I'm in doing a complete 180 with my life...

[Sixty8panther]

Marcia has never gotten over me cheating on her in 2002. It was a mistake,

we were not togeather in the official, formal sense but we were still living

togeather and it was a stupid mistake on my part.

In the past few weeks our relationship has come to a gridning halt. You

might say it smacked into an iceberg and we're sinking... Sofia of course is

the real victim & there's a lot of anger, hatred, mixed emotion & confusion

between us in this huge emotional divide.

Last night, I made what might become the most beautiful "mistakes" of my

life when I met up and went on a informal date with a girl I met through

the internet. There's so much more to this story right now but it comes

down to love at first sight. We didn't fu$% and we didn't even do anything

exciting except for driving around in her Explorer & talked. Call me

retarded for saying this but it was one of the best times I've had in years.

After that... early in the morning I drove home and the second I got home

at 3am I called her. We got off the phone at 9:00. No joke. I have no idea

what the hell I'm doing and on paper I'm acting like a fu*#ing lunatic but

I could care less. We decided to take things slow. We're not going to bring

intimacy into it until after I'm moved out since I've been sleeping on the

couch at the new house me & Marcia moved into.

I don't even know why I'm posting this and making myself look like a

complete tool on here but I thought that I'd share with those of you that

might care. I'm finally making positive strides in my life, first the new job

(which I start Sept. 11th ) now this. I have to keep it in my pants

with this girl. Her name is Beth BTW. She's gorgeous inside & out.

Okay... that's it, anyone have anythignn constructive to say I'd love to

hear it. Anyone ever been in a similar boat?

[capriceman]

i dont really have anything to say but i hope things get better. but rember break ups are like the sinking ships Women and children make out all right but the guys get screwed.

so here to make you feel better.

59 Invicta Wagon

[Camino LS6]

Careful, my friend, careful.

[ocnblu]

What Camino said... for visitation or custody, whatever you decide to go for... ANYTHING you do now can be used against you. Don't want to see you getting hurt even worse by not getting full rights.

[Croc]

Honestly? Your posting this online will haunt you. You can't leave a paper trail like this. Marcia and/or the attourneys will likely google your screen name and all of this as well as anything you've posted on a similar screen name on other sites will show up. You're like Hanzel & Gretel leaving a crumb trail over the internet. Stop it. Also be responsible and get an apartment or townhome somewhere else. The volatile relationship is not good for Sofia. Finally, don't accept any offers to go on a TV divorce court cuz I know what you look like from the Pictures! thread and I'll never let you live it down...plus you'd prolly regret something like that later. :AH-HA_wink:

[FAPTurbo]

If TV taught me anything, is that little $h!-liasons are at first $h! sparks that ignite into $h! flames and get fuelled by $h!-passion and grow to be $h!-fires and then when your wife finds out, the $h! fires become $h!-firestorms.

I'd really, REALLY stop talking and meeting with this girl from the internet and work things out with your wife.

You never know when in an argument that you might not be thinking right and you'll say in one way or the other you've been having this fling and BAM... your lawyer is deciphering legalese.

Shouldn't you have your daughters' best interests in mind anyway?! If you care for her like you say you do, you wouldn't have even gone dating on the internet.

Edited September 3, 2006 by Captainbooyah

[capriceman]

i didnt think you were married are you 68?

[Chris_Doane]

Big mistake...

[Flybrian]

Continue at your own peril.

[Croc]

Shouldn't you have your daughters' best interests in mind anyway?! If you care for her like you say you do, you wouldn't have even gone dating on the internet.

188718[/snapback]

Agreed. He also would spend time with Marcia and Sofia instead of hanging out with the guys videotaping stupid stunts with old K-5 Blazers, going to car shows, and doing other acts of tomfoolery. But this is what it boils down to: he's told us for the past couple years the ups and downs of his relationship with Marcia, and how she wants more attention and feels he isn't around enough. And that he feels bad about it. And wants to be the best father to Sofia. And he can't stand the thought of losing Sofia. That's what I remember of the "story thus far."

Now Sly I know we've had our differences here...but here me out cuz what I'm about to say is in the best interest of Sofia (which is what you SHOULD be thinking about):

You have two options here:

Option #1: Grow up, start being a responsible father and quit dicking around all the time. Spend some time with Marcia and Sofia, and go on family outings...not just on things with the guys. Start acting like the father you are. Maybe even see a counselor with Marcia to work your stuff out and don't just do it to appease her, but to genuinely help yourself.

Option #2: Don't grow up, keep hanging out with the guys all the time, and continue all the selfish behavior (i.e. spending so much time with the guys and cars at the expense of family time) that has gotten you to the place where you are. Of course, be prepared to lose Marcia as well as Sofia since Marcia will take her and most likely win custody, especially if she finds out about these internet women.

Basically those are the two likeliest options. You need to find out what your priorities are in life, and make a choice...because you can't have it both ways. It's either cars cars cars and the guys 24/7 or it's gonna be Marcia and Sofia 24/7, with maybe a few things with the guys every few weekends. It's a choice you have to make. But it is not doing Sofia any respect to continue what you and Marcia have been going through for a while. Oh, and whether or not you are "official" or not with Marcia...you are living together (for the time being at least) and have a kid together so I think most people would still consider it cheating and worst and in poor taste at best to go on dates with other women.

Take this seriously, Sly...I'm not doing this to be an ass, though I'm sure a few parts were a little harsh...you kinda need some blunt honesty on this. I'm looking out for Sofia here, because it would really suck if she grew up resenting you for not being there for her.

ETA: Fly's post came as I was still typing this one...so I hope this doesn't run afoul...I really have Sofia's interests at heart here.

Edited September 3, 2006 by Croc

[ocnblu]

I really think you're overstepping here, Croc. Remember, this is the internet, the only things we know of each other are what we share here. You cannot make a judgement on Silvester's paternal life by what he posts here.

[sciguy_0504]

You said you are not together in the official/formal sense but are you officially divorced? If not, it's a problem. If so, I don't see a problem with it.

[z28luvr01]

Sly, be very, very careful. Legal repercussions from you seeing Beth should be the least of your worries. It will scar Sofia for life for life if she gets wind of it, not to mention permanently ruin your chances of ever fixing what you have with Marcia. Remember this - women and girls take infidelity very hard (We do too, but nearly as hard as they do).

You owe it to yourself and to the two women you are responsible for to do what you can to fix you family. You may or may not already know why the two of you are at odds, but find out the whole story and see what YOU can do to make everything better, regardless of who's at fault. I'm not much of a believer in therapy - my belief is that you can skip that by becoming proactive in finding the causes of Marcia's disdain for you and fixing them.

Croc does have some good ideas - take what you will from his post. I like this one - take Marcia and Sofia on a vacation every now and then. From what you post on here, it doesn't sound like you get around to doing that very often.

[Croc]

I really think you're overstepping here, Croc.  Remember, this is the internet, the only things we know of each other are what we share here.  You cannot make a judgement on Silvester's paternal life by what he posts here.

188769[/snapback]

I never said anything about the kind of father he is to Sofia. I do not know. I do know enough pictures have been posted of the tyke that he seems to spend time with her. Note that most of what I said involved the phrase "Marcia and Sofia" as in doing something/spending time together as a family. That's important. If you're referring to the "start being a responsible father" phrase, part of being a responsible father is respecting/getting along with the mother as well as not doing things with K-5 Blazers that could seriously injure your health which would prevent you from being a father (not even mentioning example setting).

Sly, be very, very careful. Legal repercussions from you seeing Beth should be the least of your worries. It will scar Sofia for life for life if she gets wind of it, not to mention permanently ruin your chances of ever fixing what you have with Marcia. Remember this - women and girls take infidelity very hard (We do too, but nearly as hard as they do).

You owe it to yourself and to the two women you are responsible for to do what you can to fix you family. You may or may not already know why the two of you are at odds, but find out the whole story and see what YOU can do to make everything better, regardless of who's at fault. I'm not much of a believer in therapy - my belief is that you can skip that by becoming proactive in finding the causes of Marcia's disdain for you and fixing them.

Croc does have some good ideas - take what you will from his post. I like this one - take Marcia and Sofia on a vacation every now and then. From what you post on here, it doesn't sound like you get around to doing that very often.

188859[/snapback]

The vacation was what I was getting at...or at least a family camping trip. If you (Sly) can recapture the fun spirit of the relationship that sparked Marcia's interest in you, she will have a harder time being angry and bitter. Have fun as a family! And try something that has NOTHING to do with cars.

As for therapy, I agree with z28, though oftentimes therapy helps uncover those issues if the two of you are having communication difficulties (which it sounds like may be the case).

[daves87rs]

I really think you're overstepping here, Croc.  Remember, this is the internet, the only things we know of each other are what we share here.  You cannot make a judgement on Silvester's paternal life by what he posts here.

188769[/snapback]

Agreed. I don't think that's fair at all.

And since he's not married....he not going to lose everything....(take everything)

As long as Sofia is number one..and he does whatever it takes, that

is most important....

[Charger4U]

The $h! is going to hit the fan.

[Cory Wolfe]

Well, this surprised me. I see what Croc and others are saying, but only 90% so. I don't think He's married yet, but I see winning custody might be next to impossible if things don't out, just minus the difficulties of divorce. Although, seems like it won't make a difference.

Best of luck to you, Sly, though.

[Guest Josh]

I'm with 68 on this in doing what he wants to do. For one, It's no business of Crocs to judge him nor make comment on what he PERCEIVES to be the case in 68's life.

There for, Croc can make 10k paragraph posts about 68 and it still will not be the same as walking a mile in ones shoes.

[Flybrian]

If its not Croc's business, its no one's business. Silvester asked for any advice and we're giving it. What he takes from any of it is completely up to him.

[Camino LS6]

Actually, as his friend, I am considering closing or deleting this thread. I don't think any good can come of it.

But I'll wait until he asks.

[Black and Blue Landscaper]

sly trust me when i say this...and i know what many will think due to my young age, however i will say it anyway because i do not care.

it is your life. no one controls you.

with that said i would like to add be careful in whatever you do, but enjoy the life you have been given.

[FAPTurbo]

I'd agree with you Black and Blue, but he's got a kid, and therefore has a major hand in her life.

[regfootball]

only sly knows in his heart if what he has with Marcia has legs for 'eternity'.

that's about all i can say. if he sees a lifetime of unhappiness and there doesn't appear to be a chance of reconciliation, well......we all have the need to be happy somehow. i would think its best repair what you have but sometimes that just isn't possible.

[Flybrian]

Exactly. His child throws a wrench in the entire mechanism at work here. All the talk about live it up, its your life, enjoy living is a viable option if you're not a parent. However, he is one and he acknowledges he cares very much about his child. Therefore, that must be not a factor, but the factor in his decision about which path to choose from here. Every single option has some impact on a little girl and how she may grow up.

Silvester, I won't tell you about what to do or not to do or where to take your kid or what toys to buy her or whatever, but I will say one thing I learned from my father and that is a good parent always puts his child ahead and above himself and any and all costs. You sacrifice and do what you do for the child. When Sophia was born, you and your wife and everything else in your life took one step back for her. Its a penance to pay, yes, but one many surely find worthy. Remember that, and let what you truly believe is in her best interest be your compass rose in this.

[Sixty8panther]

Okay... forst off I appreciate all of the advice from ALL of you.

It seems most of you have the best intentions... but there is

some confusion which is MY fault.

Some quick background.

I've been the one pushing for Marcia & I to stay togeather. As

a matter of fact I am pretty muich getting told by her that I

need to let go and stop trying to force us to keep trying to

make it work for Sofia's sake.

We have been going to "councelling" for almost a half year

even though we're not even married. In the interest of not

slandering my Child's mother I have not told you guys many

things. What have I left out? It's not relevant for this thread

except for that Marcia has been making it abundantly clear

that she wants me out of her life.

It was a sad day in therapy or whatever the other day when

she said to me that I meant NOTHING to her anymore. She

pretty much hates me and wants out of the relationship. I've

spent about a year trying to make things work while she's

even sabotaged things in a few occasions.

I'm exhausted and I'm off to bed.... more L8R.

[Croc]

If Marcia isn't willing to work with you but you HAVE tried counseling, that changes a lot. If there is any custody battle you have the upper hand since you've tried making the effort and it has been documented in some form or another (therapy bills, does your therapist record the sessions?)

That said, I must say it is unfortunate that the relationship has deteriorated to the point that she says you mean nothing and she hates you. Being an optimist, I think that if you tried something fun and romantic and spontaneous you might have a chance, but if you try that and are rebuffed then take her advice and move on. Again, I'm only going on what you've told me. Good luck, hopefully everything will work out in the end.

[ocnblu]

Yeah, Sly. We all hope things turn out OK for you and little Sofia. We know she means the world to you, kind sir.

[Sixty8panther]

Once again thanks for all the input. Even those of you

that I butt heads with seem to be giving genuine &

honest advice. I can't get into specifics right now, but

this morning Marcia & I had a real long talk and she

dropped a major bomb on me that has completely

effed my plans/reasons/justifications. Basically my

decision has just gotten MUCH harder. I think I'll

hold off on posting any more details for now but I

might divulge when it's approproiate.

If you are pushing to stay together just because you want Sofia to have the illusion her parents can happily coexist, you are pushing for the wrong reason.

189041[/snapback]

Yes, this was exactly my realization (finally) over the past few weeks.

I have to run now, might be MIA for a while... don't know.

[Casket Demon]

If she hasn't let go of what happened four years ago, and you all are going to counseling I don't see a point in trying 2 stay even if she is preggers. Think about it, if U marry her for Sofia's sake that's not going 2 make things better even for Sofia if U guys split up and U still do UR end of things with the kids (if there is another on the way) things with your kids will be ok drop outta their life all together and that where you'll have the problems.

my 2 cents......

[NOS2006]

shedropped a major bomb on me that has completely effed my plans/reasons/justifications. Basically my decision has just gotten MUCH harder.

189203[/snapback]

Please tell us you used a condom that last time...?

Good luck with everything. I'd try to offer advice, but everybody has pretty much covered most of the points to be discussed. So, I'll just wish you luck and, in the end, everything will work out for the best. You know what they say.. everything happens for a reason.

[Sixty8panther]

I'm back... sort of.

Yes, so for all this time we've been trying to repair our relationship there's

been a lot of ups and downs but throughout it all we've always been open

to a new addition. I esp. do not want Sofia to be an only child. I was one

myself and I wish I had not been for a multitde of reasons, esp. because

of my relationship with my parental units.

Anyway, Marcia told me the other day that a lot of her confusion & recent

"bitchiness" was due to the fact that she was pregnant. So yes the timing

was absolutely crazy and it made for an interesting week... but overall we

had a great talk and things were fantastic.

It was a new beginning and we were going to work it out, I told Beth that

I had to be true to myself and give an honest effort with Marcia. Me & her

still talked although Marcia was pissed about it and Beth was devestated

and very sad that I told her we couldn't be anything more than friends.

This morning Marica had to go to get some blood work done & afterwards

I had to get my drug test done for my new job. When we got home the

hospital called & as soon as I saw her face I just knew. All the combined

medication & or perhaps the stress of the past few weeks or maybe even

just not going off the birth control sooner... well. It was not meat to be.

So that's it. No baby. :_empty_feeling_:

And now that I'm in love with another woman, & not a second

before, Marcia is giving it 100% finally and has completely

turned around her mood & demeanor towards me. Even now

she's crushed by the miscarrige but she seems to want to

work things out more than ever. More so that in the past four

years she's genuinely showing effort. Still I can't go more than

30 minutes without thinking of Beth.

Edited September 9, 2006 by Sixty8panther

[NOS2006]

Give it a little more time, Silvester. Only time can tell.. Why did it take a child and a miscarriage for her to realize she really does want you? Ask her.

Also, consult your counselor privately on all these issues and see what he says for you to do. If you're there together, it may be different.. so go alone.

[Sixty8panther]

Also, consult your counselor privately on all these issues and see what he says for you to do. If you're there together, it may be different.. so go alone.

191148[/snapback]

On the agenda already.

Stickig with Marcia and giving it 100% again.

This time she's promissing to do the same.

Broke Beth's heart.

Mine is hurting a bit too.

[NOS2006]

Hey man, it's what you've got to do. Stick to it and forget Beth as much as you can.. I mean, no $h! it's gonna be hard to throw her from your mind, but think of it this way: she filled the gap that was left when Marcia left you, but Marcia's back and you can't have Beth taking up any of that gap because that would only mean you're not giving Marcia your 100%

[american_revolution_2005]

If you do end up not staying together, for Sofia's sake, it is a lot easier on a child when they are younger. I hope it works out for you and if it seems to that is excellent but if there are any issues later on, it will take a hard hit on Sofia. These are more emotional with children in their older ages. For me, my parents divorce is hitting me and my sister pretty hard. My dad is going through the same thing you were. My mom wants out and wont negotiate. The thing is, my dad and my sister and I dont know a reason why she wants out. I am glad to hear that things really turned around for you. I hope it works out for you guys but I just wish my mom would think the same.

[Sixty8panther]

Yeah, love is blind, all you need is love, love overcomes all... right

[/sarcasm]

[NOS2006]

Yeah, love is blind, all you need is love, love overcomes all... right

[/sarcasm]

191848[/snapback]

Yeah, because a sarcastic mentality's gonna help...

Oh, EDIT: [/sarcasm]

Edited September 11, 2006 by NOS2006

[z28luvr01]

Yeah, love is blind, all you need is love, love overcomes all... right

[/sarcasm]

191848[/snapback]

No no no, you got it all wrong...love is a battlefield.

[Drew Dowdell]

Love is the rhythm

[Sixty8panther]

Marcia and I are doing very well thus far. She's really giving it

her all so I'm doing my best to give the relationship 100%.

Today, (of all days) was the first day of my new job and it went

very well, thanks for asking. Seriously though things are

looking up but I will neevr completely forget Beth. If I've lost

her as a friend then I have no one else but myself to blame.

---------------

You've all seen Marcia before, here's a pic. of Beth.

[NOS2006]

Whatever happened to that lady you were talking about before... where you at least said that you took her for a ride in the Camaro and she said it made her all horny and $h!...?

[Sixty8panther]

NOS:

That was Audrey... she's Marcia's best friend of 20+ years.

She asked me for a ride in the Camaro and about three

minutes into it said (and I quote) "Fast muscle cars make

me soooo wet". She even said that at high RPM the car

shook like a giant, well... you know.

She's a flirt but it was nothing inappropriate. Well, what

I mean is it was just a comment. we didn't act on it.

WMJ:

I'm a Level 1 Accountant. I'm the last line of defense to

make sure that executives & such are not using

company money for personal meals &/or abusing limo

services and such. They still abuse their corporate card

at times but it has to stay within the "rules" of the game.

It's more thrilling than that Movie Office Space.

[Sixty8panther]

Today, my second day at work, I already befriended the official

"car guy" at work. He's got a 1975 Corvette ragtop & his "baby"

is a 1967 Pontiac LeMans. Boo-Yeah!

[Sixty8panther]

Yeah, yesterday my Infiniti was parked between a late 90s

Camry (w/ rear door delete) and a spankin new BMW 540i,

but soon enough after I do the brake job on the Datsun I'll

be runnin' the little Maxima for commuting reasons. Today

I'm borrowing XP's marvelous 1977 Oldsmobile Cutty Sprm.

so that Marcia can have the flagship whip.

Should be a fun time parking that between two yuppie

wagons in the fadded orange-burgundy metallic Red Dragon.

[regfootball]

68, YOU ARE AN EVIL BEANCOUNTER!!!!!

[Sixty8panther]

Yeah... I'm not f*cking some RWD V8 powered GM car project out

of money at GM, I'm just making sure that fat cats in fancy suits

do not charge off massages with happy endings & $200 bottles of

wine. But yeah, I guess I'm back in the white collar rat race again.

[Camino LS6]

Glad things are working out.

[regfootball]

Yeah... I'm not f*cking some RWD V8 powered GM car project out

of money at GM, I'm just making sure that fat cats in fancy suits

do not charge off massages with happy endings & $200 bottles of

wine. But yeah, I guess I'm back in the white collar rat race again.

193080[/snapback]

cut a deal with them, you won't snitch on their massages, if they let you splurge on a few from time to time.......

[thegriffon]

Life is never easy is it 68? I hope Beth understands you have to see things through with Marcia, and that she will still be there if they don't. Unfortunatey that means the long talks with her are out. As you have already discovereed that can only strengthen a bond that Marcia should be jealous of. I also have to say that thinking of another child while things are still being worked out, is really stupid. What Sofia really needs is stability and security. If things don't work out you and Marcia can always have more kids with other people. You shouldn't worry about Sofia being an only child until you can provide her with a stable home life, together with Marcia or not.

[Sixty8panther]

Well said Griffon.

Marcia & I are doing pretty well, things are looking up.

I'm hoping to stay friends with Beth but I've promissed

to Marcia that I'd take a break from talking to her so

that we can concentrate on us.