A recent conversation

[ocnblu]

I usually go to my mom's on Thursdays for dinner. This week, the conversation turned to this:

mom:

"Did you see the movie Brokeback Mountain?"

"Yes"

"Did it have a lot of pretty scenery in it?

"Yes it did."

"I heard it was a good story. What did you do when they had their little love scene?"

"Sat there with the rest of the audience."

"Did you see a lot of gay birds there? You're not"/ (I cut her off mid-sentence)

"Most of the people there were ladies your age."/ on to a different subject chosen by her.

Sorry to blog up the lounge with yet another angsty thread on this kind of thing, it's just hard to take that leap into the unknown. I wish I had some semblance of guts, ya know? It's really retarded.

[Drew Dowdell]

You're still not out to your mom?

[ocnblu]

No, and like I said, it's really retarded.

[Drew Dowdell]

Ocn, she knows.... all moms know.

[CARBIZ]

Parents that grew up in a different time are very difficult to deal with on these subjects. My mother is now only 63. I came out to my parents when I was 15, so that was 1977. It took my mother (who would have only been 35 at that time) a couple years to come around. Later, when she had loosened up considerably and felt free to talk about my boyfriends, etc., she made the observation that most of her peers weren't comfortable dealing with their own repressed sexuality, let alone gay people's. Until our world loosens up and stops viewing sex as dirty in general, we'll never see any real progress.

She was a real trailblazer for her time - took the Pill in the '60s, bought it for my sister when she was 16, even packed off my youngest sister to New York for an abortion in 1984 because doctors here wouldn't do it. However, when it came to dealing with a gay son, she hit a brick wall. I persevered, and it didn't hurt that she liked my first long term boyfriend. I was 17 and he was 19. We were together 5 years. He even stayed with my mother for a while when he was taking a college course in her area.

It is easy for me to say now, but progress will only come by setting an example. So many of us have traditionally found it easy to hide amongst the "normals," rather than standing up and saying,"hey, I'm gay and you didn't even know that, did you?" But, hey - that's me. I'm the first to admit that when confronted by religious bigotry I usually shut up because I just don't want the confrontaton.

[ocnblu]

On Fridays, I usually go to lunch with some guys at work (including the person I recently posted about in another thread). Yesterday, there were five of us. We had a hot young waitress. As usual, "my" person was the only one to make sexist comments about her ("she's hot", "I'll give her a piece of chicken", etc.) When she brought out a second round of drinks, one of the guys blurted out to her (about "my" guy) "He's gay, ya know!"

Everyone laughed, I smiled, and she shut us all down with this:

"What's wrong with being gay? I'm gay! There's nothing wrong with it!" She just stood there, blonde, beautiful, and watched them all squirm and stammer... "Yeah, I didn't say there was anything wrong with it..."

I'm just sitting there taking it all in.

[Drew Dowdell]

On Fridays, I usually go to lunch with some guys at work (including the person I recently posted about in another thread).  Yesterday, there were five of us.  We had a hot young waitress.  As usual, "my" person was the only one to make sexist comments about her ("she's hot", "I'll give her a piece of chicken", etc.)  When she brought out a second round of drinks, one of the guys blurted out to her (about "my" guy)  "He's gay, ya know!"

Everyone laughed, I smiled, and she shut us all down with this:

"What's wrong with being gay?  I'm gay!  There's nothing wrong with it!"  She just stood there, blonde, beautiful, and watched them all squirm and stammer... "Yeah, I didn't say there was anything wrong with it..."

I'm just sitting there taking it all in.

Ocn, you sound like you're fairly butch. I would have responded "No, I'm the gay one."

When they all look at you wonderingly... just say... "What...as if you didn't know..."

This does two things. Admits that you're gay, and puts them on the defensive because they suddenly feel dumb because now it seems that it is A. something they should have already known. B. something that apparently everyone else already knows. C. Something you are obviously comfortable with them knowing.

It's a very easy way to diffuse someone like that.

Edited February 11, 2006 by Oldsmoboi

[Sixty8panther]

Absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.

Lesbians that would alow me into the bedroom to "assist" with their bits 'n pieces are the best kind of people going... :wink:

[staceface]

Sweetie, Oldsmoboi is right you know. I'm sure that if you told her she wouldn't be surprised - might even admit she'd been waiting for you to tell her. As a mom, I wouldn't ever want to offend my kid by asking them if they're gay. I also couldn't imagine not loving either of my daughters, especially for something they can't help.

You really want to weigh the stresses, I would imagine the stress of NOT telling her, is starting to weigh more than the stress of dealing with her reaction.

The plus side of this whole lunch is that you were wondering if the apple of your eye is gay, right? And it was revealed he is??

[ocnblu]

Thanks stace, you're right, I know this. It's just putting everything out there that's tripping me up, because I don't want to be "in your face" about things, ya know? I just want to be matter-of-fact, with no fanfare.

Oh... he's very ambiguous. It's maddening, and it keeps me hangin' on.

[trinacriabob]

Thought by the title this would have been a foible at work, but it's a foible with Mom instead...or the makings of one.

My advice: if the theme keeps on coming up with your Mom, you might have to say something. If it's an isolated occurrence, then don't say anything. I would have made a great psychologist as people tell me I am too analytical and philosophical (would sure as heck be more interesting than what I do).

A person I knew in Portland, referring to annoyance with people's wearing of their sexuality on their sleeve, once said "People have a sexuality, they are not their sexuality." Ocn, ahead of your sexual preference, you are: a male of a given ethnicity/age/religious conviction/political conviction, a person who probably does his (insert line of work) quite well, a decent writer and a car aficionado. I don't get it: why is it so important to know what you do for 1/2 to 1 hour of the day on selected occasions?

There are a couple of people at work who are "mysterious" in this regard. Except for one chick who has the prototypical lesbian "chip" which I only bring up because it gets in the way of getting things done, I really don't spend much time wondering...and neither should anyone else. Maybe I'm wrong...but I think Europeans, from being around relatives, don't dwell on this "status" thing as much as Americans.

You're not a coward. I don't think you owe anyone any explanations.

[staceface]

All excellent points made by Trina. You know, blu, if you don't start your conversation with the "gay - whatever", ie. gay lawyer, gay doctor, etc. I would suspect no one else will. I never call myself the "hetero lease manager"

[Drew Dowdell]

Thought by the title this would have been a foible at work, but it's a foible with Mom instead...or the makings of one.

My advice: if the theme keeps on coming up with your Mom, you might have to say something.  If it's an isolated occurrence, then don't say anything.  I would have made a great psychologist as people tell me I am too analytical and philosophical (would sure as heck be more interesting than what I do).

A person I knew in Portland, referring to annoyance with people's wearing of their sexuality on their sleeve, once said "People have a sexuality, they are not their sexuality."  Ocn,  ahead of your sexual preference, you are: a male of a given ethnicity/age/religious conviction/political conviction, a person who probably does his (insert line of work) quite well, a decent writer and a car aficionado.  I don't get it:  why is it so important to know what you do for 1/2 to 1 hour of the day on selected occasions?

There are a couple of people at work who are "mysterious" in this regard.  Except for one chick who has the prototypical lesbian "chip" which I only bring up because it gets in the way of getting things done, I really don't spend much time wondering...and neither should anyone else.  Maybe I'm wrong...but I think Europeans, from being around relatives, don't dwell on this "status" thing as much as Americans.

You're not a coward.  I don't think you owe anyone any explanations.

I agree and I disagree. Ocn doesn't have to be shouting "I'm Gay" from the roof tops with a fiddle, but he should be able to be comfortable talking about it when the subject of dating, partners, homosexuality, comes up.

Heterosexuals don't realize how much they "flaunt" their sexuality. Having rings, holding hands in public, having sport illustrated swimsuit calenders, talking about their wives or girlfriends, husbands or boyfriends.... all the while Ocn is supposed to just sit there and smile and not talk about his date with a hot guy?

I don't think so.

My BF and I make a point of being honest and open about our sexualities without being over the top with it. We mention each other as "my partner" in casual work conversation. We hold hands in public... walking on the street even. We try to set a good example of being open about sexuality without flaunting it.

I think Ocn can do it too.

[Drew Dowdell]

All excellent points made by Trina.  You know, blu, if you don't start your conversation with the "gay - whatever", ie. gay lawyer, gay doctor, etc.  I would suspect no one else will.  I never call myself the "hetero lease manager" 

You don't need to, everyone assumes. Especially so if you have a ring on your finger or pictures of your kids on your desk.

I'm not saying OCN should title himself the "Gay--- whatever", but open about it is still fine.

[Enzora]

Heterosexuals don't realize how much they "flaunt" their sexuality. Having rings, holding hands in public, having sport illustrated swimsuit calenders, talking about their wives or girlfriends, husbands or boyfriends.... all the while Ocn is supposed to just sit there and smile and not talk about his date with a hot guy?

That's the way with a lot of people from privileged groups. There's a disconnect in thinking that doesn't allow people to realize how insulting their behaviors can be.

[Chris_Doane]

Ocn, she knows.... all moms know.

I would have to agree with that. When I came out one of the first things said was "oh...yes we know that."

[NOS2006]

My mom definitely would be shocked if I came home and said I was gay.

Do you communicate with your father, ol' blu?

[Drew Dowdell]

My mom definitely would be shocked if I came home and said I was gay.

Do you communicate with your father, ol' blu?

But that's probably because you give all indications that you are straight. I doubt that OCN does.

[Satty]

My mom definitely would be shocked if I came home and said I was gay.

Do you communicate with your father, ol' blu?

sNOSage it is experiment time. Get your parents into the same room, sit them down and tell them you are gay. If they say something like, "Well it looks like the last horse finally crossed the finish line" then you have a pretty good idea of what they think about you. Try it, tell us what happens.

[NOS2006]

haha I was thinking about pulling my mom aside and saying it to her and telling her to not tell Dad, just to see what her reaction would be.

If I were to say it to my dad, he'd believe me straight up and say something along the lines of (no offense, dudes), "I always knew you were a f@#king fag. Get the f@#k outta my house, you f@#king queer."

I doubt he'd accept it so well lmao.

[Chris_Doane]

haha I was thinking about pulling my mom aside and saying it to her and telling her to not tell Dad, just to see what her reaction would be.

If I were to say it to my dad, he'd believe me straight up and say something along the lines of (no offense, dudes), "I always knew you were a f@#king fag. Get the f@#k outta my house, you f@#king queer."

I doubt he'd accept it so well lmao.

Not to be a downer or anything, but I dont think thats anything to "lmao" at.

I dont mean to say Im offended, but really, any parent doing something THAT asinine ain't funny. My first reaction certainly wouldn't be to laugh

Edited February 11, 2006 by CD/BP

[ocnblu]

That "father" wouldn't be worth a $h!. Nos, when you tell him, do you want me to be there to punch his ass out? I'll bring Viper, he can kick him in the shins a few times. Then maybe he'll settle down and give you a hug and things will get back to normal.

Yes, I am in contact with my dad. He lives 10 minutes from me. I have a good relationship with him, not as close as it could be, but that could be my fault as much as it is his. It's that retardation thing.

I wouldn't want any ugliness to occur between me or either of my parents. I hold them at arm's length now because of this. That should be another indicator to them, after all, I live so close now.

[NOS2006]

Well, I was actually trying to imply the reaction of a 70s father when his son "comes out" to him.

Really, my dad probably wouldn't be that harsh. He'd probably overreact because of shock, but in time he'd understand.

And, oblu, did you forget that I'm not going to need to come out?

[Chris_Doane]

'Blu,

Honestly, dont you think your parents have an idea? (How old are they if you dont mind me asking) I mean...when is the last time you "dated" a woman? Am I remembering right that you have other siblings in the area?

I don't get it:  why is it so important to know what you do for 1/2 to 1 hour of the day on selected occasions?

Bob!? Just 30-60 mins?? Let's give 'Blu a little credit. Edited February 11, 2006 by CD/BP

[NOS2006]

Bob!? Just 30-60 mins?? Let's give 'Blu a little credit.

I think he's talking about oblu's mother asking if he saw the movie..

[Chris_Doane]

I think he's talking about oblu's mother asking if he saw the movie..

Hah, you should go re-read his post then.

[NOS2006]

Hm, point seen.

[ocnblu]

I fell off the tuna boat in 1994 (NO OFFENSE TO OUR AWESOME FEMALE READERS AND THE MEN WHO LOVE THEM THAT WAY).

Yeah, I never talk about women in a "straight guy" way to anyone. I stay quiet. That silence should be deafening.

Shock?

[mute]

mmmm tuna...........lol

again blu your mom already knows and its not gonna make much of a difference

i mean remember the text you got from her that said dont be a cowboy? she knows your "queer" just dont make her think its cuz your really weird. let her know that its cuz your gay

lol in other words just go for it

Edited February 11, 2006 by mute

[ocnblu]

You're a very nice boy, mute. I like you.

[Cory Wolfe]

Well, Blu... I'll just say this, I've talked to my mom a few more times (about this and other things... like her talking to another guy, etc.) since she originally confronted me about everything last Sunday, i.e. when she basically said "I know you're gay." Anyways, she's since told me that even before she found out for sure by coming here and reading my PMs (yeah...), she lately had... assumptions that I might be. Considering that I'm not noticeably gay, have a few playboys/etc. by my bed, used to have some posters on my door, and have had my share of girlfriends, the last of which she helped me buy a ring for... It surprised me. Shocked me, really.

I'm not saying that your mom would be the same way, but maybe mothers really do just know these things. Although, I didn't really try to hide it the best that I could have. I mean, I've accidentally left the History on my PC in tact long after going to certain sites as well as have my favorites filled with pics and sites. So who knows... but my mom obviously wasn't the only one, according to others here.

Well anyways, she took it better than I thought, but she still wasn't completely fine with it or understand it. I had to clear a few things up with her like how this wasn't something I wanted or chosen and that I tried to like girls... stuff like that. She told me it wasn't easy for her to realize that I'm this way. It hasn't really affected either of us when living life as usual, though. We still act the same around each other. I thought she'd be rather quiet around me while she thought I'd suddenly be... open/out there to her. Not. She still bugs me and I'm still just as uncomfortable.

Now, though, my dad and the rest of the family.... Yeah...

[usonia]

Sorry to blog up the lounge with yet another angsty thread on this kind of thing, it's just hard to take that leap into the unknown.  I wish I had some semblance of guts, ya know?  It's really retarded.

ocnblu,

It's not retarded and it's not a lack of courage on your part.

I don't typically offer advice. I know too little about your situation. Even with what you've told us, I wouldn't dare suggest anything about something this personal without all of the details. What I will say is, don't compare yourself to anyone else because no one else's life is exactly like yours.

2 important questions you need to ask yourself are:

1. Why do I want to tell?

2. Am I ready to accept it if it doesn't turn out well?

I told my family because I got sick of all of the "How come you aren't seeing anyone?", "Don't you want to get married?", "Don't you want kids?", questions that I got whenever I went home. It just drove me over the edge and I did it in part to get back at them and shut them up. I don't think that was the best reason to tell, and in my case, it didn't turn out so well.

I didn't plan it well. I didn't have any gay friends at the time as a support group. I didn't really think about the 'after I told them' part. If I had it to do over, I would have done things differently. I think I probably would have told them at some point, but not when I did.

So, if it is causing you a great deal of internal strife and your reasons for telling make sense to you, then you probably should come up with a plan to do it. But do it because you want to, not because you think you ought to. Don't beat yourself up if you decide it isn't the right thing to do. It's your life and your decision and you are the one who will have to live with the choice you make.

Best of luck,

usonia

[Paolino]

'blu, I'm in the same boat... well, kinda. I told my parents. Several years ago in fact. They really didn't react so well... sounds like your mom would react just fine.

If it comes up again, be up front about it. If not, don't sweat it. Don't beat yourself up on this--it's just not worth it. It's not an easy thing to talk about. I know from experience.

*sigh*

[XP715]

Back in my day when someone found out their boy had a bad case of fairy they'd send 'em off to war; it straightened 'em right out!

Seriously though dude, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I agree with everybody that you don't have to make it a point to just throw it out there one day, but if it comes up again in a roundabout sort of way, as it did with your mom asking about the movie, why not tell her? Seems to me like she already has it in the back of her mind that you're gay if she asked you if you saw any gays there and then immediately had to toss in "you're not." That almost seems like she said it in hopes that you'd say something otherwise, so it could finally confirm what she's had an inkling about for a while. Like someone said before, it'd be disrespectful and embarassing for a parent to come right out and ask that sort of thing, but it seems like she's trying to give you an opportunity to speak up if you in fact need to. The thing you gotta remember too is that the right thing to do isn't necessarily the easiest thing to do, but you're probably gonna feel a whole lot better when it's out there and the two of you no longer need to walk on eggshells around each other because you're constantly wondering what each other's thinking or will think if certain things come up.

And for whatever it's worth, any guy who refers to his coming out as "falling off the tuna boat" is A-OK in my book

[Paolino]

And for whatever it's worth, any guy who refers to his coming out as "falling off the tuna boat" is A-OK in my book     

LOL, he's got a point... much better than when I say I don't like bacala. Today, I refer to the past as, "Back in the days when I was straight..."

[mute]

funny ive never had any that smelled like tuna.........well at least not that strong gross i dont want to know who your with lol

thanks blu we try

[trinacriabob]

I fell off the tuna boat in 1994 (NO OFFENSE TO OUR AWESOME FEMALE READERS AND THE MEN WHO LOVE THEM THAT WAY).

Wow. That's a caustic one. But since I can laugh at just about anything, it can be construed as funny.

On a more physiological note, they come in both "scented" and "unscented." I also once read that, in a poll, about 1/2 of the heterosexual males sampled did NOT like performing oral sex on their female sex partners (I'm keeping it medical and statistical, thus far). Also, in the sexual repertoire, there is a lot more which can be done besides that particular sex act, so it's not a "deal breaker."

You notice these Ocn posts really "stir up the pot"? I come across as mysoginistic and I have my reasons for being bitter. It doesn't come from the sex...it comes from the "mind f**k" in between the sex and that's the part that gets me to say "adios" every time, so I have to ask the following question since this thread is taking on a life of its own: what is it about the "mechanics" of heterosexual sex that don't work for you (singular or plural posters)? I'm wondering if that can even be answered in a generic and printable way.

But still, there is some truth to your observation so much so that several raunchy jokes use this as a focal point. I guess all we can do is laugh and know what company we can repeat those jokes in. The company that I keep says "bring it on" ( ) to all crass and politically incorrect sexual and ethnic humor.

Edited February 12, 2006 by trinacriabob

[Chris_Doane]

so I have to ask the following question since this thread is taking on a life of its own: what is it about the "mechanics" of heterosexual sex that don't work for you (singular or plural posters)?  I'm wondering if that can even be answered in a generic and printable way.

Hah, sorry my first reaction was to laugh. Im not sure I get what you are asking. I mean anyone is *able* to have sex with a woman. But the mechanics of sex with a woman aren't the reason(s) gay guys don't have sex with women.

Is that what you were asking?

Edited February 12, 2006 by CD/BP

[ocnblu]

When everything is boiled out of the pot and the steam clears, this is what you have left: what makes your d*** hard? It happens from time to time for all of us guys, but what makes it happen? That's how you know which way to point it in pursuit of happiness. That's how you know how you're made.

[Paolino]

what is it about the "mechanics" of heterosexual sex that don't work for you (singular or plural posters)?

When everything is boiled out of the pot and the steam clears, this is what you have left:  what makes your d*** hard?  It happens from time to time for all of us guys, but what makes it happen?  That's how you know which way to point it in pursuit of happiness.  That's how you know how you're made.

Exactly, 'blu stated it well. It's not about the "mechanics" so to speak, it's the fact that women are soft. Women are curvy. Women have higher voices. Women are physically weaker (in general). The type of man that gets me going, well, big, muscular, very deep voice, aggressive, and powerful.

So, why not date a woman bodybuilder on steroids? Uh, it still doesn't work the curves are just ALL wrong.

[trinacriabob]

The type of man that gets me going, well, big, muscular, very deep voice, aggressive, and powerful.

I'm sorry. I like to dish on PB but you threw out a good one, P from L.I.

My question to you: is that because that fills a void (bad choice of words) or, better yet, represent qualities you feel are lacking in yourself? I'm wondering because you mention these very specific attributes, yet nothing about personal characteristics.

My cousin was here visiting me a couple of summers ago and she is...well...quite flat. (We were at the beach a couple of years back with a group and I remember thinking that my pecs have more surface variety than what her bikini top was covering). As we were driving down the freeway in a rented God knows what, she was checking out a billboard with the Coors twins and all the cleavage that goes with that. I think, for instance, that a lot of "under-stacked" women are quite taken by a woman with full breasts. However, I seriously don't think she and most of the other captivated women are "carpet munchers."

So, there's a weird line between covetous acknowledgment and covetous attraction I guess.

[ocnblu]

CB: please check the thickness of the limb before climbing out there. Thanks! :AH-HA_wink:

[Paolino]

I'm sorry.  I like to dish on PB but you threw out a good one, P from L.I.

My question to you:  is that because that fills a void (bad choice of words) or, better yet, represent qualities you feel are lacking in yourself?  I'm wondering because you mention these very specific attributes, yet nothing about personal characteristics.

My cousin was here visiting me a couple of summers ago and she is...well...quite flat. (We were at the beach a couple of years back with a group and I remember thinking that my pecs have more surface variety than what her bikini top was covering). As we were driving down the freeway in a rented God knows what, she was checking out a billboard with the Coors twins and all the cleavage that goes with that.  I think, for instance, that a lot of "under-stacked" women are quite taken by a woman with full breasts.  However, I seriously don't think she and most of the other captivated women are "carpet munchers." 

So, there's a weird line between covetous acknowledgment and covetous attraction I guess.

Well, Trinacriabob, it's not exactly that I'm lacking all of those qualities--I'm pretty masculine when it comes to gay men. I am not the "stereotypical" gay, I hate shopping, LOVE electronics, dress like a straight man (little sense of fashion), and get this: I love breasts. Sure, wish my voice was a little deeper... maybe I wish I was built bigger, but that I can accomplish on my own.

I'm talking from a purely physical standpoint, that is the type of man I'm attracted to... I have more fun sexually with a bigger guy--for example, and not getting into too much detail, I love to wrestle around in bed. Can't exactly do that with a scrawny man when I'm a broad-built, 6'3" man myself, unless I'm into overpowering the guy every time. I like a challenge.

There are super-manly men who are attracted to other manly men. There are manly men attracted to flamboyant waifish men. And there are waifish men who are attracted to other waifs... TOTALLY depends on the individual.. has nothing to do with the qualities they're "lacking". Sure, it's possible for some, but in general. Do you crave breasts because you don't have your own? If that's the case, get some implants.

When not speaking of the physical, the attributes I'm attracted to are universal--both a man and a woman could possess them. I love intelligence... thrive on a great conversation, a different point of view, a dibate from another. I actually cannot, no matter how hot the guy is, be with a guy who's a complete dullard.... it just wouldn't work.

I love a motivated person, someone motivated in their career as well as personal life.

The guy I'm completely 100% insane over right now, well, to describe him he seems nearly perfect: built like a tank, athletic, incredible face, beautiful smile, dimples, talented in everything he attempts, brilliant--I mean, just absolutely brilliant--incredible sense of humor and quick-witted, diverse, adventurous, outgoing, romantic, masculine and caring. PHENOMENAL in the sack--like he should be in the Olympics. The list just goes on and on.

Edited February 12, 2006 by Paolino

[Drew Dowdell]

The guy I'm completely 100% insane over right now, well, to describe him he seems nearly perfect: built like a tank, athletic, incredible face, beautiful smile, dimples, talented in everything he attempts, brilliant--I mean, just absolutely brilliant--incredible sense of humor and quick-witted, diverse, adventurous, outgoing, romantic, masculine and caring. PHENOMENAL in the sack--like he should be in the Olympics. The list just goes on and on.

Awww... thanks Pauli...

[Paolino]

Awww... thanks Pauli...

Uffa... now if you were single Olds...

[Drew Dowdell]

Uffa... now if you were single Olds...

What's "single" got to do with it?

[Paolino]

What's "single" got to do with it?   

Hmmm... don't think your partner would be too happy LOL

[mute]

thats the grossest smiley ive ever seen in my life

[trinacriabob]

Well, Trinacriabob, it's not exactly that I'm lacking all of those qualities--

And I apologize if I implied that. I didn't, as I don't know you beyond your posts and your av. (Ocn slapped me around on that one, as you can see).

One side comment: your list is detailed and a little rigid and, whether hetero or homo, the setting up of tightly defined boundaries makes it damn near impossible to end up with anyone. We all need to ask ourselves: Are we perfect?

I'm going to drop it since I'm not getting it. It's amazing where Ocn's posts end up. Ocn, you damn instigator!

[Drew Dowdell]

thats the grossest smiley ive ever seen in my life

LOL, there are tons out there worse then that!