The System Fails Me Again

[vonVeezelsnider]

As a 17 year old twelfth grader, I expected better from my school administrators, I expected a better attitude from the admin when I'm being victimized. Just a look at my profile picture will give you all an idea that I didn't have an easy time about school. People are always afraid of what's different. Now I'm the victim of Sexual Harassment. And what was done about it, you may ask? Well, so far, nothing good at all. When I started going to this High School, a special Catholic high school that not only supposedly boasts an agreeable learning environment and a format of self determination, but also a no-tolerance policy on harassment. The district's standard operating procedure on bullying, well, I'll get into it in a bit... but first, the lowdown:

For the last two school years and my summer courses over the summer, this popular volleyball player has been making comments to me with a sexual undertone, and when we would pass in the hallways, he'd either try to grab my chest, my rear end or some such... His friends (the popular pillars of the school are in on this and think it's pretty damn funny). I initially though it strange and wrote it off, but it just happens all the time now, and I really felt powerless to do anything. I know he doesn't MEAN anything sexual by what he's doing, as he's dating one of the more popular girls in the school, and obviously thinks he's found something that bothers me and makes me grossly uncomfortable. No, I'm not homosexual, and I don't think I'm wrong to say that other guys touching me in such a manner makes me pretty damn uncomfortable, I don't have a girlfriend either, but that shouldn't mean anything, should it? So it all comes to a head yesterday in the computer lab, I have a confrontation with the asshole. I tell him that he'd better stop now, lest I get the principal and the police involved (my standard threat) but this time, the kindly old lady I've befriended who works down there notices the confrontation and comes in to get him and his idiot friends the hell away from me. I feel kinda bad about causing a disturbance so I go down to her desk and explain to her what's happening. She tipped off the admin and the Vice Principal, Mrs. Langer talks to me. She chides me for not bringing it up sooner (she's right) and says that before they go forward with dealing with these guys, since he's like the captain of the Volleyball team, they want to check weather other athletes are involved, and if I have any witnesses before they even touch the GOLDEN BOY f@#kING ATHLETE (as if my word wasn't good enough, but I do have witnesses). Frankly I was insulted. It gets worse. She said that she'll try, but she "COULDN'T PROMISE THAT IT WOULD COME TO A STOP" I mean seriously, WTF PEOPLE!!!!!?? You are the vice principal of a High School. It is your job to stop stuff like this.

It gets worse. She knows from previous occurrences that I want my Hard-Line ex cop father dealing with the bullying issues, but since my dad had a bout of Prostate Cancer this fall (even though she knows and my homeroom teacher knows he recovered completely), she decides to deal with my mom; caring, but blissfully incapable of dealing with such matters.... She says in her message to my mom that she's INVESTIGATING (casting doubt on) ONE REPORTED INCIDENT about a case of HARASSMENT. She can't even realize the severity and extent of these issues even though I told her EVERYTHING. If she can't note the severity, then how is she going to communicate the severity to the perp? Well Now my dad is incensed as I am.

I was seeing my Musculoskeletal Orthopedist and wasn't there to see the asshole get called to the office... But I know enough from my friends to know that a matter of SEXUAL HARASSMENT was put back until late in the day, not the first order of business in the morning... Obviously not taking my problems seriously.

After he got called to the office, my friends say I was called down to the office. Langer told me she'd get back to me on Friday because she knew I was busy on Thursday, indicating that if she wanted to talk to me when she knew I was swamped, it indicates that the kumquat lied and now she's trying to blame me for my own problems as so many school administrators have tried in the past. So now it's the Twerp Unintelligent Star Athlete's Word vs. the Short Nerdy Debate Club President's word, and I am DAMN SCARED THEY ARE GOING TO TRY TO BLAME ME FOR THIS AS THEY HAVE DONE IN THE PAST. What did I do to cause this to happen, Get out of bed in the morning? When I was in the Seventh Grade, I was told by the Principal that it was my tucked in shirts and parted hair that caused me to be bullied, and that they couldn't do anything to stop it, and the best thing to do was to conform and change what I believe and maybe people won't be so hateful (anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I'm a rampant individualist and that suggestion was just out of the question). I felt betrayed by the incompetent Catholic School Board then and I FEEL f@#kING BETRAYED NOW.

On top of that, there's always rumors about my sexuality because of my Preston Manning herniated cat voice and lack of female companionship... Now everybody looks at me funny in the hallway, and I don't know what to make of it.

So there is my big rant, I really needed to tell someone else about it, and I hate to burden people I don't talk to face-to-face to with my personal problems, but I just had to vent because the last week has not been easy for me and I just had to tell someone about it.

[Intrepidation]

Ugh, I hate Catholic schools. I went to a grade school that was Catholic and from K-8 and it was the worst of all of my schooling experience. You'd think these sort of places would have no tolerance policies on bullying and such...they don't...they don't give a $h!. I dealt with it most of the time I was there and the Administration did little to deal with it. I was so happy to leave to a public high school. It was much better...still not great but it was better...they were better at dealing with issues. It wasn't until I got to college though that I was actually amongst people who weren't assholes. College has such a huge diversity of people, everyone is treated well and with respect.

Anyway, I'm really sorry to hear about this...being bullied in any way shape or form isn't right at all, and it's sickening when the people in charge of making sure it stops do nothing. I would suggest that if the school is not willing to do anything that you take legal action, assuming you can get proof of it, and take it from there.

[76ChevyTrucker]

You could always do what I did one day....hit the f@#ker in the throat and as he crumples to the ground gasping for air, kick him in the nads and tell him to leave you the f@#k alone or more will come his way.

[z28luvr01]

Being bullied sucks, big time. Here's some advice: screw the system. It's designed to protect people like that. Any punishment they get will just be a minor inconvenience, and they'll come after you with a vengeance. I'm not condoning any kind of violence, but you have to make it known that you're not going to take this crap any more. There's no need to involve the police or anyone in administration - "I'm telling" only makes you look weak and unable to defend yourself.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Good Advice, guys. I appreciate it.

@'76 - Check your PM.

[daves87rs]

Dude-that just sucks...sometimes I think life can be really unfair....

You need to do what makes you feel right-whether it seems right to others.....screw em'-High school can be so freakin' stupid sometimes......

Raise your voice-make sure you are heard. Whatever you do-don't hold back- there are no regrets in situations like this one...

I know how you feel-I've been the victim myself in school before.....it is very tough..but you need to keep your head up.

You'll be so happy when you are out of high school...and away from stupid (Most of them, anyways)

And don't be afraid to talk or vent here- I'm here to listen.

[daves87rs]

You could always do what I did one day....hit the f@#ker in the throat and as he crumples to the ground gasping for air, kick him in the nads and tell him to leave you the f@#k alone or more will come his way.

That could work too...

[FAPTurbo]

I'll bet five bucks he's a closet case.

[loki]

sorry to hear about this. i'm catholic and went to a catholic grade and highschool. I was pressured into bullying 1 person, once, in my life that really sticks out in my mind. I also know that favoritism for athletes or highly involved people or through their family is a bad problem.

my highschool has put video cameras in the halls and around the outside the past few years, hopefully to only discourage this type of behavior, and provide evidence when it happens.

would a sound recorder be able to prove your case or a video recorder between classes?

hope it works out for you and the proper people make an informed and fair decision when anything happens.

[loki]

sometimes I think life can be really unfair....

prolly too deep for the board, but is life supposed to be fair?

[daves87rs]

prolly too deep for the board, but is life supposed to be fair?

Nope.

And it can make you question a lot in one's life...

[loki]

Nope.

And it can make you question a lot in one's life...

I agree. but that's a topic for another thread, maybe even a poll.

[vonVeezelsnider]

would a sound recorder be able to prove your case or a video recorder between classes?

hope it works out for you and the proper people make an informed and fair decision when anything happens.

I don't think I'd be able to practically swing that, perhaps a tape recorder, but you know that wouldn't really prove anything... Besides, my school doesn't have classes. It's one big self-directed free-for-all.

[Cory Wolfe]

Sorry to hear about that. It's a disgrace for such events to happen.

I'll bet five bucks he's a closet case.

Actually, I'd bet against it. Many closet cases are truly cynical, but actions in the demeanor described being so public makes me think he's just someone who looks to get a rise out of his personal group of friends at the expense of others. He takes a rumor or belief and runs with it, regardless of what it is, in an almost mocking way; all done to humiliate the victim. Pathetic, but not a closet case, I'd say.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Actually, I'd bet against it.

+1 on that BV... I don't think he's a closet case either.

[PurdueGuy]

To be a little frank, it sounds like you don't really know what's going to happen and are just really pessimistic about it (though it sounds like your pessimism isn't unfounded). Maybe it'll be as bad as you fear, but maybe not. My advice: don't do ANYTHING out of the ordinary until AFTER the school has failed, in which case you should probably talk to your dad about what to do that won't get you kicked out of the school or some such thing. If the school ends up protecting this guy this time, why would they do differently if you physically confronted him? Bullys suck, but so would expulsion.

Another thing to consider is that the school admin may be scared about how to deal with the situation. Anymore, they can get sued for any little thing, and in some cases can seemingly do no right. If they crack down on this other kid, then his parents might start crying and moaning, or sue them for this, that, or the other thing. They may very well fear a lawsuit from your end if the situation isn't delt with (and frankly, they should fear that.) They may be slow to react to the situation because they have to carefully plan out every step as if their jobs depend on it, because they might.

[ocnblu]

I used to diffuse bullying with humor on the rare occasion somebody tried something.

[Intrepidation]

You could always do what I did one day....hit the f@#ker in the throat and as he crumples to the ground gasping for air, kick him in the nads and tell him to leave you the f@#k alone or more will come his way.

I did something like that once in grade school...one day in 3rd grade I got tired of being made fun of, so I broke his nose and dislocated his arm. He left me alone after that. Funny things is that I don't remember being punished for it.

Also, if you chose the physical route, do it after school so the administration can't do jack.

Edited December 7, 2007 by Dodgefan

[vonVeezelsnider]

I used to diffuse bullying with humor on the rare occasion somebody tried something.

Dry Wit actually works about 99% of the time not counting this incident...

[XP715]

I went to Catholic school from K-8 too, but it was a good old-fashioned nuns whacking you with a pointer or yardstick if you did anything wrong school. Most people were too afraid to try anything too crazy for fear of having to curl their hands over the edge of their desk and have their knuckles whacked with a pointer as hard as a nun could swing if caught. However, if your school is a "self-directed free for all," then I would have no problems believing that their fruity backwards new-wave attitude towards educating would spill over into their attitude towards and methods of discipline (i.e. assigning blame to any and all things besides the actual problem). The fact that he's an athlete sure as hell won't help your case out either, as you seem to be finding out.

Mark me down for another vote for beating him within an inch of his life :AH-HA_wink:

[K.C.]

Von man, I'm sorry you're going through this. You should stand up to him. Next time he touches you on the ass, say, "Oh, you like that huh?" Then you say, "Sorry, I'm not that way, but I'm flatter you think I'm hot." and stare at him right in the face. Then just walk away. It will make him look gay, not you. If his friends laugh, they are probably laughing at him and it may make him think twice. Another thing you can say is, "You've been touching me alot lately, and I gotta tell you, I'm not that way, but its ok if you are, just don't direct it at me." Then walk off. Showing someone you don't care or that it doesn't mean alot to you just shows them they have no impact and, in this case, the dude should eventually stop, but you have to be consistent. I don't recommend hitting him in school. It's not worth it especially if the school will bring the law into it.

Oh, and whoever bet $5 the dude was a closet case. I'll take the $5, and raise you another $95.

[vonVeezelsnider]

I've actually tried saying exactly the things you suggested, K.C.- For some reason it didn't faze him... He's a resilient bugger.

then I would have no problems believing that their fruity backwards new-wave attitude towards educating would spill over into their attitude towards and methods of discipline (i.e. assigning blame to any and all things besides the actual problem)

Ding Ding Ding! You hit the Nail on the head, and this is a perfect layman's explanation of the Calgary Catholic School District's OFFICIAL POLICY on bullying, not just my open format school, but all conventional ones as well. I have been told as much by a few teachers who are on side with me and they are just as critical of the system as I am. Every time someone reports something like my problem, they get burned by the Admin on some sort of technicality or hair-brained theory and are told that people 'wouldn't pick on you' if you don't _________________. They indirectly assign blame to the victim as an official policy, saying it's district policy to assign some blame to both parties, sometimes they even blame you point blank. Here's the thing though, THE VICTIM IS NEVER AT FAULT in a case like this of prolonged harassment.

[K.C.]

I've actually tried saying exactly the things you suggested, K.C.- For some reason it didn't faze him... He's a resilient bugger.

Ding Ding Ding! You hit the Nail on the head, and this is a perfect layman's explanation of the Calgary Catholic School District's OFFICIAL POLICY on bullying, not just my open format school, but all conventional ones as well. I have been told as much by a few teachers who are on side with me and they are just as critical of the system as I am. Every time someone reports something like my problem, they get burned by the Admin on some sort of technicality or hair-brained theory and are told that people 'wouldn't pick on you' if you don't _________________. They indirectly assign blame to the victim as an official policy, saying it's district policy to assign some blame to both parties, sometimes they even blame you point blank. Here's the thing though, THE VICTIM IS NEVER AT FAULT in a case like this of prolonged harassment.

Von, keep doing it. Sometimes morons don't give up easily. Just look at Al Gore.

As for the school, I think you need to find another place to get your education. The kind of education you are getting here is not what education should be.

Sorry you're having such a rough time. What doesn't kill us really does make us stronger, so learn from it and it won't be a waste. You're too nice of a guy for this kinda crap.

[K.C.]

On a flip note, perhaps the school is trying to promote homosexuality because the Catholic church needs more priests.

[Sixty8panther]

Sorry to hear about all this, what a mess... I CAN relate somewhat through.

I had a FANTASTIC experience in Catholic school, LOVED it, I had a healthy

amount of friends, EVERYONE knew me by my first and last name, people

were respectful & courteous, on the rare occasion they when they were not

it was resolved amongst the kids who all had good hard working parents, a

mix of mostly blue collar and some white collar people.

To this day I speak fondly of my experiences in Catholic school. I'm no longer

religious but my education in Catholic school was an absolute A+ in every

sense from the quality of my learning to my social life.

Then in 1991 my parents moved to a rich town... Andover, MA as they could

not afford Catholic school any longer, the next few years of my education

were a nightmare. I mean REALLY, a NIGHTMARE. There were days I wanted

to either kill a few of those fitlthy snobs with a shotgun, or on even worse

days, I even became suicidal, which is NOT AT ALL LIKE ME!!!

This in why I hate snobs, they are some of the worst people on earth in terms

of quality of character. (sorry to generalize but I speak from experience)

Years before Columbine we had THREE incidents of guns in my High School.

First in 1993 a starter pistol was found on a student, then an actual gun and

in 1995 or was it 1996, a dissembled sniper rifle was found on a student!

And you know what, I do not condone killing but I ABSOLUTELY understand

why so many of us nerds/poor kids/introverts had evil thoughts about the

assholes of the shcool.

Here's just ONE example:

I'm sitting on a deep window sill at school on a cold winter day, reading a

book, a little piece of $h! punk comes up to me and before I even know

what is going on he pulls me by my collar, off the window sill, FACE first.

I landed on the linoleum in the cafeteria with my CHEEK bone. It honestly

felt like my entire face shattered. It hurt so bad I had trouble keeping my

balance.

In the end the assistant principle chalked it up to a prank gone wrong, an

accident, the kid got less punishment than if he had cheated on a test.

In the end, you know what helped?

I took Karate for a while.... Shaolin Kempo. Only made it to orange belt

but my confidence & self esteem went up drastically.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Thanks again for the advice.... I decided that I'd see the VP today and keep on her until I get a favorable outcome...

Apparently the SOB denied his harassments of me, and when I talked to the VP I listed off all the people I know who sees this stuff happen, and that seemed to cast less doubt on my story... She then called him down to talk to him with me in the room when he tried to get me to go down as well by bringing up the times I 'retaliated' agianst him by shoving him out of the way, while at the same time denying any sexual harrasment. First I told the VP "DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO JUSTIFY SHOVING HIM OUT OF MY WAY?!", and then to the twerp himself; "LET'S CUT THE CRAP HERE, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR MORE THAN A YEAR AND I HAVE LOST COUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES YOU HAVE DONE WHAT YOU ARE DENYING. I HAVE MORE WITNESSES THAN FINGERS WHO HAVE SEEN YOU DOING THIS, AND ALL I WANT IS AN APOLOGY AND FOR YOU TO NOT DO THIS AGAIN."

The floor was pretty much mine after that. I got the VP to apologize to me, and she suspended the guy for two days (one in-school today and Monday he won't be let in the building). So instead of facing his punishment, he goes for lunch, leaves and never comes back (they were looking for him) so chances are he's outta luck and might be suspended longer if he keeps this up.

So overall, I think once I stepped up to the plate, I got business taken care of on my terms... Being forceful but polite goes a long way.

[Drew Dowdell]

Sounds like you got it taken care of.

Sometimes being a bastard is the only thing you've got to hold onto.

[Camino LS6]

I'm a patient guy usually (except on the road), and I'll put up with a lot of crap. But, it isn't wise to push me beyond my tolerance level. Bully types don't understand the risk they run by hassling someone who seems tolerant. I was always small and skinny in school and some fools thought that that made me an easy target. They weren't ready for the verbal abuse I could and would throw at them. The more persistant (read stupid) ones would get mad and try to make it physical on occassion - that was a mistake. Little guys don't fight for sport or social status - they fight for survival. Fighting for survival makes all the BS about "fighting fair" go right out the window. You attack a little guy - be prepared to get hurt, because if he can't get away he is going to attempt to disable you anyway possible. Your eyes, ears and balls are in jeopardy whether or not you know it, and if you really push him to far he may attempt to kill you. He won't just stand there and trade punches with you - he'll kick you in the nuts and throw hot coffee in your face in an instant. Bullies are a bit slow to learn this reality - but they don't soon forget the lesson.

Ages ago, when I was in high school, a group of bully types decided that haslling me would be great fun. Lots of stupid barbs were thrown at me and I retaliated in kind. No big deal. One day, one of the "lesser" members of this crowd (who sat in front of me in class) made a big mistake. He turned in his seat AND SPIT IN MY FACE! Well. I grabbed him around the neck and dragged him backward out of his seat and over my desk to the floor. The class erupted and the teacher freaked out. This distracted me enough that I paused a second. When I looked down at this kid's face, he was turning blue!

That's when I got scared and dropped him on the floor.

After he caught his breath, I could see abject terror in his face.

I wasn't hassled again.

Don't F-with little guys, it's dangerous.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Sometimes being a bastard is the only thing you've got to hold onto.

Ain't that the truth

[Farkas]

Good for you for standing up. It isn't easy sometimes, thats for sure.

I remember one time, a group of guys [read: the popular "macho" guys] came up to me and asked me if I was gay. I turned to them and in my loudest voice (in the library) I said, "Why, you wanna bang me? It'll cost you!" Everyone looked at them and I couldn't help but laughing at them. Public humiliation FTW.

Again though--good for standing up. :]

[daves87rs]

I'm a patient guy usually (except on the road), and I'll put up with a lot of crap. But, it isn't wise to push me beyond my tolerance level. Bully types don't understand the risk they run by hassling someone who seems tolerant. I was always small and skinny in school and some fools thought that that made me an easy target. They weren't ready for the verbal abuse I could and would throw at them. The more persistant (read stupid) ones would get mad and try to make it physical on occassion - that was a mistake. Little guys don't fight for sport or social status - they fight for survival. Fighting for survival makes all the BS about "fighting fair" go right out the window. You attack a little guy - be prepared to get hurt, because if he can't get away he is going to attempt to disable you anyway possible. Your eyes, ears and balls are in jeopardy whether or not you know it, and if you really push him to far he may attempt to kill you. He won't just stand there and trade punches with you - he'll kick you in the nuts and throw hot coffee in your face in an instant. Bullies are a bit slow to learn this reality - but they don't soon forget the lesson.

Ages ago, when I was in high school, a group of bully types decided that haslling me would be great fun. Lots of stupid barbs were thrown at me and I retaliated in kind. No big deal. One day, one of the "lesser" members of this crowd (who sat in front of me in class) made a big mistake. He turned in his seat AND SPIT IN MY FACE! Well. I grabbed him around the neck and dragged him backward out of his seat and over my desk to the floor. The class erupted and the teacher freaked out. This distracted me enough that I paused a second. When I looked down at this kid's face, he was turning blue!

That's when I got scared and dropped him on the floor.

After he caught his breath, I could see abject terror in his face.

I wasn't hassled again.

Don't F-with little guys, it's dangerous.

Damn right.

[ocnblu]

Our little Camino is one badass mofo.

[SuperSport623]

im a senior at a catholic high school, ive been in catholic schools since Pre K... while it can be rough, the schools ive been in seem to have a much tighter control over bullying then public schools....

im hoping everything works out...

[Camino LS6]

Our little Camino is one badass mofo.

Eh, not really.

Blinded by rage is more like it, my sense of self-preservation goes by the wayside when fury takes over. Fortunately, the shock of it all has protected me from getting my butt kicked when I've done things like this. The adversaries have been dumbfounded in each case - and I'm told that I'm scary when angry. :AH-HA_wink:

[K.C.]

Don't be modest Camino. Whats a little violence among friends?

I've not choked anyone, but I've broken a few noses along my path, and a leg (or two). It happens.

[Cory Wolfe]

I have a temper, but I haven't used it on anyone. It has led to me putting a golf club through my brother's door on two separate occasions, though.

[K.C.]

Another thing Von, you should write down every time he does something to you. Create sort of a " bullying journal". This can be helpful if it goes so far you go to court. Include dates, times, witnesses that were near (especially if there are teachers or administrators near), and also what the school did about it. Keep lots of details.

[Sixty8panther]

Best of luck, hope you have it resolved.

[76ChevyTrucker]

Kinda like what Camino said, I wasn't the little guy, I was the fat kid....Yeah, lets see you joke on the fat kid and piss him off. I had one of the guys do that once and then he challenged me to a monkey fight (you know, hang onto my monkey bars, fight with your legs). No problem, I wrapped him up with my legs and locked them, broke three of his ribs and made him a little unconscious....needless to say, I wasn't picked on as the fat kid again. Now I just inform them that I own firearms and I know how to use them.

[scharmer05]

Well Veezel, I haven't posted in this thread yet because honestly, I don't have much to say about the subject. I have been following the story though and I can't be happier that something is finally being done about your situation.

I grew up in small ND town and had less than 15 kids in my class my whole life. Graduated with 10 others. Bullying was not a problem in our school as there really wasn't seperate groups of people within the school. With only 50 or 60 kids in the whole high school we were all friends with each other and watched out for each other. There was a rare kid who simply didn't want to hang out with everyone else and was happier alone. I really don't have experience in the area.

Just hold on though bud and do what you can to get through high school. College is an entirely different story amazingly. There are so many people that everyone can have their own group, with no need to worry about others.

[vonVeezelsnider]

Thanks Scharmer, I really wish I grew up in a small town, I really envy my relatives in Nova Scotia in this sense.

Anyway, my dad warned me today that even though this idiot is suspended and not supposed to be anywhere near my school tomorrow, that him and a couple of friends could be waiting in the parking lot tomorrow morning to give me a curb stomping (typical ex-cop). So I'm thinking I'll lurk in my car until a couple of my friends show up in the parking lot before I go out there (strength in numbers)

[daves87rs]

That couldn't hurt....

[ocnblu]

Nice phrasing, davey. :AH-HA_wink: Edited December 11, 2007 by ocnblu

[2005 EquinoxLS]

I know what it is to be the one everybody picks on. I was viewed as slow and someone that was easy to pick on. Things are better now but people still seem to look at me like I am wierd or something. Though I do fight back now as an adult. You learn to become VERY witty after a life of being picked on. Dont give up.

[Charger4U]

I never have a problem with being picked on similar to scharmer i live in a ruraltropilis area of 4,000. (2 towns). I hate to hear that tho vonwee wish i was there to help beat there face in.