Mother of all holidays

[ocnblu]

She got all fat, cranky and nauseous for NINE MONTHS just so you could pop out and bawl your little head off. Don't forget her special day this Sunday.

Last week I drove my mom to Target to pick up a wedding gift for a relative. When we got out of the car, she looked at the fender of the car parked next to us and said "Look at that, it looks like somebody put sunglasses for a person with 3 eyes on that car."

I said "That's a Buick Lucerne. Those are Buick portholes."

Edited May 11, 2008 by ocnblu

[MyerShift]

Oh yes, my mom has done a LOT for me. Unfortunately I'm rather cashless right now, so I only have nice, cheap words. *Sigh*

[CARBIZ]

Hmm, let me see. Let me list the things my mother has done for me:

1) Told me on my 18th birthday that she is not sure who my father is. (Although I look a lot like some guy she was banging in the summer of 1960.)

2) Phoned the parents of the ony friend I had left (after the rumor went through my highschool that I was gay) and told them I was gay. He was nearly thrown out of the house and

was banned from hanging out with me after that. My only other highschool friend after that was Jehovah's Witness. I still haven't figured that one out.

3) Ran off, not once, but twice with her then current husband's best friend. (Just following in the footsteps of her mother and her older sister, who both did the same thing to their

husbands at the time and best friends.) I actually have a picture of my supposed natural father (the one she nailed for getting her pregnant in 1960), and his two friends in

highschool, both whom she ended up eventually marrying. Cute picture, entitled: "All my Fathers (so far.) Well, she is only 66 this month - she could marry more people my

supposed father knew back then!

4) Made it her personal crusade to 'change my ways.' Followed me around when I was 16/17. Checked up on my friends. Followed me to the library if I was studying. Like she is a

living role model for sexual mores!

4) Voted with her 2% of my company to kick me and my BF out on the street, literally, 12 years ago, so that my sister could take over the company when I wanted to sell it and get

the hell out of a small town. Eleven years of my life flushed down the toilet. Sure, I had my sister and mother on conspiracy and a host of other charges, but my lawyer at the

time wanted a $40k retainer and cautioned that we probably would only bankrupt the company if we went after them. She later apologized to me, but she knew that my sister

was useless and she had to choose her grandson over me. She knew I would land on my feet (I did) and my sister would not if we sold the company.

These are just what come to mind. There are a dozen smaller 'tough love' choices she made when I was growing up and later. So, whoop it up with your mother's, guys. Forgive me if I continue NOT SPEAKING TO MINE. It has been 9 years since I told her to f$%K off. Out of consideration to the rest of my family, I attended her 3rd husbands funeral last December and I was civil to her, but I will not allow her the power to screw over my life again.

Enjoy your day, guys.

[gmpartsgirl]

Well at least you got way from yours. Mine maybe wasn't quite as bad as yours but nonetheless screwed me up for life. I still talk to mine and because I'm the only child that did anything with their life I get stuck with her when she's too old to care for herself. But hey the upside is when that time comes I get to boot my worthless ass brother out of her living room floor of her one bedroom apartment in the freaking ghetto!! It will be worth dealing with her dumb ass just to watch my brother stand there in the street with his mouth open and all his possessions(some clothes) wondering where the hell he's gonna go now. Man, moms rock!! LOL I really hope my son doesn't feel this way about me. I really have tried, and his daddy is still here 16 years later and will continue to be, and I want him to be here, thats a helluva lot more than she ever did for me. And I was smart enough to stop at one kid, she shouldn't have ever had any. I think shes hated me since birth. Mothers day kind of pisses me off. Sorry to be such a downer guys. At least I have my husbands mother who totally rocks!! I love her to pieces, don't know what I would do without her, in all her magnificent flawed glory. We're going to plant her a new flower bed Sunday.

[ocnblu]

Oh my, I didn't mean to open up a great canyon, flowing with discontent until it bursts forth in a great flood, culminating in the screeching, tiny cry of a quivering, wrinkled, alien creature. If it brings upon you too much pain, let's just grab some warm towels and wrap this one up right now. :AH-HA_wink:

My mom drives me nuts, but I love her. She's not sure what she wants to do tomorrow, but we'll most likely have a good day together. Such is Mother's Day for an only child.

[XP715]

Fortunately, my mother has been cool and pretty normal overall. My girlfriend's mom, however, is an incredible turd and so she will be joining in what I have planned for my mom since they have more or less "adopted" each other

[Sixty8panther]

My mom is sacrificed a LOT for me.

She is very old school. Loyal to a

degree most of todays generation

can not understand, selfLESS & 99

times out of a hundred has gone

way above and beyond for me,

& more recently her grandaughter

Sofia. (I'm an only child)

CARBIZ:

Dude, your mom sounds like a

character from an Alfred Hitchcock

film... or Stephen King.

[Croc]

My mother won't be in Los Angeles until Wednesday, so I'll prolly just eat some In-N-Out while thinking of her and make a phone call.

[CARBIZ]

My mom is sacrificed a LOT for me.

She is very old school. Loyal to a

degree most of todays generation

can not understand, selfLESS & 99

times out of a hundred has gone

way above and beyond for me,

& more recently her grandaughter

Sofia. (I'm an only child)

CARBIZ:

Dude, your mom sounds like a

character from an Alfred Hitchcock

film... or Stephen King.

Mommie Dearest?

It never ceases to amaze me when I see grandparents actually buying a minivan or larger vehicle so that they can shuttle their grandchildren around. I remember thinking to myself: so this is how real parents are supposed to behave? My mother (and husband #3) moved an hour away from the city to be away from their grandchildren (his kids are in California - can't get much further than that!). Nothing like being out of your kids' lives, then bitching about what horrible parents THEY are. They then spent 5 or so months in Florida, ensuring that they wouldn't have to endure Xmas with the grandkids either. They deliberately bought a one bedroom condo down there so no one can visit, even though they could have bought the entire floor.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised: my mother practically telephoned in her parenthood, it would only be fitting that she emailed in her grandmotherhood.

[Oracle of Delphi]

My mom's the best (yes I have a mother), she has put up with a lot in her life and this year has been very hard on her since my dad had the stroke and me being away so much. She will get a phone call from me tomorrow, and a visit from me on my birthday next month, I always return to Texas when I come back to the USA.

[Lamar]

I'm here in VA 'cause my younger brother and cousin each graduated from college.

Tomorrow I'm not sure what we'll do for Mom. The wife wants to make her breakfast, so we'll see what we can do.

By the by, my wife's mom passed eight years ago, so... yeah.

[Oracle of Delphi]

Heute ist Muttertag - Today is Mother's day

Happy Mother's day to all you Mothers!

[ocnblu]

Uh, OK, my phone just rang. It was mom, calling to remind me it's Mother's Day. I played dumb.

[Lamar]

Uh, OK, my phone just rang. It was mom, calling to remind me it's Mother's Day. I played dumb.

Don't you hate that?

[Oracle of Delphi]

Uh, OK, my phone just rang. It was mom, calling to remind me it's Mother's Day. I played dumb.

My question is, why didn't she call you at 3 AM to remind you of that?

[ocnblu]

I am so glad my mom is not that deluded (and more so by the day) beeyotch Hillary Clinton. Hillary likes to use the phone at 3 a.m., according to her ricockulous commercials. :AH-HA_wink:

Well, we went to Lowe's and bought patio blocks, etc., and she wanted to go to Red Lobster for lunch, but there was a 2 hour wait (last year there was no call-ahead at our local location, this year, BAM, errbody was just walking in after calling ahead, leaving us dummies no choice but to find another joint). We ended up going to a pizza and salad buffet place called CiCi's Pizza, with one of those goofy, super-enthusiastic crews that you want to punch in the head for being so smiley. Then she made me work. I helped her build a small patio.

Edited May 11, 2008 by ocnblu

[DetroitNut90]

This afternoon, I tried to make some Hong Kong style milk tea for my mom, but we didn't have any evaporated milk, and the can of condensed milk we had expired in January of 1999. So I ended up making a blend of English breakfast tea, some type of orange and black tea, and milk, and served it in the heart-shaped "I Love My Mother" mug. I'm glad it's the thought that counts with her. Dinner turned out much better, I made chicken marsala over angel hair with brocoli, strawberries, and attempted to write "Happy MD" (for Mother's Day) on top of a Schwann's turtle pie with white M&M's.