People change/do not change over time

[trinacriabob]

I was giving this some thought as I periodically talk to or visit long time friends over the years...some of which I have seen this summer.

Do you think most people change? I would say that, while they can, and some should, they don't. Essentially, all of my friends have the same personalities as when I first met them. Yeah, they've grown up, so they may look different over time. And, while they may have a different attitude or are more self-assured (that comes with time), they still have the same basic motivations and personal interaction style.

My friend Bob in S.D. still acts much the same way as he did in college. It's just that, being in the business world and having gone through a divorce, he's a lot more level-headed and realistic about life.

I have another friend who went to UCLA who moved to Vegas. She still speaks and analyzes everything to death as when she was in college and is cautious beyond belief. Our interactions are still the same.

Another friend, John, who lives in North San Diego County, also a college friend, was dominated by his mother in college and is now dominated by his wife. He is easy-going and kind of lazy, but becomes completely unglued if anything is slightly out of whack. He once complained to me: "God, I worked 43 hours this week...I swear I'm tired." Clearly not high level management material. He was a big baby in college, too, if I recall.

Another chick I knew in Atlanta came to visit me out West during Memorial Day of 2005 and we travelled up and down the Bay Area. She has a "high-falootin' " job but she is still the same - apparently her Dad was a bastard and that has turned her into a feminist, still reliably taking the woman's side at every occasion, even when they are dead wrong.

Nah, people don't change. I went from being more of an introvert to being an extrovert, though I like to spend time by myself, even if I appear outgoing. That's why I generally choose NOT to hang out with most of my co-workers. They really have to click with me. But despite the outward personality change, I was the class clown and have always been a clown at work. And I haven't changed in being extremely analytical, detail oriented and structured (when I'm not clowing around). Except for being more comfortable with myself than I was while in college, I haven't changed.

Any thoughts or stories?

[2005 EquinoxLS]

I am much the same person I was as a kid. I only have a very few friends. I spend most of my free time just hanging out in my room just like I did as a kid. I dont get too involved with my co-workers. Just on a professional level. I dont like being around a lot of people. It makes me nervous when there are too many people close to me. I am better now though than I used to be now that I have my thyroid medicine. You wouldnt believe how hypothyroidism can affect your life.

[mute]

ive lost best friends and loves over this . . . going into a new environment (for me high school) years ago many people changed themselves to fit their environment instead of expanding their way of thinking to include themselves into it . . . drug use unsued . . . people changed

more recently i had a few good friends who did not drink or smoke (which sounds stupid since they and i are underaged) and since entering high school it looked like they were able to stay true to themselves and then changed into another drama producing and blame displacing high school student . . . big loss that one was . . . i still think about her

and of course ive changed a lot . . . matured in some ways . . . gotten stronger and weaker at the same time . . . loss changes people

[NOS2006]

I can't honestly say I'm old enough to see how much people in my life have changed. I'll tell ya in 10 years or so.

[capriceman]

I know i changed alot. a Very lot.

[zhawk]

People do change, if they feel they have a reason to.

I know I've gone through major changes, especially since fathering two children. I never wanted kids but now my wife and kids are the most important parts of my life. I've also grown more relaxed with who I am and gotten to like myself a lot more.

I guess looking back at my life, I can really see how much I have changed and how much I now appreciate the life I have.

[CARBIZ]

My sister became a robot after she had her kids. We used to party together. She used to be fun. She used to have a life and hobbies and friends.

Her husband left her because she was cold (probably unfair, but it happens.) I took her to a New Year's Eve party two years ago and she was on the phone half the night to the sitter. I know kids are a commitment, but c'mon!

It has happened to a lot of my friends from 20 years ago. Married with kids. Very spooky. They either become fat and bitter, or just lose themself in their kids. I am afraid for these people because when they hit 45 (my age) and the kids leave home, they will have nothing in common and no life.

I hope these people can change into something else, for their sakes.

[Dsuupr]

We all grow up.

[razoredge]

It depends on how you define change. Life changes you, some views and ideals can be tempered or hidden I suppose. Children will make you serious and straighten out your act. However I believe any and all idiosyncrocies (how Id do spelling that ) will always remain. Our characteristics will remain and in many instances may be harden.

For example I was always strong in my beliefs but would let people push me around and laugh it off or smile and shy away. Today I take nothing. I think this extreme happened because on the other extreme I didnt stand my ground when younger but did the "turn the other cheek" thing. So thats a change over my approach to my unchanged same old beliefs.........

Make sense ?

I know its not for the betterment of myself but the other way where I just took everything never did any good either. I use the expression "I ran out of teeth to kick out"

I dont think any of my friends personalities or characteristics have changed either. I have a few that needed to sober up or straighten up but they are still the same person, just sober and without the extreme that comes with being messed up.

I really dont kow how the system thinks they can change the hard criminal types but then maybe thats more like the alcoholism or drug abuse when fear or reality shocks you into change. I cant say, not having been there.

Change is too broad of a term sometimes.

[trinacriabob]

I dont think any of my friends personalities or characteristics have changed either. I have a few that needed to sober up or straighten up but they are still the same person, just sober and without the extreme that comes with being messed up.

Change is too broad of a term sometimes.

179235[/snapback]

Well, maybe I should have put this thing through the "reunion test."

Another way I could have elaborated:

Are the nice and down-to-earth people still nice and down-to-earth?

Are the ass-holes still ass-holes?

Are the bitches still bitches?

Are "the beautiful people" still carrying on like "beautiful people" would?

And on and on and on...

I think that over 20 or so years, you will see LITTLE change. It's too bad...some of these bad personality types could benefit from some improvement. I think that's what I meant by tbe thread

[PurdueGuy]

There's actually lots of psych literature about this, and a quick summary would be:

Young people can change quite a bit, but the older people get, the less they change. Once people get to their mid 20's to early 30's, they're pretty well set in their ways, short of a major life-changing experience (generally something that causes great mental shock, allowing for the change).

Still, all people change a little bit - if you change jobs, it takes your brain a while to literally re-wire portions of itself so that it is more efficient at doing the new job.

[trinacriabob]

There's actually lots of psych literature about this, and a quick summary would be:

Young people can change quite a bit, but the older people get, the less they change.  Once people get to their mid 20's to early 30's, they're pretty well set in their ways, short of a major life-changing experience

180473[/snapback]

Well said. In fact, I have heard it said that about 80 to 90 of your self concept is locked in by the time you finish high school. That's not good.

[CARBIZ]

I wonder, though, about personality types that are naturally inquisitive, versus those who are afraid/reluctant to try new things. Some people are naturally conservative in nature and pretty set in their ways at an early age, while others like to try new things well into their 30s and 40s.

For example, my mother is stuck in a time warp of the '60s: Elvis, Everly Brothers, right up until early disco stuff. Her music/fashion tastes stopped changing when she turned 30. Me, on the other hand, still like (some) current music, embrace new technologies (XM, MP3 players) and go with the flow.

I wonder what has happened to all those hippies of the '60s who were told to question everything. HOw did things turn out for them?

[trinacriabob]

I wonder what has happened to all those hippies of the '60s who were told to question everything.  HOw did things turn out for them?

180553[/snapback]

So funny. I think some of them are still living in hot springs based communes in Northern California while others are chasing the greenback, driving an SUV and living in suburbia (God forbid ... those sell-outs)