Loss of a Friend

[MyerShift]

It's a Looong read!

So, I lost the friendship of someone that I honestly thought was my best friend over the course of the last month and a half.

My former friend's name is Dustin to start off, and we were friends for six years; all through high school and up until this year.

I had always questioned his orientation due to things he did, tried to do to me, and what not. Of course, this person was my one "exception to the rule" but I never did anything for my own obvious reasons.

Anyway, after an interesting ride back one evening from a local dirt racing track, I had gotten the answer I had wanted. Yes, he was/is a bit of a closet case.

One evening around a month later (June now), I had stopped by his girlfriend's (and she, Michelle, is a friend of mine as well) and was talking to her. She asked what was new with me, and I said that most of my new stuff had happened within the last month. She inquired, and I only told her really of dating my (now) ex-girlfriend Meagan. Then I made the mistake of saying that Meagan was jealous according to my friend Curtis of me hanging out with Dustin so much both at and outside of work. Somehow Michelle put things together, and due to things that she has heard from other people, inquired Dustin about his past and his sexuality.

Of course, it ended up being all my fault, and he called me at work and said that I was not welcome around anymore, etc. That really did, as my friend Jenny put it, broke my heart. He was supposed to be my best friend. Work sent me home at 10:30 that morning because I was basically dead that day.

So, after the intial shock and pain, I got over that and made an effort for one month to resolve the problem/misunderstanding. During this month, I had stopped up to DQ with Meagan, and asked him about it. Dustin said that he was pretty much set and didn't want any drama.

So I waited and continued to put forth an effort.

Finally, I got pissed and decided that I had nothing to lose afterall, and decided to finish things MY way.

I went to Michelle's and told her just the one situation, and not all of the other stories that I could have. So, I ousted his ass and proceded to tell everyone at work (McD's) about it.

Then the supervisors at DQ (my second job) had to know as well so he would try to fire me since Dustin is a supervisor as well.

Well, the owners had to be told about this, and word in a small town like Coldwater spreads fast anyway.

So Dustin was one wrong move away from being fired regarding my situation and a friend of mine there, Bryan, said that he could have him fired with two words. Sexual harrassment. Apparently Dustin grabbed Bryan's ass on the second day he worked!

Anyway, the other night when I wasn't there, but was told about it, Dustin was talking about Bryan, and what it regarded was totally sexual harrassment.

Apparently, Dustin is going to be fired right before he returns to school. I hope I'm there to watch!!!

So what's the lesson learned here? Don't ignore or reject me because things are finished my way. And if I'm not happy when something is finished, it probably doesn't bode well for whomever it concerns. Meagan said she was afraid to dump me because of what I did to Dustin.

Don't get me wrong, I'll bend over backwards for my friends, just never betray me.

Peace!

[Oracle of Delphi]

I'm glad you're not my friend!

[staceface]

I must have misread the title, I thought it said "loss of a friend" and NOT "i'm a life destroying vengeful bitch when I don't get my own way" - sorry, my mistake.

[Hudson]

I'm glad you're not my friend!

That's two votes.

[REDO1GPGT]

I'm glad you're not my friend!

That's three votes.

It amazes me how inconsiderate you are.

Edited July 31, 2007 by REDO1GPGT

[Cory Wolfe]

Oh the drama... *hides*

[Flybrian]

Doubleyou--ohh--doubleyou...

[Chris_Doane]

Let me get this straight (no pun intended.)

YOU are calling SOMEONE else a closet case? You..as in the guy who always went out of his way to say that your sexuality was no one's business even when it was painfully obvious you were struggling with being gay.

So this guy is having the same struggles and you decide to out him to the whole world because he won't be your boyfriend?

You've pretty much just broken every rule there is to break.

Edited July 30, 2007 by Chris_Doane

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Reading that reminded me if this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcdhdzfbR_o

and this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LbLikClWnM...ted&search=

[Drew Dowdell]

Geeze, Chas and I were together for 2 years and had a house together before he cheated on me with a 68 year old man. He's in the military... I'm angry and vengeful but I'm not going to the Army to out him.

:nono:

[aaaantoine]

Stories like this make me...

1. Not want to make new friends, and

2. Hide my closet skeletons very, very carefully.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Stories like this make me...

1. Not want to make new friends, and

2. Hide my closet skeletons very, very carefully.

You hit it right on the head... That is why I have been so careful about what I say about myself on here and what I reveal. And unfortunately, sometimes your own friends can be your worst enemies...

[toesuf94]

I am not gay and I want to kick your ass for this...the guy is struggling - just like you are- and you out him? Wow. I would seriously watch your back (no pun intended). Not Cool.

And, after 6 years, you were not his friend.

[VenSeattle]

I'm not going to pass judgment on Myershift... but I will comment that I think Dustin will be better off in the long run.

The necessary bridges have been burned and he finally has the initiative to outwardly become the man he already is inside.

Let's just hope he's ready for the journey.

[CARBIZ]

I am just very, very sorry to hear that this kind of crap still goes on in the world.

I was 'outed' when I was 16 at the department store where I worked. I confided in a female friend that I was gay, and as soon as our break was over the entire store knew about me. It created quite the panic.

It spread through my entire school the next day (many of my co-workers went to my highschool) and by the end of that day I had no 'friends,' except (ironically) a Jehovah's Witness kid in my English class, who was a bit of an outcast anyway.

It turned out fine for me in the end: I left home about 8 months later and forged all new (gay) friends. New school. New town. And boyfriend!

But it can be very traumatic, for sure. Not the recommended thing to do, in my books.

[usonia]

Dude, you are seriously messed up. I hope you actually realize what you've done someday and feel the anguish you've caused another human being.

[frogger]

Wow what an awful person! I'm speechless!!

I hope Meagan never dumps you or we might have our first murderer on C&G. Psychopath!!

Edited July 31, 2007 by frogger

[ocnblu]

I predict you'll regret this, Mr. Shift.

[Intrepidation]

Dude, you know this is your fault for not being able to keep your mouth shut? I'd be pissed too if I told you some secret I trusted you with and you blurt it out to teh first person who'll listen.

And the rest...not cool.

[ZL-1]

i'm speechless...

[vonVeezelsnider]

i'm speechless...

X2.

[Z-06]

What I do not understand is that in what way did anyone betray you?

You were the one who had a big mouth for even a dumb kid to read between the lines. All Michelle had to do is to join the dots no wonder you will be blamed for telling about Dustin.

So moral of the story, you F*ck up, you F*cked up, you became F*cked up and you call others to F*ck off??

Peace really!!!

[tmp]

charming story. maybe he'll kill himself, and you can bask in that little bit of "good news" as well.

[deftonesfan867]

No replies from you yet? Hmmmm, wonder why...Disgusting doesn't even began to categorize what you've done. Did he turn you down or something and "denial" made you act like this?

[loki]

should this thread have been closed quickly after it was opened?

sounds like sexual harassment might have been a better way to go. ... and there are few girls/ladies that can keep secrets, for real.

[Intrepidation]

I hope he replies before the thread closes...I'd love see a post rationalizing this.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

I hope he replies before the thread closes...I'd love see a post rationalizing this.

You may not get a response. He opened himself up. He thought people here had his back. He soon found out they did not, he probably won't respond or even post at all. I sense Myers Shift is a younger guy. The reason I say this is because at a younger age most(NOT ALL) tend to react out of feelings and emotions as opposed to action or thinking rationally. As you get older if you develop wisdom, you realize you cannot react out of feelings or anger or "emotions". You realize too you pick your fights. I did not say much until now other than posting the Dynasty videos. It remind me of that because of how things played out...

I was not there, but it is sad because his former friend will be forced to leave town or worse and make a new life for himself. I do not care if it is 2007, it is still not cool to be gay in small towns... I left home when I was 19 for many reasons. One of them was because I was gay, and it was not acceptable to be that way in a small community. I left because I did not want my relatives to continue to persecute me and I did not want to cause them any shame of their "reputation". I was thinking of them even when they did not think of me. I grew up in a small town. It is hard as hell to make a life on your own when you feel that way. I will never forget that book I read at 19 that said gays do not belong in small towns. There is no opportunity to grow when you feel isolated and there are very few people like you. Very few chances to be around people like you outside the internet. When I left home at 19, there was no internet. That book said gays tend to do better and function better in large cities or dense populated areas where there are others. That is why when I see young gay people, I see the experience they need to gain and what they have to experience. Blackviper for example will have to leave that small town he lives in eventually.

The sad part is, the friendship could have been saved. It cannot now. This guy will grow to hate him or worse. We do not know what Dustin's family will say or do. We do not know what Myer Shifts family and friends will think. His own girlfriend is scared of him now. That should not be that way. Too many people are being impacted by this.

One thing you do not do is play with someone else's life. Sadly, that you sow, you shall also reap.

Sadly, there will be a lesson out of this too. No one will like the results.

[CARBIZ]

NinetyEight, it may not be as bad as all that. Unfortunately, whether gay or straight, being young can often suck. We all made mistakes when we were young - and you are right about the emotional part. We tend to WAAAYYY over-react when we are teenagers and in our early twenties. I nearly offed myself when I was 15. I shake my head about that now, but the feeling of isolation (and being threatened by one's father because you are gay!) doesn't help.

Truthfully, the 3 or 4 people who really wronged me when I was at that tender age really didn't mean any harm by it. One was masking his own sexuality. Another thought it fine to sleep with me behind our friends' backs, but in public he had to ignore me. And when I ran into my first 'true love' about 5 years ago (we had a torrid fling in grade 10) - he barely remembered me, but my experience with him had been earth-shattering.

All in all, we get back what we give, and youth is for learning from our mistakes. I hope Myer can learn from his - before he ruins any more lives, including his own.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

NinetyEight, it may not be as bad as all that. Unfortunately, whether gay or straight, being young can often suck. We all made mistakes when we were young - and you are right about the emotional part. We tend to WAAAYYY over-react when we are teenagers and in our early twenties. I nearly offed myself when I was 15. I shake my head about that now, but the feeling of isolation (and being threatened by one's father because you are gay!) doesn't help.

Truthfully, the 3 or 4 people who really wronged me when I was at that tender age really didn't mean any harm by it. One was masking his own sexuality. Another thought it fine to sleep with me behind our friends' backs, but in public he had to ignore me. And when I ran into my first 'true love' about 5 years ago (we had a torrid fling in grade 10) - he barely remembered me, but my experience with him had been earth-shattering.

All in all, we get back what we give, and youth is for learning from our mistakes. I hope Myer can learn from his - before he ruins any more lives, including his own.

Agreed. We are on the same page on this one. Interesting stories from you gay youth too.

[deftonesfan867]

NinetyEight, it may not be as bad as all that. Unfortunately, whether gay or straight, being young can often suck. We all made mistakes when we were young - and you are right about the emotional part. We tend to WAAAYYY over-react when we are teenagers and in our early twenties. I nearly offed myself when I was 15. I shake my head about that now, but the feeling of isolation (and being threatened by one's father because you are gay!) doesn't help.

Truthfully, the 3 or 4 people who really wronged me when I was at that tender age really didn't mean any harm by it. One was masking his own sexuality. Another thought it fine to sleep with me behind our friends' backs, but in public he had to ignore me. And when I ran into my first 'true love' about 5 years ago (we had a torrid fling in grade 10) - he barely remembered me, but my experience with him had been earth-shattering.

All in all, we get back what we give, and youth is for learning from our mistakes. I hope Myer can learn from his - before he ruins any more lives, including his own.

[Delta Force79]

Total douchebag move on your part Myershift....Your friend obviously felt betrayed by you to begin with and you went and made his life hell. You don't deserve to have friends, being straight or gay is not even the issue here. You are just pathetic and need to grow up.

[daves87rs]

Wow, just wow...

Yep, I and know that won't fly in Coldwater.....

Then again, to give you guys a little background on this-Coldwater seems be be a very strange little city....My buddy was nearly killed by an old drunk down there.....

I think I would have to agree with 98 on quite a bit of what he said-

We all do stupid things in the heat of the moment-if you told me otherwise-I'll call you a lair.

Was it really stupid? Yes. It was better off to let it be.

I would like to know a bit more though....

Also, keep in mind times are really bad in Michigan right now-that alone causes drama. A guy who I used to go to school with ended up in jail after really beating up his wife. He was a really nice guy-and after the job loss a few months ago-things went downhill fast.....

Now I'm not here to make excuses, but maybe give you guys a little bit of insight that might help...I hope.

[Intrepidation]

The fact that his girlfriend is scared of him is just plain wrong...you don't have a healthy relationship when fear is involved, ask say, Saddam.

Edited August 1, 2007 by Dodgefan

[Oracle of Delphi]

The fact that his girlfriend is scared of him is just plain wrong...you don't have a healthy relationship when fear is involved, ask say, Saddam.

I don't think that it is possible to ask Saddam much these days!

[Intrepidation]

I don't think that it is possible to ask Saddam much these days!

Good point

[FAPTurbo]

That's bad, man...

Real bad.

Edited August 1, 2007 by Captainbooyah

[deftonesfan867]

I don't think that it is possible to ask Saddam much these days!

[MyerShift]

Gosh, isn't this neat? Why stir the pot when one can shake the hell out of it?

Shame on you all for such judgement anyhow. Life must be lonely on your pedestals.

As if any of you are innocent at all.

Yes. My friend felt betrayed by me when I didn't really do anything, and for over a month I made the effort to make everything better.

When I discovered I had nothing to lose in this situation, I gave a real reason for him to dislike me.

Things can always be worse. That itself is a mantra of mine.

I so enjoy working with Dustin now. I know that it bothers him that I'm there.

Did you know that he has a case of sexual harrassment against him for something he did at work to another kid? This other friend of mine could have him fired in a heart beat.

Coldwater does suck.

The best part about this is that in my circle, all sided with me.

I won't apoligize for this until he does.

It's not like I had ever done anything like this before.

Good God. Chill all.

I won't ruin my life. Kinda hard to really do that WITHOUT drugs, sex, and other whatnots being involved.

My girlfriend wasn't actually scared of ME. She was afraid that I would spill her truths. But Meagan is the best person in the world, and I could never willfully hurt her.

This situation also demonstrates what happens when others feel that they walk all over someone because, "It's only Steve. He's nice. It won't matter". Usually nice people are the ones that others shouldn't mess with.

I won't put up with horse$h! from people.

Sometimes I wish my life wasn't so exciting, but then I guess I'd be bored.

[MyerShift]

So this guy is having the same struggles and you decide to out him to the whole world because he won't be your boyfriend?

You've pretty much just broken every rule there is to break.

Please. I don't have any want or need for a boyfriend.

I can and do keep my mouth shut.

And for all of you saints, Meagan DID break up with me because I am celibate and still a virgin along with her getting fired, and having some perverted 50-something year old guy propose to her and claim he laid her. Know what? We hung out together the next day. I hung out with her and her new boyfriend (who is also a friend of mine) last night and told her all of the latest, like the news regarding my friend Dylan from Allegan, my little fat friend Curtis that works at the boyscout camp in Kalamazoo, and that I had quit one of my jobs.

Dylan said he would have helped me out if his computer hadn't crashed sometime ago. Nothing like a photograph.

None of you really understand just how complicated this thing is, especially concerning all of the people involved.

Dustin's brother called me last night and said, "Dude, just cuz you're fighting with my brother doesn't mean that you and I still aren't friends". So after staying in Angola with Meagan and Shaun for a while, I went all the back to Coldwater to hang with Cody and his girlfriend Amy.

See? Dustin's own brother doesn't have an issue with me for this, and neither should any of you.

[deftonesfan867]

We ONLY know what you tell us. Really what DID you expect??

[MyerShift]

Oh, I understand that. I honestly didn't expect anyone here to have my back, if you will.

I apoligize that I had to subject you poor things to the events of my life.

Don't you think I realize what I did was terrible?

[Intrepidation]

Oh, I understand that. I honestly didn't expect anyone here to have my back, if you will.

I apoligize that I had to subject you poor things to the events of my life.

Don't you think I realize what I did was terrible?

Honestly, the way you worded the originally post, no.

[MyerShift]

Well, I can't let it get to me. I'd be a mess otherwise. So I phrased it in the manner than I must look at it in order for me to ever begin to rationalize it. That's even worse in itself.

Regarding all of this, the mind fascinates me, and if don't go into automotive design, I would just love to go into psychology. Why just make observations and learn first hand, when I could have a degree in the study of the mind and how it works? The possibilities are endless!!!

[Drew Dowdell]

best move.... just walk away.

edit: If you still have anger issues after that... take up boxing or paintball

Edited August 2, 2007 by Oldsmoboi

[MyerShift]

Walking away. Exactly. I dropped the issue a few days after it happened, but people inquired, I told them. I can't waste time being upset at someone.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

I was wrong. He responded. I was totally wrong. I admit my faults. Myer Shift, the "way" you worded that thread came off as harsh for lack of a better term. and I still stand by what I said about we do not know what is going on with you or Dustin or his family. We still do not know. This was an experience for you. The only people who know are the people involved.

[usonia]

I've read through this thread again and this time, two things have me puzzled and don't make sense.

1. If this kid was so upset the you 'outed' him, he must be fairly deep in the closet. If that's true, I don't believe there is anyway he would do anything at work to anyone that would call attention to his sexual orientation much less anything as extreme that would result in a sexual harassment complaint.

2. Why would you bother to even post a story, purposely written in a way that makes you look like the bad guy?

[Cory Wolfe]

I've read through this thread again and this time, two things have me puzzled and don't make sense.

1. If this kid was so upset the you 'outed' him, he must be fairly deep in the closet. If that's true, I don't believe there is anyway he would do anything at work to anyone that would call attention to his sexual orientation much less anything as extreme that would result in a sexual harassment complaint.

2. Why would you bother to even post a story, purposely written in a way that makes you look like the bad guy?

^ Makes two great points.

[Oracle of Delphi]

MyerShift, what a DRAMA QUEEN you are!

Edited August 3, 2007 by Pontiac Custom-S

[ocnblu]

We have more than one of those here. :AH-HA_wink: