We've all read O. C.'s "So my boyfriend is moving in ..." thread

[Oracle of Delphi]

I'm sure you all have read O. C.'s thread "So my boyfriend is moving in ..." many of you gave great insight to his plight.

So my question is this, How many of you that have committed to another person, has ever cheated on that person? By cheating I mean had sexual relations, with another person, that wasn't the one you committed to? If you have, did you own up to it, or will you take that secret to the grave?

I will say this for me, before I got married, I was the biggest male whore on the planet, after I got married I have not cheated "done the dirty deed as it were with someone other than my wife", doesn't mean I have not thought about it, talk about it, or even dreamed about it, I just have not crossed that line.

I don't know how many will answer this, but O.C's thread got me thinking about it. :AH-HA_wink:

[the_yellow_dart]

Nope. Never done it, hopefully never will.

I sleep around while single though.

[The O.C.]

I'm sure you all have read O. C.'s thread "So my boyfriend is moving in ..." many of you gave great insight to his plight.

So my question is this, How many of you that have committed to another person, has ever cheated on that person? By cheating I mean had sexual relations, with another person, that wasn't the one you committed to? If you have, did you own up to it, or will you take that secret to the grave?

I will say this for me, before I got married, I was the biggest male whore on the planet, after I got married I have not cheated "done the dirty deed as it were with someone other than my wife", doesn't mean I have not thought about it, talk about it, or even dreamed about it, I just have not crossed that line.

I don't know how many will answer this, but O.C's thread got me thinking about it. :AH-HA_wink:

Never did it either......even in my last relationship, when all the intimacy and sex went away......I still remained faithful.

That's why I have an extensive collection of porn......keeps me "out of trouble!" LOL

[z28luvr01]

If you have, did you own up to it, or will you take that secret to the grave?

Just thought I'd point out the irony of posting on the Internet that you have a dirty little secret that you're taking to the grave.

And, no, I'm clean

[Paolino]

I admit to cheating on my left hand with a man. But that's it. I've never cheated on anyone I've dated. I would never cheat on someone. Honestly, if it comes down to cheating with someone, then I'm going to break up with the person first.

[capriceman]

No Comment...

[Satty]

I cheated on your mom with your sister.

[Drew Dowdell]

Do open relationships count?

and when I mean open, I mean honest communication happens and fun outside of the relationship is both condoned and encouraged.

[A Horse With No Name]

Never have, but not sure that Wife would like the fact that I look at a nekkid female on the interweb from time to time.

Actually not even a big fan of porn per se, but like the occasional "artistic nude female form", esp. if it is black and white.

But that is as far as it goes, I really don't even fantazize about sleeping with other women than Kim.

Chris

[A Horse With No Name]

...and no Oldsmoboi, an open relationship does not count.

Chris

[A Horse With No Name]

...and last thought here for a minute, since perhaps sex is more available to gay men is it perhaps tougher to remain "faithful" if your gay? Not meaning to offend anyone with this, but it would seem that temptation would be more "available"

Chris

[SuperSport623]

Nope, ive always been a good boy..I've been with my G/F for 17 months now, and ive had more then one girl try to tempt me (not until im in a relationship do random girls want me ) but i care WAY too much about Victoria to be unfaithful.... i have no reason to cheat

Edited April 8, 2008 by SuperSport623

[Paolino]

...and last thought here for a minute, since perhaps sex is more available to gay men is it perhaps tougher to remain "faithful" if your gay? Not meaning to offend anyone with this, but it would seem that temptation would be more "available"

Chris

I wouldn't say there's more temptation... it's just that men are assholes. Plain and simple. Myself included. But for the faithful thing, God, I'd be destroyed and I can't even imagine that feeling if a guy cheated on me.

[The O.C.]

Do open relationships count?

and when I mean open, I mean honest communication happens and fun outside of the relationship is both condoned and encouraged.

No offense......but I totally do NOT believe in any sort of "open relationship."

To me, the words lead to an oxymoron. If it's "open"....it's really not a relationship. It's more of a "f@#k-buddy" friendship than anything else.

[VenSeattle]

I stick to the terms of agreement. Always have. Always will.

So no, I haven't cheated on anyone.

[CARBIZ]

I cheated on your mom with your sister.

:rotflmao:

[CARBIZ]

This is a can of worms that would be best left closed. But that would be so unlike me!

Here is the world, according to Carbiz:

1) Alcohol (and other substances) were invented so ugly people can get laid, too. Not original, but true.

2) A 'relationship' doesn't even start until about year 4. Before that, you are still getting to know each other. There could possibly be positions not tried yet.

3) Those who claim sex does not matter are either a) lying b) ugly or c) don't really know what sex is.

4) Monogamy is highly over-rated. We are supposed to be dead by 30. That is in our genes. To presume someone you met at 20 will be with you by 50 is naive at best.

5) The majority of people who claim they have never cheated are either a)lying b) couldn't find someone willing to cheat with them or c) don't have the time.

6) Want to be happy for the rest of your life, then make an ugly man/woman (or man-woman) your wife.

The gay world is littered with the wreckage of bitter souls who sought refuge in a 'meaningful' relationship, only to discover that they don't really exist. I have never understood why gay people collectively have fought for right to be recognized as the same as straight people. We are not, nor should we aspire to be. The divorce rate is sitting at 55% for a myriad of reasons, but I will wager that almost none of those relationships had decent sex going on inside of them. Marriage as an institution is morally bankrupt; a quaint idea which has roots 10,000 years old - as if things haven't changed since then. If we are to move forward through the 21st century, we are going to have to find a way to make relationships (plural) fit into our busy lives, or die alone. It is estimated that we will have 6 careers during our life - why would we expect anything different for our sex lives?

Now before I get flamed for my above comments, think long and hard. This is far more than gonads and harmones. However, we deny our inner animal at our own peril. Of course it is more difficult for gay relationships to work - the temptations are everywhere! When is the last time an attractive woman lured a man into a public washroom and gave him a BJ? And before the straight folk get on their high horses and wrinkle their noses at how repugnant that would be - how many straight guys, married or not, would not be tempted by said situation? Oh, that's right: the double edged sword that she would have to be a slut to be willing to do that, and therefore undesireable. Vegas would not exist if I am not right.

As a society, we need to wake up about sex, celebrate it and learn to fold it into our lives. Throwing hissy fits or going into fits of depression because the BF/GF/wife or whatever didn't come home or smells of someone else's cologne/perfume, etc. is not going to get us anywhere. Whether one has an 'open relationship,' 'don't-ask-don't-tell-Fridays,' engage in threesomes, wife swapping, key parties, or whatever else may float one's boat, the secret to happiness is to find what works for YOU and stick with it.

Oh, and get to the damned gym: stop whining because the wife got fat and dumpy. Take a look in the mirror.

[VenSeattle]

My favorite line though... So true...

The gay world is littered with the wreckage of bitter souls who sought refuge in a 'meaningful' relationship, only to discover that they don't really exist.

Then there's this one:

the secret to happiness is to find what works for YOU and stick with it.

QFT

[ocnblu]

It would not occur to me to cheat, and I'd expect the same out of a partner.

[Cory Wolfe]

This is a can of worms that would be best left closed. But that would be so unlike me!

Here is the world, according to Carbiz:

1) Alcohol (and other substances) were invented so ugly people can get laid, too. Not original, but true.

2) A 'relationship' doesn't even start until about year 4. Before that, you are still getting to know each other. There could possibly be positions not tried yet.

3) Those who claim sex does not matter are either a) lying b) ugly or c) don't really know what sex is.

4) Monogamy is highly over-rated. We are supposed to be dead by 30. That is in our genes. To presume someone you met at 20 will be with you by 50 is naive at best.

5) The majority of people who claim they have never cheated are either a)lying b) couldn't find someone willing to cheat with them or c) don't have the time.

6) Want to be happy for the rest of your life, then make an ugly man/woman (or man-woman) your wife.

The gay world is littered with the wreckage of bitter souls who sought refuge in a 'meaningful' relationship, only to discover that they don't really exist. I have never understood why gay people collectively have fought for right to be recognized as the same as straight people. We are not, nor should we aspire to be. The divorce rate is sitting at 55% for a myriad of reasons, but I will wager that almost none of those relationships had decent sex going on inside of them. Marriage as an institution is morally bankrupt; a quaint idea which has roots 10,000 years old - as if things haven't changed since then. If we are to move forward through the 21st century, we are going to have to find a way to make relationships (plural) fit into our busy lives, or die alone. It is estimated that we will have 6 careers during our life - why would we expect anything different for our sex lives?

Now before I get flamed for my above comments, think long and hard. This is far more than gonads and harmones. However, we deny our inner animal at our own peril. Of course it is more difficult for gay relationships to work - the temptations are everywhere! When is the last time an attractive woman lured a man into a public washroom and gave him a BJ? And before the straight folk get on their high horses and wrinkle their noses at how repugnant that would be - how many straight guys, married or not, would not be tempted by said situation? Oh, that's right: the double edged sword that she would have to be a slut to be willing to do that, and therefore undesireable. Vegas would not exist if I am not right.

As a society, we need to wake up about sex, celebrate it and learn to fold it into our lives. Throwing hissy fits or going into fits of depression because the BF/GF/wife or whatever didn't come home or smells of someone else's cologne/perfume, etc. is not going to get us anywhere. Whether one has an 'open relationship,' 'don't-ask-don't-tell-Fridays,' engage in threesomes, wife swapping, key parties, or whatever else may float one's boat, the secret to happiness is to find what works for YOU and stick with it.

Oh, and get to the damned gym: stop whining because the wife got fat and dumpy. Take a look in the mirror.

What he said.

Have I cheated? Once... and I really don't want to do it again. I seem to have a weak resistance to temptation.

[capriceman]

Well Do Foreign Countries Count?

[Oracle of Delphi]

Well Do Foreign Countries Count?

I travel the world, so I would say yes! :AH-HA_wink:

[wildcat]

No, that was not one of my mistakes. I didn't cheat on them, but they cheated on me.

[Camino LS6]

No.

[Enzora]

No, but I did once hook up with a girl who was dating something else. Not an experience I want to repeat, but sometimes mistakes are the best teachers.

Edited April 9, 2008 by Enzora

[daves87rs]

Hmmm..interesting subject.

Nope. Granted I've always been popular with the girls(sometimes guys)...but when you find someone you click with, you don't worry about the other people too much...

Though I would have to say that there were tempting times (very hot girls), but when I think about what makes me happy, I get over it......

I guess sometimes it is how you feel about it....

[daves87rs]

This is a can of worms that would be best left closed. But that would be so unlike me!

Here is the world, according to Carbiz:

1) Alcohol (and other substances) were invented so ugly people can get laid, too. Not original, but true.

2) A 'relationship' doesn't even start until about year 4. Before that, you are still getting to know each other. There could possibly be positions not tried yet.

3) Those who claim sex does not matter are either a) lying b) ugly or c) don't really know what sex is.

4) Monogamy is highly over-rated. We are supposed to be dead by 30. That is in our genes. To presume someone you met at 20 will be with you by 50 is naive at best.

5) The majority of people who claim they have never cheated are either a)lying b) couldn't find someone willing to cheat with them or c) don't have the time.

6) Want to be happy for the rest of your life, then make an ugly man/woman (or man-woman) your wife.

The gay world is littered with the wreckage of bitter souls who sought refuge in a 'meaningful' relationship, only to discover that they don't really exist. I have never understood why gay people collectively have fought for right to be recognized as the same as straight people. We are not, nor should we aspire to be. The divorce rate is sitting at 55% for a myriad of reasons, but I will wager that almost none of those relationships had decent sex going on inside of them. Marriage as an institution is morally bankrupt; a quaint idea which has roots 10,000 years old - as if things haven't changed since then. If we are to move forward through the 21st century, we are going to have to find a way to make relationships (plural) fit into our busy lives, or die alone. It is estimated that we will have 6 careers during our life - why would we expect anything different for our sex lives?

Now before I get flamed for my above comments, think long and hard. This is far more than gonads and harmones. However, we deny our inner animal at our own peril. Of course it is more difficult for gay relationships to work - the temptations are everywhere! When is the last time an attractive woman lured a man into a public washroom and gave him a BJ? And before the straight folk get on their high horses and wrinkle their noses at how repugnant that would be - how many straight guys, married or not, would not be tempted by said situation? Oh, that's right: the double edged sword that she would have to be a slut to be willing to do that, and therefore undesireable. Vegas would not exist if I am not right.

As a society, we need to wake up about sex, celebrate it and learn to fold it into our lives. Throwing hissy fits or going into fits of depression because the BF/GF/wife or whatever didn't come home or smells of someone else's cologne/perfume, etc. is not going to get us anywhere. Whether one has an 'open relationship,' 'don't-ask-don't-tell-Fridays,' engage in threesomes, wife swapping, key parties, or whatever else may float one's boat, the secret to happiness is to find what works for YOU and stick with it.

Oh, and get to the damned gym: stop whining because the wife got fat and dumpy. Take a look in the mirror.

So true......

[Drew Dowdell]

I stick to the terms of agreement. Always have. Always will.

So no, I haven't cheated on anyone.

You should go into politics.

[Drew Dowdell]

No offense......but I totally do NOT believe in any sort of "open relationship."

To me, the words lead to an oxymoron. If it's "open"....it's really not a relationship. It's more of a "f@#k-buddy" friendship than anything else.

You're entitled to your opinion, however, I do not have to share it.

[Drew Dowdell]

...and last thought here for a minute, since perhaps sex is more available to gay men is it perhaps tougher to remain "faithful" if your gay? Not meaning to offend anyone with this, but it would seem that temptation would be more "available"

Chris

I think it has more with men's ability to separate sex from love. I don't think it's any tougher to remain faithful if you're gay.

[Chris_Doane]

No, but I did once hook up with a girl who was dating something else.

....some sort of human.....I hope.

[tmp]

No, I haven't.

[A Horse With No Name]

I wouldn't say there's more temptation... it's just that men are assholes. Plain and simple. Myself included. But for the faithful thing, God, I'd be destroyed and I can't even imagine that feeling if a guy cheated on me.

Men are assholes (myself included). However, let's not be too hard on ourselves. I know of several long term (20-30-40-50 year) relationships from both the gay and the strait side of the fence.

...and good luck to you also. Whatever happened to the guy that your teacher freind was wanting you to meet?

Chris

[A Horse With No Name]

I think it has more with men's ability to separate sex from love. I don't think it's any tougher to remain faithful if you're gay.

Upon reflecting on this, I think your probably right.

Chris

[A Horse With No Name]

This is a can of worms that would be best left closed. But that would be so unlike me!

Here is the world, according to Carbiz:

1) Alcohol (and other substances) were invented so ugly people can get laid, too. Not original, but true.

2) A 'relationship' doesn't even start until about year 4. Before that, you are still getting to know each other. There could possibly be positions not tried yet.

3) Those who claim sex does not matter are either a) lying b) ugly or c) don't really know what sex is.

4) Monogamy is highly over-rated. We are supposed to be dead by 30. That is in our genes. To presume someone you met at 20 will be with you by 50 is naive at best.

5) The majority of people who claim they have never cheated are either a)lying b) couldn't find someone willing to cheat with them or c) don't have the time.

6) Want to be happy for the rest of your life, then make an ugly man/woman (or man-woman) your wife.

The gay world is littered with the wreckage of bitter souls who sought refuge in a 'meaningful' relationship, only to discover that they don't really exist. I have never understood why gay people collectively have fought for right to be recognized as the same as straight people. We are not, nor should we aspire to be. The divorce rate is sitting at 55% for a myriad of reasons, but I will wager that almost none of those relationships had decent sex going on inside of them. Marriage as an institution is morally bankrupt; a quaint idea which has roots 10,000 years old - as if things haven't changed since then. If we are to move forward through the 21st century, we are going to have to find a way to make relationships (plural) fit into our busy lives, or die alone. It is estimated that we will have 6 careers during our life - why would we expect anything different for our sex lives?

Now before I get flamed for my above comments, think long and hard. This is far more than gonads and harmones. However, we deny our inner animal at our own peril. Of course it is more difficult for gay relationships to work - the temptations are everywhere! When is the last time an attractive woman lured a man into a public washroom and gave him a BJ? And before the straight folk get on their high horses and wrinkle their noses at how repugnant that would be - how many straight guys, married or not, would not be tempted by said situation? Oh, that's right: the double edged sword that she would have to be a slut to be willing to do that, and therefore undesireable. Vegas would not exist if I am not right.

As a society, we need to wake up about sex, celebrate it and learn to fold it into our lives. Throwing hissy fits or going into fits of depression because the BF/GF/wife or whatever didn't come home or smells of someone else's cologne/perfume, etc. is not going to get us anywhere. Whether one has an 'open relationship,' 'don't-ask-don't-tell-Fridays,' engage in threesomes, wife swapping, key parties, or whatever else may float one's boat, the secret to happiness is to find what works for YOU and stick with it.

Oh, and get to the damned gym: stop whining because the wife got fat and dumpy. Take a look in the mirror.

With the washroom comment and a couple of your other comments you kind of get to what I was originally thinking. Last night after posting in this thread I took my 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter to a Cub Scout family roller skating night. My son kind of rolled off on his own, but my seven year old had never skated. I spent the night trying to teach her to skate, following other parents, mostly mothers around the rink and watching them bend over and pick up small children who had just fallen down.

The mothers of my son's friends have some amazing features when viewed from the rear.

If middle aged females that I actually liked were more sexually aggressive and if I had hit the gym as you suggest, I would face a LOT more temptation.

As it is I have a pretty willing sexual partner who I am married to.

Chris

[jcgable]

Never. Although after speaking to many of my gay friends in my age group, I feel I am in the minority...

[Enzora]

....some sort of human.....I hope.

Well, come to think of it, she did have a strange habit of trying to pick fleas from my hair. . . .

[ocnblu]

You can get a collar for that problem, Enzora. Or powder, they make powder to kill fleas. Just trying to help, man.

[daves87rs]

Well, come to think of it, she did have a strange habit of trying to pick fleas from my hair. . . .

[regfootball]

This is a can of worms that would be best left closed. But that would be so unlike me!

Here is the world, according to Carbiz:

1) Alcohol (and other substances) were invented so ugly people can get laid, too. Not original, but true.

2) A 'relationship' doesn't even start until about year 4. Before that, you are still getting to know each other. There could possibly be positions not tried yet.

3) Those who claim sex does not matter are either a) lying b) ugly or c) don't really know what sex is.

4) Monogamy is highly over-rated. We are supposed to be dead by 30. That is in our genes. To presume someone you met at 20 will be with you by 50 is naive at best.

5) The majority of people who claim they have never cheated are either a)lying b) couldn't find someone willing to cheat with them or c) don't have the time.

6) Want to be happy for the rest of your life, then make an ugly man/woman (or man-woman) your wife.

The gay world is littered with the wreckage of bitter souls who sought refuge in a 'meaningful' relationship, only to discover that they don't really exist. I have never understood why gay people collectively have fought for right to be recognized as the same as straight people. We are not, nor should we aspire to be. The divorce rate is sitting at 55% for a myriad of reasons, but I will wager that almost none of those relationships had decent sex going on inside of them. Marriage as an institution is morally bankrupt; a quaint idea which has roots 10,000 years old - as if things haven't changed since then. If we are to move forward through the 21st century, we are going to have to find a way to make relationships (plural) fit into our busy lives, or die alone. It is estimated that we will have 6 careers during our life - why would we expect anything different for our sex lives?

Now before I get flamed for my above comments, think long and hard. This is far more than gonads and harmones. However, we deny our inner animal at our own peril. Of course it is more difficult for gay relationships to work - the temptations are everywhere! When is the last time an attractive woman lured a man into a public washroom and gave him a BJ? And before the straight folk get on their high horses and wrinkle their noses at how repugnant that would be - how many straight guys, married or not, would not be tempted by said situation? Oh, that's right: the double edged sword that she would have to be a slut to be willing to do that, and therefore undesireable. Vegas would not exist if I am not right.

As a society, we need to wake up about sex, celebrate it and learn to fold it into our lives. Throwing hissy fits or going into fits of depression because the BF/GF/wife or whatever didn't come home or smells of someone else's cologne/perfume, etc. is not going to get us anywhere. Whether one has an 'open relationship,' 'don't-ask-don't-tell-Fridays,' engage in threesomes, wife swapping, key parties, or whatever else may float one's boat, the secret to happiness is to find what works for YOU and stick with it.

Oh, and get to the damned gym: stop whining because the wife got fat and dumpy. Take a look in the mirror.

now if we could get oprah and dr. phil off the air and get some CARBIZ on tv we'd be making progress.

i think a lot of what you say is true, but the forces counter to that are in constant conflict, i.e. the social pressure to be monogamous etc.

reagrding the original thread question, technically, no i do not think i have, technically. now if you are just talking thinking about it, then it's at least hundreds of times a day you probably have the thought cross your mind. i.e. the inner animal.

you final analysis, what makes you happy says a lot. i told a friend who is going through a breakup recently, it's not that he/she didn't love you, it's that you could not find a common ground on things including physical expectations.

i try to deflect it as much as possible, but for me, when a friend relationship starts to veer into the type where you find out too much about the other and you think about them too much and you can't wait to see them or you NEED to see them, you share personal info etc......then you have gone to a very similar place as well. but sometimes it's damn hard to keep away from going there, as bad as it is.

shame sometimes you can't have like 5 relashunships going on and have it be ok with everyone. argh.

so, how do you manage to steer away from liking someone in that way, even though you are not supposed to, don't really need to, but can't seem to help it because you've maybe intimated in an encrypted way some feelings already each way and have a bit of the sense that the vibe is indeed or would be reciprocal if conditions were ok for it? I think trying to focus when your mind is effed up like that and getting back to doing the right thing is very very hard. and i don't like cold showers thank you.

at some point you just have to wise up i guess, suck it up, and screen out any extra feelings you might have, realize its not real or just temporary, especially when the cooking at home is just fine to start with.

Edited April 10, 2008 by regfootball

[zhawk]

Nope, and I've been married going on 15 years.

I have had offers but been able to deflect the woman. Two different coworkers have approched me, and one was pretty blatant. Thankfully, I found a way to decline tactfully. I would have hated to see how it could have been at work if I was blunt.

No matter what anyone else says or thinks, I love Tammy and I have decided to commit to her and our love for the rest of my life. And that means I will not do anything that I know would hurt her or make her think I love her any less. Its not that hard for me, and yes, I still have opportunities, especially when I go TDY. But, I promised to love, honor, and cherish Tammy back in '93 and I still make her that promis everyday.

In fact, I am more in love with her than the day we met, the day we got married, or even the days of the birth of our children (although both of those days hold such joy and love for me).

I cannot judge or make decisions for anyone else. My own life is too much work for me to take on the role of judge for anyone. But, as for me, I have my love, and I am happy with us.