Online Personals/Dating: Thoughts?

[Variance]

Short of it:

Bored, pining for significant other, little luck finding someone myself, thinking of trying online personal sites.

Any experience?

[Delta Force79]

I recently tried eharmony.com and based on my personality they couldn't find a single match for me....so I couldn't even access the site's listings

[Cory Wolfe]

Well, I've had far better luck finding guys online than I ever have offline. But I'm gay and living in Brookville, so that can't come as a surprise to anyone.

[Satty]

Craigslist+Casual Encounters=herpes

[regfootball]

i had a friend who got married to someone he met on personals ads

these days, he uses the 'c' word to describe her.

i've got some workmates who are trying the online dating thing but without much success so far.

can't hurt to try. at least their are tons of fish to pick from.

Edited July 23, 2007 by regfootball

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Please be careful. There is nothing wrong with doing this if it is done properly. Do your homework first, do background checks, and history. Choose wisely. I say all this to you for a reason. I will tell you what it is..

I was raped on a date with someone I met online. This happened years ago. The police did not get involved. It was my word against his, plus who were they going to believe? He came from a wealthy family. We met at my house. (mistake one). That is when I should have backed out. All he did was talk bad about my Oldsmobile Ninety Eight( the first one). my neighborhood and condemn me. He drove a Toyota Cressida. We went on our dinner date. It got worse. He was on the cell phone lying to his mother about whom he was with. I did not like the fact he was ashamed of me. We are two difference races. I prefer and I am attracted to Caucasian men. He took me to his parents house after the date. He locked me in the garage. He locked me in the garage and proceeded to rape me. The thing is.. his parents did not know we were in the house. When he finished, I ran and got out of there. I have never driven so fast in my life. I ran home and I stripped the bed down and washed the sheets and more. I scrubbed myself trying to scrub off what happened. I was so traumatized by the event, I ended up in therapy after another bad experience after that. Suffice it to say, I have not dated or bothered sexually since 2003.

Please be careful. Do not seem or appear desperate.

Edited July 23, 2007 by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY

[Oracle of Delphi]

Craigslist+Casual Encounters=herpes

+ Aids, and a slew of other STDs. I wouldn't risk it even with a condom. Sadly most people are just out to use other people sexually in these casual encounters, straight or gay, it doesn't matter, people are people and some one is going to end up being used. IMHO!

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

+ Aids, and a slew of other STDs. I wouldn't risk it even with a condom. Sadly most people are just out to use other people sexually in these casual encounters, straight or gay, it doesn't matter, people are people and some one is going to end up being used. IMHO!

That is exactly how people get hurt emotionally. People are not true about their intentions. Someone ends up hurt.

[Oracle of Delphi]

Please be careful. There is nothing wrong with doing this if it is done properly. Do your homework first, do background checks, and history. Choose wisely. I say all this to you for a reason. I will tell you what it is..

I was raped on a date with someone I met online. This happened years ago. The police did not get involved. It was my word against his, plus who were they going to believe? He came from a wealthy family. We met at my house. (mistake one). That is when I should have backed out. All he did was talk bad about my Oldsmobile Ninety Eight( the first one). my neighborhood and condemn me. He drove a Toyota Cressida. We went on our dinner date. It got worse. He was on the cell phone lying to his mother about whom he was with. I did not like the fact he was ashamed of me. We are two difference races. I prefer and I am attracted to Caucasian men. He took me to his parents house after the date. He locked me in the garage. He locked me in the garage and proceeded to rape me. The thing is.. his parents did not know we were in the house. When he finished, I ran and got out of there. I have never driven so fast in my life. I ran home and I stripped the bed down and washed the sheets and more. I scrubbed myself trying to scrub off what happened. I was so traumatized by the event, I ended up in therapy after another bad experience after that. Suffice it to say, I have not dated or bothered sexually since 2003.

Please be careful. Do not seem or appear desperate.

NINETY EIGHT, May I ask what race you are? I have always been attracted to Latin women myself, but did not marry one. So that might explain my tours of duty with GM in Mexico and Ecuador! (4 years in total in Latin countries)

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

NINETY EIGHT, May I ask what race you are? I have always been attracted to Latin women myself, but did not marry one. So that might explain my tours of duty with GM in Mexico and Ecuador! (4 years in total in Latin countries)

I do not mind answering your question. I am black. I do not use the term African American because I do not get caught up with being politically correct. I decided as I said in a thread a while back, I would open up more over time. I am using this to open up a little. If it goes well, I will share more about myself. Plus, I wanted to help this guy( Variance) out here.

Edited July 23, 2007 by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY

[CARBIZ]

As per what viper said, I suspect gay online dating is "safer" and more popular only because from smaller towns there are fewer options. However, you have to wonder about people who are so socially inept (or unattractive) that they cannot meet people through regular social channels.

Sort to sound unkind here, but when I lived in a small town (Collingwood - about an hour's drive north of Toronto) I met a friend and the two of us paid for a special phone and ran an ad in a major paper for about 6 months, looking for gay people in our area. We attracted such a pack of losers, that one evening when we were to meet a "24 year old" (and we were both in our mid-twenties at the time) at the parking lot of McDonalds in town after closing and we pulled into the driveway and saw a small station wagon with two 60 year old men angled in such a way that they were definitely keeping an eye on the entrance, I threw my coffee onto the hood of their car and we sped off. I told my friend that if he wanted to keep the phone, go ahead, but I was sick of it.

If you're looking for cheap, meaningless sex, perhaps the internet is okay, but in all the years of hanging out in bars, clubs and trolling internet sites, I never once met a partner or friend in anything other than regular social settings: restaurants, organizations, grocery stores, etc.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

As per what viper said, I suspect gay online dating is "safer" and more popular only because from smaller towns there are fewer options. However, you have to wonder about people who are so socially inept (or unattractive) that they cannot meet people through regular social channels.

Sort to sound unkind here, but when I lived in a small town (Collingwood - about an hour's drive north of Toronto) I met a friend and the two of us paid for a special phone and ran an ad in a major paper for about 6 months, looking for gay people in our area. We attracted such a pack of losers, that one evening when we were to meet a "24 year old" (and we were both in our mid-twenties at the time) at the parking lot of McDonalds in town after closing and we pulled into the driveway and saw a small station wagon with two 60 year old men angled in such a way that they were definitely keeping an eye on the entrance, I threw my coffee onto the hood of their car and we sped off. I told my friend that if he wanted to keep the phone, go ahead, but I was sick of it.

If you're looking for cheap, meaningless sex, perhaps the internet is okay, but in all the years of hanging out in bars, clubs and trolling internet sites, I never once met a partner or friend in anything other than regular social settings: restaurants, organizations, grocery stores, etc.

I remember meeting people before the internet. They had telephone services and chat boards and local gay publications or magazines. For people like Blackviper, the internet connects him with the world. I know that has been one good thing about the internet. People like him would be isolated and alone. The sad thing is the education with information out there on the internet. Not all of it is accurate. The one good thing I can say is the small town gays like Blackviper do not feel so isolated and alone. I read your story, and I was like they run the games everywhere.. Please do not get me started on the clubs..

[CARBIZ]

I remember meeting people before the internet. They had telephone services and chat boards and local gay publications or magazines. For people like Blackviper, the internet connects him with the world. I know that has been one good thing about the internet. People like him would be isolated and alone. The sad thing is the education with information out there on the internet. Not all of it is accurate. The one good thing I can say is the small town gays like Blackviper do not feel so isolated and alone. I read your story, and I was like they run the games everywhere.. Please do not get me started on the clubs..

Well, I am 46 and still occasionally go to the clubs (in "age friendly lighting" I can pass for 35 ). The clubs are good for, well, dancing and hanging out with friends. What people don't understand (or perhaps Hollywood has glossed over) is that bars and clubs are the epitome of Darwinism: you either have to have a lot of personality or be very good looking to survive there. For the "average" person, it can be a lonely, desolate place. Or just a place to dance and have fun.

Despite what a couple decades of liberal social sciences would have us believe, people do judge a book by its cover: its ingrained in our genes. Either accept and adapt or die - plain and simple. No amount of feel good therapy or "how to" books are going to change that.

Dating and meeting people is a lot like selling cars: you should never ask questions that you won't like the answer to. Control the conversation and always, always have a smile. If you are in a bad mood, just got dumped by your last girlfriend/boyfriend people can sense that a mile away and will avoid you. If you hope people will sense how "honest" you are or "down to earth" you are, or however else you perceive yourself - they won't. Get that notion out of your head.

All the world is a stage. Cliched and corny, but true.

Someone who is homely and has the personality of an eggplant may THINK they will do better on the internet, but just remember that most of the other people on the internet are exactly the same way. It is unlikely that Heather Locklear or Colin Ferrel would have to use internet dating services. I am just saying!

[Oracle of Delphi]

and has the personality of an eggplant

That describes me, I'm shy and withdrawn!

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Well, I am 46 and still occasionally go to the clubs (in "age friendly lighting" I can pass for 35 ). The clubs are good for, well, dancing and hanging out with friends. What people don't understand (or perhaps Hollywood has glossed over) is that bars and clubs are the epitome of Darwinism: you either have to have a lot of personality or be very good looking to survive there. For the "average" person, it can be a lonely, desolate place. Or just a place to dance and have fun.

Despite what a couple decades of liberal social sciences would have us believe, people do judge a book by its cover: its ingrained in our genes. Either accept and adapt or die - plain and simple. No amount of feel good therapy or "how to" books are going to change that.

Dating and meeting people is a lot like selling cars: you should never ask questions that you won't like the answer to. Control the conversation and always, always have a smile. If you are in a bad mood, just got dumped by your last girlfriend/boyfriend people can sense that a mile away and will avoid you. If you hope people will sense how "honest" you are or "down to earth" you are, or however else you perceive yourself - they won't. Get that notion out of your head.

All the world is a stage. Cliched and corny, but true.

Someone who is homely and has the personality of an eggplant may THINK they will do better on the internet, but just remember that most of the other people on the internet are exactly the same way. It is unlikely that Heather Locklear or Colin Ferrel would have to use internet dating services. I am just saying!

Very superficial environment. I recently had to tell one of my students he was not ready for that. He has some weight he needs to lose, and work on his personality. He could put people off that easy.

[CARBIZ]

Very superficial environment. I recently had to tell one of my students he was not ready for that. He has some weight he needs to lose, and work on his personality. He could put people off that easy.

About 12 years ago, my mother's best friend's husband told his wife that he was gay - after nearly 30 years of marriage. He was 52 and had had a slight stroke, plus they lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere. My mother thought I could help this guy out and "show him the ropes."

Thanks, mom! I asked her what she thought a 52 year old, unattractive, balding man who can't drive and lives 90 minutes from the closest gay bar is going to go through - especially when he was still living with his soon to be ex-wife!!!!

There is a reason that dating and romance is for the young.

[Sixty8panther]

Well I met Marcia online....

(that's all I'm going to say about that)

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

About 12 years ago, my mother's best friend's husband told his wife that he was gay - after nearly 30 years of marriage. He was 52 and had had a slight stroke, plus they lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere. My mother thought I could help this guy out and "show him the ropes."

Thanks, mom! I asked her what she thought a 52 year old, unattractive, balding man who can't drive and lives 90 minutes from the closest gay bar is going to go through - especially when he was still living with his soon to be ex-wife!!!!

There is a reason that dating and romance is for the young.

His best hope will be meeting people online. The sad thing in the community is they "think" 25 is old and once you are past 25, it gets harder and you grow tired of the foolishness. They put expectations on others they do not meet themselves. They safly cannot get past the physical. I tell people you not only have to sleep with him, but be able to hold a conversation with him.

[CARBIZ]

His best hope will be meeting people online. The sad thing in the community is they "think" 25 is old and once you are past 25, it gets harder and you grow tired of the foolishness. They put expectations on others they do not meet themselves. They safly cannot get past the physical. I tell people you not only have to sleep with him, but be able to hold a conversation with him.

You know, '80' is the new '65' and there is soon going to be a huge groundswell of 'seniors' whose significant other either passed away or left them - and these people are going to be lonely. As a society, we are going to have to deal with the divorces and high failure rate of relationships. The internet is a good first attempt, but we have to figure out something that works.

Two hundred years ago, we were dead by 40 and worked to death at that. Divorces or infedility were unheard of because both spouses were too exhausted from raising 10 kids or working in the coal mines/field for 14 hours a day. Now, we have a lot of leisure time on our hands.

What is it that was once said about idle minds being the playground of the Devil?

[Variance]

Ninety-Eight, sorry to hear about your horrible experience and thanks for your concern/warning.

Don't worry though, I'm not considering this just to get a casual piece of ass. I want something much more meaningful than that.

I wish I was one of those guys that can be just out an about and all of a sudden meet their dream girl sitting at a coffee shop or something.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

You know, '80' is the new '65' and there is soon going to be a huge groundswell of 'seniors' whose significant other either passed away or left them - and these people are going to be lonely. As a society, we are going to have to deal with the divorces and high failure rate of relationships. The internet is a good first attempt, but we have to figure out something that works.

Two hundred years ago, we were dead by 40 and worked to death at that. Divorces or infedility were unheard of because both spouses were too exhausted from raising 10 kids or working in the coal mines/field for 14 hours a day. Now, we have a lot of leisure time on our hands.

What is it that was once said about idle minds being the playground of the Devil?

That is the deal.. My things is.. I have learned and know "too well" how to live alone and be alone. I do not get lonely like most because I threw myself into my job, but I had to stop that recently.

Ninety-Eight, sorry to hear about your horrible experience and thanks for your concern/warning.

No, thank you for reading that.

Don't worry though, I'm not considering this just to get a casual piece of ass. I want something much more meaningful than that.

This is good to know. I think most people want something meaningful... The thing is others "play" and mess with others and someone ends up hurt over it.

I wish I was one of those guys that can be just out an about and all of a sudden meet their dream girl sitting at a coffee shop or something.

Anything is possible...

[trinacriabob]

Any experience?

Be careful of what you ask for because you just might find it! You list a couple of attributes and demographic conditions and they just might be met. Nothing went wrong per se, it's just that I don't want children and this became an issue. I was honest within a matter of months. I think she was very hurt. I know that she threw herself into her work (has an Ivy League MBA and made more money than me at ANY point in time) is apparently still single. Once I got into my early 30s, I no longer wanted kids. And if I don't want my very own, I certainly don't want anyone else's.

[CARBIZ]

The trouble with shopping for anything over the internet (whether a soul mate or a car, for example) is that it short circuits any possibility of the 'human touch.' We are animals, deep down and we all need that human touch. We read a lot from someone's mannerisms, the way they talk, tilt their head. Hell, even the phemerones they emit are important to the mating process. I also believe that our brains communicate on a sub-conscious level, perhaps psychically as well. How are you going to get that over the internet?

Too much honesty can be a bad thing, and I am not being facetious. My sister, for example, is a great looking gal. She has an amazing job, a big house that is nearly paid for, just turned 40 and is single. She is bright and passionate and would probably do okay in the "bar scene;" however, she has 4 boys - all under the age of 14. What chance would she have on the internet? Even if she posted an airbrushed, professional photo of herself, when the questions start flying and she reveals she has 4 kids, guaranteed the postings will stop. At least in a social setting, the prospective suitor would have a chance to get a feel for her personality, her mannerisms, he humor, etc and MAYBE the fact she has 4 boys would matter less. On the internet, she has zero chance, unless she meets some poor schmoe who is a total masochist, or perve! Or he lives in South Africa!

[trinacriabob]

when the questions start flying and she reveals she has 4 kids, guaranteed the postings will stop. At least in a social setting, the prospective suitor would have a chance to get a feel for her personality, her mannerisms, he humor, etc and MAYBE the fact she has 4 boys would matter less.

Oops, Carbiz, I hope I didn't come across as a jerk. It's very UN-Catholic of me, but I think the Dual Income No Kids route is the way to go. I've had too painful and prolonged of a climb.

[CARBIZ]

Oops, Carbiz, I hope I didn't come across as a jerk. It's very UN-Catholic of me, but I think the Dual Income No Kids route is the way to go. I've had too painful and prolonged of a climb.

Not at all. I can't stand kids, and my nephews are monsters. It grates my teeth when we go into a nice restaurant and there is a table of brats destroying the place next to us.

[regfootball]

The trouble with shopping for anything over the internet (whether a soul mate or a car, for example) is that it short circuits any possibility of the 'human touch.' We are animals, deep down and we all need that human touch. We read a lot from someone's mannerisms, the way they talk, tilt their head. Hell, even the phemerones they emit are important to the mating process. I also believe that our brains communicate on a sub-conscious level, perhaps psychically as well. How are you going to get that over the internet?

Too much honesty can be a bad thing, and I am not being facetious. My sister, for example, is a great looking gal. She has an amazing job, a big house that is nearly paid for, just turned 40 and is single. She is bright and passionate and would probably do okay in the "bar scene;" however, she has 4 boys - all under the age of 14. What chance would she have on the internet? Even if she posted an airbrushed, professional photo of herself, when the questions start flying and she reveals she has 4 kids, guaranteed the postings will stop. At least in a social setting, the prospective suitor would have a chance to get a feel for her personality, her mannerisms, he humor, etc and MAYBE the fact she has 4 boys would matter less. On the internet, she has zero chance, unless she meets some poor schmoe who is a total masochist, or perve! Or he lives in South Africa!

so, you say your sister is hot?

if she's really smokin' chances are there is still some guy willing to go wading in that pool, regardless if there are 4 kids that go with it. At least for awhile.

Edited July 23, 2007 by regfootball

[red]

Best of luck online...give it a shot! If there's one rule to stick by, it's don't knock it til ya try it.

Personally, I haven't fully invested myself in that scene, but it seems quite popular. Statistically, you probably are going to get more wackos and less-camera-friendly ladies while dating online, but keep the faith, you might find the right one. Either way, you're going to get dating experience and increase your odds of landing the right chick.

But IMO, the best way to meet potential dates is through friends. The bars are tough, even if you are good looking ;-)

[z28luvr01]

Eh, I've thought about it. In fact, I did create a profile with eHarmony just to go through their personality assessment. It's pretty extensive (and time consuming), and I think they have me nailed down pretty well. I'm not a paying member yet, partly because I'm cheap and partly because I still see a few in-person opportunities out there. The thing with online dating is that you're getting people who, for whatever reason, may be very uptight or apprehensive after a date or two. Believe me I'm not knocking the system or the people who use it, it's just something you need to keep in the back of your mind as you date. Either they've been burned badly by other relationships, or they're just not at home in a social setting when looking for a potential partner. Things could be going great and then out of the blue they stop communicating and stop responding to you. It comes off as rejection, but it's more likely fear of taking the next step, for lack of better words.

Lots of luck to you Variance. I hope you find what you're looking for.

[jessi_chan]

Dodgefan and I met online (with yahoo chat rooms) and we have been together happily for 2 years going on 3. And everything is going just great. I mean we are even talking about marriage, and future plans. I can not imagine living without him, but I will tell you something though, BE CAREFUL! Me and Dodgefan talked for over a year before we started dating, so just make sure you KNOW that person VERY WELL before anything happens. Just follow your heart. but be safe at the same time.

[Paolino]

I've done the online dating thing... met some nice guys I'm still friends with, and some royal assholes.

Just be careful. I, in general, take things very slowly with people. I talk to them a bit online before I call them. I speak to them on the phone a few times before I meet them. Then I meet them in a public place. Then we f@#k. No, seriously, if you're looking for the right person, don't make online your only outlet.

I can say though one of my friends married someone he met online.. they have been married for 5 years, have a daughter, and are very happy.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Dodgefan and I met online (with yahoo chat rooms) and we have been together happily for 2 years going on 3. And everything is going just great. I mean we are even talking about marriage, and future plans. I can not imagine living without him, but I will tell you something though, BE CAREFUL! Me and Dodgefan talked for over a year before we started dating, so just make sure you KNOW that person VERY WELL before anything happens. Just follow your heart. but be safe at the same time.

I am glad to hear this. I hope something comes of this. You are one of the fortunate ones. I as I wrote earlier was not.

I've done the online dating thing... met some nice guys I'm still friends with, and some royal assholes.

Just be careful. I, in general, take things very slowly with people. I talk to them a bit online before I call them. I speak to them on the phone a few times before I meet them. Then I meet them in a public place. Then we f@#k. No, seriously, if you're looking for the right person, don't make online your only outlet.

I can say though one of my friends married someone he met online.. they have been married for 5 years, have a daughter, and are very happy.

This is some sound advice here.

[trinacriabob]

I'm not a paying member yet, partly because I'm cheap and partly because I still see a few in-person opportunities out there.

Oh, good, another cheap person. Let's keep that moolah in our wallets.

I find that every never-married woman over 35 has one of the following:

(1) not that attractive

(2) earlier sexual trauma

(3) a little too "punch in the arm, let's go get a beer" -- tomboyish, though thoroughly straight

(4) combination of the above

As my friend Vince says, "Well, if they were decently packaged, they'd be scooped up by now, now wouldn't they"

[trinacriabob]

I talk to them a bit online before I call them. I speak to them on the phone a few times before I meet them. Then I meet them in a public place. Then we f@#k.

TMI

TMI

...Madonna...

[regfootball]

or, they still just don't get that they are a lesbian yet. they've been to scared to try the P but down deep they have a secret wondering about what it is like.

don't forget the psychotic ones. the bipolars, the 'can't commits', the ones with depression. the princesses and daddy's girls.

i mean, that's all human and stuff, but if you waited till you're 35 to get hooked up, its takes a lot to accept heavy stuff like that.

my friend who just turned 40 cannot get a date to save his life with any of the women he wants so bad. the bad girls. the ones with all the baggage and issues and stuff. but, he's hung up on that they are thin.

there is a perfectly awesome chick who would go out with him in a heartbeat if he asked, she is single never married, no baggage.

only real flaw, big hips. and he cannot get past that. otherwise, they are extremely compatible. his theory is he works out to stay in shape and so should she.

um, dude.....genetics. big hips, big chest. she's pretty and has nice hair. he just won't take a serious look at her because she is, as he puts it.....'thick'.

this is the same guy that will not try online dating and really should. he can't stay 'untapped' forever. with his attitude he probably will.

no woman is perfect. but at least you want to find one that doesn't make you want to knife yourself at the end of the day.

Edited July 24, 2007 by regfootball

[trinacriabob]

or, they still just don't get that they are a lesbian yet. they've been to scared to try the P but down deep they have a secret wondering about what it is like.

don't forget the psychotic ones. the bipolars, the 'can't commits', the ones with depression. the princesses and daddy's girls.

no woman is perfect. but at least you want to find one that doesn't make you want to knife yourself at the end of the day.

Reg, you are funny.

I don't know about the first sentence...I think they are hetero but just had too many brothers that preceded them in the birth order. Every chick I know born after 3 or 4 boys knows how to handle the boys. Usually, there is no L factor here because the mother has a sigh of relief that she finally got a GIRL and their bond is healthy and the dad often feels the same way.

Depression ... hmmm ... the question is how much? I am somewhat prone. However, it's what they call exogenous which means it is brought on by external stresses. Endogenous depression means it's there in perpetuity...ouch. I am almost sympathetic.

Yes, the princesses and the daddy's girls. That's an interesting phenomenon...the entitlement concept. What's amazing is that even those that have needed instructions still feel entitled. Sorry, you can't expect pedestal treatment when you need to be given instructions....now do this, yes, that's right, yes, a little more, ok, good....you get the idea. The combustion has to be spontaneous, not orchestrated.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

Too many people place expectations on others. That is not good. They also expect others to be something they are not. No one owes you anything. There is no perfect person, no perfect relationship. There is a happy medium and happiness.

[CARBIZ]

There are a million reasons why some people can never seem to settle down. Regardless of the 'why,' I believe the person may be in serious trouble if they either have never had a serious, long term live-in relationship in their life, or are as noted above, in their 'thirties' and are still habitually single. We are a social animal, but society looks down on us if we are not in a meaningful relationship. One can find themself ostracized from previous social groups when everyone else has paired up.

A lot of bad habits are learned in one's twenties. Some people who are exceptionally attractive just learn to play the field and get used to the idea that someone better may be just around the corner. These people are in a lot of trouble because once their looks run out, that train will end and they will be very lonely. Other people just develop such unpleasant personal habits that even though they may make a great friend, nobody could actually live with that person. Still other people set their standards so impossibly high (deliberately?) that nobody could ever be that person's partner.

Many people of both sexes can have a lot of fun when they are young. They can party till dawn with few consequences. They can snap their fingers and get anyone they want in bed. Their eyes are full of stars and the possibilties seem endless. However, when their 30s begin to unfold and all of their friends have begun to settle down, they start to realize the party ended but nobody told them.

A warning to any gay posters out there: look in the mirror. We don't have kids. We cannot live vicariously through them. We cannot regain our lost innocense/childhood through our children; therefore, plan to have a lot of money and friends to surround you when your looks and energy fade if you want to avoid a lot of self-destructive behavior. Even fat chicks can throw themselves at guys when they are young, but as one gets older the offers get fewer.

There is a lot of social upheaval. Some of it is noisy (kids who go off and shoot up a school), but most of it is quiet. I call it 'quiet panic.' The Church can no longer fill the niche it once did, yet 'humanism' has not yet figured what to do with the varied and wonderous types of social settings out there. Fifty years of Hollywood (and 30 years of porno) has created a groundswell of personalities who judge everyone by how they look. Although this is natural and not new, it has become inflamed.

[Oracle of Delphi]

There is no perfect person

Whatttttt? What about me? Am I not a perfect Human Being in every sense of the word?

Edited July 24, 2007 by Pontiac Custom-S

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

There are a million reasons why some people can never seem to settle down. Regardless of the 'why,' I believe the person may be in serious trouble if they either have never had a serious, long term live-in relationship in their life, or are as noted above, in their 'thirties' and are still habitually single. We are a social animal, but society looks down on us if we are not in a meaningful relationship. One can find themself ostracized from previous social groups when everyone else has paired up.

A lot of bad habits are learned in one's twenties. Some people who are exceptionally attractive just learn to play the field and get used to the idea that someone better may be just around the corner. These people are in a lot of trouble because once their looks run out, that train will end and they will be very lonely. Other people just develop such unpleasant personal habits that even though they may make a great friend, nobody could actually live with that person. Still other people set their standards so impossibly high (deliberately?) that nobody could ever be that person's partner.

Many people of both sexes can have a lot of fun when they are young. They can party till dawn with few consequences. They can snap their fingers and get anyone they want in bed. Their eyes are full of stars and the possibilties seem endless. However, when their 30s begin to unfold and all of their friends have begun to settle down, they start to realize the party ended but nobody told them.

A warning to any gay posters out there: look in the mirror. We don't have kids. We cannot live vicariously through them. We cannot regain our lost innocense/childhood through our children; therefore, plan to have a lot of money and friends to surround you when your looks and energy fade if you want to avoid a lot of self-destructive behavior. Even fat chicks can throw themselves at guys when they are young, but as one gets older the offers get fewer.

There is a lot of social upheaval. Some of it is noisy (kids who go off and shoot up a school), but most of it is quiet. I call it 'quiet panic.' The Church can no longer fill the niche it once did, yet 'humanism' has not yet figured what to do with the varied and wonderous types of social settings out there. Fifty years of Hollywood (and 30 years of porno) has created a groundswell of personalities who judge everyone by how they look. Although this is natural and not new, it has become inflamed.

I have never been in a serious relationship. I am no slut either. I am not unattractive either. I am in my 30's. I did not play with people's minds or play mind games with people. The mind games were played on me. It was by the very people you describe. And yes, as time goes by their looks fade, and then they want to settle down and no one wants them. And the person who raped me was younger. The thing is.. they fail to realize looks fade and then they want to be taken seriously, and no one wants them. Pay back is a b**** ...

Treat people the way you want to be treated. What you put out, is what you get back. And if you are curious as to whom I met, I can tell you names and what happened. A lot of it was typical game mind games.

The first guy I liked slept with someone whom I thought was a friend. He drove a Cadillac Cimarron. His name was Shannon. We were out at the clubs, and he knew I liked him. He went home and slept with the guy I thought was my friend.

One guy whom I was not interested in, came up to me in the club one week. Came back the next week and said: I did not want to date you. I only wanted to f**** you. I never had sex with him or touched him.

The next guy was younger than me. He threatened to have my friend killed while playing a mind game with me. His name was Jay. Never touched him other than kissing. He wanted to be a dj..

Then there was Neil who played a mind game and used me to get him a job. He did not keep the job. Never touched him.

There was Cory who was on medication. He called the police on me on Thanksgiving Day. He was mentally and emotionally unstable. He slept with everyone but me. I never slept with him thankfully. His life turned around when I was with him. He went to college, got a good job. I taught him to be responsible. Once I had enough, he ended up in the mental hospital and lost his job. He drove a Chevrolet Beretta.

There was Jerry. His mother liked me. I liked her. I even stayed at their house. We were always together. He changed. Time changed. He was my first "experience". I was older. We got separated by this older gay man who did not want us together. The man took the letters I was writing Jerry and hid them. Jerry never got them. Years later when I saw Jerry, I found this out. We got together years later when he was in a relationship. He had fall out with his boyfriend. I felt bad about that one because they still lived together. We ran across each other years later at my job when he was a student here. We had a big falling out and never talked again.

Then there was Tim who only wanted a man with money and was using his looks to get it. I busted him. He told me he was going out of town for the weekend. I went to the club that night and found him. He was speechless. You know I let him have it. It was a brief fling. He used his looks too. Last time I saw his photo online, he was fat.

There was Steven who raped me. The story is earlier in this thread.

There was the Hispanic guy. I do not recall his name, but he wanted to work for the FBI. Joke... and a liar too.

There was the "straight" guy Thomas. I busted him. We had sex, and I found it rather boring. I asked him where is your family and girlfriend. He was in shock! I told him I am no one's fool, and I know you secretly came over to my house, and no, I do not want to see you again. I told him I do not operate that way.

There was the other "straight" guy CJ. We had sex, and he was former military. He stole from me. He then saw me and public, and acted like he did not know who I was. He then had the never to write me asking me can we get together like we once did. I declined and refused. He had a black BMW 3 Series and a Chevrolet Blazer.

The last person I was ever with was a guy named Seth. We talked for months and more. We had a connection. He got me to face my fear of flying. I went to spend time with him in Washington State. I really enjoyed my time there. He need to grow up, I needed to change myself. We have unfinished business. Time and distance has separated us.

There you have it.. I have not bothered since 2003. I am not a horrible person, and I am not in a committed relationship. I threw myself into my job, and all things Oldsmobile. I recently stopped working so much.

I did make some friends online, and they have stayed around.

Whatttttt? What about me?

Okay General Zod....

and

Edited July 24, 2007 by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY

[trinacriabob]

There are a million reasons why some people can never seem to settle down. Regardless of the 'why,' I believe the person may be in serious trouble if they either have never had a serious, long term live-in relationship in their life, or are as noted above, in their 'thirties' and are still habitually single. We are a social animal, but society looks down on us if we are not in a meaningful relationship. One can find themself ostracized from previous social groups when everyone else has paired up.

You know I usually agree with you on many things. But I differ a bit on this one.

I switched careers after staying in my first one for a handful of years. The second career (architecture) was something people told me I was given a talent for that I was wasting ....and I wondered every day if that's what I should have done. I am now going back to my first career because it is (a) easier - no apologies, (b) earns the same amount of money, or more, and © is more stable. Sitting in a grad program for architecture in a part of the country I would never considered making home meant no relationships, plus I was about 5 years older than most of my classmates which, in your 20s, is a big deal...stupid, I know.

I watched virtually all of my friends pair up with their equals...in education, looks, age, ethnicity, religion, etc. I think that is NORMAL. I am conservative as for my own needs and fairly liberal about what others do, though it wouldn't work for me. The package of EQUALITY after people make the big first cut during or immediately after college or university is not easily found...trust me, I've looked. If people want to view me as a snob or as sexually maladjusted (as one person on this site alludes to repeatedly, given his years of worldliness), then go to it. One of my friends in Portland says I am a little bitter about this and am now "holding court," as he puts it, delighting in snubbing women who have kids, who do not have careers and who are not educated. He's probably right. But I am sure there is a fix or a match somewhere. I am just having fun pursuing my intellectual interests and not worrying about it, though I probably should.

Edited July 24, 2007 by trinacriabob

[aaaantoine]

For what it's worth, I met my wife via AIM.

About the biggest negative impact it's had on my life is A: I no longer live near most of my family and B: I have to drive over 300 miles to see them.

[trinacriabob]

For what it's worth, I met my wife via AIM.

And that's cool. Smart and discerning people know how to use this vehicle correctly and can accomplish results. Some people may be smart in money or books or career related issues, but not so smart when it comes to judging people and knowing who may be a powder keg waiting to go off.

I was a dumb$h! when it came to judging people. That ended by about the time I finished college. My Dad had WAAAAY too many street smarts (having lived in Australia, an Italian colony in Africa and ultimately the U.S.) for the street smarts and "quick study" ability to not rub off.

[NINETY EIGHT REGENCY]

For what it's worth, I met my wife via AIM.

About the biggest negative impact it's had on my life is A: I no longer live near most of my family and B: I have to drive over 300 miles to see them.

A success story indeed.

[Satty]

I've got a recently single friend who really needs to meet someone, because frankly he's an ass when he isn't getting any. I told him I was going to set him up with a Craigslist ad, and maybe if I get bored a Cupid membership. He said thanks, but he doesn't do fat chicks. I insisted that not every woman looking for a man online is fat, some of them have penises.

For the record, my fiancee and I met the old fashioned way, sitting in a courtroom, waiting to enter pleas for minor traffic violations.

[Blake Noble]

I'd like to vent right now if I could: I met my last 11 month tour through hell online. And for the past two days, she's been trying to screw things up between myself and the person I am now talking to.

[FAPTurbo]

I've got a recently single friend who really needs to meet someone, because frankly he's an ass when he isn't getting any. I told him I was going to set him up with a Craigslist ad, and maybe if I get bored a Cupid membership. He said thanks, but he doesn't do fat chicks. I insisted that not every woman looking for a man online is fat, some of them have penises.

:rotflmao:

[loki]

:rotflmao:

yes.

I'm typically too shy to go out by myself, and ~80% of my friends don't go out to meet people.

last year I found someone my age, and very fun to talk to, on hot or not (when messaging was free for about 3-4 months) we still keep in touch online. distance, current life goals, and religion were big factors in it not lasting. we still consider each other good friends. my shyness and anxiety kept my time i visited her short. our personalities are quite close as far as humor and such went.

if you're going to search online, don't be in a hurry, and don't limit yourself too narrowly.

[frogger]

I think I would try speed dating to meet people before the online thing at this point. I've been out at restaurants before and witnessed it a few times, the people did not all appear to be trolls.

[Oracle of Delphi]

I've got a recently single friend who really needs to meet someone, because frankly he's an ass when he isn't getting any. I told him I was going to set him up with a Craigslist ad, and maybe if I get bored a Cupid membership. He said thanks, but he doesn't do fat chicks. I insisted that not every woman looking for a man online is fat, some of them have penises.

For the record, my fiancee and I met the old fashioned way, sitting in a courtroom, waiting to enter pleas for minor traffic violations.

Oh my!

[ocnblu]

Well, we got my younger brother married off this weekend. I was Best Man. A few ppl made the comment to me "you're next!" I laughed them off, but inside it was the same old story: "if you knew, would you say the same?"

I am soooo tired of repression.