Not your father

[ocnblu]

As time goes by, the influence of our fathers molds us into the people we are destined to be, yet, some things just never "take". I share some aspects of my father's personality, but some things about him remain mystifiers that I'll never adopt.

For example, my father has a rather militant dislike for cats, wild rabbits, squirrels and groundhogs. He'd feel no remorse shooting them if they give him enough of a chance.

I don't own a gun and don't want anything to do with them, and I have a "live and let live" attitude toward wildlife.

I love my father and wouldn't change him.

What things about your father seem out of step with the way you live your life? What things do you share with your father, like peas in a pod?

[Camino LS6]

Wow. I know what you're getting at,OCN, but I just can't go there right now.

[Cory Wolfe]

Hunting. He and my brother are nutty about it. I swear it seems that it's what most important to them. While with me, I never caught on. I like guns, and enjoy shooting them, but not at animals and not after having to sit around in the woods freezing my nuts off, when I could be in a nice warm house with some lots of good food. I simply don't see the point...

Others... they include sports (never really got into them unless for "eye candy" haha), trucks (cars, cars, and more cars... nothing like being low to the ground), waking up early (Im a night owl), and I could go on and on. It seems we're pretty much opposite of each other when it comes to things we like and enjoy, but otherwise... I'm a mini him. I act like him. I'm stubborn like him. I'm a quitter like him. Etc. Weird.

Edited September 24, 2006 by blackviper8891

[razoredge]

My father was accepting of the government machine. That in a way was his side of the fence. He had the same interest in outdoors and hardwork as me but knew it was a dead end road. So he did all the rough stuff on his time off and had a job that didnt fail him. I guess to sum it up, in what would have been his own words. He was more sensible. I had stubborn iron will.

Im willing to bet most of the differences evolve around the different eras parents and children grew up in. He knew the hard life and wanted better. I had a reletively easy youth but wanted nothing to do with the stuffyness I saw in the "better".

Today I pay the price but would never have fit in anyhow.

[NOS2006]

I don't have the time to make up some type of list right now, but over the last couple days I've been real busy and, although he's not an engineer, I seriously hope I've adopted his engineering skills because he's pretty damn brilliant in putting ideas/concepts together into real life applications.

[trinacriabob]

There's an incredible canyon between me and my father...and between me and my mother, as well.

In short, we had:

- a generation gap (and a half)

(they had me late in life and I am the last-born)

- a culture gap

(they came here and failed to assimilate, with 90+% of their friends being immigrants from the same country who also hung onto their ways)

- an education gap

(they had little...not their fault, I probably went ahead and got too much, but they still think they know more than I do, even as an adult)

I think that my Dad had a lot of rigid thoughts that were based on where he came from that he brought with him. I would say I spent the last dozen years purging myself of ways they taught me to handle situations that were supposed to be good for me... but weren't. The one thing I did hang onto (from my Dad) is not to put up with people's crap. I agree with that. My mother, on the other hand, routinely lets too many things "roll off" not to make waves. I can't do that.

Someone told me that "I raised myself." I guess that's a compliment to me and a put-down to my parents.

Edited September 26, 2006 by trinacriabob

[Sixty8panther]

My dad is into electronics like I'm inot cars.

As time goes by it seems the huge gap between his interests

and mine closes up a bit. I've earned some respect in his

eyes as of late with a few things. It's just too bad it took this

long for us to be able to see eye to eye.

[Black and Blue Landscaper]

i am not my father in any stretch of the imagination...and that is why i do not talk to him

[the_yellow_dart]

I can see how I'm a combination of my parents in a lot of ways - not just my father.

My father's an Optometrist with a History degree. My mother's an office manager for his office, and she also has a Geography degree with Teacher's college.

I considered both Optometry and teaching for a time. I still consider teaching sometimes. When I get bored with programming, I'll probably go off and teach high school physics and math.

As far as the History and Geography degrees go, I love trying to figure out "how things used to be". Abandoned roads facinate me. The layouts of old farming land grands from when England was founding Canada, and the concessions they left behind make me stare at maps for hours. One of the only times you will hear me long for something that's not fuel efficient is that I want a Jeep. I'd love to be able to drive down some of the really overgrown abandoned roads I've found (like Martin Road in Ancaster). Old houses which have been renovated also fascinate me.

My parents both have bad tempers that rarely come out. So do I. All three of us can channel it however, and take it out on inanimate objects rather than people. I've broken a few doors, I've seen my mother throw a glass across the kitchen, and my father's broken tools and computer components.

My political beliefs are very similar to theirs. I even like a lot of their music.

Our differences are mostly due to the different times we grew up in. I like more modern music, including types they wouldn't have been exposed to. I mountain bike, which is also something they wouldn't have been exposed to. They are active however - they both run marathons! I'm pretty sure my dad is actually more fit than me, heh. He can't quite qualify for the Boston Marathon, but he's been close a couple of times now. His age category (50-60) is incredibly competitive!

[CSpec]

My dad likes sailing and going on bike rides, but I don't really like doing either. When we argue it's usually just over what items warrant spending money on.

[regfootball]

as i get older and raise my child i understand and appreciate more and more who he was and why he was what he was before he mellowed over time. now that he is not under pressure of raising 3 kids and many other family issues, he is a great source of wisdom and encouragement for me. I still think some of his approaches to solving situations are dated, and he's cheap, and his political views can be suspect, but now i realize all he ever was trying to do was to love his family and kids and provide for them and do whatever he felt he needed to do to keep us all safe and out of trouble and loved.

considering all that, i am grateful to have him.

Edited September 25, 2006 by regfootball

[bowtie_dude]

My dad is a right-wing, bible-thumping conservative who despises homosexuals (funny how you can be a Christian and loathe an entire group of people at the same time, huh?).

I, on the other hand, am a libertarian whose belief in a god is casual, at best. I have no problem with homosexuals as long as they're not throwing it in my face and think they should be allowed the same rights accorded to straight couples when it comes to marriage.

The two of us couldn't be more different at this point in our lives. The only thing similar about us is our looks.

[capriceman]

hmm...

When i was young i hated him and never understood anything he did or said. For that reason i left from home early on.

Now, I do understand and think he is the smartest man alive. I just could never see it before.

I love to go hunting with him and his brothers. but they think I am a wierd hunter since I leave at 3 am for the woods I lay down in the mud, leaves, and swamps and can pick one off easliy from more than 200 yards away. yet he still thinks he has a better shot. I havent been able to go in a while. And I rarely ever kill one since It doesnt mean anything to me to kill one. I just go for the fun and hell i have the skills why not use them.

We think the same about most issues but when we disagree about something you might want to leave the room.

plus we like GM. Well he better since they sign his paycheck.

[razoredge]

as i get older  and raise my child i understand and appreciate more and more who he was and why he was what he was before he mellowed over time.  now that he is not under pressure of raising 3 kids and many other family issues, he is a great source of wisdom and encouragement for me.  I still think some of his approaches to solving situations are dated, and he's cheap, and his political views can be suspect, but now i realize all he ever was trying to do was to love his family and kids and provide for them and do whatever he felt he needed to do to keep us all safe and out of trouble and loved.

considering all that, i am grateful to have him.

197623[/snapback]

100% accurate. You'll notice many of the younger people have a problem with their father and us experienced guys have learned respect and now understand a thing or two. You'll also notice the younger guys itemize specific "beliefs or opinions" , which is very base, and we older guys mention characteristics, which has more depth.

Was it Mark Twain that said something like "It amazed me that as I got older my father grew smarter" ? I also always liked Kiplings - If I were 17 again or whatever it was titled. I also in one way intrepret this phrase from Kansas. You dont know what someone is talking about till you've been there.

Hey there, mister madman watcha know that I don't know

Tell me some crazy stories, let me know who runs this show

Glassy-eyed and laughing, he turns and walks away

Tell me what made you that way

lighten up on your fathers, their not crazy, just weiry, life made them that way

[trinacriabob]

lighten up on your fathers, their not crazy, just weiry, life made them that way

197655[/snapback]

You don't know the half of it (because people won't go into diatribes). Some people are not that good at parenting, so there is no real reason to "lighten up."

[sciguy_0504]

Me and my dad are different. We don't talk much even though we live under the same roof. It's weird. That being said, he would help me out with anything at anytime and I know he loves me. I'm more of a momma's boy. Damn proud of it, too.

[daves87rs]

Maybe I was lucky, but I have always gotten along pretty well with my dad.

(not counting those few teenage years)

We even have some of the same interests (My family can only shake their heads

whan the catch us watching the history channel, or Modern Marvels-good show!)

Maybe it was because I saw the big picture early (I had health problems early),

so my family is pretty close knit, expect my brother, who sometimes still has to learn the hard way.

And the funny thing is-the older I get-the more I find myself acting like him.

Hmmm....

[regfootball]

100% accurate. You'll notice many of the younger people have a problem with their father and us experienced guys have learned respect and now understand a thing or two. You'll also notice the younger guys itemize specific "beliefs or opinions" , which is very base, and we older guys mention characteristics, which has more depth.

Was it Mark Twain that said something like "It amazed me that as I got older my father grew smarter" ? I also always liked Kiplings - If I were 17 again or whatever it was titled. I also in one way intrepret this phrase from Kansas. You dont know what someone is talking about till you've been there.

Hey there, mister madman watcha know that I don't know

Tell me some crazy stories, let me know who runs this show

Glassy-eyed and laughing, he turns and walks away

Tell me what made you that way

lighten up on your fathers, their not crazy, just weiry, life made them that way

197655[/snapback]

well, you have to forgive all the young lads. they can only seem to concentrate on one thing, the need to stick their lightning rod into something.... and its clouds their judgement and impairs their ability to reason on pretty much everything else.

it might even be why many women actually prefer older men...at some point in life a boy gets a clue....but only after dealing with responsilibilty over time and not always obsessing about where to stick the lightning rod.

age too, even if you don't have children ever, at least over time you mature after having enough experiences in relationships....work, family, etc.

its fair to critique aspects of your father's performance, but I would ask anyone who is pissing and moaning about their father overall to maybe just not spout off about it until they go through all the same things themselves. Then maybe a clue would be obtained about how life is not an easy textbook manuever.

I have a sibling who holds a lifetime grudge against my parents. For what reason, I don't know. I feel its all manufactured in the interest of selfishness. People who believe its all about themselves need to understand one basic thing. We are all imperfect, and your ticket to coping in life is really two things.....managing your own imperfections first and then managing the impacts of others imperfections....and working together to coexist in light of the inevitable imperfections.

I know too many people including a handful of really unhappy single friends who remain single because they simply have too high of expectations for others and are selfish. Now they are getting old and are still single and bitter because of it. Well, realize there are impections and bend a little, if you want to be happy. If you're nearing 40, maybe the light should be shining brighter......the light that says 'get it yet?'. I only go in this direction because many people have the same attitude about relatives and parents. They want those family members to be perfect or they will hate them.....well guess what....no one is perfect.

So youngsters, cut your parents a LITTLE bit of slack next time. Unless you are one of the rare few who parents left you in your carseat at a roadside diner.

Edited September 26, 2006 by regfootball

[trinacriabob]

age too, even if you don't have children ever, at least over time you mature after having enough experiences in relationships....work, family, etc. 

its fair to critique aspects of your father's performance, but I would ask anyone who is pissing and moaning about their father overall to maybe just not spout off about it until they go through all the same things themselves.  Then maybe a clue would be obtained about how life is not an easy textbook manuever.

197761[/snapback]

I think my parents might be the biggest factor in why I opted NOT to have children. I feared that I might replicate them. I've voiced this to friends and relatives who have told me that, knowing me, that probably wouldn't have happened that way. However, it doesn't look promising. Oh well.

[pow]

I've rubbed off a few things off my father... like poor time management and paranoia. My dad's the most pedantic and worried and overly-concerned guy in the world, and it reflects on his poor health; he can never take it easy or relax. It alarms me how often I follow in these footsteps...

[trinacriabob]

I've rubbed off a few things off my father... like poor time management and paranoia. My dad's the most pedantic and worried and overly-concerned guy in the world, and it reflects on his poor health; he can never take it easy or relax.

197764[/snapback]

Sometimes, a lot of it has to do with what you do for a living...let's face it, some jobs or responsibility levels are tougher on you than others...like being an air traffic controller or being an ER doc....no thanks.

[pow]

Sometimes, a lot of it has to do with what you do for a living...let's face it, some jobs or responsibility levels are tougher on you than others...like being an air traffic controller or being an ER doc....no thanks.

197766[/snapback]

His job isn't high-stress... it's more about the way he deals with people and issues. He makes a huge deal out of things that shouldn't matter and dictate his energy and mind.

[regfootball]

Sometimes, a lot of it has to do with what you do for a living...let's face it, some jobs or responsibility levels are tougher on you than others...like being an air traffic controller or being an ER doc....no thanks.

197766[/snapback]

cuz being an architect is so easy

[sciguy_0504]

We even have some of the same interests (My family can only shake their heads

whan the catch us watching the history channel, or Modern Marvels-good show!)

197723[/snapback]

That's one thing me and my dad connect on. All those shows are amazing and no one in my family understands it, either.

[Robert Hall]

My late father and I had our differences but some things in common...definitely a cultural gap because of age differences (he was 50 when I was born). We both strongly valued education and learning (he had a masters degree, was a teacher, then a principal, and then a school superintendent for many years). We both love travel and living on the ocean...(we lived my high school years in Marathon, Florida, he had lived in the Virgin Islands, Miami, Guam, Saipan, Hawaii and the Phillippennes before I was born).

I learned to enjoy some of the music he enjoyed (ranging from Frank Sinatra to Johnny Cash), and I grew to enjoy some genres of movies and tv shows he liked (westerns, '70s cop shows and movies)...

He was fiscally conservative, very good with saving and investing...we owned 3 homes when I was a kid and lived comfortably on one salary-- and he always paid cash for his Town Cars and Mustangs. I'm more spendy, I wish I had more of his discipline with money.

He had a love of the land and open spaces--we owned a weekend/summer home (not a farm, but a country home) with 150 acres in rural Ohio for 30 years (my mom still lives there). I enjoyed the time I was there growing up, but rural life doesn't hold the same attraction to me..I'm much more of a city critter.

Though he long held suit-and-tie desk jobs, he loved working with his hands---whether it was tinkering with his tractor, doing body work on an old Mustang, doing a brake job, digging a ditch, or putting up drywall and installing a bathroom, he was always handy with tools.. alas, not much of that rubbed off on me..I don't really have mechanical skills..

Edited September 26, 2006 by moltar

[NOS2006]

but they think I am a wierd hunter since I leave at 3 am for the woods I lay down in the mud, leaves, and swamps and can pick one off easliy from more than 200 yards away.

197636[/snapback]

:rotflmao: Why can I see you laying in a huge swampy, murky puddle in the middle of woods trying to throw weeds and leaves on top of you for cover?

[CARBIZ]

My father made Archie Bunker look like a liberal. He made cruel Jewish jokes and his then girlfriend was Jewish! He was also a notorious alcholic, which eventually destroyed him.

Being gay separated me from both my parents, although after I turned 18 my mother slowly came around (they had been divorced for years). My father never did. He died 21 years ago and we never really saw eye to eye.

In some ways I am like him. I inherited his temper. My parents split up when I was 6, so I can't really say he influenced my life much. I idolized him for the 4 years that I couldn't see him, but then when we moved back to Ontario and cold reality hit (and I grew older) I realized that he was a troubled, troubled man.

My mother wondered aloud one day that perhaps he was closeted in some way. She said he had always had a strange attitude toward women (quite misogynist, really). I don't know, he definitely was haunted.

[capriceman]

:rotflmao: Why can I see you laying in a huge swampy, murky puddle in the middle of woods trying to throw weeds and leaves on top of you for cover?

197834[/snapback]

trust me when im on state land and some other hunter walks by and i say "hey you asshole im hunting here" They are looking all around and in trees for a tree stand. It keeps me entertained. I never wear hunters orange unless im walking around.

But yeah Me and my Father love those shows on History and Discovery channels.

[NOS2006]

trust me when im on state land and some other hunter walks by and i say "hey you asshole im hunting here" They are looking all around and in trees for a tree stand. It keeps me entertained. I never wear hunters orange unless im walking around.

But yeah Me and my Father love those shows on History and Discovery channels.

198003[/snapback]

So where exactly do you hunt? I'll make sure Mr. Doane is out there the entire month of November to spy you out and give us a good laugh.

[capriceman]

Baldwin, Lake County normaly. But this year it might be Curtis Up in the UP. Its more of something just to do. Oh and i bet a $20k that Mr. Doane couldnt find me before i found him :AH-HA_wink:

[razoredge]

I found it interesting Bob that you origionally mentioned something to the tune of "how they molded" us. I say that because as you have implied, they dont mold us, we spend too much time denying them the ability to mold us. However in most instances we end up with the characteristics of our fathers and both grandfathers.

Got a cute looking young girlfriend ? Wanna know whats shes going to look like in 30 years ? Look at her mother and grandmothers..............then run like hell ! Swear, I had one sexy girlfriend when I was 21-22, beautiful, large chest (which means little to me but I wanted to bring it up) great body. Then I saw a picture of her mother "back in her day" she was almost a spittin image. Then I though of what she looked like then...................yep, ran like hell............that is exactly what that girl looks like today, YIKES !

Ya cant defy genetics

Im just like my father in that

I have nearly no sense of humor and what I do have is strange

I have no tolerance for bull$h!

Im very serious, drivin and evolve around work, all work and no play (past tense in my case, I could care less today)

Never took to alcohol

have many hands on skills

draw a fine line between right and wrong and stand up and say so, fall into the no tolerance thing

Im just like my mothers father in that

Im crusty, grumpy and have little use for people other than what amusement they can offer

Can build anything I want for myself

I did manage a bit of his humor, which was better than Dads

Never really knew my fathers father too much

He left home on an Indian bike in his teens, I would have loved too

He became a lineman, something I did for a spell, just coinsidence

Loved fishing and hunting, I loved dogsledin and skiing, perhaps a modern day substitute

Love of Dogs we both had

Though some of these sound like items, they are, in reality characteristics geneticlly implanted, have fun trying to shake them. Best thing to do is treasure them, look, watch observe and learn from them.

All parents could have done a better job raising their kids. My father had raised my sister and I by himself from the age of 12 & 14, I have no idea how he did it with his other responsibilities. He could have been around more, but he needed a life and if he was around I never would have got away with some of the stuff I did, which is both good and bad but I cant hate him for it. One must take responsibility for thier own doings.

[NOS2006]

Baldwin, Lake County normaly. But this year it might be Curtis Up in the UP. Its more of something just to do. Oh and i bet a $20k that Mr. Doane couldnt find me before i found him :AH-HA_wink:

198012[/snapback]

Ooooh, this is getting PM'd to Chris.

[trinacriabob]

I found it interesting Bob that you origionally mentioned something to the tune of "how they molded" us. I say that because as you have implied, they dont mold us, we spend too much time denying them the ability to mold us. However in most instances we end up with the characteristics of our fathers and both grandfathers.

198047[/snapback]

I won't deny part of what you are saying. My Dad was outspoken, would stand his ground and he always looked at the ridiculous side of things. I am all of those things. I would have to say I essentially got along with my parents. Any problems stemmed from the "power struggle" that began in my teens and the desire to separate. They couldn't handle that I was growing up and getting more confident, partly through schooling and becoming more independent. Finally, a job offer in Atlanta came along and I bolted...and it was the best thing I ever did. That was the most peaceful 2 year period of my life...nobody to argue with.

The # 1 problem was that any issue became an issue of control for them. When you study the 2 of the most practical things in the world (business and then architecture), you then learn to weigh, analyze and look everything up. Therefore, my decisions were and are based more on logic than emotion. They were completely the other way around - more emotional than logical. That was what over 3/4 of the fighting was all about.

Also, nothing pleased them...and I didn't try. I figured that if I was consistently an A- student, never drank, never did drugs, never smoked, never wrecked a car, groomed myself fairly well and kept company with people that, by L.A. standards, were the conservative A-student/student council type crowd, then they ought to have nothing to complain about. But they could always find fault. And I look at them and wonder why...they are a "fraction" of what I am.

Edited September 27, 2006 by trinacriabob

[razoredge]

Sounds to me like you simply described some very strong Italian traits.

Always want to keep the family close and controled

Lots of bitching and fighting, nothings ever right

watsamatter with you ? Doing block delivery a few different summers I had the pleasure to fight regularly with Italian Masons. From the time they see you coming onto the job site...........your an idiot! You havent even had the chance to do the wrong thing yet and your already an idiot! Its just the way it is.

I had an Italian girlfriend for years, this is how her family was, her mother controlled her entire life, even today after her death, she still has her by the throat.

Im into logic too but would never rule out emotional aspects of decisions when it comes to humanity or design. There too much long term debt to pay from this already, we can see it in society. When it comes to design and architecture music and art, anything with out emotion has no soul, so I believe its important there.

We'll never see eye to eye on business...........I despise what modern economics have done to my country, my past, present and future..............it turned me into a souless pile of emotional human waste. I have been superceded in the middle of my productive life, left to rot in a barren wasteland of crushed dreams, Im not alone. Things were fine as they were, everything was going just fine, it wasnt necessary to delete people and their dreams. Wheres the f'in logic in that ? Wallstreet ?

See, theres two sides to every brick............. :AH-HA_wink:

Im concerned about your bit of an insult "they are a "fraction" of what I am"

unhealthy and not real honest. I think you would find they have some things that you do not, just going by a few things you posted.

I hate to see you finish out their life with such disappointment in them, it could very well cut you to the soul in the end.

My father and I saw eye to eye on very little but the mutual respect was there. He understood and was proud, but he worried, and as per the one above paragraph he had good cause to worry.

Id say you to them and me to him is an exact opposite, flip flop so to speak. Currently the best I can do is hope my daughter flip/flops it back the other way.

[76ChevyTrucker]

I'd have to say I'm a lot like my dad. We both enjoy the outdoors, fishing, hunting, etc. He's not too big into sports, I am, I played football and baseball. We both like cars, restoring them, working on them, we're both fairly handy. I mean, we rebuilt my truck almost from the frame up and I have to admit, its a good looking ride. I have to say that I also got his short temper. We're a lot alike and I can't really complain whatsoever.

[scharmer05]

My dad was born late in my Grandparents life, my grandma was 45 and my grandpa 50. My dad was the fourth born in is family with a brother that was 18 years older than him, and twin sisters that were 15 years older.

My grandpa died of a heart attack when he was 58, making my dad almost 8 years old. My uncle took on the responsibility of raising my dad as my grandma was not much of a mother, she was loving but did not care what the heck my dad did, EVER. Heck she left him home alone for 2 weeks when he was 14 while she went down to Florida to visit one of my aunts, she knew what was going to happen but just didn't care. My uncle did the best to keep my dad on track and did a good job of it as my dad turned out very respectable, but they were still more like brothers than father/son, and I can see that type of relationship is my dad and Ir's relationship. He has been a great father to me, but he almost seems like more of a brother to me sometime. We talk like brothers and fight like brothers. When we piss the other off, we ignore each other for days even though we work with each other almost every day of the week. He has done a good job of raising me. He raised me to be a hard worker. It is not uncommon for me to work 80+ hours a week between school, working on the farm, and another part time job I have. I have no problem with it either, it's what I have always done, and it is what he expects of me.

When I was younger he would always trust me to do whatever I wanted. He just expected me to be honest with him about what it is that I was doing, and if he found out otherwise, that is when he got mad. I guess he figured that he turned out fine without anyone telling him to be home by a certain time or that he couldn't do this or that, so he figured it would work fine to raise his kids that way too. It really did work out well if you ask me and it is how I plan on raisin' my kids.

All in all, we really are 2 peas in a pod. Too much alike sometimes. I would say that he is pretty much my best friend.

[regfootball]

Got a cute looking young girlfriend ? Wanna know whats shes going to look like in 30 years ? Look at her mother and grandmothers..............then run like hell ! Swear, I had one sexy girlfriend when I was 21-22, beautiful, large chest (which means little to me but I wanted to bring it up) great body. Then I saw a picture of her mother "back in her day" she was almost a spittin image. Then I though of what she looked like then...................yep, ran like hell............that is exactly what that girl looks like today, YIKES !

Ya cant defy genetics

198047[/snapback]

my buddy told me that in college 20 years ago when we were checking out women.

20 years later i can say YES IT IS TRUE

[ocnblu]

Yup reg, I've always heard that too. And I believe it.