The Truth About Cars TWAT Awards

[Variance]

The Truth About Cars TWAT Awards

10. Chevrolet Aveo

“Chevy likes to tout the Aveo as the “lowest-priced [new] car in America” and in spite of their warning “content may vary,” it’s easy to see how they achieved that goal. From the hollow-sounding doors, bargain-basement plastics and skinny tires to the coarse-sounding engine that strains when faced with even the slightest incline, it exudes “cheap” from every ounce of its being. The Aveo also refutes the smart shopper’s mantra “you get what you pay for.” In the case of this captive Korean import, you pay little and get even less.“

9. Lincoln Mark LT

“Lincoln’s badge engineered Ford F-150 is an unholy degradation of the world-famous Lincoln Mark nomenclature. While Brother Navigator sets the luxo-truck standard for wikkid beat boxes, wood-trimmed tillers, ventilated seats and power running boards, the LT went the adhesive-backed bling route, hit the showers and called it a day. From the richly textured but rock-hard interior plastics to the exterior’s mega-dose of bottom-dollar spizzarkle, the Mark LT is a rolling testament to Dearborn’s short-term, suicidal reliance on bean-counted engineering. “

8. Saab 9-7x

“The Saab 9-7X is a Chevy Trailblazer with the ignition key between the seats. Moreover, the Saab 9-7X is a Chevy Trailblazer with the ignition key between the seats. I can't stand the fact that the Saab 9-7X is nothing more than a Chevy Trailblazer with the ignition key between the seats. And when you stop and think about it, the Saab 9-7X is a Chevy Trailblazer with the ignition key between the seats. Who did GM think they were fooling when they released the Saab 9-7X, which is nothing more than a Chevy Trailblazer with the ignition key between the seats? You know what I hate most about the Saab 9-7X? It’s a Chevy Trailblazer with the ignition key between the seats.”

7. Subaru B9 Tribeca

“Subaru execs may have been stony-faced when TTAC’s “flying vagina” description of their new SUV’s grill treatment started making the rounds, but at least they didn’t turn to stone. Given the unrelenting hideousness of the Tribeca’s design-- from its genital front end to its fallopian dash to its alien eyes rear end -- they should count themselves lucky. The fact that the B9 is also slow, thirsty and cramped proves that repulsiveness can be more than skin deep. Why Subaru felt the need to enter the SUV segment when it offers such a wide range of superb four wheel-drive sedans and wagons is anybody’s guess. Clearly, they shouldn’t have bothered. “

6. Chevrolet Monte Carlo

“The Chevrolet Monte Carlo is a wrong wheel-drive engineering joke from the late ‘80’s. But that’s not the Monte Carlo’s only/best claim to shame. It’s the merciless butchering of its once decadent “personal luxury” lines. In one fell swoop, the baroque fenders went from tacky-posh to adolescently unrefined. From the front, the Asian-inspired headlights assault the muscle car values once associated with this famous coupe. At the rear, sacrilege takes the form of taillights that look like a two-way bookshelf speaker that met the business end of a heat gun. Factor in various grades of interior panel gapping, Wal-Mart spec’d polymers and parts bin swapping with zero integration and you’re done. “

5. Hummer H2

“The Hummer H2 is a rebodied last-generation Yukon that’s so damn heavy the IRS will give you a tax break because you just bought a piece of commercial farm equipment. It looks like a school bus from behind and a morbidly obese Cherokee from every other angle. It doesn't handle. Braking distances are straight from 1956. It gets less than 10mpg and takes longer than 10 seconds to reach 60. Only a handful of non-journalists have ever taken it off-road. Even the name sucks (literally): the H2 is a sad simulacrum of the first Gulf War winning off-road champ HUMVEE. While the H2 doesn’t come with hair plugs, it tells the world that the man behind the wheel has a small penis, or brain, or both.“

4. Chrysler Aspen

“To quote Simon and Garfunkel, every way you look at this you lose. The Chrysler Aspen is a badge engineered Dodge Durango-- an Olde School SUV at a time when its competition has either gone to work at McDonald’s or headed for college. It’s ugly. It’s thirsty. It’s slow. It’s badly built. It’s cramped. It’s expensive. Chrysler is trying to flog this monstrosity as a blingmobile-- which is like trying to sell cocaine as a sleep aid. Although the Aspen was an inexpensive-- make that “cheap” way for the Dark Lords of DCX to expand the Chrysler brand portfolio, it’s a perfect example of the old adage “Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.”

3. Buick Rendezvous

“Based on a 1997 minivan, the Rendezvous is a platform partner to the Chevrolet Venture, Pontiac Montana and Oldsmobile Silhouette, and a twin-under-the-skin to the gruesome Pontiac Aztek. It’s outlasted them all, creaking along for almost 10 years with nothing more than a few trim changes and corporate-wide mechanical updates. The ungainly Rendezvous’ ride, handling and performance are on par with… a 10-year-old minivan. In fact, the Rendezvous embodies everything that’s brought GM to the brink: penny pinching, brand dilution and chronic neglect. It’s set to be replaced by the Enclave, and not a moment too soon.”

2. Jeep Compass

“Props to DCX for trying to introduce an economical model for fans of the storied Jeep brand.. In this horror story, Dr. Frankenstein (played by the mustache-twirling Doktor Z) grafts round headlights and a seven-slot grill onto the face of a mediocre high-riding sedan (a.k.a. the Dodge Caliber). He throws the switch and an ugly, gangly, underpowered, mud-aversive half-breed staggers into the light, turning all who see it-- or heaven forbid buy it-- into grotesque, bobble-headed morons. The Compass stomps all over Jeep’s reputation as America’s purveyor of authentic off-road vehicles. It’s time to get your pitchfork.”

1. GM Minivans

“Talk about retro-design. Rather than simply cop styling cues from bygone classics, GM built the Chevrolet Uplander, Saturn Relay, Buick Terraza and Pontiac SV6 using 25-year-old engineering. (Though not literally true, it’s true enough.) In terms of dreadful driving dynamics, contemptible aesthetics and torturous ergonomics, no other vehicles sold in America can compete with these so-called “Crossover Sport Vans.” For their antique engineering, woeful looks, cancerous effect on not one but four GM brands and their abject inability to hold a candle to their foreign-owned competition, GM’s minivans earn The Truth About Cars’ accolade as the worst vehicles currently for sale in America.”

The Truth About Cars

[Intrepidation]

What about the Yaris? from it's unrefined engine to its stupid cupholder design/placement to lack of quality in the switchgear to those damn gauges to the ugly styling...it deserves to be a TWAT

[ToniCipriani]

Hollow sounding doors... Oh yes, that's the thing I hated on my friend's Mazda3!

And you're complaining about the Aveo?

What a moron. I hope someone can shut that site down.

[Flybrian]

[thedriver]

The only foreign automaker is Subaru? And no Fords? Complaints about outdated technology for the GM vans and Rendezvous, but doesn't mention the Crown Victoria? Complains abot ugly Frankenstein cars but no Toyota FJ or Yaris? Seems to be an incomplete list. .

[BrewSwillis]

Sounds like this guy has a problem with GM and DCX. Just check out his import humping web page.

[VenSeattle]

3. Buick Rendezvous

“Based on a 1997 minivan, the Rendezvous is a platform partner to the Chevrolet Venture, Pontiac Montana and Oldsmobile Silhouette, and a twin-under-the-skin to the gruesome Pontiac Aztek. It’s outlasted them all, creaking along for almost 10 years with nothing more than a few trim changes and corporate-wide mechanical updates. The ungainly Rendezvous’ ride, handling and performance are on par with… a 10-year-old minivan. In fact, the Rendezvous embodies everything that’s brought GM to the brink: penny pinching, brand dilution and chronic neglect. It’s set to be replaced by the Enclave, and not a moment too soon.”

Uhm. Rendezvous and Aztek shared an updated version of the U-body platform, so it wasn't the same as the 1997 minivans. Rendezvous also debuted as a 2002 model (so it wasn't neglected over 10 years.)

It was the FIRST non-Cadillac vehicle (and only U-Body variant) to receive the newly debuted 3.6l V6 so I would hardly call that a corporate-wide mechanical update.

The Rendezvous rides very much like a Park Avenue (which isn't an insult to any premium vehicle) and sold amazingly well.

Rendezvous owners have been very pleased with their great selling lame-duck that helped bring in conquest sales to Buick. <obvious sarcasm>

What an Ass.... Rendezvous is ready to be replaced, but it is one of GM's success stories for the 2000's.

[ToniCipriani]

BTW, why does this guy love to use obscene and profanity in his articles? Even the title has it!

He thinks this is cool or something? It's just plain unprofessional and a self-disgrace.

[FAPTurbo]

Profanity is unprofessional, and this "reporting" lacks conjecture and unbiasedness.

TTAC gives me the impression that these reviewers were too sucky to head to journalism school and that unless it has more professionalism and review, will never be a mainstream auto review source.

I'm sure many of the reviewers there are unbiased and thoughtful, but this article flushes any credibility down the toilet.

[Intrepidation]

I hate that site, someone should hack it

[Mr.Krinkle]

213674[/snapback]

[Mr.Krinkle]

rdr squared.

or

har dee har har.

[mustang84]

What an unprofessional heap of garbage. I generally agree that many of these vehicles are in need of replacing or are badge engineered, but they completely throw objectivity out the window.

TWAT awards...sounds like TTAC has the mental capacity of a 7th grade boy going through puberty.

Edited November 9, 2006 by mustang84

[Croc]

I really fail to see the point of posting articles from that site. It always garners the same reaction: TTAC suxxorzzz!! omg he uses potty wordz!! bias! bias!

Seriously.

It gets old. Can we not post from that site anymore? Unless you can give me a very good reason of how productive conversations can result from such postings, of course...

[Bizz]

i dont think twat or vagina are profane words. in fact, the writing style is the only enjoyable aspect to me. if its "unprofessional", so be it. im not too impressed by most of what is written by "professional" auto analcysts, anyway.

btw, i think TTAC suxxorzzz!!

[Sixty8panther]

The only foreign automaker is Subaru?  And no Fords?  Complaints about outdated technology for the GM vans and Rendezvous, but doesn't mention the Crown Victoria? Complains abot ugly Frankenstein cars but no Toyota FJ or Yaris?  Seems to be an incomplete list. .

213677[/snapback]

Leave the Crown Vic alone... it's getting a redesign and us

BOF car lovers are glad to ahve something stil on the

market that has a "spine" instead of justv an exoskelleton.

Yes, the Yaris, Fit and several other economy cars were

left out but except for that and the Hummer H2 I agree with

the author here... the M/C is a wrong wheel drive joke, but

then ot ME 90% of todays cars have the motor mounted

incorrectly and the trans is sending power to the inccorect

wheels. Front wheels are for steering not pulling.

[nyscene911]

You guys should've seen the debate over there. People crying for the Impala to be on the list. And then the crowd saying if the Impala is on it, the Camry has to be on it as wlel. Guess which one made the finals

Import humpers unite!

[siegen]

Yes, the Yaris, Fit and several other economy cars were left out

213766[/snapback]

Did you read their reviews of the Yaris, Fit, and Versa? The Fit had a very positive review, while the Yaris and Versa had less than positive ones, although not nearly as bad as the horrible Aveo (it is a Korean rebadge, what did you expect?).

I find the majority of the reviews on that site contain 90% criticism, unless it's a German car or a Honda. They gave the new CR-V a good review as well, despite its 10 second or so 0-60, which was the only negative point they brought up. I have read a lot of the reviews and have yet to find a review for a domestic that didn't contain mostly criticism. Also, the bias seems to vary by Author, some don't like Toyota's while some do.

[regfootball]

I would love to pee all over TTAC's servers.

and 'dump' a 'carl' on their front desk, if there is one.

Edited November 9, 2006 by regfootball

[Flybrian]

Leave the Crown Vic alone... it's getting a redesign and us

BOF car lovers are glad to ahve something stil on the

market that has a "spine" instead of justv an exoskelleton.

213766[/snapback]

Both of you? Try finding a Vic on the lot. Also, go sit in one at the auto show. It blows.

[Sixty8panther]

Grandma & Grandpa may be old but that does not make them

stupid, you live for 70 or so years you might want a cushy &

super soft ride too. Like I've said a MILLION times on this

forum, if the BOF B-body had kept evolving past 1996 & if it

was around today & incorporated modern safety, technology

and hydroforming it would be by far the best chassis for a full

size car in the world, bar none.

The Crown Vic. has barelly evolved past where it was in 1996

and even then the Caprice was a far superior product. Still, I

would take a 2007 Crown Vic. over ANY 2007 car with FWD.

[Cory Wolfe]

Alright, Sixty8... You take you're Crown Vic and I'll take my Alfa Romeo Brera when/if it comes to the US.

[Flybrian]

Grandma & Grandpa may be old but that does not make them

stupid, you live for 70 or so years you might want a cushy &

super soft ride too.

214017[/snapback]

That's why the LeSabre and Lucerne always outsold the Grand Marquis.

[ImpalaPete]

10. Chevrolet Aveo

The Aveo does not pretend to be anything other than what it is. A very inexpensive, reasonably well-built, reasonably-reliable econobox. In that segment of the market, it is no better or worse than most everything else. It is basic transportation. End of story. Move along...

9. Lincoln Mark LT

The Lincoln Mark LT is a puzzling beast. It makes almost no sense at a combo Ford/Lincoln dealer. It is way too over the top for the average pickup truck buyer. It is too low brow for the Cadillac-aspiring (perhaps bling-oriented) truck buyer. I suppose it could be argued that it has its own niche in between Ford and Cadillac, but that seems to be a niche where the general public does not want to be, no matter how much FoMoCo tries to convince Joe and Jane Public that they need to be there.

8. Saab 9-7x

Yep. It's a Saab Trailblazer. It makes sense as something for Saab dealers to sell when the dealership does not carry one of the GM twins. Otherwise, it makes little business sense, perhaps other than to make a few corporate execs feel all puffy chested about their "new" design.

7. Subaru B9 Tribeca

Ugly is as ugly does. Checked these out tonight at the Scooby dealer with the wife while looking at lower-rent Subes. The wife hates everything about it. It is cramped inside. I felt a bit claustrophobic just looking in from the outside. I am indifferent to the styling, but it reeks badly of Edsel. Strangely, in person, a nearly identical grill treatment on the Impreza looks rather nice. FHI missed the Feng Shui boat in a big way with the B9. All of the Legacys (Outback and regular) and Foresters make way more financial and practical sense than the B9. A loaded Legacy, especially the Outback wagon, is just as nice as the B9 and far better suited to the average daily grind.

6. Chevrolet Monte Carlo

Puzzled me from the day its styling hit the showroom floor years ago. A strange combination of ungainly and impractical. Aimed at a small demographic looking for a mediocre coupe with FWD and nothing special. If I wanted a coupe, this would not be on my list, even if my list had 50 cars on it. [Psst. Don't tell anybody. But I really do have a list of 50 coupes that I would like to own. The Full Monte ain't on my list.]

5. Hummer H2

It's a Hummer, in the truest sense. Big. Bad. Bold. Horrible gas mileage. A bit short on interior space. It is everything that the Hummer crowd wants and expects. If you don't like it or understand it, too bad. Move along. There is somebody bolder and braver than you waiting to buy it.

4. Chrysler Aspen

What were Chrylser execs thinking when they decided to reuse the Aspen name on this? Too many vacations in Colorado? No knowledge of corporate history? The Aspen is almost universally recognized as Dodge's poor-man, semi-equipped, mid-sized econobox from the 70s. Granted, those old econoboxes were/are very reliable, as evidenced by the hordes still on our roads, most of them minus the lower half of the rear quarters dissolved eons ago by rust. This new Aspen has nothing endearing or special about it. Just another semi-luxury SUV to get lost in the slow-moving, lot-filling, low-volume crowd.

3. Buick Rendezvous

An invisible, dated ho-hum in a giant field of competitors. Rather awkward looking from day one. Keep moving along...

2. Jeep Compass

It's ugly. No, not just regular ugly. Horrible ugly. The Compass looks like a half-melted Patriot on undersized roller skates. I can't imagine picking the Compass over the Patriot, even though both ride on the same Caliber platform. If the Compass’ “puffy cheek” look is something, it is anything but attractive. The Patriot looks world's better and can be had in a Trail-Rated version. True, the Compass might attract attention from a crowd who would otherwise ignore Jeep. But it also devalues the invaluable Jeep marketing persona and risks sending some of Jeep's bread-and-butter crowd off into the alternate manufacturer wilderness in protest and disgust.

1. GM Minivans

It's a minivan. A hopelessly utilitarian, uninspired, wobbly box on wheels. What else is there to know? I never met a minivan I didn't hate. A hate that knows no manufacturer or brand name boundaries.