Jokes - California

[Cory Wolfe]

Adam Corolla's show? Is he still doing the Love Line? It's been too long since I've last listened to it. Or... are you talking about something else? Perhaps something CA specific?

[Nick]

I've heard Adam Corollas show is ok. I haven't listened to it yet. I mean, I doubt it is anything like the king of all shock jocks Howard Stern. Of course that doesn't make it bad or anything. My mom used to listen to Howard and she says Adam is ok so far.

Edited January 20, 2006 by Nick

[Nick]

Adam Corolla's show? Is he still doing the Love Line? It's been too long since I've last listened to it. Or... are you talking about something else? Perhaps something CA specific?

I think he still does Love Line...not sure though...maybe he doesnt

But he has a new show now in Howard Stern's old spot. Out here in CA anyways.

Edited January 20, 2006 by Nick

[trinacriabob]

I've heard Adam Corollas show is ok. I haven't listened to it yet. I mean, I doubt it is anything like the king of all shock jocks Howard Stern. Of course that doesn't make it bad or anything. My mom used to listen to Howard and she says Adam is ok so far.

Adam and Dr. Drew are funny. They eff around too much in between calls. I like hearing them interact with the callers and get frustrated when there isn't as much of that as I would like.

They are pretty good at what they do. When someone comes in with a problem, they are able to "dial it" in fairly quickly...that's an amazing art.

[Cory Wolfe]

I think he still does Love Line...not sure though...maybe he doesnt

But he has a new show now in Howard Stern's old spot. Out here in CA anyways.

Oh yeah... that's right. West coast gets my favorite, Adam Corolla while East coast gets that douchebag... what's-his-name... Ah, who cares? He's a douchebag. I want Adam! Damnit, I hate how they split that up... I want Adam, damnit!

[Croc]

Crocmeister, do you plan to stay in the general area post SC?

Not a chance. Back to Indiana for me! Don't get me wrong, I do love California, but I would rather get rich in a place where my dollar goes farther. Also, I just don't have the mentality of most people here. I mean, I think things would be a lot different had I grown up here, but the Hollywood sparkle has worn off, and I'm getting frustrated with how closed in people are. You cannot get to know people! "Friends" seem to be determined by with whom you party most frequently, not how well you know people. I dunno...it may change, but right now it's getting pretty frustrating.

[LosAngeles]

Yeah, on CBS radio (formerly Infinity) stations that carried Howard Stern, LA and other Western markets got Adam Carolla, while NYC and other Eastern markets got...David Lee Roth? I heard that David's show was pretty "safe" sounding also.

They could just as easily have moved frickin' Mancow to 97.1 IMO....but I think Adam will get better.

[Turbojett]

82: You are semi-fluent in Spanish out of necessity, because you can't order food, buy gas with cash, or ask a grocery store employee anything without it...

(okay, that's a little politically incorrect, but its soooo true.)

Edited January 21, 2006 by Turbojett

[Nick]

Sad...but true...

Edited January 24, 2006 by Nick

[pow]

82: You are semi-fluent in Spanish out of necessity, because you can't order food, buy gas with cash, or ask a grocery store employee anything without it...

(okay, that's a little politically incorrect, but its soooo true.)

Don't blame 'ya... I know many people who can't discern between Punjabi and Spanish. :AH-HA_wink:

[The O.C.]

Ok, after falling asleep at 7 pm and waking at a weird hour....

Oh, that's right, with Croc being from Indy, that might have elicited a reaction.  And it did. 

To Turbo and Croc, LA does have people that suck in a big way and some women who are truly sn*t*hes.  It can be a very hedonistic town and this has filtered into segments of the population you wouldn't think would be affected by it, thanks in part to the entertainment industry. The tough part is not getting tainted by it.  A lot of people get sucked into that vortex, sometimes even those who come from normal families....they pick up that LA callousness. Growing up there, I knew a lot of normal people whose the families were of the "nuclear" variety, the kids went off to college and settled down afterwards.  It's just that those who are raising families are doing it in the West Valley, Valencia or, God forbid(j/k), in "the 909."

If anybody's life experiences have been broad, they'd be mine.  I am an LA native but then lived in Italy from 4 to 8, so I started school in a completely different language.  Then we moved to the NYC area and back to LA (my Dad missed the palm trees).  There are LA people who are not well traveled because we had it all in our backyard and then there are LA people who are very well traveled because of the abundance of nonstops out of LAX to Asia, Australia (it's the US gateway to there) and Europe. So, you are right, I don't function well where it's cold.

 

Ranking wise: I would say I like living in Cali best, without regard to the part of the state, though I did like living in Atlanta a great deal.  The weather was mild, the living was easy and I met a lot of great people with whom I am still friends.  And, as to shallowness, don't kid yourself because Atlanta has some incredibly shallow people.  It's the most important city in the SE United States so it's a place for people to make their mark.  Another thing is the Southerners (not all of them).  That sugar coated coyness and niceness is something I don't trust.  They can be very two-faced.  I would easily say that 80+% of my friends there were transplants from the Northeast or the Midwest...they were more genuine, IMO.  I never knew any Southern women because the "coy/debutante/decoration on a man's arm" mentality was offputting and I am sure they found me a little raw.  All of the girls I knew, again, were transplants.  I could be myself with them.

This thread went from jokes about California to incisive analysis of California vis a vis everywhere else.  Trippy.

Crocmeister, do you plan to stay in the general area post SC?

My turn! My turn! My turn! (...to chime in....)

I love L.A., I love Chicago, and I love New York.......but for entirely different reasons.

L.A. (or southern California in general) is my favorite place I've lived. Having not lived there, but spent LOTS of time in Chicago (when living in Detoilet) and LOTS of time in New York visiting.....I would rather live in southern California than Chicago or N.Y. or anywhere else I've lived.

My other half loves The O.C. but trashes L.A. all the time while singing the merry praises of NYC, where he lived. However, he's never spent ANY time up in L.A. although I've tried many times to get us to go up there and do stuff.

What I tell him, I would tell others is that just because L.A. isn't centralized like NYC and Chicago, doesn't mean that L.A. isn't just as dynamic and powerful of a city. It IS very much so. Yes, we have lots of skyscrapers downtown, but L.A.'s vibrant nightlife and social scene is not centered there like it is in the "city" in Chicago or New York.

Yes, it can be more difficult when everything is not centralized, but you know, I like the variety that adds to my life here. I don't HAVE to go to L.A. for culture, arts, entertainment, or fine dining. I CAN....but I don't have to.

As far as culture, the arts, entertainment, and YES fine dining, read any (supposedly) unbiased news and travel source and you'll see that L.A. compares VERY favorably with Chicago and even New York City (!) and even tops them in some areas.

History, we may not have.....we are too new out here. BUT we have an incredible arts scene, some of the best dining ANYWHERE in the country with a huge collection of award-winning chefs, and you cannot forget the awesome architecture out here.......our "lack" of history allows some GREAT 50's, 60's, 70's architecture that you just don't get anywhere else.

People? I've had more friends living here than anywhere else in the country and in GENERAL I find people here WAY more friendly than the east coast crowd....and WAY more accepting than the midwest our southern crowd. Yes we have egomaniacs here too....and we have people that are so overly full of themselves....but you have that in ANY city. You just have to refuse to wear a chip on your shoulder and if you run into those people, enjoy it for the "entertainment" factor if nothing else!

[ocnblu]

Croc, I have a problem with your attitude, but I wouldn't wish loneliness on anyone. Don't foresee a future for yourself being alone. Humans are just not designed to be lonesome creatures. I know, the stress is at times unbearable.

[trinacriabob]

My turn!  My turn!  My turn!  (...to chime in....)

Yes, we have lots of skyscrapers downtown, but L.A.'s vibrant nightlife and social scene is not centered there like it is in the "city" in Chicago or New York.

.......our "lack" of history allows some GREAT 50's, 60's, 70's architecture that you just don't get anywhere else.

People?  I've had more friends living here than anywhere else in the country 

True to point #1. Could you imagine what a stellar city Los Angeles would be if the CBD skyscrapers were at the water's edge (say Long Beach or San Pedro) and the city fanned out from there, which semi-circular beltways radiating outward.

I love that the architecture is irreverent. The Brown Derby is a brown derby. The Beverly Hills Hotel is pink. And the Cinerama Dome, with its hexagonal "snowflake" skin. What a cool place to go to the movies.

Except for some impossibly big-headed BPs, most people are pretty laid-back and accepting. Everyone is from somewhere else. I am a native and never felt like I belonged and some transplant didn't. Heck, my parents were from another country, let alone another state. The accepting atmosphere and the good weather lets people be themselves -- so many of my friends, and even their parents (whether from NYC or Cuba or Germany) with their accents and attitudes were hysterically funny. I've never found that outside of California. And, I'm sorry, the counterpoint would be Seattle, where the locals cast a disapproving glance at us "Californicators" for which I have a list of such experiences as long as my arm.

[trinacriabob]

Croc, I have a problem with your attitude, but I wouldn't wish loneliness on anyone.  Don't foresee a future for yourself being alone.  Humans are just not designed to be lonesome creatures.  I know, the stress is at times unbearable.

Yo, "Mr. Bold," Croc is well on his way to being a "frat rat," so that funk will soon end. I am sure the Crocmeister is an affable gentleman and will have no problem making friends wherever he goes. :AH-HA_wink:

[76ChevyTrucker]

Well since I'm from the South, or as some of y'all would call it, the DEEP SOUTH, I have to say that I love it here. Sure I liked Chicago and Atlanta and Orlando and Miami and Fort Lauderdale and Dallas, and all the other big cities, but I really like Montgomery, we have some good cultural stuff (There is a rather large Shakespeare theatre facility here), and we have movies, but we also have the things I really like. We have woods, and lakes and rivers and fishing and hunting and yes, even we have country music, which I like too. Although I am not your typical southerner, I like a lot of different musics simply because my parents believed that I should develop my own musical tastes (thank god). I know a good number of people from Cali, and Chicago, and New York (City and state) and I have to admit there are good ones and bad ones, I think that's the same everywhere no matter what. Going to the school I went to, The University of Alabama, I ran into a bunch of different people from a heck of a lot of different places, and I tended to get along with them as long as they didn't have their head shoved up their own ass so far that they'd have to far to breath, so yeah, there are definitely good people and bad ones. Now I will admit that I have an accent, but from what I can tell, every woman I know from elsewhere thinks its quite attractive (I dunno why its just southern drawl)

[Croc]

Croc, I have a problem with your attitude, but I wouldn't wish loneliness on anyone.  Don't foresee a future for yourself being alone.  Humans are just not designed to be lonesome creatures.  I know, the stress is at times unbearable.

What in the WORLD are you talking about?

Yea, you've made it pretty clear you aren't a big Croc fan, but I never guessed you'd built up some image into your head of someone deathly lonely and imagining myself alone...where did you get that from? I think you're projecting, because I don't recall ever posting being "lonely" here. I've re-read that post I made several times, and I really don't see where you got any of it. I'm not lonely here at all, and I definitely have a little group out here, but the people in general are just very closed off. If you have ever been to Southern California, you'd understand. I just prefer the friendlier midwestern people better, that's all my previous post said.

[Croc]

Yo, "Mr. Bold," Croc is well on his way to being a "frat rat," so that funk will soon end.  I am sure the Crocmeister is an affable gentleman and will have no problem making friends wherever he goes. :AH-HA_wink:

Again, no "funk" just the star-struck state of mind wearing off. See, you got me pegged pretty well; I have no idea where ocn gets this image of some introverted and lonely person, because anyone who knows me knows that's false. Where's Turbo or LA to back me up here? Seriously! Haha

[trinacriabob]

Going to the school I went to, The University of Alabama, I ran into a bunch of different people from a heck of a lot of different places

Now I will admit that I have an accent, but from what I can tell, every woman I know from elsewhere thinks its quite attractive (I dunno why its just southern drawl)

I have a good friend who is of the "Crimson Tide" variety. He's from Birmingham and living out West now. He told me he hated Yankees growing up and that, at another point in his life, he and I would not be friends. Now, c'mon, are Californians "Yankees?" They were panning for gold amidst rattlesnakes when the Civil War was brewing.

I love any accent...including the Southern one. I lived in Atlanta for 2 years between college and grad school. Dr. Laura's (douche bag) best calls come from Southern women who want to consult with her for a "morality check." I'm busting a gut in the process.

[LosAngeles]

Again, no "funk" just the star-struck state of mind wearing off.  See, you got me pegged pretty well; I have no idea where ocn gets this image of some introverted and lonely person, because anyone who knows me knows that's false.  Where's Turbo or LA to back me up here?  Seriously!  Haha

LOL, that's between you and him....

Nah, you're peace though. We're gonna have to run to one of these night functions with the rest of the crew.

add-on for trinacriabob: California fought for the North in the Civil war.

Edited January 24, 2006 by LosAngeles

[trinacriabob]

add-on for trinacriabob:  California fought for the North in the Civil war.

Awww, sheeeettt, I'm a Yankee after all.

[haypops]

This topic started off as humor so let's kick it up a notch

Bumber stickers

I'm not an alcholic - I'm Drunk -Alcolocis go to meetings

Jesus i coming -- look busy

Driver carries no cash -- he's married

Take your Ex out tonight -- (one bullet oughta do it)

Wife and dog missing -- reward for dog

4 out of 3 people -- have trouble with fractions

Drugs led no where -- but it's the Scenic route

I cild-proofed my house -- but they stillkeep get in

The shortest sentence is "I am" -- the longest "I do"

[trinacriabob]

I've seen "Jesus is coming....and boy is he pissed"

Dumb one I hate:

Driver carries no cash....he's married

51 % Sweetheart ... 49 % Bitch....don't push it

Actually, these are all dumb

[haypops]

Dumb one I hate:

Driver carries no cash....he's married

Are you married?

[trinacriabob]

Are you married?

No.

[Croc]

I don't think it's that funny simply because I don't carry cash on me at all. Ever. If a place doesn't take an ATM card or have an ATM at their establishment, they don't get my business.

[The O.C.]

I don't think it's that funny simply because I don't carry cash on me at all.  Ever.  If a place doesn't take an ATM card or have an ATM at their establishment, they don't get my business.

Speaking of that.....don't you HATE people that WRITE CHECKS in the line at the supermarket?

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!

And it's usually women.

[trinacriabob]

Speaking of that.....don't you HATE people that WRITE CHECKS in the line at the supermarket?

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!

And it's usually women.

Someone who has identified one of my biggest pet peeves.

You can pay with the CC, write ONE check later and collect frequent flyer points in the process.

I don't get it either and I've pointed it out tho the check writers. They give me a perplexed look.

Yes. It's ALWAYS women. Guys don't carry checkbooks. Mine stays in a desk in the den.

[Croc]

It doesn't bother me at all...

[turbo200]

Again, no "funk" just the star-struck state of mind wearing off.  See, you got me pegged pretty well; I have no idea where ocn gets this image of some introverted and lonely person, because anyone who knows me knows that's false.  Where's Turbo or LA to back me up here?  Seriously!  Haha

Croc's a cool cat.

But I wouldn't take offense to it Crocy, I think ocean took something you said and interpreted it differently. Now we can all get back to holding hands....

[turbo200]

when you're a starving actor in LA....you don't really go to supermarkets.... supermarkets come to you in the form of prostitutes, oh yeah! I don't know what I'm saying?

[haypops]

No.

Perhaps the adds to your dissatisfaction with this joke.

[AM6_Cutlass]

Thank you for reminding my why California is the last state I'd ever move to

We Californians get a lot of not so friendly ribbing around here; so here are some jokes to calm you all down.  Enjoy 

Californians

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You! 've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown,

and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball

cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license.

If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

[Nick]

I don't think it's that funny simply because I don't carry cash on me at all.  Ever.  If a place doesn't take an ATM card or have an ATM at their establishment, they don't get my business.

I'm glad I'm not the only one...

Cash is too dirty for my hands

I absolutely hate change though...can't stand the stuff...if it's quarters or anything larger I may put it in my coin dispenser in my car...if not I will just tell the place where I got the change from to keep it, or I'll literally just throw it on the ground or something...I hate it.

[Croc]

Change is annoying...it just piles up so fast! And it makes noise when you walk...ugh.

It isn't that cash is dirty, but that if I have cash, it needs to be in a wallet, and wallets take up way too much pocket space and bulge. It's like walking around with a big, square sign on your pants saying ROB ME!!

No. Cash sucks.

You know what they need? Little personal Debit machines for people. That way, if you owe someone money, just swipe your card on their Debit machine for the specified amount, and then it can be uploaded at home via USB to the computer and then the data sent to and from the banks involved. Cashless society!

[Nick]

It's only a matter of time before computer chips are installed in humans...

[Cory Wolfe]

Well... I love cash. Ofcourse... I live in a town of 4000 with very limited shopping, but still...

I do hate change, though. Don't want it and never use it.

[Croc]

Well... I love cash. Ofcourse... I live in a town of 4000 with very limited shopping, but still...

I do hate change, though. Don't want it and never use it.

Have you ever had plastic, though? Once you do, you'll never go back...

[Flybrian]

Yeah...yeah, we need cash. Period.

[Cory Wolfe]

Croc... it's different when only a few stores take plastic in your town.

[Nick]

I'm just wondering when the In N' Out's will convert fully out here...I mean, they have ATM machines inside, but it is a pain always having to take out cash when I want a burger...I just wish they'd change their registers to handle plastic.

[AAS]

I'm just wondering when the In N' Out's will convert fully out here...I mean, they have ATM machines inside, but it is a pain always having to take out cash when I want a burger...I just wish they'd change their registers to handle plastic.

I've seen a few that take credit cards. I don't mind carrying the cash, but I prefer using plastic for larger orders (upwards of $20).

[Robert Hall]

Thank you for reminding my why California is the last state I'd ever move to

Heh-heh... Cali is the 2nd state I'd move to, after Arizona... the remainder of my top ten would be blue states on the coasts, I think.

I'm not sure what my last place state would be...any state in the South or Texas and Utah would be towards the bottom of my list.

[Robert Hall]

As far as the cash money vs. plastic thing, I try and use the debit card as much as possible, but I do carry some cash money (a few yuppie food stamps--$20s) to use at the convenience store in my office building, as they only take cash and the nearest ATM for my bank is about 2 miles away...

[AM6_Cutlass]

Heh-heh... Cali is the 2nd state I'd move to,  after Arizona...  the remainder of my top ten would be blue states on the coasts, I think.

I'm not sure what my last place state would be...any state in the South or Texas and Utah would be towards the bottom of my list.

Actually urban Cali is where I don't want to be. Anywhere near L.A., San Fran or along a fault line. I think the mountians and small towns would probably be pretty good. Especially if I could find a nice bungalow neighborhood. Alaska would be my overall dead last. I hate the cold and absolutely couldn't stand the dark months. North or South Carolina (perhaps Georgia), far enough away from the coast to avoid hurricaines, but close enough to take a long weekend at the beach is where I want to be. Something like the HGTV dream home in NC would be ideal B)

Oh... and for all you that don't like touching money, you can just send it to me and I'll keep it "safe"

[CaddyXLR-V]

Speaking of that.....don't you HATE people that WRITE CHECKS in the line at the supermarket?

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!

And it's usually women.

Yes, it is very annoying. Usually thats what older people here use. I rarely see anyone under 60 use checks. I dont even use them to pay my bills. If it cant be paid online, I dont need it. I never carry cash, unless someone gives it to me because they owed me.

[LosAngeles]

Nick and Croc must be rich to not like coins.

[trinacriabob]

I hate the cold and absolutely couldn't stand the dark months.  North or South Carolina (perhaps Georgia), far enough away from the coast to avoid hurricaines, but close enough to take a long weekend at the beach is where I want to be.

I think those are good choices. I lived in Atlanta for 2 years. I liked it A LOT .... very clean and green, brick homes instead of the stucco I grew up with, a lot of nice and with-it people.

Every once in a while when I'd fly back to see Mom and Dad (then living in L.A.), I would get a numb/sick feeling when the plane took off from LAX and then turned eastward, watching the Pacific Ocean disappear. I would be landlocked in 4 hours. The consolation: Florida wasn't too far away and the Gulf beaches in the Panhandle are absolutely stunning...something unknown to the average American.