My wickedly funny work story

[cmattson]

Okay, here's the deal:

Back about 4 years ago, the company I work for had a company-wide (and this is an international firm mind you), mandatory week-end long meetings in Montreal. We were set to fly out on Friday, do all of the weekend bs and fly back on Monday. About the Wednesday previous, a co-worker of mine (Pete) and I were talking while having a morning cup of coffee. I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but Pete mentioned that a buddy of his in college used to pull this prank where he would tape a dildo to his ankle and then head out to a bar. At some point during the evening, when talking to the female gender, he's casually cross his leg and non-chalantly inch his pantleg up so that the tip of this thing would stick out below his pantleg. He'd do it just for the gag-effect. Pete said that women's reactions to it were funnier than hell. I jokingly suggested that we should pull this gag in Montreal at one of the corporate dinner functions.

Event #1: Friday morning, Pete and I were drinking coffee. Another co-worker (Don) is approaching from behind Pete --so that Pete doesn't see them. Pete mentions (loudly & jokingly) "Damn it, I forgot my dildo". Don (who doesn't know what is going on) proceeds to choke, spit, and spray coffee across the office floor.

A good 90% of the office bails out for their flights between mid morning and early afternoon. Pete and I are one of the few people that were unfortunate enough to have later flights. What do we do before we head to the airport? Find a sex shop. We each purchase a "cheap" dildo and bury them in our suitcases - hoping that Canadian customs don't decide to peal open our bags in front of some co-workers upon entry to Canada. Fortunately they don't.

Event #2: Saturday night, before heading down to dinner, we proceed to tape these extra units to our legs before heading down to dinner. Casually at dinner, Pete and I flank Don and while talking, slowly inch up our pantlegs. I never knew the man could fly. I think he bolted ten feet in the air. We (bravely) then proceeded to selectively continue the prank on various other co-workers. After sucking down some free booze, we then left the hotel and made a walking tour of various night spots around downtown Montreal. With lots of liquid courage we'd take turns calling each other "tripod" and hoisting our pantlegs to unsuspecting Canadian women while pointing at our exposed units and saying "look - we're American. I'll prove it to you".

Childish? Absolutely. Funnier than hell though. To top it all off, NWA totally F#*$#ed us on our return plane flight - and we were able to soak them for $1000 vouchers. That's the highest amount that I've ever scored for an airline screwup.

The weekend meeting bs was boring as can be. The rest of the trip was unforgetable.

Edited January 24, 2006 by cmattson

[trinacriabob]

What do we do before we head to the airport?  Find a sex shop.  We each purchase a "cheap" dildo and bury them in our suitcases - hoping that Canadian customs don't decide to peal open our bags in front of some co-workers upon entry to Canada.  Fortunately they don't.

I love this stuff. I could definitely get in on a prank like that as long as it didn't jeopardize my job. No, I can't top that story. The only thing that's exciting in my world right now is sparring with a semi-butch lesbian chick who is sort of an "intern" (not done with school) who works under me (no, not that way) and is mouthy on an ongoing basis. When I finished college and did so with good grades, I was always deferential to my superiors.

What the heck did Northworst do to cough up such money? I've never had THAT kind of luck...and jackpot.

[ocnblu]

cmattson, one word: EFFING BRILLIANT!

[cmattson]

What the heck did Northworst do to cough up such money? I've never had THAT kind of luck...and jackpot.

Well, I've gotta thank Pete again on this one. They overbooked the plane by about 9 seats. Then NWA had plane issues and had to switch in a smaller plane - so they then had about 30 angry people in Montreal. I was one of the unfortunates that didn't get a seat assignment, so I knew I was going to be jobbed & stuck in Montreal for a while. Pete had an assigned seat, so he boarded the plane. While waiting to get some crummy voucher, I hear the ticket agent's walkie-talkie (at the boarding desk). I vaguely hear something about duplicated seat assignments, blah, blah blah. Well, it turns out that when Pete got to his seat, there was somebody already there. It turns out that they had the same last name and the same first initial - which apparently caused the duplicate seat-assignment issue. Pete shouldn't have had a seat assignment on his boarding pass - but he did. Pete refused to leave the plane, claiming that he *had* a seat. They kept raising the voucher amount until he de-planed. When he came walking off of the jetway and claimed a $1000 voucher, I very loudly exclaimed "if he's getting a $1000 voucher, then I'm getting one too! " - solely to get the crowd behind me. The poor ticket agent didn't have much of a chance at that point. NWA got their *sses handed to them that day--I'm pretty certain that everybody there got the $1000 deal. Of course, I went from supposed-to-be-getting-home at 4pm to actually-getting-home at 3am (and still had to work the next day), but you can't really complain when you make out that well.

[NOS2006]

By just reading the bottom paragraphs, I thought you just stuck it in there with tight pants..

But holy $h! is that funny.

[Sixty8panther]

Wow... funny but weird. I'm surprised a few select members have not posted here yet.

[Satty]

Thats pretty funny. As in actually funny, something that has humor in it, even if it is a bit sophomoric. That is different from narrow minded 'yee'haw, lookee that there (insert name of import car here) just got rear ended" redneck humor, which is just making light of other people's misfortunes. Not cool.

[trinacriabob]

sophomoric.  That is different from narrow minded 'yee'haw, lookee that there (insert name of import car here) just got rear ended" redneck humor, which is just making light of other people's misfortunes.  Not cool.

Sophomoric can be good.

Hey, cmattson, How do you make pickled bread?

Answer: With dill dough.

[ocnblu]

Oh loooorrrrrddd....