I hope none of you have the weekend I just had...

[Chris_Doane]

Not sure how you all spent your Saturday, but...I spent it trying to stop a friend from killing himself.

Earlier this week, his wife asked him for a divorce. That was followed a day later by a half-hearted attempt on his own life. He has a large workshop/garage as part of his automotive business, could probably put 15 cars in there. He drove a modern car in there, turned it on and sat there for 4 hours. If anyone knew that modern cars run too clean to kill anyone it would be him, but he did it anyway. Basically he did it to get his wife to talk to him.

The next day, Thursday afternoon, he made a post on Facebook describing everything that had happened so far that week. Needless to say, several of us were horrified. He lives a little north of me, so I went up to see him Thursday night. We talked for a while, he said some pretty bad sounding things, but by the time we were done talking, he seemed OK-enough that I didn't feel like he needed immediate attention. It was an odd conversation, he would say one thing, then sort of contradict what he'd just said a few minutes ago. Though just talking about it seemed to have calmed him down and made him feel better.

Looking back on it now, I probably should've taken him somewhere that night. He was sitting in my car for two hours talking, I could've just started driving. I guess I just wanted to believe he was going to be OK. I heard what he was saying but....I didn't *hear* it. If that makes any sense. Still kicking myself for that.

Sometime between Thursday night when I left, and Saturday evening, he and his wife talked again. He came to the conclusion that things between them were beyond repair. Around 7:30pm, he sent an email to me, and one other industry guy, that was more/less a suicide note. He talked about how things were through, talked about various ways he could end his life, said he was leaving his home, driving to who knows where to do who knows what. It ended with "Thanks and goodbye."

That triggered "holy $h!" mode. I called the police department in his hometown. His wife later did the same thing. The police couldn't locate him and neither could his wife or I. He made some mention in the note of driving north, so I was pretty sure he was on the move to...somewhere.

About 12:30 that night, I get another email from him. This one is much more grim than the one from five hours earlier. It said he had been visiting some places in his past -- the college where he met his wife, their old apartment. He then goes on to say some things that make it sound like he's worked up the courage to do himself in. He talks about a few more ways he could do it, then says he's bought sleeping pills and is thinking about going back for more. I'm not sure how much time had passed while he was writing this last email, but it was pretty long. By the end of it, he said he'd actually taken some of the pills right before he hit send.

In this note, he'd also more/less revealed where he was. Another cry for help, really. I don't know if he even realized he was doing it. I called his wife to ask if she knew the exact address of this spot he was in. Keep in mind that my friend had only sent this email to me and another guy, not her. So Im frantically trying to get this info from her, and, at one point she says "Chris, what is going on?" in this tone that was total horror. I don't really know how to tell this woman that her husband might be making another attempt on his life as we speak, but I said something about pills and how serious it was.

Anyhow, she did know the spot where he could be at, and through googling his business name, I find another spot he could be at. She and I both call the police up there and give them the locations and his car/plate.

I guess the police found him around 2:30am. They took him into custody and took him to the ER. Apparently his stomach was pumped. So now he is laying in a hospital on suicide watch, someone is always in his room with him.

This has been such a...different, trying year for me in a lot of ways. So many difficult moments, but things had been getting better lately. Hard to even know what to make of this latest episode. At least this ended with him being in the place he needs to be in.

[Drew Dowdell]

Been in your same situation before. Also been in one where two prescriptions that shouldn't have been mixed, were accidentally mixed.... and the effect of the mixed drugs sent the user into confused panic where he was probably going to hurt himself.

[bobo]

I had an occasionally suicidal friend, who I think was also bipolar. The hard part is discerning when it is a cry for help, an attempt to manipulate others, or something more serious. Of course, it's always best to error on the side of caution. One thing I was thinking about when reading your post is whether the authorities could determine his whereabouts from his cell phone had he not provided the clues.

[Intrepidation]

That's tough. I've known a couple people who were suicidal. It's not fun. At least you were able to find him and he's where he needs to be.

[Chris_Doane]

The hard part is discerning when it is a cry for help, an attempt to manipulate others, or something more serious. Of course, it's always best to error on the side of caution. One thing I was thinking about when reading your post is whether the authorities could determine his whereabouts from his cell phone had he not provided the clues.

That's exactly what I was trying to determine...without it being obvious to him.

Unfortunately, his cell phone was off.

I've certainly had friends in the past who felt very depressed and thought about suicide....but I've never had one who actually put a plan in action like he did this weekend.

[regfootball]

Chris, even though I can't identify directly with what your friend is going through, I'll try to pray, etc. whatever, to keep him in my thoughts. Troubles with someone who is important to him, i.e. his wife, I am sure it feels like the bottom is dropping out on his whole world. I just hope he can make it through the next few critical days and maybe something will happen that will spark home hope to carry on. During the holidays especially.

I just hope somehow he find some calm and peace that helps him through this. I'll be thinking of you all. It may not be out of the woods, but I pray for the best.

[Chris_Doane]

Haha, about half an hour ago, I got this text from him:

"So, Kim Jong Ill is dead. That's good. He went out instead of me..."

I have to admit, I thought it was kinda funny.

[Drew Dowdell]

you've gotta watch them as they come back up out of the depression sink hole. Sometimes the depression eases up enough that they get the energy and motivation to try it again. There are people out there who are too depressed to even bother to kill themselves and putting them on medication without constant observation can lead to disaster.

[loki]

i've known 1 person to say they were, and i couldn't take them doing that... thought it was serious, but also purely manipulative....not that she had a good past, or was even trying to make good decisions. no idea what she's doing these days.

also know another girl that came very close to doing it multiple times...bleach.. nooses.. easy things... not that i knew she was thinking of this so much, but just kept talking to her, keep her mind off of it as much as possible, know someone would miss her if she ended it. became good friends and think she found a good place in her life that she doesn't want to do that any more.. and that was more than a year ago.

[FUTURE_OF_GM]

Two main things to consider with suicide.

1) Someone who is actually going to commit suicide has made a LOGICAL decision that killing his or herself is the only way out of the situation. That usually means that there will not be a 'cry for help' if the person is serious about doing it. Thank god this guy was clear headed enough (although I'm sure the pills were clouding his judgment and probably contributed a lot to his negative actions) to email you, and thank god you cared enough to do something about it. (Because a lot of people would not)

2) First suicide attempts are usually unsuccessful. Second suicide attempts are what you REALLY have to be careful with. Once the person has 'attempted' to take their life the first time and lived through the trauma (and sometimes humiliation) they're not as afraid to do it again and if they go back to the same terrible state of mind that they were suffering in the first place, chances are that they will LOGICALLY decide to attempt again (logically to them, not us).

This guy needs to be watched very carefully. I don't think he was 100% serious about killing himself, BUT I do think the thought was firmly in his head.

I've definitely thought about it, and at one point I got pretty reckless with it too. It's so INCREDIBLY sad to feel that alone and hopeless and its something I never want to live through again. My heart really goes out to people who sincerely believe this is a LOGICAL conclusion to a blessed life (No matter how much life sucks, it's still a blessing in so many ways) Luckily, I'm such an angry bastard that I feel like suicide is 'the weak way out' and am too proud to disgrace myself that way.

Edited December 20, 2011 by FUTURE_OF_GM

[67impss]

Chris we all need friends like you and to be that kind of a friend to others

[Chris_Doane]

I don't think he was 100% serious about killing himself, BUT I do think the thought was firmly in his head.

Yea, I mostly agree with that. Though he was certainly getting a lot closer to ending his life on try #2.

Tomorrow he is being moved from the hospital to some psychiatric facility. I imagine he might be there for a while...

Chris we all need friends like you and to be that kind of a friend to others

Thanks.

[Chris_Doane]

Here is a question...

A few of his friends have been asking me about contacting him, writing him or even going to see him (Im not sure the latter would even be allowed?)

I don't really know what the protocol is here and don't know what to say. It's not really your typical "Get Well Soon" type situation.

[67impss]

I'd just refer them to the proper Hospital staff

[Drew Dowdell]

The hospital staff wont even acknowledge that he is there or that they've ever even heard his name. HIPPA rules forbid it.

[Drew Dowdell]

There is no visiting in the psych ward unless you are on the list of approved visitors. It is doubtful the you'll be allowed to see him, Chris, once he is moved unless his wife authorizes it.

[Chris_Doane]

The hospital staff wont even acknowledge that he is there or that they've ever even heard his name. HIPPA rules forbid it.

No doubt about that.

There is no visiting in the psych ward unless you are on the list of approved visitors. It is doubtful the you'll be allowed to see him, Chris, once he is moved unless his wife authorizes it.

Yea I assumed as much. It was actually someone else who asked about seeing him. Though, part of me feels like maybe I should try to get it arranged to see him....but, man....I just have no idea what I'd say after everything that happened.

[knightfan26917]

Yikes.....thoughts/prayers en route for your friend, Chris ... as well as you.....

Cort | 38.m.IL | pigValve + paceMaker + cowValve | 5 MCs + 1 Caprice Classic

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