Another Saturday night...

[usonia]

So, I'm back home from another Saturday night on the town and it was pretty much like every other Saturday night for the last, oh, how many years? I've never been the type of person to go out with the intention of meeting anyone. That is just setting yourself up for for disappointment. I'm always open to the possibility, but I'm not the type to jump into anything on a whim. I have multiple 'bar' friends that I see regularly and talk to but, and I hope I'm not sounding like a complete jerk here, they aren't people that I want to do anything with on a social basis outside of the bar, much less anyone that I'd be interested in developing a relationship with. There just isn't anything more than a superficial connection there. It's hard for me to feel bad about that because it isn't something that I consciously decide, it just is. However tonight, I really got to thinking if it is me or just circumstance.

I'm standing there, looking out over all those people in the crowd and I just kep thinking about how long it has been since I actually made a new, real friend. Now, I don't mean this to sound like a "Oh, woe is me, I'm so lonely" posting. I have mutlipe close friends whose company I truly enjoy. My social life, while not the most exciting, is good and I'm not complaining about that. The thing I find odd is that it has been so long since I've met anyone new that I would want to spend time with as friends or more. Is this something that happens as you get older or is it just the familiarity of seeing the same people all the time? In college, it seems like I was meeting new people I found really interesting all the time, but in the working world, not so much. To be fair, even with all the people I met in college, I only keep in touch with one person and even that is infrequent.

This is just an observational question. I'm not looking for advice on meeting people, but I am curious if this is something other people run into or even think about.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Well said sir. I did not sense you were coming off as woe as me. You can off as you are at a critical point in your life. You are seeking change. It may be time that you met someone. I do not know your sexual preferences... I can tell you this.. the whole club thing is a dead end. Those are not real friends as you stated, but ones you know on a social level. I used to do the club thing years ago. I do not know where any of those people are now. I am sure they are here in Houston somewhere. Life happened. Once the thing that held us together died, we all went our own ways. That club thing is for a season. That season is passing for you.

You also want more to do in your life besides going clubbing.

What you are experiencing is called life. I have no contact with anyone I knew from high school. I have no contact with anyone I know from college. There is one person I know from high school whom I was once close with. We do not socialize or hang out like we once did. We both work at the university. The reason for the change is "her God" does not agree with my "so called" lifestyle. I see her I say hi, and that is it...

You want companionship. There is nothing wrong with that. You also want friendships of substance too. It is now all starting to appear meaningless what you have now. This is time for you to make that change and start investing into meaningful friendships and relationships in your life.

There are people on here who have established relationships with each other. This is good for them. It grew out of a common interest. I do not have relationships like that from this site. A lot of people here do. I do not. That is not important to this, but what you seek is what you find.

You may want to do something your life where you can meet people with similar interests or something that will bring you together..

There is nothing wrong with the way you look. If you are the one with the attractive photo.

I hope this helps..

Edited August 26, 2007 by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY

[CARBIZ]

Clubs/bars are truly for the young. I went to my first club in 1978 when I was 17. I still go occasionally, but even though I look much younger than I am (especially in age friendly lighting!), I don't want to end up one of those sad old farts dancing alone in the corner.

As we get older, we get more 'set in our ways' and meeting new people becomes harder. Additionally, under the category of 'been there, done that,' it becomes increasingly difficult to get new kicks.

When I was briefly single ( 6 years ago) and realized I was attactive to the 22-25 set , I realized I grew tired of their naivete and I envied their exuberance. As a place to dance, I still enjoy the clubs, but I am not much of a drinker so I tend to steer clear of the bars.

I, too, find it difficult to meet/make friends. I am 'out' at work, but let's face it, for the most part we have vastly different outlooks on life. For example, when at the Detroit Auto Show with a few of them 2 years ago, I actually wanted to look at the cars, while all they wanted to do was look at the babes. I have been blessed with the ability to make long term partners very easily; it's just that when I was younger, previous partners scared off my crop of friends and it has become harder to make new ones.

I think when you are in your twenties, meeting new people is easier: everyone is less jaded and more 'starry-eyed.' Later in life, straight people become absorbed in their kids and disappointments (often the same thing) and gay people become, well, more self-absorbed. Ever wonder why so many older gay men become involved in S&M or 'kink?' BOREDOM. I've watched many of my gay friends succumb to the leather scene, military kink or whatever. Personally, I think it is just an excuse to get fat and let oneself go. Twenty years ago, fat and hairy was called fat and hairy - now they are called 'bears.'

Still, life is what you make of it. If you are determined to stand around in a club and be bored, then you will be. I have a friend who is a perpetual bachelor and, frankly, nothing to look at, but he is never alone. He loves the bars and clubs, has a wide circle of acquaintences and is aggressive to the point of scary when it comes to landing new partners for the night. There is no way he will ever find a life partner now, because he has grown to used to being alone, but for the time being he is happy, so kudos to him.

Edited August 27, 2007 by CARBIZ

[76ChevyTrucker]

Ditto to what both of the guys above said. Right before I met my wife, I was looking at more or less the same things you are looking at now. I was bored with my college friends, bored with always going and hanging out at some party, or a club, or a bar, or a whatever. More or less things were kinda well, BORING! I wanted someone to connect with on a deeper level, someone that I could see as at least a long-lasting friend, if not something more. Well, it happened, and now I feel that completeness. Its just one of the changes of life that we all go through as time moves on when we stop wanting to be the social animal that we once were, and we want to really "belong" somewhere. And no, you post definitely didn't come off as a whole "woe is me" post.

[trinacriabob]

I'm standing there, looking out over all those people in the crowd and I just kep thinking about how long it has been since I actually made a new, real friend.

In college, it seems like I was meeting new people I found really interesting all the time, but in the working world, not so much. To be fair, even with all the people I met in college, I only keep in touch with one person and even that is infrequent.

This is just an observational question. I'm not looking for advice on meeting people, but I am curious if this is something other people run into or even think about.

I don't think about it. I went from having about 10 friends from college that, over time faded, down to 1...I happen to be on vacation and staying in his place in San Diego as I write this. Some got married and their wives changed the dynamics (those bitches) and others, upon reflection, were jerks.

I also have some high school friends and neighborhood friends that remain. Fewer friends from the workplace, though. You know what the deal is: your best friends are those made with NO ulterior motive...that is, you make good friends when younger (and that includes college) because that's who you really enjoy hanging out with...you didn't factor "what they could do for you" into the equation.

I try not to think about it. However, if you are doing things you like (hobbies and such), then you ought to meet people you are cut out to be friends with. It sounds like you have ruled out bars...good for you. Pursue other avenues that involve intellectual interests.

I've always meant to ask...what part of the country or major metro area do you live in? With a name like "usonia" I've always assumed Chicago and/or Midwest. Am I right?

Edited August 28, 2007 by trinacriabob