Are You Attracted To People.....

[ocnblu]

Seems Booyah is parking under the "sign of the cat".

[Croc]

I think urban cougars are crazy sexy...not like hot moms or anything, but women around 40-45 who are divorced, loaded, and just don't give a f@#k. That's hot.

[toesuf94]

I think urban cougars are crazy sexy...not like hot moms or anything, but women around 40-45 who are divorced, loaded, and just don't give a f@#k. That's hot.

It's the ones that DO give you a F^ck that are hot!!!

I am currently hanging with a 22 year old (I am 37) and I have a hard time when listening to the radio and an old song from the 90's comes on...I was in College...she was in FIRST GRADE. But everything else about her is absolutely wonderful. Somebody will be a lucky man some day.

[trinacriabob]

urban cougars..not like hot moms or anything

Yeah, the "mom thing" seems to be the "line of demarcation." At least, you can talk about travel, restaurants, sex and NOT "their kids." Plus I'm sure many of these urban cougars in the Southland have had their share of time spent "under the knife" to prolong their shelf-life, making it easier to hit on the 20's to 30's set.

On another note, there was a movie (it would be considered a "classic") and it's called "Summer of 42." The kid is about 15 and the girl is about 22 or 23, so hardly a "cougar" scenario as it took place during World War 2. It's about an infatuation with an older woman and it is outstanding. I've seen it numerous times.

[The O.C.]

I have it harder. I would like to be with someone. I am drawn to and attracted to younger white men, or interracial white men (with different ethnic backgrounds). I will date 18 to my age. My age is 40. The issues I run into is most men will not give me a chance because they first two things they see when they see me is my age(40) and the fact I am black. I am not overweight, or ugly or anything. I think that may have more to do where I live in the United States too.

WOW....! My post LIVES!!!!!!

I cannot appreciate the difficulties in trying to date interracially........being that I am white......but I too find dating very difficult.

It's funny.......I admit I'll hook up. But ultimately, I do want a relationship. As I stated earlier, I too am attracted to guys younger than me.....usually at least 10-years younger. While I can find a way to "hook up" with a younger guy for sex pretty easily, to find one to really begin to spend time together in hopes of something stronger relationship-wise is extremely difficult.

It's funny about how age and maturity really change someone.....(usually for the better?) My ex and I have been broken up for three years now and he just got out of another relationship. When we first got together, he was "only" 24. Now he is almost 30 years old. (We broke up and remained like best friends.)

I just spent three days in close proximity with him.....helping him drive a moving truck cause he moved from SoCal to Kansas City.....and we had such a great time on a very non-uneventful trip I might add.....NEVER even had an argument, which is surprising....lol.....the whole trip, other than we not having sex, was like we were still in a relationship......he has grown so much in the last 5 years or so.....it really made me long for him again I have to admit.....it was "like old times" only better....

Edited October 28, 2009 by The O.C.

[Blake Noble]

There is a 3 year age difference between my girlfriend and I. I tend to see it as nothing intentional, just a condition of our relationship.

The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of this ...

[Nick]

I think urban cougars are crazy sexy...not like hot moms or anything, but women around 40-45 who are divorced, loaded, and just don't give a f@#k. That's hot.

Exactly. The funny thing is it didn't even phase me that the woman I was "with" had a kid who was only a couple years younger than myself (didn't live with her of course). She had money and would spoil me and take me out to dinner, buy me booze and beer, give me spending cash and money for gas, she even upgraded and renewed my AAA membership and bought me a wii.

She was nuts though (in a very good and bad way). Her lust was too much for me to handle. She'd send me texts constantly and would never leave me alone. Ah well...it was fun while it lasted.

[Oracle of Delphi]

I'll keep my old battle axe ...

[ocnblu]

Who would take a picture of a vagina, turn it sideways and put it in their avatar? I thought this was a family site.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

WOW....! My post LIVES!!!!!!

I cannot appreciate the difficulties in trying to date interracially........being that I am white......but I too find dating very difficult.

It's funny.......I admit I'll hook up. But ultimately, I do want a relationship. As I stated earlier, I too am attracted to guys younger than me.....usually at least 10-years younger. While I can find a way to "hook up" with a younger guy for sex pretty easily, to find one to really begin to spend time together in hopes of something stronger relationship-wise is extremely difficult.

It's funny about how age and maturity really change someone.....(usually for the better?) My ex and I have been broken up for three years now and he just got out of another relationship. When we first got together, he was "only" 24. Now he is almost 30 years old. (We broke up and remained like best friends.)

I just spent three days in close proximity with him.....helping him drive a moving truck cause he moved from SoCal to Kansas City.....and we had such a great time on a very non-uneventful trip I might add.....NEVER even had an argument, which is surprising....lol.....the whole trip, other than we not having sex, was like we were still in a relationship......he has grown so much in the last 5 years or so.....it really made me long for him again I have to admit.....it was "like old times" only better....

I am glad we can relate. I was hoping someone could. I do not think people from the outside understand how different it is in the gay community. The games and how things are and the things you discussed. I totally know where you are coming from. That German guy I spoke about in my earlier post has emailed me twice this week already asking me to join him on these websites. Not only that, he said in one of his emails he put my photo on his Facebook. I never gave him a photo. I did not realize he kept my email address either.

I do understand about the fact the younger ones start to figure it out and grow up. That is true. The younger ones cannot get past that number(age) and other things, sometimes I think they do not understand the concept of a relationship.

I am glad you are still friends with your ex. You see how he has changed.

[trinacriabob]

Who would take a picture of a vagina, turn it sideways and put it in their avatar? I thought this was a family site.

vaginas ought to be vertically symmetrical...unless there is an infection in the labia or something...unbelievable...now that's an overactive imagination...

...back on track:

- (to anyone who has this older-younger pattern as a "constant") - what is the attraction to someone who is significantly younger, to the point that they could almost be your biological offspring? I'm curious as to the rationale.

[Z-06]

vaginas ought to be vertically symmetrical...unless there is an infection in the labia or something...unbelievable...now that's an overactive imagination...

...back on track:

- (to anyone who has this older-younger pattern as a "constant") - what is the attraction to someone who is significantly younger, to the point that they could almost be your biological offspring? I'm curious as to the rationale.

To me getting attracted to an older woman is only when she has power. Younger girls may have power but they cannot handle it. An older woman with power is like a Corvette Z-06 saying I am understated, but have gobs of raw power without tech nannies protecting you while you ride me. Wield me and thy shalt be blessed.

[mustang84]

I was seeing a 31 year old earlier this year and really kinda liked the older age thing. Less games, more direct and to the point. My final year of school I went from dating an 18 year old early in the year (I was 24) to a 26 year old at the end of the year, and I preferred the 26 year old. She was a lot more emotionally stable.

[trinacriabob]

I guess it's also cultural conditioning. My upbringing was so damn patriarchal, that my Mom always said "how high" when my Dad said "jump." Don't get me wrong, they got along, but each needed that tell/be told dynamic to make the marriage work. Today, I doubt if you even see that in Catholic Mediterranean Europe. I think it still exists in the Eastern Mediterranean where the people are of Arab stock, though.

I also believe that this conundrum in role definition has dealt one hell of a blow to the institution of marriage, and to (all kinds of) relationships as well.

[Blake Noble]

Who would take a picture of a vagina, turn it sideways and put it in their avatar? I thought this was a family site.

I just hope she washes that thing. I can smell something funny in the air all the way down here in Kin-tuck-ee.

Edited October 29, 2009 by whiteknight

[The O.C.]

- (to anyone who has this older-younger pattern as a "constant") - what is the attraction to someone who is significantly younger, to the point that they could almost be your biological offspring? I'm curious as to the rationale.

It's something that's almost impossible to explain......it just is what it is.

I wish I could extrapolate on it, but it's just that I tend to be attracted to younger guys. I'm 39......let's call it guys from 24-35 are the range I seem to fall into.....

I can tell you this.....it's not some sort of "Daddy" complex....and it's not like I want to "take care of them".....so I don't know what deep inside me pushes me that direction.....but something strong does.

And it's not like I try to "ban" meeting any guys my age or older.....but whenever I have, I simply just have not felt the emotional or physical attraction......

[CARBIZ]

I remember this thread from ooooh so long ago!

I've seen studies that indicate gay men are generally sexually active much younger than their straight peers. (In fact, that's probably why a lot of gay boys end up in circle jerks, etc. with their 'straight' friends - ah, but I digress!) I had my first sort of experience when I was 6. I guess that was my 'older man' phase, since he was 9. I mean, what can 2 kids do in the back seat of a '57 Plymouth? (Ah, memories!) I was sexually active all through my pre-teens and my teens, so naturally my taste tends toward the younger men. However, having said that, I recently met a 21 year old Brazilian (he lied and said he was 23 when we chatted on line - LOL), but after we met and did 'buddy' things, I realized the age difference was just icky. It hung over us more than the cultural gap, being as my current BF of 7 1/2 years is from Brazil!

People can be so hung up about sex. We're hanging in the balance between Catholic purity and PlayBoy debauchery. No wonder so many people have self-esteem issues! If I am too 'easy,' then I am a slut. If I don't put out, then I am playing games. Should my BF and I have 'extra-curricular' sex on alternate weekends, or only when we are out of town? Sheesh - maybe we have too much time on our hands? I mean, the straight folk are so bogged down with their snot-nosed brats for 20 some-odd years to realize that their partner now looks like that woman on the opening sequence of Monty Python's Meaning of Life. And thank God for porno, or I suppose the divorce rate would climb to 80%, rather than the 50% where it currently sits.

Our 'tastes' are influenced by our upbringing, like it or lump it. I went to primary school in Vancouver where my classes were a veritable United Nations: Vancouver even then had a lot of Chinese and Indian immigrants, but in the '60s Vancouver was still largely WASP. At the age of 8 or 9, I never gave it a second thought. Then we moved to small town north of Toronto that was as WASP as WASP can be. Again, I didn't notice or care. I was a bit suprised when, at the age of 13, I moved to northern Toronto where my junior highschool was 80% Jewish: I was such a naive kid, I had no clue what a Jew was until I had to ask the teacher why the classroom was empty during Holy Days (and boy, do they have a lot of them in the Fall!) This was my first sort of awakening that the world was different than I'd thought.

Nothing can be more personal than who you choose to sleep with. There was actually talk in some of the local gay press that want ads should prohibit the use of age or race in them. Okay, that is taking PC to an extreme. I had a BF in the '80s for 4 years who was Mulatto (are we allowed to say that anymore?) For me, black guys are sort of exotic. They are fairly rare in most of Toronto. I think that it is natural for any grouping to seek out or it's own 'kind.' The animal kingdom demonstrates this for us everywhere.

I think what 98 might be experiencing is a case of 'overload.' For example, Toronto is being overloaded with Asians, mostly Chinese. Now, we all know that us Canucks are supposed to be tolerant, etc., and I suppose that is partially true. However, speaking to a lot of people (including some Asians!), many quietly express concern about how one race/culture seems to becoming so dominant. I feel a certain amount of 'discomfort' in the air. Some of the gay bars in Toronto are 30-40% Chinese, because every gay guy in China wants to live here. Perhaps in areas where certain races are rare or a small minority they will be treated with curiosity or (hopefully) their difference will just ignored. But I posit that anyone who is honest with themself would admit that when they are 'surrounded' by those who are 'different,' it makes them feel uncomfortable - that's just 'normal.'

America's racist past is well documented, but in areas where blacks were traditionally a small minority there really never was that much racism. Why would there be? Thirty years ago, when Toronto was 60% WASP, it was the Italians and Portuguese that raised eyebrows. Now it is the influx of Indians, Sikhs and Asians.

We're trying to cram 100 years of civilization into 100,000 years of evolution. It will all take time. It is natural for paranoia to set in when one established group begins to notice a sudden influx of a new group - especially when that new group tends to stick together. (Wasn't it true that there were more African-Americans in the South at the end of slavery than white Americans? One can see where the paranoia and fear set in, justified or not!)

The gay world is fragmenting, and the internet is making things worse, not better. Dating nuances have gone right out the window. The 'twinks' often prefer to hang out with their straight highschool/college friends at straight bars/clubs, leaving the gay night scene largely a wasteland of men in their late '30s and up. (I would know, I've stopped going to the bars because of the noticeable shift in the past few years.) What I find truly disheartening is the proclivity towward 'bears.' Thirty years ago when I started clubbing, if you were fat, hairy and bald, then you were fat, hairy and bald. (Now I am not trying to be nasty here - I do have a point.) Giving something a cute name does not disguise the fact of what it is. Now that I am 48, most (if not all my peers, single or coupled) have given up: they have ballooned out, stopped going to the gym and hang out in the leather bars with the rest of the 'bears.' WTF? Whatever happened to the myth that gay men were more handsome and better dressed? Not in these here parts! After 30, Mother Nature has no use for us, so it is an uphill battle to maintain one's youthful look and vitality. Perhaps sleeping with someone who is half one's age makes a person feel young? Well, maybe for 30 minutes anyway.

Why are so many people just giving up now? Because you can play games and lie on the internet, hoping to lure someone who is attractive to your lair? I am not sure, I'm just throwing that out there, is all. Dating is going to have to learn to embrace the internet culture; it's all about instant, 24 hour gratification, on demand. The ultimate expression of the 'me' generation. Hmm, the same generation that shuns Detroit....

Okay, that was sort of rambling. Now that I have offended everyone, I can go back to reading about GM's latest mis-steps.

[Robert Hall]

Since college I've mostly dated slightly older (anywhere from 2 years to 8 years) women, usually academics or in business (always technology related; I can't relate to people not in the tech world). I really can't relate to someone 10 years younger than myself. Never married, though I've been engaged (unsuccessfully) myself. I have no interest in having kids and the normal suburban married w/ kids lifestyle, though I would consider marriage.

My own immediate family has had a mixed track record for marriage--my folks were happily married 51 years, and they were 10 years apart age (father 10 years older). My sister, married and divorced 3 times, no kids. My brother had a kid out of marriage then married a single mom w/ 3 kids, they had one, marriage ended in messy divorce. Has no relationship w/ the kids. Has had a couple live in GFs since then.

[frogger]

Current GF is 4 years younger than me and we have no issues regarding that gap obviously (both being in our 30's).

Last two girlfriends were 9 years younger than me and 8 years younger than me. Sure they made me feel youthful and energetic and playful initially, but as the relationships matured on, I got tired of always feeling like I was the one with more wisdom in the relationship and like I was teaching them at times (and I'm not talking about sex), and not being challenged enough on my ideas. I'm really not as smart as they would say I was, just had more life experience.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

It's something that's almost impossible to explain......it just is what it is.

I wish I could extrapolate on it, but it's just that I tend to be attracted to younger guys. I'm 39......let's call it guys from 24-35 are the range I seem to fall into.....

I can tell you this.....it's not some sort of "Daddy" complex....and it's not like I want to "take care of them".....so I don't know what deep inside me pushes me that direction.....but something strong does.

And it's not like I try to "ban" meeting any guys my age or older.....but whenever I have, I simply just have not felt the emotional or physical attraction......

You hit it right on the head!! I mean you really hit that. I agree. I do not want to take care of them either. I had the same issues with older men, but they want to be daddy to me like I am a child. Very well stated.

I remember this thread from ooooh so long ago!

I've seen studies that indicate gay men are generally sexually active much younger than their straight peers. (In fact, that's probably why a lot of gay boys end up in circle jerks, etc. with their 'straight' friends - ah, but I digress!) I had my first sort of experience when I was 6. I guess that was my 'older man' phase, since he was 9. I mean, what can 2 kids do in the back seat of a '57 Plymouth? (Ah, memories!) I was sexually active all through my pre-teens and my teens, so naturally my taste tends toward the younger men. However, having said that, I recently met a 21 year old Brazilian (he lied and said he was 23 when we chatted on line - LOL), but after we met and did 'buddy' things, I realized the age difference was just icky. It hung over us more than the cultural gap, being as my current BF of 7 1/2 years is from Brazil!

People can be so hung up about sex. We're hanging in the balance between Catholic purity and PlayBoy debauchery. No wonder so many people have self-esteem issues! If I am too 'easy,' then I am a slut. If I don't put out, then I am playing games. Should my BF and I have 'extra-curricular' sex on alternate weekends, or only when we are out of town? Sheesh - maybe we have too much time on our hands? I mean, the straight folk are so bogged down with their snot-nosed brats for 20 some-odd years to realize that their partner now looks like that woman on the opening sequence of Monty Python's Meaning of Life. And thank God for porno, or I suppose the divorce rate would climb to 80%, rather than the 50% where it currently sits.

Our 'tastes' are influenced by our upbringing, like it or lump it. I went to primary school in Vancouver where my classes were a veritable United Nations: Vancouver even then had a lot of Chinese and Indian immigrants, but in the '60s Vancouver was still largely WASP. At the age of 8 or 9, I never gave it a second thought. Then we moved to small town north of Toronto that was as WASP as WASP can be. Again, I didn't notice or care. I was a bit suprised when, at the age of 13, I moved to northern Toronto where my junior highschool was 80% Jewish: I was such a naive kid, I had no clue what a Jew was until I had to ask the teacher why the classroom was empty during Holy Days (and boy, do they have a lot of them in the Fall!) This was my first sort of awakening that the world was different than I'd thought.

Nothing can be more personal than who you choose to sleep with. There was actually talk in some of the local gay press that want ads should prohibit the use of age or race in them. Okay, that is taking PC to an extreme. I had a BF in the '80s for 4 years who was Mulatto (are we allowed to say that anymore?) For me, black guys are sort of exotic. They are fairly rare in most of Toronto. I think that it is natural for any grouping to seek out or it's own 'kind.' The animal kingdom demonstrates this for us everywhere.

I think what 98 might be experiencing is a case of 'overload.' For example, Toronto is being overloaded with Asians, mostly Chinese. Now, we all know that us Canucks are supposed to be tolerant, etc., and I suppose that is partially true. However, speaking to a lot of people (including some Asians!), many quietly express concern about how one race/culture seems to becoming so dominant. I feel a certain amount of 'discomfort' in the air. Some of the gay bars in Toronto are 30-40% Chinese, because every gay guy in China wants to live here. Perhaps in areas where certain races are rare or a small minority they will be treated with curiosity or (hopefully) their difference will just ignored. But I posit that anyone who is honest with themself would admit that when they are 'surrounded' by those who are 'different,' it makes them feel uncomfortable - that's just 'normal.'

America's racist past is well documented, but in areas where blacks were traditionally a small minority there really never was that much racism. Why would there be? Thirty years ago, when Toronto was 60% WASP, it was the Italians and Portuguese that raised eyebrows. Now it is the influx of Indians, Sikhs and Asians.

We're trying to cram 100 years of civilization into 100,000 years of evolution. It will all take time. It is natural for paranoia to set in when one established group begins to notice a sudden influx of a new group - especially when that new group tends to stick together. (Wasn't it true that there were more African-Americans in the South at the end of slavery than white Americans? One can see where the paranoia and fear set in, justified or not!)

The gay world is fragmenting, and the internet is making things worse, not better. Dating nuances have gone right out the window. The 'twinks' often prefer to hang out with their straight highschool/college friends at straight bars/clubs, leaving the gay night scene largely a wasteland of men in their late '30s and up. (I would know, I've stopped going to the bars because of the noticeable shift in the past few years.) What I find truly disheartening is the proclivity towward 'bears.' Thirty years ago when I started clubbing, if you were fat, hairy and bald, then you were fat, hairy and bald. (Now I am not trying to be nasty here - I do have a point.) Giving something a cute name does not disguise the fact of what it is. Now that I am 48, most (if not all my peers, single or coupled) have given up: they have ballooned out, stopped going to the gym and hang out in the leather bars with the rest of the 'bears.' WTF? Whatever happened to the myth that gay men were more handsome and better dressed? Not in these here parts! After 30, Mother Nature has no use for us, so it is an uphill battle to maintain one's youthful look and vitality. Perhaps sleeping with someone who is half one's age makes a person feel young? Well, maybe for 30 minutes anyway.

Why are so many people just giving up now? Because you can play games and lie on the internet, hoping to lure someone who is attractive to your lair? I am not sure, I'm just throwing that out there, is all. Dating is going to have to learn to embrace the internet culture; it's all about instant, 24 hour gratification, on demand. The ultimate expression of the 'me' generation. Hmm, the same generation that shuns Detroit....

Okay, that was sort of rambling. Now that I have offended everyone, I can go back to reading about GM's latest mis-steps.

Very well stated. You really understand and get this.