct - equal opportunity racist?

Let me go a step further, racism is ingrained in human beings, it is the levels of it that are displayed by different individuals that vary. So is it fair to call a person racist because he has more extroverted display of the trait than a person who hides it?

[Camino LS6]

I hate people of all races, including my own. Does that make me a racist? Or to be more politically correct - equal opportunity racist?

Let me go a step further, racism is ingrained in human beings, it is the levels of it that are displayed by different individuals that vary.

It is human nature to be wary of any perceived differences - it is how we are wired.

Condemning those differences is where we become racist.

[Drew Dowdell]

Is that really racism, or just a shallow nature?

Valid question, I think it potentially straddles both.

[the_yellow_dart]

You have to be somewhat shallow when picking a mate though.

I have black, brown and native friends because I have no problem with them as people and no problem with their cultures. However, it's very rare that I'm attracted to a woman from any of those races.

Is that racism? I don't think so. I mean, I can't see myself with a white or east asian woman that I wasn't attracted to either.

[Camino LS6]

Perhaps we all over-complicate this.

Choose as you are impelled to choose, and don't judge others for doing the same.

In short, don't be a dick about it.

[Z-06]

Perhaps we all over-complicate this.

Choose as you are impelled to choose, and don't judge others for doing the same.

In short, don't be a dick about it.

Exactly. Just move on and find another person.

Sometimes just take no for an answer and hope it was for the best.

[G. David Felt]

Perhaps we all over-complicate this.

Choose as you are impelled to choose, and don't judge others for doing the same.

In short, don't be a dick about it.

But I am a dick!

Course many asians believe in reincarnation and feel that those instant feelings for another is due to the fact that you were involved with them in a past life.

[Camino LS6]

No slight intended, Richard.

[ocnblu]

There's a whole list of things that grab me.

I say it's nobody's business except the two consenting adults directly involved. If the affair becomes strong enough to last forever, then the outside world will either accept it or simply fall away.

[regfootball]

<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="Camino LS6" data-cid="721047" data-time="1358513223"><p>

<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="regfootball" data-cid="721037" data-time="1358490751"><p><blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="Camino LS6" data-cid="720935" data-timeT="1358448381"><p>Love knows no bounds.<br />

<br />

Um, see post 2, this thread.

Isn't that the simple truth of it?</p></blockquote>

in theory yes, in practice not as often as it sounds cheery.<br />

<br />

people like the comfort food aspect of dating someone of your same race, culture, value set, aestethic group.......<br />

<br />

to be honest, if i were ever single again, even if i found somebody interesting outside my own 'race'.....even if she seemed awesome on the surface, if her family and culture were something that was outside my preference or comfort zone I would probably move on.</p></blockquote>

<br />

<br />

<br />

That really wasn't the point, Reg.<br />

<br />

None of us can help who we love, so there is no point in making an issue of anyone's choice. If you are attracted to someone, that's just how it is.</p></blockquote>

[regfootball]

<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="Drew Dowdell" data-cid="721049" data-time="1358517670"><p>

it's just as bad, if not worse, in the gay realm. guys aren't particularly shy about listing their racism directly in their profiles. it also seems less about culture and more about skin tone ideals. the number of dating profiles that simply say "No (ethnicity)" continuously shocks me.</p></blockquote>

Skin tone then, is really, is it a color choice, or a 'color' choice.

Even for suitors who look only within 'the white race'.....I knew a lot of girls / women that even were super particular about which shade of white you were.

To some degree people are even stereotyped by hair color.

[daves87rs]

Eh, in this day and age, it's a more follow your heart type of deal anyways.

My parents were a little surprised (but embraced it) that I married out of my race as well, since my wife is part/mostly Hispanic.

People who follow the old way of thinking are a dying breed....

[frogger]

In North America that is the case, unfortunately not true in much of the rest of the world.

Eh, in this day and age, it's a more follow your heart type of deal anyways.

My parents were a little surprised (but embraced it) that I married out of my race as well, since my wife is part/mostly Hispanic.

People who follow the old way of thinking are a dying breed....

[daves87rs]

In North America that is the case, unfortunately not true in much of the rest of the world.

Eh, in this day and age, it's a more follow your heart type of deal anyways.

My parents were a little surprised (but embraced it) that I married out of my race as well, since my wife is part/mostly Hispanic.

People who follow the old way of thinking are a dying breed....

Even overseas....unless you could the middle east.....

[Turbojett]

I would, and have dated women of different ethnicities. Pretty, sweet, kind and loving transcend everything else, IMO. To me, a girl is a girl is a girl.

Lusting after a member of certain ethnicities is something else--that's fetishism--but that's not so bad either, as long as it doesn't get the better or worst of you or them; it's usually a harmless thing. I like Asians, Mulattas and Latinas*, but that wouldn't be a serious consideration for or against if the question were about a serious relationship; that's just not right.

*oh yes, and redheads, too.

Is that really racism, or just a shallow nature?

Valid question, I think it potentially straddles both.

but isn't racism, for the most part, a shallow nature?

Edited January 21, 2013 by Turbojett