Devastation

[Cory Wolfe]

I wrote this on Wednesday for my blog, I'm just going to copy and paste since I don't feel like dwelling on this subject any more than I have to.

"I'm going to try to keep this one pretty short... possibly without much structure considering my emotions right now. It's just that, this is the first time I've been home since Sunday. I didn't figure on it when I headed for Dubois that night. I expected to be back Monday after hanging with Salvy and Jay. Come Monday morning, I get a call from my Mom. She was going to see my Grandma who had been in the hospital since last Wednesday for her cancer treatments, or whatever it exactly was. I had wanted to see her and had some time to kill. I wait for her arrival, then we procede to head up to the 5th floor. My Mom warns me that she doesn't look too well, but we get good news that she's off the breathing tube. Upon seeing her, I'm emotional. I couldn't stand to see her like that. This, was before the bad news.

After being there for an hour or so, we're finally told that she needed to go back on the breathing tube, but that her chances weren't good either way. She had a rare condition occuring by fault of the cancer where the tumor was growing around an artery and pinching off the blood supply and she was already too far gone by the time they found it. This, combined with her kidneys that shut down after one of the operations meant there was little they could do. If she returned to the breating tube, they said she would have 2 weeks or so. If she stayed off of it, she would have 24 hours. She ended up choosing to go in comfort without the tube. This completely blindsided us. I was shocked, my Mom and my Aunt were in disarray... Not one of us could hold back tears, not even my brother. We had the daunting task of gathering the rest of the family to give the bad news. After this, most everyone in the family came. We all cried. Most unexpected of all was my Grandpa. He's not someone who appears very emotional and I've never seen him show much affection. While we were all standing by Grandma's side, my Grandpa says "You know, I've never seen someone die before". After a few minutes, he started crying as my Aunt's and Uncle's held him. That absolutely killed me and everyone else there. He held her hand after this, of which I've never seen him do.

We stayed by her side while taking little breaks in the waiting room. It was weird. Once everone was there and she was being made as comfortable as possible, it seemed like she was getting better. She kept fighting through the first night. I tried to get some sleep in the waiting room while we circulated who was with her. 24 hours eventually came and she was still hanging on without much change. Not everyone stayed. The longer she went on, the less relatives that stuck around. She started to go downhill slowly, but steadilly. When the second night rolled around, I knew I had to stay. She could go anytime and I wanted to be there with her. I tried to get some sleep this night as well. It wasn't long, though, until I was awaken. She passed. I couldn't grasp it at the time. It didn't sink until much later. When I walked back to see her... Well... I can't really describe the moment. It's something I'll never forget.

I really just cannot beleive she's gone. I dont know what to do with myself. I feel as if took her existance for granted this year. I stopped watching the races with her and I didn't get to see her that much because of my job. This hurts more than anything. I wish I could have spent more time with her before she went. I swear, two months ago, she seemed to be fine and now she's gone. I'm full of so many emotions. I loved my Grandma and I miss her so much. It's devastating.

R.I.P Mary Elaine Gilhousen, a great Grandmother of which I was fortunate to have."

[Camino LS6]

I'm with you, my friend.

I was there when my own Grandmother died - I'll tell you that story at a car show someday.

All the best to you and your family.

[Oracle of Delphi]

BV, I am very sorry for your loss. It was the same for me when my grandmother died, all the relatives where around her bed and the nurse kept counting down her heartbeats, 50, 25, 10, 5, none. Before she passed she looked straight into my eyes a little afraid, I said go towards that light she sighed and was gone. I spent a lot of time with her when I was in Texas, but it never feels like it was enough. The worst part was, I would think to myself "I think I will stop by and see her, then realized I couldn't. I miss that woman to this day! Time will heal this hurt, but you never forget, and as long as you don't forget her, you will still be able to see her in your mind's eye.

Bö®gÉr

[DetroitNut90]

I'm so sorry to hear that, BV. I remember when we got the news my grandma passed away...not much we could've done, since we were (and still are) a good 100 miles to the south of where she lived.

My sympathies to you and yours.

[wildcat]

blackviper8891: Please accept my condolences on your grandmother's passing. Hold some favorite memories of her in your heart.

[ocnblu]

Cory, I am so sorry. My maternal grandparents raised me. It was quite difficult to watch my grandfather lose his battle to stomach cancer over several months, and then my dear grandmother to Parkinson's disease and congestive heart failure. I still dream about them from time to time. I will love them always. I know you'll feel the same for your lifetime about your own Grandma. Carry her inside you wherever you go, and Godspeed.

[Brougham-Holiday]

Very sorry for your loss, and I wish you and your family the best.

[Blake Noble]

I am so deeply sorry to hear this, BV. I know the pains of watching a family member slip away at the hands of cancer all too well. I offer you my sincerest condolences and I wish you only the best of comfort and solace in this time of tragic loss.

[Intrepidation]

Very sorry to hear about your loss BV, thoughts are with you.

I've only known one relative somewhat closely that passed away. My grandfather paassed away from cancer when I was 7 or so. He used to tell me all kinds of amazing stories and we would talk for hours. When he passed on I never really new what to think because I didn't understand the concept of death then. I miss him though.

Like Borger said, they will live on as long as you never forget them.

[§carlet §wordfish]

I'm so sorry to hear, BV. You and your family have my sympathy.

[daves87rs]

I'm so sorry BV....my sympathies are with you and your family.

I lost my grandmother the day before I graduated from high school....it was one of the toughest days of my life. It made it real tough because we had laughed and talked about high school not even the week before.

It takes time, but you will heal......

[knightfan26917]

Aye, BV...very sorry for your loss.

I, too, know the pain of losing a grandmother. The one I was closest to, Mom's mom, died in October 2002, right before my third open heart surgery. It was very tough...especially seeing her so weak, etc.

Thoughts/prayers coming to you and your entire family....

Cort:34swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve&pacemaker

WRMNshowcase.legos.HO.models.MCs.RTs.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort

"My time here is over" ... Patty Loveless ... 'How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?'

[capriceman]

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to face in your life. Its like an emotional road block. Remember memories can be forgotten, so don't lose them. We are here for you. I wonder why (if there is a god) why is he/she so merciless.

[2005 EquinoxLS]

I havent lost my grandmother on my Moms side ( The one on Dads side died before I was born) but my sympathy is with you all the way. The loss of my Dad suddenly to cancer last summer is something that is still a hard thing for me to talk about. Seeing him dead in his hospital bed in the old house is something I still have a tough time coming to terms with. Again Cory my sympathies are with you.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Cory, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. May she rest in peace.

[bobo]

BV, sorry to hear of your family's loss. Your post is a very touching tribute of how much she meant to you and your family.

[Croc]

I'm so sorry man. Losing a Grandma is always emotional--only time I've ever seen my father cry. From what you told us (and showed us via pictures) of her, I know she was one hell of a lady.

[ZL-1]

My condolences. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[!!!TED!!!]

My sincere condolences.

My grandmother is recently not doing so well health wise, and I don't want to really think about her dying.

Im spending as much time with her as I can.

[deftonesfan867]

Damn Cory, I'm sorry for you and your families lose bro. I never got to see my grandparents before they passed because I wasn't living in Texas when they did

Not to hi-jack the thread or anything, but the night my mom's mom passed away I was at home and my then wife said goodnight to me as she went on to work. Well as I lay there in bed I felt a pressure on the bed like someone was sitting on it, but I was there alone. When this happened I knew it was her and I started to cry and tell her I was sorry for not being there at her funeral. I know you don't believe in religion, but Cory I would say that right now your grandmother is in a better place.

I shall keep your family in my prayers.

[Paolino]

I'm so sorry to hear this Cory... I know how losing a grandmother can feel and how attached one can get. It's been 11 years, but I still miss my grandmother Felicia. My condolences to you and your family.

[GMTruckGuy74]

Cory, my condolences to you and your family on losing such a beloved woman. Hopefully she had a good life and lived every moment of it. She'll never be truly gone from you if you keep her memories alive. Always remember the good times you shared together and don't beat yourself over the last year having other obligations take you away; choices are what life is all about - some we make on our own, while others are necessary to make whether we want to or not. I know that your grandmother loved you and she will always be with you in spirit.

I witnessed my mom's mother that I was extremely close with die of heart disease when I was age 10, my mom's brother that I shared a lot in common with die of complications from Polio & heart disease when I was 18, and my mom's sister (that was really a second mom to me) die from cancer when I was 29 (I'm 33 now just so you understand my point I'm about to make). While these people are no longer physically with me, and some have been for a long time, just about every day I think about the memories I shared with them and how much they meant to me in my lifetime before they were taken away. Let this be a lesson to all of you here fortunate enough to have the people you are close to still in your lives. Don't take them for granted; if you don't have the time to see them, MAKE the time somehow. My aunt's last year before cancer took her away was a difficult one for me, and as a result I couldn't see her much. So I made it a point to call her just about every day and talk, and when I could stop by, I did. I look back and wish I did it more often, but as human beings we always want more than what we can after the fact. Enjoy those you love while you can - you can't tell the future, and eventually memories are all that you'll have to cherish.

Cory, Godspeed to you in dealing with the pain you are experiencing during this difficult time. You are not alone - as evidenced by all the posts here - feel free to call on any of us at any time if you need to talk.

[CMG]

That sucks Viper, sorry to hear it.

My condolences.

[A Horse With No Name]

Ouch!...my grandmother passed away when I was 16, I am almost 43 now and I still think about her.

Like Borger said, keep her alive in your memory.

Chris

[usonia]

Nothing more I can say than what others have said better than me. My deepest sympathies.

[Cory Wolfe]

Thanks, guys. It means alot.

[ocnblu]

Take good care, bud.

[NOS2006]

I'm sorry about your loss, Cory. As you know, I dealt with the same loss earlier this year. You know where your brothers are when you need help. Let us know if you need anything.