What do you say...

[ocnblu]

... to a person who texts you, saying he misses you, that he doesn't forget good people, but that he's been going to church a lot to try to "behave"? I told him I think God loves us, that we aren't doing anything wrong. Not sure it worked.

[Chris_Doane]

"Spend less time at church and more time with me."

[Drew Dowdell]

"Spend less time at church and more time with me."

And... thread.

you don't need any other responses.

[Croc]

"Spend less time at church and more time with me."

This.

Anyway, don't pine after someone who is that insecure and self-loathing. Nothing good will ever come of it. Until they figure themselves out and are OK with it (if they ever are), their inner turmoil will always be a wedge. It isn't worth it.

[ocnblu]

I usually head off to dreamland at about 9, since I am up at 5. Last night I curled up at 9:30. Person knows I am early to bed, early to rise. Phone by the bed... I get a text at 10 that wakes me up, "are you in bed?" "Yes". "OK, talk to you tomorrow".

Then it was difficult regaining my slumber. Thanks, buddy.

[Drew Dowdell]

I'm curious as to why 3 of us got -1s for what we said... especially from the person to did the down repping.

[Croc]

I'm curious as to why 3 of us got -1s for what we said... especially from the person to did the down repping.

I saw that, too...and promptly figured out who most likely did it. Whatever, some people revel in drama because they lack sufficient hobbies

[daves87rs]

"Spend less time at church and more time with me."

True....

[Drew Dowdell]

I'm curious as to why 3 of us got -1s for what we said... especially from the person to did the down repping.

I saw that, too...and promptly figured out who most likely did it. Whatever, some people revel in drama because they lack sufficient hobbies

Don't assume you know who it was. I was surprised by it (not someone who stirs up drama around here)

[Chris_Doane]

"are you in bed?" "Yes". "OK, talk to you tomorrow". "No, it's OK, come over."

[z28luvr01]

I say that if he feels led by God back to church, at least respect his decision even if you don't really agree with it.

Give him the space he needs, even if it means that you have to keep things platonic with him. Having a friendship is better than having nothing at all except a ton of hurt on both sides.

[Chris_Doane]

More like led by misplaced guilt.

[Drew Dowdell]

I say that if he feels led by God back to church, at least respect his decision even if you don't really agree with it.

Give him the space he needs, even if it means that you have to keep things platonic with him. Having a friendship is better than having nothing at all except a ton of hurt on both sides.

using the church to try and hide from something that isn't wrong in the first place ends up bad for both the church and the person doing the hiding.

It'd be like me going to church to try to give of my C&G habit.

[Croc]

I say that if he feels led by God back to church, at least respect his decision even if you don't really agree with it.

Give him the space he needs, even if it means that you have to keep things platonic with him. Having a friendship is better than having nothing at all except a ton of hurt on both sides.

Except he said he's going back to church to try and learn to "behave."

I say that if he feels led by God back to church, at least respect his decision even if you don't really agree with it.

Give him the space he needs, even if it means that you have to keep things platonic with him. Having a friendship is better than having nothing at all except a ton of hurt on both sides.

using the church to try and hide from something that isn't wrong in the first place ends up bad for both the church and the person doing the hiding.

It'd be like me going to church to try to give of my C&G habit.

And this.

Edited May 6, 2011 by Croc

[ocnblu]

Well, Latin folks I know have a strong sense of family and faith, aren't a lot of them devout Catholics? I haven't talked to him about his faith before he told me that. I am not going to fault him for going to church. I believe God loves gay folk, after all, we keep happening in the world. I just want him to know he's OK. Plus I want me some of that. So he texted me today... a date tomorrow night? We'll see.

[Croc]

Well, Latin folks I know have a strong sense of family and faith, aren't a lot of them devout Catholics? I haven't talked to him about his faith before he told me that. I am not going to fault him for going to church. I believe God loves gay folk, after all, we keep happening in the world. I just want him to know he's OK. Plus I want me some of that. So he texted me today... a date tomorrow night? We'll see.

Well of course...but just be circumspect about it. He's obviously still pretty internally conflicted...so enjoy the fling or whatever, but don't act all blindsided when a stable relationship doesn't materialize...because in all likelihood it won't until he figures himself out and is OK with it.

[loki]

it's good to have a stable influence in one's life. church is that for many, many people. i'm betting if you try to pull him away from it, it'll end quickly, or worse than that.

what do you say to that?..um... i'd say ask questions to understand his wants better. this will be my only post here, i'm thinking.

good luck.

[Drew Dowdell]

Well, Latin folks I know have a strong sense of family and faith, aren't a lot of them devout Catholics? I haven't talked to him about his faith before he told me that. I am not going to fault him for going to church. I believe God loves gay folk, after all, we keep happening in the world. I just want him to know he's OK. Plus I want me some of that. So he texted me today... a date tomorrow night? We'll see.

To quote an elected representative who recently said "How many gay people does God need to create before we realize he wants them around?"

[ocnblu]

Yup, I read a quick quote on that. Not sure it did any good though, in that case.

We finally got together last evening. Our time together was very short. He says his family is watching him "like a hawk" (but he's told me before he's "out" to them).

After texting me like 6 times throughout the day on Saturday, asking me not to make plans... he disappeared electronically at around 4:30 that afternoon. When I texted him yesterday morning asking him why, he said he was "stuck" with his kids, his ex-wife reminded him it was his weekend to have them.

So yeah. Sticky. What does it say about me if I put up with such stuff as this?

Edited May 9, 2011 by ocnblu

[Drew Dowdell]

draw your line, but make sure he knows it's there.

[Croc]

What in the hell does it mean that his family is "watching him like a hawk"?!?! A grown-ass man can't go about his life as he pleases?!

Blu, I think you can do better. Find someone who isn't consumed with "issues."

[Cory Wolfe]

What in the hell does it mean that his family is "watching him like a hawk"?!?! A grown-ass man can't go about his life as he pleases?!

Blu, I think you can do better. Find someone who isn't consumed with "issues."

Agreed.

I'm currently dating a Jehovah's Witness with less issues than that.

[Intrepidation]

What in the hell does it mean that his family is "watching him like a hawk"?!?! A grown-ass man can't go about his life as he pleases?!

Blu, I think you can do better. Find someone who isn't consumed with "issues."

[Croc]

What in the hell does it mean that his family is "watching him like a hawk"?!?! A grown-ass man can't go about his life as he pleases?!

Blu, I think you can do better. Find someone who isn't consumed with "issues."

Agreed.

I'm currently dating a Jehovah's Witness with less issues than that.

Are you into emotional masochism as well?? Jesus Christ...

[FAPTurbo]

Bail. You'll just get the runaround, and left empty-hearted.

[Cory Wolfe]

What in the hell does it mean that his family is "watching him like a hawk"?!?! A grown-ass man can't go about his life as he pleases?!

Blu, I think you can do better. Find someone who isn't consumed with "issues."

Agreed.

I'm currently dating a Jehovah's Witness with less issues than that.

Are you into emotional masochism as well?? Jesus Christ...

He grew up one, he doesn't currently practice, nor wish to thankfully.

[Croc]

What in the hell does it mean that his family is "watching him like a hawk"?!?! A grown-ass man can't go about his life as he pleases?!

Blu, I think you can do better. Find someone who isn't consumed with "issues."

Agreed.

I'm currently dating a Jehovah's Witness with less issues than that.

Are you into emotional masochism as well?? Jesus Christ...

He grew up one, he doesn't currently practice, nor wish to thankfully.

Oh OK, but then he really isn't a Jehovah's Witness then. That would be like describing me as a Catholic...um no.

[ocnblu]

Well, from what I take of it, the hawk thing is something some Latin female family members do. Mom, sisters, nieces, aunts, ex-wife... BLAH, good grief.

He also has no car and no job. He let his PA State Inspector's License lapse (to safety inspect vehicles) when he went to PR to look for temporary work, and he has to wait a month until the next round of classes before he can renew it. So yes, he depends on family for a lot, and he is depressed about it.

I've already blabbed too much here. I do thank you all for speaking your minds about it.