I Find Myself in a Moral Quandry...

[vonVeezelsnider]

So I'll get right to it. Just got news that the mother of someone I knew (not a friend, not an enemy, just an acquaintance) in elementary school has died suddenly and there will be a funeral on Saturday afternoon. Problem is coming up on the following Monday are the diploma exams for Math and Chemistry both subjects I'm sitting below 80% in and they are worth 50% of my mark (I need to get an above 80 overall average to get into the Business School I want). Just this morning I figured out through calculation that I'll need all weekend as well as until 1am every night till then to be ready for this sucker, and low, while I'm out my mom answers the phone, finds out about the funeral and immediately commits to going. So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, the funeral is a at the Polish Church one and will take like 3 Hrs smack in the middle of the day and I know I might not have time to go. Don't get me wrong, I want to go, and not just because I feel obligated, but I just am afraid of what effect this may have on my test... And yet I feel somehow stuck because I can't very well send my parents and not go myself my parent's mutual friends from work knew her too... I hate to sound insensitive, but this is the last thing I needed right now... Please tell me I'm not a bad person for being so concerned with my grades . Ever been in this situation? What did you do?

[daves87rs]

Go for a little while, to pay respects.....

And no-there is nothing wrong with worrying about your grades...they are important in reaching your goal....

[Z-06]

Sorry to know about the death in your acquaintance.

The first question you need to ask is how close was the person who demised. If they were not close you can request your mom that you stay home because of the test.

If they were close, you need to ask YOURSELVES if you can go to the wake and yet study and make it well in the exams through time management and/ or burning midnight oil. If not still request your mom if you can stay home and study. Does your mom know about your tests? If she does not, may be now is the time you sat with her and tell her about how important it is.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Will there be a wake? You could always go there and and pay your respects at that time. Are you also sure it's going to take you every minute of every day to study? Are there any alternative dates you could take the test?

There aren't any alternative dates, it's a standardized test. I'm not sure about a wake but that would be more agreeable, I'll know when the obit hits the papers... I'm quite sure of the time it will take to get ready for the test, I got the marks back for the practice finals and they were both 70% so I need to make up about 15% (4 Course Units) of knowledge of each course which will take about 18hrs per course (2) to be ready by Monday... that's 36hrs of studying, so yes, it's gonna be tight, and the time is needed.

I talked to my mom right away but she didn't have a chance to answer before my dad piped in and he wants me to go, so we'll see, It might require further discussion... She knows about the tests. To answer S.C's question, she wasn't really close, and like her son, we haven't spoken in years, and rarely spoke before that.

Edited January 16, 2008 by vonVeezelsnider

[makfu]

So I'll get right to it. Just got news that the mother of someone I knew (not a friend, not an enemy, just an acquaintance) in elementary school has died suddenly and there will be a funeral on Saturday afternoon. Problem is coming up on the following Monday are the diploma exams for Math and Chemistry both subjects I'm sitting below 80% in and they are worth 50% of my mark (I need to get an above 80 overall average to get into the Business School I want). Just this morning I figured out through calculation that I'll need all weekend as well as until 1am every night till then to be ready for this sucker, and low, while I'm out my mom answers the phone, finds out about the funeral and immediately commits to going. So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, the funeral is a at the Polish Church one and will take like 3 Hrs smack in the middle of the day and I know I might not have time to go. Don't get me wrong, I want to go, and not just because I feel obligated, but I just am afraid of what effect this may have on my test... And yet I feel somehow stuck because I can't very well send my parents and not go myself my parent's mutual friends from work knew her too... I hate to sound insensitive, but this is the last thing I needed right now... Please tell me I'm not a bad person for being so concerned with my grades . Ever been in this situation? What did you do?

Skip it... really. Your future is more important than making it to a funeral for a family member of someone you describe as just an acquaintance. If the person in question was a close friend of yours, going to their parent’s funeral would be the right thing to do. However, in this instance, you can have your mother deliver your condolences; though I would make sure you put together a hand written note expressing your sympathies.

Might be cold, but it's the right thing to do.

[K.C.]

Send flowers and a card to the funeral, and then study for your tests.

[76ChevyTrucker]

I really gotta agree with KC on this one. If it was just an aquaintance, then a card and some flowers would be appropriate, even if your parents want you there. You've got tests to study for and a good education to get, and if they care about it, then they'll let you hang back

[daves87rs]

After reading the posts from K.C, and 76, I would agree.....

[76ChevyTrucker]

I know that going to a funeral might mean a lot to mom and dad, but so should those tests and if you have to make up as much as you say you do, then you are going to have to study your tail off.