Think before speaking....

[daves87rs]

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - The last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back...

Or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few! people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'

I turned around and walked back out and never went back.

My husband didn't say a word... He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.

He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,

'I think I like playing with mens balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,

the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'

My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release

some pent-up energy and ran amok . I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'

'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, Bent over, spread his cheeks,

And yelled, 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,

turned to the weatherman and asked:

'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they

were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?

Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean,

so think before you speak!

[Camino LS6]

Flat awesome!

:rotflmao:

[Intrepidation]

OMFG

:rotflmao:

[ocnblu]

Ohhh, davie, that was fantastic! Thanks man!

[daves87rs]

I figured it was a good laugh....

[caddycruiser]

That freakin' kills...hah

[Robert Hall]

Hilarious.

[Oracle of Delphi]

Hmmm, I did something similar. I had taken my daughter to see the new Star Trek movie, afterwards I swung by to pick up my wife and go to dinner with her and my daughter, the wife was asking how we liked the movie. I said it was great, then I meant to say you have to see the new Captain Kirk and Spock, but what I said in a rather loud voice because the restaurant was crowded was, you have to see the new Captain Kock, there was long silence until I realized what I said and I could not stop laughing ...

[Cory Wolfe]

3rd and 6th are great.

[Drew Dowdell]

This is a post from a blogger I read. He runs a series called "Overheard". He lives in NYC, so he gets some good stuff.

Food Emporium, First Avenue, Wednesday 7PM

A young mother is shopping with her pre-school son in the produce department.

Mom: Stop touching everything! This is other people's food, don't you understand that?

Kid: What can I touch?

Mom: Nothing! We don't touch things in stores. We only touch ourselves.

She looks at me.

Mom: That came out wrong, didn't it?

I almost told her that I can think of a few stores near Times Square where touching yourself is pretty much required.

[Camino LS6]

I'm starting to love this thread...

[Drew Dowdell]

I have a problem repeating a certain error that happens frequently to me being an I.T. guy.

Change just one letter and the error "Insufficient disk space" comes out horribly horribly wrong.

I've done it for years.

[A Horse With No Name]

God, I needed that laugh!

Chris

[daves87rs]

Another one:

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back

[ocnblu]