---- What now? ----

[Sixty8panther]

Only about a half dozen times in my life have I found myself so depressed, angry, despondent, miserable & distressed that even cars & car related activities did not lift my spirits... even thoe sight of a '69 Camaro or a '50s Cadillac did not put a smile on my face. I have reached rock bottom in my life. I'm really so upset and have been of the past two days I can not even acomplish basic tasks like basic math. Marcia (girlfriend of 4 years) has as of two days ago told me that we are through. Over. Done. Not even a chance in hell that she will make an effort at our relationship. Does not love me anymore, in fact H-A-T-E-S me. And of course our 22month old daughter Sofia is caught in the middle of this cluster f**k of a tornado taht is fast approaching. Broken Home Separation Bitter arguments Custody Visitation Child Support Payments It's all so damn depressing to me I keep having really bad thoughts of putting myself out of the misery of the next few days, weeks, months & years of my life. I want us to be a family. I ahve my faults but I still love Marcia and I want the three of us to be a loving household. The most screwed up part is that as recently as 4 days ago we had a nice romantic evening with ALL that comes with it and discussed trying for a second baby since we do not want Sofia to be an only child. I was and I hated it. I have a terribel temper and have been making small changes to improve that... there's a lot of crap that happened in our past but overall I really thought things were getting better... then I found out that she was lying to me and and sneaking around behind my back and all this other bullshit and I confronted her about it and she says: "I have not had faith in this relationship lasting to months now, and I'm just preparing myself for the inedidable, we need to move on...." I don't want to write a whole damn book about our past but let's just say we both made a lot of dumb mistakes. Since we both love our daughter Sofia more than life itself I always thought it would work out between us though. For the first time in everal years even a long roadtrip is not cheering me up at all. Normally if I'm really pissed or upset a 20 minute drive in one of my beaters does the trick. I get focused, work it out in my head, accept the situation and go on with my life. But even hanging out with a couple friends tonight and taking a long spin in a gorgeous '79 Coupe DeVille did NOTHING for my mental well being, blood pressure or strees level. I feel so emotionaly drained and hollow inside that GM goign bankrupt right now could not possibly make me feel any worse than I possibly am, and on the flip side even a 5th gen. Camaro intro would not be able to lift my spirits. For those of you that know me you know that means I feel my life is over. My brain says I have to move on with my life and pick myself up off the floor, my heart says I can't go throught this nasty, viscious breakup and I'd do anything to be able to be a family again. Me, Marcia & Sofie. I guess like they say you don't ever appreciate what you have till it's gone. :mellow: Advice is always appreciated. I'm out of ideas. :(

[Paolino]

Wow... what a post to come back to after not checking out the lounge in weeks! Sixty8, I'm so sorry to hear what's going on. Taking your own life is not the answer, it solves absolutely nothing, and you must think of Sofia--she needs a father. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I just want to say that there are MANY people who improve relationships after splitting up--even if they're not improved to the point of being a couple, sometimes they're improved where you can become friends. It is important for Sofia's sake that you try to get along with Marcia, even if it doesn't work out into a relationship again. You need to be there for your daughter, and I'm sure Marcia will understand you being a very important part of her life. As for you, you're a good-looking intelligent guy who may have made some mistakes in the past, but you realized them and resolved them. I'm not sure what else to say--I don't know you too well, but you seem like a great guy. Life is weird... it throws you curveballs all the time. You just need to be as strong as you can right now, if not for yourself, for Marcia and your C&G family that loves ya :)

[staceface]

Sly, STOP IT RIGHT NOW! ending it all is the one choice that CAN NEVER BE FIXED! everything else that happens to us can be fixed, can be reversed, can be dealt with. If you can't think for yourself, think of the stigma and the distress it will cause Sofia as she grows up and doesn't understand. What possible thoughts will she have? "my dad wanted to be with me full time and was so upset that he chose to NEVER be with me" - will make no sense to her at all. Relationships are fragile, you're right. And we never do appreciate what we've got until it's gone, you're right about that too. And you have mentioned on the site that you and your girlfriend have been through a truck load of crap together. The only thing is that sometimes there IS too much history. Sometimes there are things that happen that you can't get past, or words spoken in anger and hurt that can't be forgotten. You can't change the way someone feels about you. You can't MAKE her love you. Even if you love her more than anything, and would do anything for her, she isn't getting what she needs out of your relationship. As harsh as it sounds, its true, right? Don't hold that last romantic night against her, she may have been trying really really hard to recapture days gone by. My only thought would be to stay adult. Be amicable. Share Sofia as two parents should, be accomodating (but not a doormat) and make your child support payments on time. There are only two possible outcomes here: behaving that way will pave the way for a future friendship that you NEED to maintain because you guys share a daughter, or your after breakup behaviour will maybe open the door to reconciliation. You guys are tied together for life with a beautiful little ribbon named Sofia. Don't lose sight of who's important here. Remember, Sly, BREATHE. This too shall pass. I wish you all the best, and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. <hug>

[Sixty8panther]

Taking your own life is not the answer, it solves absolutely nothing, and you must think of Sofia--she needs a father.

If you can't think for yourself, think of the stigma and the distress it will cause Sofia as she grows up and doesn't understand. What possible thoughts will she have? "my dad wanted to be with me full time and was so upset that he chose to NEVER be with me" - will make no sense to her at all.

I know. You guys are 100% correct, it's the fact that I have lost any remenance of a healthy state of mind that really worries me. I'm in a very dark mood... no light at the end of the tunnel from where I stand.

What I did not mention that is very relevant here is that Marcia has a lot of health problems and she asked me to be a "stay at home, work out of the house dad" and help her build her Business. That's what I've been doing the past two years. I have not worked in a car dealer for almost 2 years and in the mean time I take care of Sofia 99.95% of the time from the time she wakes up untill Marica wakes up at like 12:00 or sometimes as late as 2:00. She's got a severe back injury, Lupus and even though she is told by the doctors that smoking is killing her she still does it anyway.

IN other words, while taking care of Marica off and on when she throws out her back or wahtever, being the permanent day care for Sofia (we have NO babysitter, she's only been watched over-night by parents or family about 7 times in the past 2 years) and working my ass off at home to help build up HER bussiness I have dedicated myself to her.

So in other words I am Sofia's caretaker 70% of the time... Recently we've had these nasty fights and Marica barrely sees Sofia. She got up at like 1:00pm, drove off to her appointment and came home at 2:00am after haning out at a "platonic male friend's" house and blowing me off.

If crap goes the way Marcia wants Sofia will go from seeing me 70% or so of the day on average to seeing me twice a month or whatever. Just the thought of it is breaking my heart.

The problem wiht me, that I need to work on is I need counceling, WE need counceling actually. I'm too much like my angry and insensitive dad and Marica is a Type-A personality to the max. The combination cane be lethal. Still I want to work it out, go to counceling or whatever it takes while for months now she's just wanted to walk away.

My entire life is a clusterfuck right now... both the Coupe DeVille and STS got vandalised on different days in different towns so perhaps I have some enemies or some crap. The STS's windshield got smashed using a crow bar or smoething big... it's 1" away rom the roofline which would have and could have totalled the car. And some asshole chucked a full glass bottle of Snapple at the Coupe DeVille and you wouldn't believe how much damage THAT did to the hod and "spear" trim.

Not that I even care about the cars right now, they could all get totaled and I'd still be hardpressed to give a damn. Thanks for "listening" guys. Edited November 5, 2005 by Sixty8panther

[ocnblu]

God, I wish there were something I could do or say to help, Sly. I hope you know there are people here who are hanging with you. You gotta keep on plugging away for Sofia. She loves her daddy.

[Nick]

OMFG...I just had like a whole long thing typed out and my firefox decided it would die... Anyways...Sorry to hear about your situation Silvester...as Stace said, this too shall pass. The universe tends to work itself out and everything falls into place in time. You are a great guy and a great father. I foresee everything working out for you though. crap happens, unfortunately this is some pretty big crap especially because your daughter is caught in the crossfire. But things will work out eventually (and hopefully for the better). You have my condolences. I know I live pretty damn far away from you, but if you need anything, I'll do my best to help out in any way I can. If you want to talk or whatever it may be, I'm here for ya. (btw, brought 'em back for ya :AH-HA_wink: ) VVVVV Edited November 5, 2005 by Nick

[Cory Wolfe]

Damn... I don't know what to tell you, Sixty8. I just hope things get better for you.

[the_yellow_dart]

Hang in there man. I've been there (not the exact situation but the mental state) Things always change.

[Variance]

Damn, sorry to hear about your problems Sixty. The best advice I can give is if you can't work it out with Marcia you at least tell her is it not fair to punish your daughter just because you guys can't get along anymore. I'd make every effort to still be more than an occasion in my child's life. Still, I'd still try to work it out with Marcia so it wouldn't have to come to something like that. People often say things they don't mean when they are angry or upset. If you still care for her, counseling or even just having a long and open sit-down may make a difference. Maybe the two of you could take a small trip or vacation to some relaxing place. Just get away for awhile. Hope everything works out for you.

[regfootball]

Just believe that being there for your daughter in whatever way possible is the best thing. Whatever is bound to happen between you and Marcia will take its own course (good or bad) and through it all, keep your eye on the prize and you will find a way, in some way, to be as big a part of your daughter's life as you want and she needs you to be. If Marcia is a type A as you say, well, I've known and even been with some type A's and I can say that those types have such a need to be around so many people and always need large amounts of attention and affirmation. Not knowing your situation with her first hand, maybe she simply has such a hunger for friends and human contact and affirmation from so many, that her demands simply overwhelm your ability to keep up. Type A's need to have it all and are so high maintenance. And maybe she isn't old and mature enough yet to realize she can be happy with what she already has. No one is an expert I guess so I could be just spewing crap, but panther I'd hate so much for you to be trying so hard to please her and yet still not being able to please her, if you know what I mean. I am always a proponent of trying to make it work, but it sounds like you are more than willing. She may not be in that place yet. It sounds from your description that you've been giving and giving and giving and it still is not enough for her. I am sure if you say your temper can be bad, but you are working to improve that, that can only help. But I can't imagine that your temper isn't justified sometimes if she is lying, making you work your ass off and change your livelihood for her, and she is being with other 'platonic' male friends. It sounds like maybe her health issues contribute greatly to both your overall stress as well. All things heal over time its just, in what form do they heal? It seems like you could use some help from friends and family to have some occasional hands around the house. But with our two year old and no family or friends real close, I know totally how hard it is to find that occassional helping hand to make things easier in the day to day life. Although breakup is ultimately one possibility, you have to believe to the core of your very being that you cannot give up on the chance of making it work just yet. She says it is ending already. I would say you are just beginning a next step and you would rather see where that goes instead of packing it in. Tell her you have invested so much in your relationship and now with your daughter you only feel more committed to make it work and that you would feel cheated for the rest of your life if you both didn't commit to staying together and building your family and relationship. You need to ask yourself if you love her as much or more now than you ever have. If so, you cannot let her back out, because of how much you value her and your daughter. If she cannot commit in a renewed way on the same level, then you need to move on to the next step. You need to ask her to say she can commit to you, and you only. Lay all your cards out on the table. Tell her you love her beyond anything else and you promise to be commited to her and rebuild your relationship. I would give her an ultimatum to do the same. If it turns out her interest lies elsewhere, with another, or anything like that, than YOU are being cheated. But please don't ever think of ending it, because so many people need you in your life. You can make it through the setbacks....it will be harder than anything....but if for anyone, know that your daughter needs to have you there, because she already loves you so much. And you'd want to be here when the Camaro comes out finally in 2015 or whenever, anyways. Imagine a fossilized Lutz trying to crawl in and out of a 2015 pony car. That alone is worth hanging around for. Edited November 5, 2005 by regfootball

[FUTURE_OF_GM]

Geez man, I'm very sorry to hear all of this.

The worst things always happen to the best people IMO.

I don't claim to be an expert on this, or controlling bad/fostering healthy emotions obviously because of my negativity and curse of being a type A as well. But I can give you a few tips from past experiences.

[quote]Only about a half dozen times in my life have I found myself so depressed, angry, despondent, miserable & distressed that even cars & car related activities did not lift my spirits... even thoe sight of a '69 Camaro or a '50s Cadillac did not put a smile on my face.

I have reached rock bottom in my life. I'm really so upset and have been of the past two days I can not even acomplish basic tasks like basic math.[/quote]

First thing you have to do is find a way to turn this negativity into something positive. I would suggest volunteering or helping people out. It's a proven fact that when we help people it boosts our mood.

Do not do like I did, which is find a negative outlet for this energy and harden it into anger or self loathing. You're a great guy 68 and there is a reason that you sacrifice your own well being for the well being of your daughter and Marcia. Remember that, and as much as Marcia might be reluctant to admit it, she too knows the truth.

Get help. If the negativity continues, then I would suggest seeking help via a psychiatrist or someone in the field. There is NO shame in seeking help no matter WHAT others might tell you. I come from a proud family that believed that mental problems and seeking help for those problems carries a stigma until I had to seek help for my problems. A lot of times, just having someone listen is excellent medicine. And, although I don't openly recommend it, (I made this mistake too) there's always prescription drugs.

[quote]It's all so damn depressing to me I keep having really bad thoughts of putting myself out of the misery of the next few days, weeks, months & years of my life.[/quote]

Never give up!

We come to this site everyday, you and the rest of us, because we believe in something. We fight everyday for fairness in media, or for GM to produce a new Camaro. Eventhough GM is down and out right now, and some would say, not salvagable, are you ready to give up and let the company and all it stands for die? This analogy is a direct comparison to you. You get up everyday because you believ in something. You believe in providing for your daughter and and helping Marcia. Just because you're down and out doesn't mean that your mission in life and what you believe in should be put to rest.

I'm a firm believer in fighting your hardest when something is inevitable. When I'm down on the mat is when I have the most desire to get right back up and fight and I think that's what should be applied in this situation. You have a purpose and people who depend on you, don't let a few obsticles get in your way.

[quote]I have a terribel temper and have been making small changes to improve that...[/quote]

The more you explore why you are the way you are the more you will begin to understand and control your temper. You will begin to understand why you get so angry about things and this will result in greater control and predictability. I know this as well, since obviously I am cursed with a bad temper just like you. I would suggest researching personality type.

[quote]My brain says I have to move on with my life and pick myself up off the floor, my heart says I can't go throught this nasty, viscious breakup and I'd do anything to be able to be a family again. Me, Marcia & Sofie. I guess like they say you don't ever appreciate what you have till it's gone.[/quote]

I cannot begin to imagine what you're going through because I've never been there but I think your heart is very much in it because you feel this way and that's a good thing because you'll endure. It's much better than not feeling anything at all.

[quote]I know. You guys are 100% correct, it's the fact that I have lost any remenance of a healthy state of mind that really worries me. I'm in a very dark mood... no light at the end of the tunnel from where I stand.[/quote]

I think this is a matter of perspective... I find myself in this state of mind a lot as well. But from your perspective there is light at the end of the tunnel and that light is your daughter. Afterall, she is the most important thing right?

[quote]If crap goes the way Marcia wants Sofia will go from seeing me 70% or so of the day on average to seeing me twice a month or whatever. Just the thought of it is breaking my heart.[/quote]

Given what you've told us and given what I know of you I tend to think it'll be the other way around. First because you seem to be the more responsible parent anyway, secondly because your daughter will WANT to be with you and third because I don't think there is a court in the state that wouldn't be on your side if things went that far.

I hope things work out okay and I'm sure they will.

PM me if you ever want to talk more.

AIM: FUTUREofGM

[VenSeattle]

Your life can not improve if you commit Suicide. There's always an opportunity of improvement as long as you're still alive. Since you're at rock bottom now, it can only improve over time. Your daughter will have an easier time surviving a broken home than living life with a father who commits suicide. You should consider what it will be like to not attend her high school/college graduation or not be there to give her away at her wedding. Your responsibilities to her haven't changed even though you and Marcia are through. Best thing for you and Sofia both are for you to pull yourself through this difficult time and begin rebuilding your life. Therapy is HIGHLY recommended, not because I think you're unstable, but because talking with professionals will help you identify and correct behavioral issues that you or your friends may not know how to uncover and correct. If you have issues with being stalked or hunted, I recommend seeking legal protection as well. Hang in there. :)

[Croc]

Get some help. Rx Drugs work wonders. And you better be prepared for a long bloody custody fight. If Marcia wants Sofia so badly, she's gonna make you into a rage-prone nutcase and you are going to have to prove otherwise. She will drag out everything she can, especially if she says she "hates" you. No offense, but she might even bring up the infidelity. How are you going to counter that? You need to be prepared. Get a lawyer. Remember though that whatever custody agreement you work out will hamper career moves if you ever have any. You probably won't be able to live outside of your region without rewriting custody agreements. Child support? Yea...not fun. I really suggest a lawyer. And some Xanax.

[Flybrian]

Custody battles are super fun. Try being in one; I was. You wouldn't believe half the things my mother said about my father to the court, factual or otherwise. I was shocked myself. Anyway, good luck.

[griff7774]

Sorry to here about break up......I belive you were given some good advice in the previous postings. so I will add a couple of one liners for personal strength... Keep Your Head Up. Hang in There. Love is Stronger than Pride.

[Croc]

BTW did I mention Xanax? and keep it a secret from Marcia...ANYTHING can be used against you. Does she know about all the stuff you post on this site? I cannot remember if any of the softcore porn pics you posted were after the big meltdown or not, but if she goes on here and searches and finds all that stuff, better watch out. Or even the posts above where you mention your temper. Honesty is NOT something you need to be for these battles. Don't acknowledge the temper or rage blackouts or what have you.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

To those of you recommending someone take prescription drugs, I would suggest otherwise. People in my family have taken that crap, and have gotten addicted in the process, and the result of such made things worse. Hell, it's already cracked apart my uncle's family and he's setting in a detention center right now. All I can say is hang in there, man.

[Croc]

there is a big difference between taking prescription drugs and abusing them. they ARE medicine...very powerful meds. They do help a lot of people and while I'm not trying to imply your family abused them or did anything criminal...they aren't "unsafe" and "bad" because they help a lot of people every day. You jsut have to treat them like the potent pills they are.

[z28luvr01]

Sixty8 I'm so sorry. I can't say I've been in your situation, but I have gone through a few times in my life where I've felt nothing but despair. Whatever you do don't take your own life. Realize that God put you here on this great big ball for a purpose. You're a father to Sofia and a friend or relative to many. All of these people want you alive. There's some great advice for you in this thread, especially the part about volunteering to help others. You'll be surprised how good you feel when you know you've made someone else's life a little better. Stay away from drugs. It's like putting ice in your radiator to stop your car from overheating. All it does is mask symptoms. It doesn't fix anything, and may make things worse if you start to become dependent on them. As another possibility, have you and Marcia looked into the idea of counseling from a neutral third party to try to fix things between you two? Most people don't like to, but sometimes that's what's needed. And you may not even have to spend a fortune to do it, lots of churches and non-profit organizations offer services like that. Any relationship can be saved if both parties are willing to swallow their pride, acknowledge their role in the dispute, and move forward towards a common goal...in your case Sofia's well being. You may or may not ever love each other again, but if you can at least forge a working relationship with Marcia and settle peacefully without the help of lawyers, then it'll be all the more easier on Sofia. I don't know if anything I said makes sense or is of any good, but know that I'll be thinking and praying for you. If you want to talk more, PM or IM me.

[Sixty8panther]

Thanks guys... as a few of you mentioned the simple act of confiding all this crap to you guys is therapy in and of itself. I'm not the type to air out my dirty laundry but I was feeling real despondent the past two days.

We talked today, actaully talked instead of just screaming back and forth and I have come to realise I have to make some serious changes in my life... I'm feeling much better because we worked out a "worst case scenario" of me still living here and having unconditional custody without involving the courts and all that other B.S. I have to remain cordial and polite and we can "live" togeather without being in a relationship. Sounds like a decent plan on paper but from my past experience, children aside it never works out. :(

Best case scenario she says she'll consider family counceling if we can come to an understanding about our possible future without draggin up old crap. In other word move forward and learn. This is what I'm hoping for. I really really wish I could just wave a magic wand and have us be a family again. I guess I have been neglecting her emotional needs again recently, ad with all this Coupe DeVille/ Demolition Derby Volvo bullshit I guess I have been neglecting her. Sometimes I confuse intimacy in the bedroom for quality time. It's very confusing wiht her because that element fo our relationship can be fantastic and consistant but yet she still feels like I don;t 'love' her.

As much as I used to be very opposed to therapy I have come to realise that I do need it. I stil think there's plenty of B.S. in the field of Psychiatry and our last councelor (back in 2003) did little to help the situation. Marcia also blamed him for taking sides wiht me since he was 1. MALE, 2. Automotive fanatic. In the end it only opened up old wounds to yell at eachother in this guys office once a week.

I have realised one sad truth this week. The real curse of my father's viscious temper was the fact that I grew up to be a lot like him. I have a very short fuse myself and when I get angry and the ones I love I lash out and sometimes get insulting or even degrading. The day I up and walked out of my parent's house never to live there again I thought I left my dad's anger issues & hurtfull personality behind but it was already deeply rooted into my personality.

Regardles of all the hurtfull things she has dome to me I've done my fair share in the past and I have come to realise the dynasmic of our relationship has made her feel cornered and trapped. Some of the really hurtfull things she's done to me werte as a result of me not listening to her needs. It's a good thing I guess that i'm accepting responsibility but it's a fine line between accepting my faluts and errors and just plain turning the other cheek without dealing wioht the problem. Still I feel like I made a ot of mistakes when it was just me and Marcia. Since Sofi has ben in the picture I'd never try to seek out another relationship in secret or lie to Marcia about my whereabouts.

I need the therapy (god I hate that word) even if we do not stay togeather, and I think it is necessary for me to make sure I can maintain a healthy relationship wiht Sofia as she grows older.

As far as those that suggested meds... I'm very anti-controled substance in any shape or form. (not a put down it's just my personal belief) I do not do any kind of drugs unless absolutely necessary. Vitamins is about all I take in the shape of a pill. I have taken maybe 7 or 8 Tylenol in my entire life... and have never done any kind of prescription drug outside of an antibiotic.

Last year for the first time I tried pot after some adult peer pressure and it did nothing for me. I guess this is the case the first time for some. I feel no need for it. When I'm in a healthy state of mind a trip to Barnes & Noble Automotive section, a carshow or even a ride in the Camaro does wonders. I'm almost always against putting foreign substances into my body. Although to be 100% honest. last night if I had access to a sedative or something elser that would have calmed me down and shut off my brain I would have been tempted.


ONce again guys, I'm overwhelmed with how much caring and empathy you guys displayed in your posts and I thank you for the genuine advice.... every siongele on of you had good advice to give. I'll keep you posted as to what will happen. I'm still praying for Marcia to give us another chance.

And you'd want to be here when the Camaro comes out finally in 2015 or whenever, anyways. Imagine a fossilized Lutz trying to crawl in and out of a 2015 pony car. That alone is worth hanging around for.

I actually cracked a smile today while watching the Simpsons 3rd season DVD with Sofia... this was funny enough to make it #2 today. Thanks Reg. :)

[Sixty8panther]

Maybe the two of you could take a small trip or vacation to some relaxing place. Just get away for awhile.

[post="38965"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Variance: I think you struck upon a good point here... we live togeather and both work out of the house but yet months go by without any real quality time togeather. I think we went "out" more as a couple when she was 6 months pregnant than we do now. I made this suggestion myself today. It is a problem that is deeply rooted in the realtionship that we have all our free time separately.

[tmp]

I hope you won't be offended by the suggestion, but you do need therapy. So does Marcia. The great thing is that you realise your anger issues and want to work on them. Marcia, however has issues that she needs to deal with. Having Lupus and continuing to smoke is either a form of second-degree suicide or the inability to deal with her disease. I really hope things work out for you both, for the sake of both of you and your daughter. But even if they don't, keep your daughter in mind- killing yourself will scar her in ways you can't even imagine.

[Flybrian]

Just so you know, Sixty8, don't do anything stupid like suicide, no matter how depressed you are. If you do, FWD wins.

[Croc]

Yea, and unibody. Don't forget unibody Fly!

[regfootball]

Thanks guys... as a few of you mentioned the simple act of confiding all this crap to you guys is therapy in and of itself. I'm not the type to air out my dirty laundry but I was feeling real despondent the past two days.

We talked today, actaully talked instead of just screaming back and forth and I have come to realise I have to make some serious changes in my life... I'm feeling much better because we worked out a "worst case scenario" of me still living here and having unconditional custody without involving the courts and all that other B.S. I have to remain cordial and polite and we can "live" togeather without being in a relationship. Sounds like a decent plan on paper but from my past experience, children aside it never works out. :(

Best case scenario she says she'll consider family counceling if we can come to an understanding about our possible future without draggin up old crap. In other word move forward and learn. This is what I'm hoping for. I really really wish I could just wave a magic wand and have us be a family again. I guess I have been neglecting her emotional needs again recently, ad with all this Coupe DeVille/ Demolition Derby Volvo bullshit I guess I have been neglecting her. Sometimes I confuse intimacy in the bedroom for quality time. It's very confusing wiht her because that element fo our relationship can be fantastic and consistant but yet she still feels like I don;t 'love' her.

As much as I used to be very opposed to therapy I have come to realise that I do need it. I stil think  there's plenty of B.S.  in the field of Psychiatry and our last councelor (back in 2003) did little to help the situation. Marcia also blamed him for taking sides wiht me since he was 1. MALE, 2. Automotive fanatic. In the end it only opened up old wounds to yell at eachother in this guys office once a week.

I have realised one sad truth this week. The real curse of my father's viscious temper was the fact that I grew up to be a lot like him. I have a very short fuse myself and when I get angry and the ones I love I lash out and sometimes get insulting or even degrading. The day I up and walked out of my parent's house never to live there again I thought I left my dad's anger issues & hurtfull personality behind but it was already deeply rooted into my personality.

Regardles of all the hurtfull things she has dome to me I've done my fair share in the past and I have come to realise the dynasmic of our relationship has made her feel cornered and trapped. Some of the really hurtfull things she's done to me werte as a result of me not listening to her needs. It's a good thing I guess that i'm accepting responsibility but it's a fine line between accepting my faluts and errors and just plain turning the other cheek without dealing wioht the problem. Still I feel like I made a ot of mistakes when it was just me and Marcia. Since Sofi has ben in the picture I'd never try to seek out another relationship in secret or lie to Marcia about my whereabouts.

I need the therapy (god I hate that word) even if we do not stay togeather, and I think it is necessary for me to make sure I can maintain a healthy relationship wiht Sofia as she grows older.

As far as those that suggested meds... I'm very anti-controled substance in any shape or form. (not a put down it's just my personal belief) I do not do any kind of drugs unless absolutely necessary. Vitamins is about all I take in the shape of a pill. I have taken maybe 7 or 8 Tylenol in my entire life... and have never done any kind of prescription drug outside of an antibiotic.

Last year for the first time I tried pot after some adult peer pressure and it did nothing for me. I guess this is the case the first time for some. I feel no need for it. When I'm in a healthy state of mind a trip to Barnes & Noble Automotive section, a carshow or even a ride in the Camaro does wonders. I'm almost always against putting foreign substances into my body. Although to be 100% honest. last night if I had access to a sedative or something elser that would have calmed me down and shut off my brain I would have been tempted.
ONce again guys, I'm overwhelmed with how much caring and empathy you guys displayed in your posts and I thank you for the genuine advice.... every siongele on of you had good advice to give. I'll keep you posted as to what will happen. I'm still praying for Marcia to give us another chance.
I actually cracked a smile today while watching the Simpsons 3rd season DVD with Sofia... this was funny enough to make it #2 today. Thanks Reg. :)

[post="39073"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

no prob, buddy. enjoy the good life with stuff like that. I was just chuckling at how it probably will be 2015 before we see a Camaro.

I can only add two bits about women and sex. I get the sense you are just starting to find out how men and women are programmed completely different when it comes to how much sex you need or want. Guys can have sex and enjoy it as a part of everyday life. Women like to attach conditions and contingencies to it and like to use it as a tool. Not all do, but many do. And then, you find that after you date, get married, have kids, whatever.....the woman's appetite dries up while the man's still goes strong. Then, the guy wants it and the woman can live without it most of the time. Then all sorts of emotional cans of worms come about. A lot of women cannot relax enough to just have sex for sex, which is fine for most men. For men its a need. For women its a roadblock to just about everything else in their lives. When women get stressed, they avoid sex. When men get stressed, they want sex. And I guess we all know how that works itself out.

[sciguy_0504]

First, sixty-eight, I'm sorry for the problems you and Marcia have been having. Everyone gets "fed up" sometime during their relationship. It happened to my parents earlier this year with my mom threatening divorce but it worked out in the end (or so far) after the family talked/screamed. Usually people continue to bottle things up and eventually they get to be too much and everything comes crashing down. Communication is key. My advice is to control the anger and continue to talk things out. Taking a weekend trip to do this would be good. Maybe you'll get back together and rekindle past love? You should discontinue doing special things for Marcia, though, only if the two of you are no longer in a relationship. A word of caution, however. Be prepared to be blindsided at any time over anything. Always document what happens in a journal and, if the situation gets much worse, obtain a lawyer and be ready to fight. Men get the short end of the stick in divorce and custody cases. You may have a lead with custody, though, since, according to you, Marcia does not have the physical means to take care of your daughter. Start looking for a job and a house/apartment/condo just in case. I really do hope everything works out for you. Relationships represent the best and worst of people. Good luck and remember we're all here to help you out when you need it. Edited November 6, 2005 by sciguy_0504

[Sixty8panther]

Once again, thanks guys... it's a funyn thing that I would be seeking guidance and advice about this on C&G but hell, I spend some serious time on here shooting the crap wiht you guys every day so why not?

I just needed something positive, even a corny joke and dumb laugh to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And yes, FWD does win if I kick the bucket doesn't it? :P

TMP: Having Lupus and continuing to smoke is either a form of second-degree suicide or the inability to deal with her disease.

Can I quote you on that? Actaully that will just start another massive fight and besides, she's been told that several times by doctors and nurses. You can lead a horse to water, but... well you know the rest. <_<

[Sixty8panther]

Thanks buddy... those bumper stickers are funny there's several there I've never heard/seen. I'd love to put one of these on my beater. I've actually seen a few of these in person. Usualy on an old beat up 80s car with Vermont or Maine plates. Sometimes a creepy "serial killer mobile" van. Like an '82 Dodge with the opera window, dual exhausts and rusty cragars. Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. I brake for no apparent reason. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. No radio - Already stolen. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. I'm not in heat SO GET OFF MY TAIL! Happiness is a belt fed automatic weapon. Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition. Fight crime, shoot back. Gun control means using both hands! Gun control is being able to hit your target. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Do you trust a government that doesn't trust you with guns? I'm lost. But I am making record time. Don't laugh. This is my other car. Buy American. While there is still time. My other car is at my place in France. I only drive this way to piss you off! Got any more boxes of Cracker Jacks so I can get a license too? What rear-view mirror? "CAUTION: BLIND MAN DRIVING!" Drive fast, the city needs money. To all tourists: left lane fast, right lane slow! I got this truck for my wife! Pretty good trade huh? Get A Life... It's Just A Bumper Sticker! Your proctologist called, they found your head. Don't underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. I smile because I have no idea whats going on. If you don't like my driving stay off of the sidewalk! Save the whales... collect the whole set. I love my country, but fear my goverment. I'm thinking the same thing about you. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Next mood swing: 6 minutes I'm multi-talented. I can drive and piss you off at the same time. I smile 'cause you've all finally driven me insane. Don't worry, it'll only seem kinky the first time. Guns don't kill people, but they sure make it easier. <------Passing Side/Suicide------> I wonder how you'd drive with that cell-phone shoved up your ass!?! Honk if parts fall off! My wife's car is a broom. My other car is in the police impound. If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Support mental health - or I'll kill you! Madness takes its toll - please have exact change ready. Your IQ test was negative. Car will explode on impact. If you love life like I love my car you won't steal it.

[FUTURE_OF_GM]

A few more comments:

I have realised one sad truth this week. The real curse of my father's viscious temper was the fact that I grew up to be a lot like him. I have a very short fuse myself and when I get angry and the ones I love I lash out and sometimes get insulting or even degrading. The day I up and walked out of my parent's house never to live there again I thought I left my dad's anger issues & hurtfull personality behind but it was already deeply rooted into my personality.

The great thing is that you realise your anger issues and want to work on them.

tmp nailed that one.

I'm the same way. When I get angry the first thing I do is find the nearest "threat" or "enemy" and completely break that person down. It's especially bad with loved ones, and I even do it here unfortunately. My girlfriend and I were talking about it one night (luckily she is very understanding) and she made this essential point.

The simple fact that you understand that you have a problem and are willing to try to change is a monumental step. A lot of people are completely oblivious and still play the blame game. "If so and so hadn;t done that then I (The almighty I) wouldn't have acted that way.

Also, you need to find an outlet for your anger. I have a big dead tree in our windbreak that I go banzai on with an axe whenever I'm mad to blow off steam. Yes, it sounds weird, but I haven't killed anyone in a blind rage yet so it must be working. Hang a punching bag in the garage to beat up on, buy some old furniture and break it just for the heck of it, throw eggs at the neighbors house. Whatever it takes to clear your mind, do it!

There are conflicting theories on this... A lot of psychologists believe that "venting" in fact INCREASES aggression because it increases arousal. While it doesn't help me to vent, it just makes me more riled up, my girlfriend is a firm believer in venting. Different strokes for different folks, just be careful.

[Flybrian]

A lot of psychologists believe that "venting"...increases arousal. While it doesn't help me to vent, it just makes me more riled up, my girlfriend is a firm believer in venting.

[post="39564"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Oh yeah. I went there.

:lol:

[Sixty8panther]

--- Reading Fly's post: --- Waht the hell just happened here? :huh: :lol:

[Sixty8panther]

Speaking of bumper stickers and kinky spouses, how abut that writting you see every so often on the back of a filthy 18-wheeler? You know some goofball writes wiht this finger in the dust/grease/mud: "I wish my wife was this dirty!" :P I love the new tag line in your Sig. WMJ! I hear Acura will drop a 4.7L DOHC V12 into their next flagship... sideways it to be called the BS-12 and the trans will be an 8 speed CVT. :ph34r: Edited November 7, 2005 by Sixty8panther

[turbo200]

Sixty, my thoughts and prayers are with you right now. You have it hard, this is a tough situation, but you need to consider the positives. First, it sounds like there is love there, on both ends. You need to work out whatever is causing regret in both of you, and really contemplate and go over together what these wrongs are. You, sly need to evaluate how much Marcia means to you and what you're willing to do for her. And you need to think about what kind of changes need to take place in you before you can request change from her. You love your daughter, so stop this talk about death. Get it out of your head, because you won't do it. You care too much about your life and your daughter's and even Marcia's. The more you contemplate the more you are incurring a negative spirit inside of you, the more you're feeding it. You know what they say about suicide? If you really wanted to do it, you would have already. I know you're strong enough to get past those feelings, however bad they may be. If you really want my honest opinion, you need to pray about it. Just ask God what you need to do. Ask for peace. Talk to Him, and you will see some improvements. There is still hope, and you need to tell Marcia to really think about what her life was like in childhood. How did living with both her parents affect her growth. Or living with just one parent? She needs to think about her own childhood and how different influences affected her. It sounds to me like she is being very selfish. You are also being selfish with your time with her. You both need to spend more time together, and work things out together. Oh, and if she wants to hang out with this platonic guy friend, maybe you can go along? It just doesn't seem like a good thing for her to be doing right now. Would you randomly go over to a woman's house at this time? I hope everything starts to improve. Get yourself out of the clouds.

[Guest YellowJacket894]

there is a big difference between taking prescription drugs and abusing them.  they ARE medicine...very powerful meds.  They do help a lot of people and while I'm not trying to imply your family abused them or did anything criminal...they aren't "unsafe" and "bad" because they help a lot of people every day.  You jsut have to treat them like the potent pills they are.

[post="39065"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Well, after hearing, seeing, and dealing with problems as a result of drug abuse, I don't think I would take a damn painkiller unless I had some serious medical problems that would prohibit me from doing a single damn thing. I think in some circumstances, some prescription drugs are just too powerful not to abuse when you've used them at full potential by accident or whatever.

Just the way I look at it.

And, Sixty-8, although I have never been placed in your shoes, I know what it's like to be driven to the point of wanting to self-destruct, so to speak. You have to feel like a real lump of junk to go there, and the situation that makes you feel so damn bad is a tough thing to brush off and ignore. But, I think you'll make it through. Even though I've bottomed out twice, I've pulled through too.

I hope you're feeling better. It may sound cliche, but hang in there, man.

Take care.

[Sixty8panther]

Thanks guys, I know I feel like a lowlife for talking about all this "don't want to live anymore junk" I'm normaly a pretty hyper dude.... people think I overdose on Caffine even though I barely drink any, if I drink a strong coffee on an empty stomach it gives me the shakes, when my heartrate is out of control i feel like a maniac. I can't concentrate on anything, I feel like I need to crawl out of my skin and I say/do dumb things. The other day after that bad blow between me and Marcia on the phone I flipped out... my heart rate was off the damn charts and my hand was shaking like a leaf. In the mean time I just felt pure rage and focused onthis Rich guy. After she told me we were done and threatened to "hide" Sofia from me I just made the situation worse and pushed her away more and thereby enraging myself even more. By the time I posted this thread I was having really dark thoughts about my possibel future. Sorry to make you guys worried. They were just evil thoguhts, like you guys said, someone ready to end it doesn't talk abotu it they just act. Well, thanks again guys. Things ARE looking up, if only slightly. As long I can be a true dad to Sofia and have one last chance to have Marica fall in love with me again things might just turn out great. Peace. :)

[Croc]

Well, after hearing, seeing, and dealing with problems as a result of drug abuse, I don't think I would take a damn painkiller unless I had some serious medical problems that would prohibit me from doing a single damn thing. I think in some circumstances, some prescription drugs are just too powerful not to abuse when you've used them at full potential by accident or whatever.

Just the way I look at it.

[post="40060"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Well I guess the important thing is to know one's limitations and act accordingly. Kudos for being able to do that.

[cavigirl]

Oh yeah. I went there.

:lol:

[post="39571"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

No! the reason why i vent is so that i let out my anger. if i didn't let it all out i'd be as angry as FOG and we all know a relationship with those 2 tempers and anger levels wouldn't last long.

[Flybrian]

I was just kiddin' around to make Sixty8 un-depressed. No offense meant. :)

[Sixty8panther]

[random-sixty8-tangent-alert] Fly, do you need any emblems for your Aurora? I gradbbed a few things off a white diamond '95 in the Junkyard a few weeks ago... it's stil there if there's anything you need I'll grab it 4 u.

[Flybrian]

[random-sixty8-tangent-alert]
Fly, do you need any emblems for your Aurora? I gradbbed a few things off a white diamond '95 in the Junkyard a few weeks ago... it's stil there if there's anything you need I'll grab it 4 u.

[post="40150"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

For real? Are they chrome or gold? If they're chrome, I'd be very interested...

I'll PM you later :)

[Sixty8panther]

Chrome, front emblem and rear A U R O R A text are already sitting pretty in my Oldsmobile emblems drawer. Decent shape but not mint. The poor Aurora was trashed. Windshield smashed in and all side swiped on both sides. *Eeeekk!* The interior was black IIRC, so if you need a trim piece I can take a look to see if it's stil there. (unless your interiro is gray?)

[Flybrian]

Chrome, front emblem and rear A U R O R A text are already sitting pretty in my Oldsmobile emblems drawer. Decent shape but not mint. The poor Aurora was trashed. Windshield smashed in and all side swiped on both sides. *Eeeekk!*

The interior was black IIRC, so if you need a trim piece I can take a look to see if it's stil there. (unless your interiro is gray?)

[post="40259"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

My insides are blue, which means I got doubled screwed if I ever need parts or want it repainted.

Check your PM...

[mustang84]

Sixty8 old buddy...I'm a little late with this because I've had two tests and an arch review, but here goes: I have a friend here at college that has been stricken with bad luck over the last month. His mom died of cancer at age 46 a couple weeks ago. His sister is also very sick with something. His girlfriend of 3 years broke up with him about a week before his mom died. And finally, he was intentionally hit by a van (I think it was an E-series...full size van, not a mini) at a party and ended up breaking both arms and wrists and barely escaping with his life (if he hadn't jumped up before the van hit him, he probably wouldn't be here today). He was talking to me on the phone the other day about how he was going to have to sit out of architecture this semester and was afraid that he might not be able to use his arms again. This is the type of guy that has a hard exterior shell, but he was actually crying on the phone when he told me this. However, despite all that he has been through the last month, he's not giving up. When life shovels you sh*t, you just gotta take it and use it to plant a garden (for lack of a better analogy). Make the best out of the situation and never give up hope...nothing in life is definite. It sounds like things are looking up slightly, but if things don't turn out, just realize that you always have Sofia in your life even if you may not get to see her everyday. It's better to be there every once in a while than never at all. I wish you the best and hope that things turn out better. :)

[ocnblu]

Sixty8's our boy! He can't leave us! (((Sixty))) :)

[Sixty8panther]

Mustang84: Wow! That's tragic in a "only happens in the movies" kind of way. Wish him well, that kid needs & deserves a miracle. :mellow: Ocnblu: Not only do you always make me laugh but you always speak the truth... I'm going to come down soon and visit you soon! I'm palning a HUGE roadtrip for this January or possibly next spring. I'll try to meet al you NY/NJ/PA C&Gers! If I win the lottery I'll show up he next day in a '69 Camaro, '59 Buick or '61 Caddy. :) Edited November 9, 2005 by Sixty8panther