Pontiac vs. Vanilla

[ToniCipriani]

Probably an old joke, but I came across this while reading jokes about engineers.

--

The Pontiac that was Allergic to Vanilla Ice Cream

For the engineers among us who understand that the obvious is not always the solution, and that the facts, no matter how implausible, are still the facts ...

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

"This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame youfor not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: 'What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?'"

The Pontiac President was understandably sceptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well-educated man in a fine neighbourhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, the man got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data, time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavour. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store.

Vanilla, being the most popular flavour, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavours were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to find the flavour and get checked out.

Now the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem -- not the vanilla ice cream -- the engineer quickly came up with the answer: vapour lock. It was happening every night, but the extra time taken to get the other flavours allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate.

Moral of the story: even insane-looking problems are sometimes real.

Good thing mine isn't, and my version of the morale is: Pontiac and vanilla don't mix, so QUIT GIVING US REBADGED CHEVYS!!!

Edited April 4, 2006 by ToniCipriani

[Cory Wolfe]

Or bland midsize Epsilons... I want my Grand Am back!

[PurdueGuy]

That reminds me of a story told by one of my profs from when he worked with an aircraft manufacturer. They had this one helicopter that just kept having all kinds of problems with the rotors. They would take it apart and measure the crap out of all the parts trying to find the problem. All parts were within spec. After doing that several times, they decided to split up the rotors and put them on other helicopters, none of the original rotors remaining with each other, and different rotors put on the first helicopter. None of the helicopters had problems after that. It was apparently just a set of rotors that were all at the far high or low end of being within spec, and it caused problems.

[ToniCipriani]

If you like the Grand Am that much you should probably embrace Zarrella and ask him to personally build you an Aztek.

Mmmm... plastic...

[Cory Wolfe]

Hey... It's not my fault the G6 is a bland Camry wannabe while the Grand Am was sporty, aggressive, exciting, and completely Pontiac. For once... just overlook the cladding. I don't like it either. However, it's better than being bland. So... keep your Camry and I'll take my Pontiac. Thank you.

[ToniCipriani]

I have a friend with a Camry. Even he says my car looks better.

But wait... ANYTHING looks better than a friggin Camry. Period.

Edited April 4, 2006 by ToniCipriani

[z28luvr01]

BV knows how I feel about the G6 coupe, so I won't bother to say it. However, the GA was a pretty nice car after they gave it the Alero doors. I never was a fan of the aluminum-siding look on the SE, and the GT looked good in black (it minimized the cladded "look"). My biggest problem with the GA was the shape of the dashboard. What possibly could have been on te minds of the guys who designed it?

[Cory Wolfe]

Toni... that's not the point. The G6 is a Camry wannabe. It's bland. Period.

Z... Yes, that bland and weird coupe that's trying to be something it's not.

Anyways, I didn't like the Alero doors any better. For one, it was only on the sedan. And two, it didn't match the design. Again, though, I didn't like the cladding all the much either. Remember... my dream is to de-clad a GAGT coupe. No.. not giving it the Alero look, but doing something custom while eliminating the cladding and the Alero look.

Alright... back to the bland Camry wannabe, now.

[ToniCipriani]

If you're going to talk about Camrys, you should talk to Harry, not me. He has a Malibu.

[Cory Wolfe]

Yes, but the Malibu isn't a Camry wannabe... it's just ugly.

[Sixty8panther]

Now that's some funny $h!!

Here's one:

It's the early 1960s... The CEO of Nissan Automobiles in Japan holds an emergency meeting.

"Gentleman, we're going to make a whole new product, a car unlike any

other, a compact car for the USA market. It has to be stylish,

economical, fun to drive and easy to work on. Our marketing dept. is

hard at work already working out the details so we can shock the big-3

with a fantastic debut. We are going for a Chevy Vega meets Ford Pinto

type of car but more Japanese in character with more compact dimen-

sions. You guys, the engineers and stylists have your work cut out for

you, do you feel up to the task?"

A lone R&D tech in the back of the room asks: "When is the projected

roll-out date for this new car and what are we going to call it?"

The CEO without batting an eyelash responds: "three months!"

to which the Japanese engineer says: Dat Soon? " :wink: