Joke Thread

[G. David Felt]

2 hours ago, balthazar said:

Incorrect- GM 3.0Ls have a 24-gal tank, so at GMC’s highway rating of 26, that’s a 624 mile range (yeah; you’re not running it down to the last drop). Fuelly.com has these motors averaging 25, but a lot of owners who do a lot of highway driving are getting in the low-mid 30s.

Personally, I only do 9500-10K miles/yr, so it’d take me a lot longer to ‘break even’ vs. a high-priced BE truck.

One more ‘hidden’ factor in the bottom line comparison; you’re going to be paying a significant chunk more in interest carrying (in my example’s case) $24K more in balance. And interest rates are rising…

Thanks for the update, seems that 3 miles difference than the web site would be the reserve gallons past E maybe?

[balthazar]

1 hour ago, David said:

Thanks for the update, seems that 3 miles difference than the web site would be the reserve gallons past E maybe?

I think what you were looking at was in error; I've never seen an OEM spec that 'shaved off' the reserve in reporting capacity.

Twice I've put 22.7 gals in mine. My previous 6.6L had a ridiculous reserve capacity or like 15 gals for some reason. I'd drive it 50-90 miles on the low fuel light knowing that, but this truck I fuel the day the low fuel light goes on. I should give myself more of a buffer- 22.7 on a 24.0 tank is cutting it close.

What I miss is my dual-tank F-150; 36.5 gal capacity.

[G. David Felt]

7 minutes ago, balthazar said:

I think what you were looking at was in error; I've never seen an OEM spec that 'shaved off' the reserve in reporting capacity.

Twice I've put 22.7 gals in mine. My previous 6.6L had a ridiculous reserve capacity or like 15 gals for some reason. I'd drive it 50-90 miles on the low fuel light knowing that, but this truck I fuel the day the low fuel light goes on. I should give myself more of a buffer- 22.7 on a 24.0 tank is cutting it close.

What I miss is my dual-tank F-150; 36.5 gal capacity.

Seems Titan Fuel Tanks make extra size capacity tanks to replace OEM tanks. I see they have a 56 gallon tank for your truck. That should take care of you.  

TITAN Fuel Tanks - America's Leading High Capacity Tank Manufacturer

[balthazar]

^ Not for my truck; nothing. :sad:

[surreal1272]

2 hours ago, balthazar said:

I thought bed length didn’t matter?
However, when I priced the Lightning, it was the 6.5’-ish bed.
 

As far as my truck specs you quoted; I certainly didn’t pay 1. a market adjustment, or 2. mSRP. ?

It matters when you are comparing your full size short bed truck to a smaller shorter bed truck when the Lightning more closely aligns with your truck, all things equal outside of the powertrain of mode of propulsion of course. The main difference between yours and the Lightning is that yours is not a full four doors, if memory serves me right. A crew cab will always cost more than an extended cab, regardless of whether is an EV or IC, certain packages notwithstanding.

[balthazar]

Lightning, crew cab/6.5' bed, full-size, $72K.

I'm perfectly capable of making a legitimate feature-for-feature comparison.

Mine is a full crew cab/6.5' bed : 

157 glorious inches of wheelbase.

Edited March 10, 2022 by balthazar

[surreal1272]

11 hours ago, balthazar said:

Lightning, crew cab/6.5' bed, full-size, $72K.

I'm perfectly capable of making a legitimate feature-for-feature comparison.

Mine is a full crew cab/6.5' bed : 

157 glorious inches of wheelbase.

Yet your initial comparison was a smaller Rivian. That's what I am getting at here and thanks for the correction. I guess I could have looked at your Ride thread but I didn't. My point about comparing your truck to a Rivian still stands though.

15 hours ago, balthazar said:

I thought bed length didn’t matter?
However, when I priced the Lightning, it was the 6.5’-ish bed.
 

As far as my truck specs you quoted; I certainly didn’t pay 1. a market adjustment, or 2. mSRP. ?

So you are using your exception to the rule as a basis for that gap? That is not "apples to apples" because if you were shopping both currently then you sure as hell would not have scored your GMC for $8K LESS than MSRP and that is a simple fact. You would be paying closer to $60K around here.

[balthazar]

But my initial post wasn't about comparing the trucks as if cross-shopping them, but about gas + IC truck price vs. BE truck price.

Other than a slow trickle of Rivian's, the Silverado / GMC BE's aren't out, and [correct me if wrong] neither is the Lightning. So one couldn't 'shop them currently' anyway.

BTW : there's a local dealer who's website says they 'never charge more than $300 over MSRP', plus I've read in passing about a couple others doing the same currently (not that I've researched this), so I could get one at MSRP today [no; not anywhere near the deal I got].

[oldshurst442]

I was once addicted to the hokey pokey. My wife threatened to leave me so I had no choice but to turn myself around. 

 

[trinacriabob]

Q:  Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days?

A:  Because the rest are week days.

[G. David Felt]

Q: What did the little boy tell his mom when he stuck his finger in the wall outlet?

A: Mom, it Hertz!

[trinacriabob]

I've got some clean and politically correct ones, which is rare for me and the people I keep company with.

 

Q:  Where do fish keep their money?

A:  At the RiverBank.

- - - - -

Q:  Why are fish so smart?

A:  They swim in schools.

[G. David Felt]

I am sure this was made by someone, but I found it funny and smart. Hope everyone else finds it funny.

 

 

[G. David Felt]

Loving commercials from other countries.

   This Ford Commercial from UK is awesome.  I love this How a Woman Parks a Lambo.

 This is one of the great Mazda Zoom Zoom commercials from Europe.

 Love this Isenbeck Beer Commercial

Isenbeck,BalletClass.asf

 

 

 

 

[trinacriabob]

Last month, I was in Boston ... and Cambridge, too, and this ran through my head.

- - - - -

A new freshman is walking through the middle of the Harvard campus during the first few days of school trying to find his way, but is seemingly unable to identify which building is the library.  He spots what is probably an upperclassman in the vicinity and stops him to ask.

Freshman:  "Excuse me, but can you tell me where the library is at?"

Upperclassman:  "We at Harvard do not end sentences with prepositions."

Freshman:  "Okay, then, can you tell me  where the library is at, a$$hole?"

[G. David Felt]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

Bartender: That is an interesting pet, what's its name?

Man: His name is Tiny!

Bartender: That is an interesting name, why did you name it Tiny?

Man: Well, he is my newt!

[trinacriabob]

Clean and sophomoric one ...

Q:  What did one ocean say to the other?

A:  Nothing.  They just waved.

[G. David Felt]

What does a Romulan Frog use for a cloaking device?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Croaking Device!

[oldshurst442]

[trinacriabob]

"I never said I was going to take you to Florida ... I just said I was going to tampa' with you."

(one-liner I heard when I was a teenager)

[trinacriabob]

My parents certainly did not send me to Catholic grade school to hear and learn jokes like this in the 7th grade:

Q:  Why is $h!t tapered at the end? 

A:  So your butt won't slam shut.

Edited September 6, 2023 by trinacriabob

[G. David Felt]

6 hours ago, trinacriabob said:

My parents certainly did not send me to Catholic grade school to hear and learn jokes like this in the 7th grade:

Q:  Why is $h!t tapered at the end? 

A:  So your butt won't slam shut.

Guess that is why the Cybertruck is shaped that way, to slide easily out as it is shit.

[trinacriabob]

This is probably more of a definition than a joke.

"Youngstown tune-up" 

I have both heard this from someone who lives there and have read about it ... when the mob was more active decades ago in a bustling industrial Youngstown (OH) that hadn't yet gone into an economic slumber, this was the term used when someone got rubbed out by the mob there.

Mildly humorous ... in a twisted sort of way.

[trinacriabob]

Good morning:

A poor Republican is like a cow that is pro-leather.

[G. David Felt]

A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.



“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.



“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.



Bill Clinton looks around and asks the two men, “Where do you think Dorothy is?”

 

The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States . It was pretty simple.

The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating ....

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"

And someday she'll vote!

[G. David Felt]

What does all politicians have in common?

 

 

Epstein's Island!!!

[trinacriabob]

On 10/18/2023 at 1:24 PM, David said:

 

I think a lot of it has to do with "packaging."

Generally speaking, red places have way more hicks, aren't as well educated, many people are gullible and see things in black and white for simplicity's sake, and, along with that, comes things like non-denominational Christianity and love of guns.  Most/many Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans lean blue.  So, when they identify by their specific denomination, I don't lump them in with "Christians," though they are a subset.

Some of the shootings in bluer places (Colorado, Connecticut) were carried out by kids or younger people who were disturbed and slipped through the system because the signs were missed, but rabid love of guns is way more of a red thing.

I rehashed the poor Republican joke because someone like that is irritating me more and more:  she IS educated, but is a megachurch Christian, is proud to be a gun owner, and likes the New Millennium's "Agent Orange."  Last Christmas, she texted me how she spent the day and it included a link for the service she attended with her mom:  40 minutes of "hickdom" that I watched for 15 seconds - just to see what kind of stuff I was being fed - and then turned it off.  That alone would point to the bad boundaries this person has.

- - - - -

My jokes ... from school and neighborhood days:

"Down the Yellow River" by I.P. Freely

"Rusted Bedsprings" by I.P. Nightly

"The Proper Use of a Condom" by Justin Case

"Under the Bleachers" by Seymour Butts

"Hawaiian Pleasure" by Kamana Wanaleia

- - - - -

Have a nice day, folks!

Edited October 19, 2023 by trinacriabob

[Robert Hall]

On 10/16/2023 at 8:20 PM, trinacriabob said:

This is probably more of a definition than a joke.

"Youngstown tune-up" 

I have both heard this from someone who lives there and have read about it ... when the mob was more active decades ago in a bustling industrial Youngstown (OH) that hadn't yet gone into an economic slumber, this was the term used when someone got rubbed out by the mob there.

Mildly humorous ... in a twisted sort of way.

Where I lived in the 70s was south of Youngstown on the Ohio River--Steubenville (birthplace of Dean Martin).  Was an old steel town in decline, like a mini-Youngstown.  Our next-door neighbor was rumored to be the capo of the local Mafia franchise.  Big black Cadillacs were often seen next door.   Also the birthplace of Ohio Valley Style pizza (DiCarlos)..I like to go down there once a year or so..see the plaque to my father downtown,  have a meatball heel at Naples or a meatball sub at Capri's and get a slice or two from DiCarlos..

Speaking of Youngstown, Bruce Springsteen wrote an excellent song called 'Youngstown' about the decline of industrial America, was on his 1995 'Ghost of Tom Joad' album..a great, ferocious live track..

Edited October 19, 2023 by Robert Hall

[trinacriabob]

4 hours ago, Robert Hall said:

Ohio River--Steubenville (birthplace of Dean Martin). 

Big black Cadillacs were often seen next door.  

Also the birthplace of Ohio Valley Style pizza (DiCarlos)..I like to go down there once a year or so..see the plaque to my father downtown,  have a meatball heel at Naples or a meatball sub at Capri's and get a slice or two from DiCarlos..

Yes, Dino Crocetti.

Big black Cadillacs, and often, is usually a good sign.

What is Ohio Valley style pizza?  I prefer thin crust pizza from the tri-state NYC area, but have learned what Detroit style pizza is - and like it.  There's also Pittsburgh style, St. Louis style, probably Philly style, probably Baltimore style, yada yada, but I don't know what they are.  My mom used to make a deep(er) dish pizza and it wasn't my cup of tea.  But I'd still eat it.

[Guest Robert Hall]

5 minutes ago, trinacriabob said:

Yes, Dino Crocetti.

Big black Cadillacs, and often, is usually a good sign.

What is Ohio Valley style pizza?  I prefer thin crust pizza from the tri-state NYC area, but have learned what Detroit style pizza is - and like it.  There's also Pittsburgh style, St. Louis style, probably Philly style, probably Baltimore style, yada yada, but I don't know what they are.  My mom used to make a deep(er) dish pizza and it wasn't my cup of tea.  But I'd still eat it.

Ohio Valley style is similar to Detroit style, square and thick crust.  The twist is it’s baked without the toppings—the cheese and other toppings are added after, cold.  Then the cheese melts.   Nearest DiCarlos to me is in Akron.  Myrtle Beach, SC has one, but my sister didn’t think it was as good. 

[oldshurst442]

Vincenzo Cotroni affiliated with the Bonanno family.  

Nicolo Rizzuto took over afiliated with...the Bonanno family.  The Montreal mafia would be New York's 6th family.  

There is Montreal style pizza.    The crust is puffy. Baked until the crust is golden brown.  The tomato sauce would be a slight variation of the original tomato sauce of the original pizza. All kinds of toppings but the stereotypical toppings would be all dressed.  Thin sliced pepperonin, thinly sliced green bell peppers, mushrooms and mozzarella cheese.  

And Montreal's Little Italy, original pizza is also a part of the scenery.  

 

 

 

 

If somebody visits Montreal...I BEG them to stop by Pizzeria Napoletana.   Best pizza in North America.   Many celebrities stop by.  It is a Montreal landmark.  It is part of pizza history too.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.
The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where’s the money?”
Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head, and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”
The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

[trinacriabob]

Saw this walking into a supermarket and it interpolates Halloween and Thanksgiving fairly well ...

Q:   What do you get when you cross a turkey and a ghost?

A:   A "poultry-geist"

[Drew Dowdell]

There once was a man named Dave

 Who dug up a prostitute’s grave

She was moldy as shit and missing a tit

But think of the money he saved!

[trinacriabob]

Some Subaru jokes:

- - - - -

Q:  What's the difference between a Subaru and the principal's office?

A:  It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

- - - - -

Q:  What are you if you are driving a Subaru backwards?

A:  U  R  A  BUS

 

 

[Drew Dowdell]

[trinacriabob]

Man cave type jokes since that would describe most of the active members ... here's an oldie but goodie:

Did you hear about the two lesbians who built a house?

They used no studs ... it was all tongue and groove.

[G. David Felt]

1 hour ago, trinacriabob said:

Man cave type jokes since that would describe most of the active members ... here's an oldie but goodie:

Did you hear about the two lesbians who built a house?

They used no studs ... it was all tongue and groove.

Tongue and Groove is best!

For the Computer Nerds here:

[Robert Hall]

On 6/20/2024 at 9:05 PM, G. David Felt said:

Tongue and Groove is best!

For the Computer Nerds here:

I like that cup...this week my debugging has been around interesting AWS and RDS issues...

[Drew Dowdell]

If you haven't watched it, you should definitely check out Person of Interest (only available on Amazon Prime currently, with ads).   The series started in 2011ish and run until 2016.  But you'd think it was from today with all of the AI talk.  If you're a Plex user and want to be friends on their, DM me and we can friend each other and you can stream from my Plex box.

[trinacriabob]

ESL-isms as jokes

Q:  How did Staten Island get its name?

A:  On sailing into the Narrows into uncharted territory, one Dutch explorer pointed to the left and asked, "Ees dat an island?"

Q:  How did Van Nuys of the San Fernando Valley get its name?

A:  A realtor was accompanying an Italian immigrant who farmed to look for land to purchase.  Standing on a ridge overlooking a mostly vacant San Fernando Valley, the Italian man pointed to roughly the middle of the valley and said, "Dat area down dere ... veh nice, veh nice!"

[G. David Felt]

11 minutes ago, trinacriabob said:

ESL-isms as jokes

Q:  How did Staten Island get its name?

A:  On sailing into the Narrows into uncharted territory, one Dutch explorer pointed to the left and asked, "Ees dat an island?"

Q:  How did Van Nuys of the San Fernando Valley get its name?

A:  A realtor was accompanying an Italian immigrant who farmed to look for land to purchase.  Standing on a ridge overlooking a mostly vacant San Fernando Valley, the Italian man pointed to roughly the middle of the valley and said, "Dat area down dere ... veh nice, veh nice!"

Sorry, I just do not get these jokes. ?

[trinacriabob]

25 minutes ago, G. David Felt said:

Sorry, I just do not get these jokes. ?

It's about how things were pronounced, as if in a sitcom.  Someone told them to me.  (Coming into New York harbor, Staten Island would definitely be on the left.)

I literally just walked across the bridge along Broadway - and over the dividing Harlem River - from The Bronx into Manhattan ... after taking the subway up to The Bronx.

Edited July 22 by trinacriabob

[G. David Felt]

[trinacriabob]

Q:  Why do lesbians prefer to shop at Sports Authority?

A:  They don't much care for Dick's.

[G. David Felt]

Today was a Sad day, i went to my boss's funeral. I knelt down next to his casket and said,

"Who's thinking outside the box now?" ?

[trinacriabob]

I have a hunch

that you might need a "Costco lunch"

but if you just want to be quick and thrifty

instead go hit up "Cafe' 150"

[trinacriabob]

Happy Friday the 13th!  With that comes this joke:

Q:  What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

A:  "Same time, next month?"

[trinacriabob]

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said, "I believe I may be a nymphomaniac."

The psychiatrist said, "I believe I can help you with that.  My fee is $80 an hour."

[trinacriabob]

A man was ecstatic to have entered into a relationship with a nymphomaniac.

However, the nympho aspect faded away in short order while the maniac persona remained.