Are You Attracted To People.....

[The O.C.]

Okay......thought I'd get the C&G's team's feedback on this interesting topic (well interesting to me at least.)

I get $h! all the time from my friends because I'm 38 and I always end up dating guys in their mid-20's. I'm always asked....."Why don't you date guys your age or older?"

So I've been thinking about it alot.....and I don't have an answer. It just seems that the guys I'm attracted to and end up falling emotionally for tend to be somewhere around 10-12 years younger than me.

Before the "Daddy Complex" jokes start......LOL.....it's not that at all. I've always looked to my boyfriends, or guys I'm dating, as equals in our relationship.....not as me being the "leader" in the relationship just because I'm older.....

It's not that I don't find older guys attractive or what-not.....it's just that way more often than not, it's the younger guy I tend to fall for.

AND, I have a friend (our GSM here at the dealership too) that is 48.....and his wife of 1.5 years is only 29. That's almost 20 years' difference. Yet, they are so in love, and have such a wonderful relationship, it seems only natural. He doesn't seem 20 years older than her....and she doesn't seem 20 years younger than him.

In the end, I truly believe it's all about the person.....I truly don't think age (or race, or whatever) matters. It's just interesting that I always find myself back with the (somewhat significantly) younger guys........

[Camino LS6]

It's no big mystery, everyone is attracted to youth.

Now being willing to "go there" is another story.

But, on balance, age differences seem to be less of an issue for most people than once was the case.

[Z-06]

Ocn, I for one do not think there is nothing wrong with significant age difference. My first and only other significant other in my life was 14 years older than I was when I started dating her (not that the difference has shrunk). It does feel odd initially to look up to older one and be "mature" but at the same time it takes understanding to make the younger one feel comfortable. So as long you two are comfortable and fine with eachother the rest do not matter.

[cletus8269]

i dated girls younger than me cause i thought thats how it worked. well then i tried dating girls older than me cause i figured maybe they new what they wanted in life instead of changing into a completely different person when they off to college. in both causes i have found age is a number its the person that makes the difference... except when it comes to that whole statue thing hehe... dont cross that line.

[loki]

as long as it's their age / 2 + 7.. i don't mind so much, if it 's a younger couple.. the older you are it matters much less.

I've not dated enough really to be able to answer that question well.

[regfootball]

i don't think its a problem, and personally, I think in a lot of cases, it shows increased tolerance on the part of both people. And probably a more open and youthful attitude on your part.

the people i get along most with at work at all younger. i don't mesh with my age peers.

Edited October 18, 2008 by regfootball

[balthazar]

Get this- my brother has been dating a woman older than him for many years. Clearly she was older, but he never volunteered her age & I never asked. After all the genealogoy stuff I've done over that same time period, I just looked her up via the internet last month. He's now 35.

She's 62.

They get along very well, seem happy, she's a very nice person. She doesn't seem any older than, say, 52 (!), but wow. I couldn't get past that, myself.

Over time, I've upped the 'ceiling' for what I've considered 'datable' material (I'm married- this is all hypothetical); the upper range keeps pace with my age or slightly past it, but the younger limit never rises. :wink:

[regfootball]

my grandpa was 45 when he married my grandma, 26. they had 6 kids (1 that passed). 19 years difference and they were like 2 peas in a pod.

[A Horse With No Name]

I like watching 19 year old girls get out of the swimming pool in wet bikini's, but the women I really like and think that I could date if I weren't married are all 35-45 years old.

Chris

[frogger]

Definitely, 18-25 year olds can look great and "feel" great, but at 35, I've found that women who've dealt with real adversity, seen a lot of the world etc are just more interesting to be around and its rare to get that in a 25 year old.

[Blake Noble]

There is a 3 year age difference between my girlfriend and I. I tend to see it as nothing intentional, just a condition of our relationship.

[SoCalCTS]

I think dating ONLY someone younger indicates a desire to have some kind of control or upper-hand in the relationship. Since, supposedly at an older age, one would be more financially secure. You are more likely to pick where you would go to eat or which movies/plays you go see. Also, could it be some kind of insecurity? Do you have a need to feel younger or are you trying to have one of those " I still got it" moments?

Only you know for sure why you date younger guys. I date younger, older, same age... as long as they are hot.

[Blake Noble]

SoCalCTS, you couldn't be any more wrong about that.

It has nothing to do with having an upper hand in the relationship. At least not for me. The reason why I am attracted to my girlfriend and ignored the age difference is that I believe that I have finally found someone who has virtually everything in common with me. (And the many coincidences between the two of us is quite hard for me to ignore as well.)

[Nick]

Two words...

Urban Cougars.

[2005 EquinoxLS]

Age doesnt mean very much to me. Seems in my case older women seem to understand me better than women my age or younger.

[Croc]

Two words...

Urban Cougars.

That really is pretty hot.

[CARBIZ]

I think dating ONLY someone younger indicates a desire to have some kind of control or upper-hand in the relationship. Since, supposedly at an older age, one would be more financially secure. You are more likely to pick where you would go to eat or which movies/plays you go see. Also, could it be some kind of insecurity? Do you have a need to feel younger or are you trying to have one of those " I still got it" moments?

Only you know for sure why you date younger guys. I date younger, older, same age... as long as they are hot.

+ 1

When I was single (oh, so long ago) and I had just turned 40, many, many 22 year olds were hitting on me in the clubs (for reasons that I won't shock anyone with) and, sure, I'd be the first to admit that I would take them home and, ahem, have a great one night stand - but that's it.

Look, there's certainly nothing 'wrong' with youth, but they are at a different stage in life and their viewpoints, career paths, etc. are not set yet. Plus, they tend to be oh, so over dramatic with everything - and that goes for 20-something year old girls as well as guys. Yeah, yeah, the sex is fantastic, but once that is over (or maybe twice or thrice) - then what?

My partner is 9 years younger than me, which has been pretty typical in my life, but the difference between 47 and 38 is not as significant as between 22 and 31 - although I have to hit the gym more often than he does. :AH-HA_wink:

[daves87rs]

I think it just depends on where the cards fall on the table....I've seen it work both ways...

I have a friend who made lots of fun of single moms....and guess what he married? And guess what little girl has daddy wrapped around her finger?

I watched a older friend of mine married a 18 year old girl ( he was 29), and still married like two peas in a pod ten years later.....

Heck, I married a women older than I...(only a year though)....and we still are doing well...

Life can be interesting sometimes.....

[ZL-1]

I'm almost 32 and I have felt attracted both to women in their early 40s and in their early 20s... Like Dave said, it just depends on where the cards fall on the table...

[Oracle of Delphi]

Blond and Blue eyed work for me. Between 20 and 45.

Edited October 18, 2008 by Pontiac Custom-S

[ocnblu]

I prefer my age or younger. But it seems like older people are interested in me more.

[trinacriabob]

I think dating ONLY someone younger indicates a desire to have some kind of control or upper-hand in the relationship.

ONLY is the operative word here. But it depends on HOW young and how that relates to your age. However, I think that, for people who do it this way ALL the time, it's about coveting youth and the need for affirmation.

Sidestepping the DATING issue, most people hang around people their own age, +/- 5 years. I think that's pretty standard. You went through the same phases at the same time and in the same decade. There are people at work in different age brackets that come by to "visit" or want to go to lunch. This one lady, early 60s, from New York and is who is sitcom-Italian bought me lunch 2 weeks ago. This one guy who is in his mid-20s and went to UCLA always comes by to "visit" or wants to go to lunch - well, he loves to talk about LA and he loves to complain...is it any wonder?

And single moms? Arrrgh. Who wants someone else's problems? Not PC...but WTF. I've only spent $ 2 on one...in my life! Our receptionist at the last firm I worked for wanted to go to dinner one Saturday and she brought her daughter. The only reason I spent $ 2 is because, when the bill came, I put down a $ 20 when my tab, with 15 % tip, would have been about $ 18.

But, yeah, if it's ALWAYS younger, then that's about "something else."

Edited October 18, 2008 by trinacriabob

[Paolino]

I won't date much younger than myself, but I would date a deal older. Guys younger than me tend to not be looking for a relationship and just want to mess around. I find the maturity level disturbing too. When I was a bit younger, I was more attracted to older men because they seemed to have their lives together.

[A Horse With No Name]

I won't date much younger than myself, but I would date a deal older. Guys younger than me tend to not be looking for a relationship and just want to mess around. I find the maturity level disturbing too. When I was a bit younger, I was more attracted to older men because they seemed to have their lives together.

Pauli, I have a lot of friends who are either female or gay, and I feel sorry for people who are looking for a stable relationship with a guy because it seems that the pool of good, available men is rather small. As the father of three daughters (two of which are teenagers) I can tell you that there is a very good reason that both of my teen daughters are very much turned off by most guys their age.

That being said, Mandy, the daughter of my good friend Cindy, is getting married to a great guy in April. There are good guys out there. But a whole lotta guys, esp. between about 13 and 35, seem to have no common sense or maturity whatsoever.

Good luck, dude. There are a lot of gay couples here in Columbus, and every time I see one I think of you and pray to the god of internal combustion that you find someone you like.

Chris

[A Horse With No Name]

ONLY is the operative word here. But it depends on HOW young and how that relates to your age. However, I think that, for people who do it this way ALL the time, it's about coveting youth and the need for affirmation.

Sidestepping the DATING issue, most people hang around people their own age, +/- 5 years. I think that's pretty standard. You went through the same phases at the same time and in the same decade. There are people at work in different age brackets that come by to "visit" or want to go to lunch. This one lady, early 60s, from New York and is who is sitcom-Italian bought me lunch 2 weeks ago. This one guy who is in his mid-20s and went to UCLA always comes by to "visit" or wants to go to lunch - well, he loves to talk about LA and he loves to complain...is it any wonder?

And single moms? Arrrgh. Who wants someone else's problems? Not PC...but WTF. I've only spent $ 2 on one...in my life! Our receptionist at the last firm I worked for wanted to go to dinner one Saturday and she brought her daughter. The only reason I spent $ 2 is because, when the bill came, I put down a $ 20 when my tab, with 15 % tip, would have been about $ 18.

But, yeah, if it's ALWAYS younger, then that's about "something else."

Actually if something happened to my wife, I would WANT to find a single mom, as I love kids. to each his own, I guess. But having kids is an attraction to dating older females for me, I would guess.

Chris

[Satty]

I think we all know my answer to the age-old age question:

If there's grass on the field....

(I'm going to prison, aren't I?)

[trinacriabob]

Actually if something happened to my wife, I would WANT to find a single mom, as I love kids. to each his own, I guess. But having kids is an attraction to dating older females for me, I would guess.

Chris

Well, right, for single moms there are single dads. It makes sense. You have that major hinge point in common.

But when a person has never had any kids, and doesn't want any, and not because I don't like them....then single moms are not the ticket. I'm NOT affluent, but who wants to leave their money/things at the end of their lives to someone else's kids? Not only that, it's amazing to hear single moms talk to you about their kids as if it's a "bonus" or something. I mean, I understand it, a good mother has her kids as the focal point in her life. But the operative word is HER kids.

For the childless single male, the (divorced) single mom offers the following:

1) a kid who may never develop loyalties to you if they have a biological parent,

2) a biological parent that you may have to deal with when you probably don't want to, and

3) a mother who expects you to attend the kids' milestone events, bring gifts, and be financially supportive...yet God forbid you'd want to discipline them....not that that's on my front burner.

Chalk it up to my conservative European Catholic ubpbringing, but nothing used to set off my parents more than seeing a few of my educated / career-on-track / reasonably handsome / never-married friends end up with a divorced single mom for their first marriage.

My opinion does NOT make me popular. So I now keep it to myself in a "live" interpersonal setting. I've seen that 90+% of society, in an age where blended families have become the norm, does NOT agree with my viewpoint. In fact, they find it aggravating.

On the other hand, single YET attractive childless women may very well have some intimacy problems...you can almost bet that the "1 in 7" that has been sexually trespassed upon during youth (statistic according to "the Book of Oprah") occupies that single childless category...and that's another head trip altogether. Plus, it's a guarantee that the sex will be marginal...or nonexistent.

Edited October 19, 2008 by trinacriabob

[daves87rs]

I think we all know my answer to the age-old age question:

If there's grass on the field....

(I'm going to prison, aren't I?)

:rotflmao:

[Sixty8panther]

For years I only dated OLDER girls/women.

At 18 years old, I took a 21 year old to my high school

senior prom... in College I dated a girl 1 year older than

me for 4+ years, my ex Marcia was a year older as well

but then I ended up married to Julie, who is 4 years

younger than I, as my mother is 4 yrs younger than my

dad, I hope that's a good sign, since my parents are

celebrating their 30th anniversary in to weeks.

I never resist a good MILF pr0n though.

[regfootball]

Well, right, for single moms there are single dads. It makes sense. You have that major hinge point in common.

But when a person has never had any kids, and doesn't want any, and not because I don't like them....then single moms are not the ticket. I'm NOT affluent, but who wants to leave their money/things at the end of their lives to someone else's kids? Not only that, it's amazing to hear single moms talk to you about their kids as if it's a "bonus" or something. I mean, I understand it, a good mother has her kids as the focal point in her life. But the operative word is HER kids.

For the childless single male, the (divorced) single mom offers the following:

1) a kid who may never develop loyalties to you if they have a biological parent,

2) a biological parent that you may have to deal with when you probably don't want to, and

3) a mother who expects you to attend the kids' milestone events, bring gifts, and be financially supportive...yet God forbid you'd want to discipline them....not that that's on my front burner.

Chalk it up to my conservative European Catholic ubpbringing, but nothing used to set off my parents more than seeing a few of my educated / career-on-track / reasonably handsome / never-married friends end up with a divorced single mom for their first marriage.

My opinion does NOT make me popular. So I now keep it to myself in a "live" interpersonal setting. I've seen that 90+% of society, in an age where blended families have become the norm, does NOT agree with my viewpoint. In fact, they find it aggravating.

On the other hand, single YET attractive childless women may very well have some intimacy problems...you can almost bet that the "1 in 7" that has been sexually trespassed upon during youth (statistic according to "the Book of Oprah") occupies that single childless category...and that's another head trip altogether. Plus, it's a guarantee that the sex will be marginal...or nonexistent.

or they are princesses. daddy said their you know what don't stink. and maybe if combined with being trespassed, well yeah!

[The O.C.]

I think we all know my answer to the age-old age question:

If there's grass on the field....

(I'm going to prison, aren't I?)

"....old enough to pee? old enough for me...."

You're going to prison.......I'm goin' straight to hell......

[Nick]

I think we all know my answer to the age-old age question:

If there's grass on the field....

(I'm going to prison, aren't I?)

No grass?

Play in the mud.

[ocnblu]

Oh my...

[deftonesfan867]

I've been quite the whore, so for me age means nothing as long as there legal.

[The O.C.]

No grass?

Play in the mud.

Oh, no....that is just wrong.....

....but funny.....

[Lamar]

No grass?

Play in the mud.

[MikeyMo84]

i have no problems dating younger than me but at 23 theres a certain line i have to draw...i constantly have guys 16 and 17 years old asking me out and i basically have to explain to them that theyre just too young for that...their explanation makes sense tho...they (at least they say) want something mature and stable. as for older guys...i feel uncomfortable dating them because they're usually on a different level than i am (graduated college, have their own place and on track with their lives which im not) i tend to stick in the age range of 19-24 most of the time.

[The O.C.]

i have no problems dating younger than me but at 23 theres a certain line i have to draw...i constantly have guys 16 and 17 years old asking me out and i basically have to explain to them that theyre just too young for that...their explanation makes sense tho...they (at least they say) want something mature and stable. as for older guys...i feel uncomfortable dating them because they're usually on a different level than i am (graduated college, have their own place and on track with their lives which im not) i tend to stick in the age range of 19-24 most of the time.

Hey guys......the Family just got a li'l bit bigger here on ole C&G....! (And a nice addition too I might add.....)

:gay:

MikeyMo......(a somewhat belated) welcome to the group!

[The O.C.]

So.....first date tonight.....

He's 24.....so we'll see how it goes......

His whole thing is that he likes older guys because he can't stand all the games and stuff that constantly seems to be played with guys his age that he tries to date. We will see if he lives up to his own standard.....

[ocnblu]

Well then I don't feel so unsure about myself. Thanks.

[MikeyMo84]

lol thanks for the welcome

[FAPTurbo]

I'm 22, she's 36, and I don't know what to tell the parents.

[Nick]

Well, I had a brief run-in with a cougar 46 years of age through most of August. We had some good times...all no strings attached of course. Granted, I had to kind of cut contact with her because she became too much of a liability.

[trinacriabob]

August

...Hot August Nights...

[C.H.U.D.]

Two words...

Urban Cougars.

This.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

I found this topic interesting. I am 40. I will tell you my experiences. When I was younger, guys were not drawn to older men unless it was something in it for them( money etc.). That has changed. The younger guys want older now because they want a relationship and maturity. I often see online and in the real world the younger guys (some) are put off by the games and immaturity of their peers. I asked. I work at a major university, and I am around college age students all the time. I do not mess with students because to me that is unprofessional. I do listen to them and I can relate to them. We have a connection.

I read profiles and see people saying no twinks or people my age. It is shocking, but some can get past the age.

There are the younger guys who are very superficial and immature. They say things to you that they would not say in your face. They are caught up with image rather than some aspect of responsibility. They are caught up with some standard that does not exist.

I have it harder. I would like to be with someone. I am drawn to and attracted to younger white men, or interracial white men (with different ethnic backgrounds). I will date 18 to my age. My age is 40. The issues I run into is most men will not give me a chance because they first two things they see when they see me is my age(40) and the fact I am black. I am not overweight, or ugly or anything. I think that may have more to do where I live in the United States too.

I find the: Scandinavians, the British, Europeans and Latin American countries do not have a problem with me. They find me handsome. People who live in the Northeast or the Northwest or the Mid West and Southwest in the United States or in Canada do not have issues with me. They are drawn to me. A lot of these guys I have met in these places have expressed interest in me, but they cannot get past the distance in their mind. I would do the long distance thing and eventually allow someone to move here to be with me.

I do not have the hang ups. These guys here in Texas and in the Southeast have some of the biggest hang ups and issues.

I have seen men after I have expressed an interest in them go back and change their profiles online to say no blacks or no older men. With in minutes, they changed their profiles.

Men have drop interest in me because I have long hair too. One guy recently dropped interest in me because I was not experienced as he is.

I see guys in their 30's close to my age who will not date anyone older than 25 to 30. In the gay community the superficial ones are caught up with age and anatomy size and what you can do for them.

When I am online I see profiles and I get excluded more often than not. People will boldly write in their profiles: no blacks, no one over 40. In the gay community when you reach my age, they consider you old. The funny thing is I do not look my age and look younger than most of the ones saying this.

I do not hook up. I cannot even get that either. I cannot get friends with benefits either. I cannot get a date. I have learned the true meaning of the word "rejection". I am a happy person and content with my life. I do not let them get me down. I have learned to live alone and be alone.

These guys I have met so far:

There was Kyle here in Texas. He lived in Mansfield which is by Dallas. He said I was too far away. Yet, he was writing me every day for over a month twice a day. He was angry at the world because people used him for his looks. He felt it was someone else's job to stop him from being angry. I was not like that. We stopped talking early this month. He stopped writing. ( September and October 2009)

There was Lucas from Tennessee. He just disappeared. He was not out. He was so interested. He was about to graduate college and wanted to move to Texas. I never heard from him again. ( July 2009)

There was Dennis from Germany. He talked to me and then told me he did not want to talk and since then he has gone back to look at my profile online and then yesterday sent me a request join him on Facebook. I was shocked he still had my email address. ( recent)

There was the 25 year old guy who was into some freaky stuff I was not. He was from Illinois. He approached me last Friday and asked me was I still interested. I had to decline. He had written two very nasty emails to me and then expected me just to say okay, I like you. No sir... ( recent)

There have been a few from the Latin American countries: Argentina and Venezuela. We talked once and it did not go any further

There was a guy named Seth from Washington State . We had something in 2003. I flew to be with him. We spent some time together. We had a connection. Seth's problem was he wanted someone older, but he wanted them to take care of him and he was caught up with the wrong things. He did break my heart. ( October 2002- August 2003)

Before that I was with local guy who raped me after our dinner one night. I did go get help for that. I took my left back and healed from that. ( 2002)

Before that was a friend. We had sex a few times. I did not like the feeling it left me with. He was involved and I to this do do not get involved with men in relationships or men who are married. I do not like it one bit. He was not happy in his relationship, and they were dying. He and I had an interested in each other, but we never got together. ( 1993-1999)

There is this 20 year old who wrote me and said he was interested. He wrote back once. I think I saw him online and he wanted to message me and then he stopped.(recent)

I always tell people me and my Oldsmobiles are doing just fine. We will be just fine.

I just do not chase men down. I do not know why I still have hope.

Edited October 27, 2009 by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY

[Z-06]

I find the: Scandinavians, the British, Europeans and Latin American countries do not have a problem with me. They find me handsome. People who live in the Northeast or the Northwest or the Mid West and Southwest in the United States or in Canada do not have issues with me. They are drawn to me. A lot of these guys I have met in these places have expressed interest in me, but they cannot get past the distance in their mind. I would do the long distance thing and eventually allow someone to move here to be with me.

I think you may need to move. Frankly city like Chicago would be ideal for you, where you will have a great chance of meeting open minded people.

Very few people can carry a long distance relationship. For most people out of sight = out of life. My fiancée and I have persisted for 3.5 years and still we cannot see ourselves together in near future because of job and economic circumstances, but we will fight on for us.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

I think you may need to move. Frankly city like Chicago would be ideal for you, where you will have a great chance of meeting open minded people.

Very few people can carry a long distance relationship. For most people out of sight = out of life. My fiancée and I have persisted for 3.5 years and still we cannot see ourselves together in near future because of job and economic circumstances, but we will fight on for us.

I tried that once when I tried to move to Washington State in 2003. I realized I was running away from my own issues at the time. I had not dealt with the rape and other issues. I have since dealt with those issues. I have a career here and like living in Houston.

Yeah. the long distance thing can be hard.

[trinacriabob]

I tried that once when I tried to move to Washington State in 2003. I realized I was running away from my own issues at the time. I have since dealt with those issues. I have a career here and like living in Houston.

The grass is always greener. Let me tell you, I lived in the PNW (Oregon and Washington, both) and, while it may seem like a real progressive place, it is very smug and uptight. I got tired of the "oh, you're from California." When I lived in the Southeast, I never heard that, because they didn't see many Californians, so there was no resentment. For the Northwesterners, Californians with "cash in hand" changed their lives, largely through changing the price of housing, so it may not have been for the better and I can sort of understand their resentment.

I won't comment on the personal aspects of what you detailed a few posts above. All I can say is that one has to be their own best friend. That's the most important thing. I can either do things on my own (travel to far away places, take road trips or stay locally) or do things with friends or relatives (most of whom are overseas). The funny thing is, when you're not looking for friends, you start making friends.

On a real general level, letting people (regardless of demographics) into your life who can 'eff it up and make it more complicated is not a good thing. The reality is that we actually know when people are bad for us from the very start - some choose to revel in the drama and others run from it. In these cases, we are probably better off by ourselves. Within the last few years, I bounced a few friends I had been friends with from 15 to 30+ years. I was better off for it and should have done it a long time ago. I had a good friend in Atlanta and she once said (about anything: jobs, relationships, neighborhoods) that "the positives have to outweigh the negatives." I've learned to use that...it's real simple...it seems to work very well.

Oh yeah, since the thread has to do with age, I'll come back around to that. The notion of a "cougar" or a "sugar daddy" is funny, but it's really kind of sad...for both the older and the younger person. Sad for the older person in the pairing because they are desparately trying to "purchase" affection and will be insecure throughout this process, which always ends, and sad for the younger person in the pairing because they're looking to fill some psychological void...if the age gap is almost 20 years, then they're looking for the parent that's missing and was "unavailable."

All I can say is that I stick to the "Starbucks or B&N Test" - most couples who come in are fairly evenly matched, on all levels....age, race, level of looks, education, socioeconomic status, religion and what not. No, they are not clones of each other. They just complement each other. When the pairing is way off, I wonder "What's up with this?" It's interesting to "peoplewatch" the situation, but, in the end, I really don't get it.

This thread had been dormant for about a year. What woke it up from its slumber?

Edited October 28, 2009 by trinacriabob

[FAPTurbo]

This thread had been dormant for about a year. What woke it up from its slumber?

I somehow came across it, and since I figured I had relevant information to post, I just decided to necromance it.