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Joke Thread

GMTruckGuy74

By GMTruckGuy74
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trinacriabob
trinacriabob

"A poor Republican is like a cow that is pro-leather" . . . Aw shucks, I already posted this one before.

surreal1272
surreal1272

“Mr. President, we have Stormy Daniels on line one” LMMFAO! You have to be high out of your mind to act like the p**** grabber himself has been “faithful”. That’s the best joke of the thread

Drew Dowdell
Drew Dowdell

Did you know that the Secret Service can't yell "GET DOWN!!" at the President anymore in the event of an attack?               They have to yell, "DONALD, DUCK!

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A Horse With No Name Mentor

A Horse With No Name

Posted
Posted

May be a meme of 1 person and text that says 'Feeling cute... Might let some Roman guys nail me later, idk. @choosmemes'

On 3/24/2021 at 11:59 AM, trinacriabob said:

I could make this a random thought but thought it was more suited to be a joke.

We've heard the expression supporting what is home grown:

"If it ain't Boeing, it ain't going."

Ok, well, the following is a Boeing product, the B-757, and, according to the news, "it ain't going."

1200px-N757AF_at_LAS.jpg

Because if you ain't spending the money to fix its Rolls Royce* engines, then it definitely ain't going.

* hmmm, Rolls Royce ... when home grown Pratt & Whitney is "the other" major supplier of engines for this aircraft

The irony here is that the plane was formerly owned by a Mexican airline...given all of the flap about Trump and Mexicans. 

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G. David Felt Grand Master

G. David Felt

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, oldshurst442 said:

 

Not sure which is funnier, his It Sounds Greek or his attempt to stay alive as he looks like he is about to have a major Coronary.  ?

  • 2 weeks later...
Drew Dowdell Grand Master

Drew Dowdell

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, balthazar said:

This HAS to be a joke. You literally pay for the hardware & software, you OWN it... but it doesn't 'work' unless you pay again. 

 

Screen Shot 2021-04-27 at 10.08.48 PM.png

BMW already tried this with Apple CarPlay, failed, and ended up giving it out for free with the car.... and that arguably might have some merit to it because then you'd be paying for updates etc....    what updates do I need to heated seat software though? It has 4 settings.. high, medium, low, and off. 

Edit: I Do see merit for charging a subscription for SuperCruise however (and Cadillac does after I think 3 years) because it costs GM an enormous amount of money to keep the LIDAR maps up to date.  I could see GM eventually partnering with another company (Honda for Acura is the first to come to mind) to sell the LIDAR data for other autonomous systems. 

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trinacriabob Veteran

trinacriabob

Posted
Posted

Every Mexican and Mexican-American I've told this one to nods, smiles, and/or laughs, so it passes the "ok" test ...

Q:  Why were there only 500 Mexicans at the Alamo?

A:  They only took 7 cars.

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A Horse With No Name Mentor

A Horse With No Name

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Drew Dowdell said:

You're like 4 weeks late for this one....

Better late than never. 

G. David Felt Grand Master

G. David Felt

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, A Horse With No Name said:

Better late than never. 

I thought that is what your girlfriend in HighSchool or was it College said? ;) 

oldshurst442 Grand Master

oldshurst442

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Drew Dowdell said:

You're like 4 weeks late for this one....

 

7 hours ago, A Horse With No Name said:

Better late than never. 

 

He (you) was not late...(?? Greek) Orthodox Easter was yesterday    ?  

:D

I thought I had heard ALL the blonde jokes there can possibly be.

Along comes Mr. Horse with No Name and pleasantly and hilariously surprises me. 

 May be an image of ‎1 person and ‎text that says '‎Bartender: "what can i get you?" Blonde: "Can i try a beer?" Bartender: "Anheuser Busch?" Blonde: "Fine thanks, how's your dick?" س 小‎'‎‎

 

THAT is funny!

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
A Horse With No Name Mentor

A Horse With No Name

Posted
Posted
On 5/17/2021 at 6:54 PM, David said:

Perfect solution for that Miata! ;) 

image.png

I have known a few....meanwhile in Alabama and West Virgina...

May be a cartoon of one or more people and text that says 'My dick fits perfectly in your pussy. Of course. We're siblings. We were made for each other.'

Also in West Virginia and Alabama

 

May be an image of 2 people and text

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surreal1272 Veteran

surreal1272

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, A Horse With No Name said:

May be an image of one or more people and text that says 'POV: MONSTER UNDER YOUR BED ade with mematic OH FUCK OH FUCK THIS WEIRDO WHO JACKS OF ON TOP OF MY HOUSE EVERY NIGHT IS BACK'

Education is useful. 

May be an image of text that says '-Do you have a doctor here? -yes, I'm. -What's your specialty? -I'm a doctor in Mathematics. My friend is dying. -Minus one.'

Only in the South.

May be an image of indoor

As an avid sweet tea enthusiast southerner who makes his own brew, that is a felony where I come from. That is a whole other white trash tragedy right there. There are literally stainless containers for just such a purpose, where you go through 55 gallons of tea an hour lol.

Edited by surreal1272
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G. David Felt Grand Master

G. David Felt

Posted
Posted
20 minutes ago, surreal1272 said:

As an avid sweet tea enthusiast southerner who makes his own brew, that is a felony where I come from. That is a whole other white trash tragedy right there. There are literally stainless containers for just such a purpose, where you go through 55 gallons of tea an hour lol.

Not to mention that it is NOT a Food Grade Plastic and so who knows what chemicals are being added to that poor tea!

Talk about a Health Code VIOLATION! ?

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G. David Felt Grand Master

G. David Felt

Posted
Posted

Conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer:

Woman: "I need to buy some arsenic."

Pharmacist:" Why do you need arsenic?"

Woman: "I need arsenic because I want to kill my husband."

Pharmacist: "WHAT?"

Woman: "You heard me! I want to kill my husband!"

Pharmacist: "Why on earth would you want to do that?"

Woman: "Because he's having an affair with YOUR wife!!!"

Pharmacist: "Well why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"

:lol:

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