Just a random question

[Camino LS6]

If you were going to fundamentally change your life and how you live it, what would you do to make that happen?

And what would you change your life to?

Even better, would you allow someone else to force you to change your life?

[capriceman]

I don't really understand where your going with this, however i will go with what i think you mean.

I believe i did change my life about the end of last year beginning of this year. I guess staring death face to face really put me in my place. And well it showed me that i am not invincible. It made me realize whats important in life. I was discharged from Warren PD after going back for about 2 weeks. I talked to the chief and he understood and offered a package i "couldn't refuse." My other job I am part time i come in when needed and only do crazy custom stuff. I mostly try to go up Manistee, MI and to Alaska when i can to foresee my home being built. I realized that i was way to cocky and was not aware of what i really had. I have come to terms with myself and truly realize how grateful i am. I started to become more involved with my family, long lost friends, and charity.

And i did allow someone to change my life. While were not married, we both like it that way, Kim has forced me to do stuff i never thought of before. most importantly she signed me up to go through some type of mental health thing and well im glad she did that. I found out alot of things about myself i overlooked or never cared about. It proved that I was scared of 2 things being poor and death. I never knew that before but i have made some changes for the good and i think im 100% better off because of her. But at the end of the day im still the same. a Mystic man with way to many skeletons in my closet and people that want me dead. But in the meantime someone is there for me, and it makes living that much easier. Like Neil Young's Old Man - You need someone to love you the whole day through.

Then again everyone is different and we all wonder the same things at a point in our lives, Why do we live and what truly is a good life.

[Camino LS6]

Thanks Capriceman, your post indirectly addresses some of what I've been thinking about today.

Other thoughts welcome.

[Delta Force79]

Well being only 25, some may think I'm still too young to have seen and experienced so much crap in my life, but as it turns out my life life has been one obstacle after another from an early age. Without getting into specifics and naming names, I've experienced first hand, the affects alcohol has on a loved one, and myself. I've experienced drugs and went through a phase in my life where they basically were all I did. That lasted from my early teens well into my '20's. I've faced death more times that I can count at this point, and given my current health, I'll be facing it every day until it eventually catches up with me. So I guess where I'm going with this is, if i could change one thing about me it would be my anger. Anger at the world, anger at other people, anger at myself and most importantly anger at God. If there is a God. I've never been much of a religious person, and the things I deal with in my life on a daily basis at this point make it even harder to have faith in something for which I don't know truly exists or not. My ex fiance tried to change me into a totally different person, one who is outgoing and pleasant. I've come to realize that it's just not who I am, I have too many demons in my life that hold me back. I'm a caring person when it comes to people I deem worth caring about, but that is basically the extent of my ability to care. I'm not on good terms with my father, mostly do to my attitude problems and his way of raising me on the notion that your hands talk better than your mouth. I'm not sure where my life is headed, but I know given my health it won't be a good place, and I'm not scared of death ( at this point I rather just get it over with) but I wish in the meantime I could find some peace. But even sitting here writing this, I know I can't. So I guess my suggestion is to sit back and evaluate everything thats been on your mind ( in regards to why you made this thread) and try to find an answer that you can work towards. I don't feel anyone should change for anyone other than themselves, unless you truly want to, because that person means so much to you. I tried for 3 years with my ex, I couldn't do it. Even if things seem to be rough now Camino, remember there is always someone out there who may have it worse. Even with that being said, I myself try to use that to get me through my days, but sometimes I can't see passed my own life. So if you can achieve that, the ability to take your life and what it is at this point, and still be able to be open minded to what others are going through, I think you'll be able to start making some progress towards whatever goals you have for yourself.

Edited April 3, 2008 by Delta Force79

[Camino LS6]

Thanks for another vantage point on this, Delta. I wish you well in your situation too.

One small detail: No one is trying to force me to change my ways, I'm just wondering why someone would allow that to happen (in this case in a truly forced way). So that question at least isn't really about me, except that I'm trying to understand it. I'm way too stubborn to be forced into a change.

I guess I'm simply looking for some perspective(s) on the whole notion.

Thanks again.

[capriceman]

DF-79 I don't want to offend you or try to be a father figure but, When i was in my teens to 20's i was the same way relied on drugs and such to make it through everyday. When i was on the Line at Cadillac welding rear ends the guy bolting on the doors was my dealer. i had a daily routine that lasted 2 years until i was laid off. And i didn't know what to do. Thats why i joined the military was to go over seas and die off. It's almost ironic though, I would risk everything rush in hoping to end it all but it never happened been severely wounded in pain begging for death but it never happened. I was for a while angry at everyone and everything. I know its different, but I was just a complete prick all the time I was arrested in bars frequently. Lost all the people that cared about me. What im trying to get at is I think i experienced a lot of the same things your going through except a medical condition which i honestly can't say i feel what your going through because i can't. I'm just saying that there is hope and there is something to live for. Spend time trying to find what brings you peace don't let knowing you can't get in the way even if you can't trying might make you feel better. And there is someone or something that is always worse off. Even if at times you cant see pass that because i know how it feels to think you are the worse off, it never helps. Its all mind games. If you personal well being is affected change don't let it, put your self first and everything else second. Make your self relaxed and care free because we all are gonna die but dieing happy is better than dieing arrogant. Hope some of this helps, if not i understand.

Camino: the reason why you let someone change your ways is, for me at least, desperation. I felt like i had no where to go. I started considering suicide several times. I was giving advice but couldn't listen to my own. I guess my stubbornness let loose and i went with it because i had no where to turn. I thought it was the end.

Edited April 4, 2008 by capriceman

[daves87rs]

I don't think I could let somebody change me, or the way I am.

I have been though some really tough patches in my life. but I try to remind positive regardless of what happens....

I agree with cap on much of what he said...times will get better, and you will have gained some important insight...

THe blessing that I have is my friends and family. Without them, I might not be here today.....

[capriceman]

The blessing that I have is my friends and family. Without them, I might not be here today.....

Definitely. At your worst times you know those that care and those are the people you should never forget.

[daves87rs]

Definitely. At your worst times you know those that care and those are the people you should never forget.

So very true...